Facing Grief - Lessons of Letting Go

“The last thing you want to do - the first thing you need to go on”

Grief brings with it a tenacity to hold on to what has been lost. Call it instinct, call it denial - whatever you call it - holding on is at the core of our life of grief.

There comes a time though - and it may not even reach us consciously - that we do begin to let go.

Explore this moment in today’s episode. From the essays Volume 8 - “Lessons” - written on May 24, 2020 - day 286 of the journey - this is essay #14 - “Lessons of Letting Go”

Transcript

1. Lessons of Letting Go. From Volume 8 - Essay #14 Written Sunday May 24, 2020 / Day 286 / Morning The last thing you want to do - the first thing you need to go on.
2. It is nearly one week since the latest wave of change hit. The moment that had come when I began to deal with some of my wife’s belongings.
3. As has been the case on this journey - the significance of a moment is often lost or unrecognized until the moment is long past.
4. Last week’s moment was significant when it first occurred. In the past days that significance has continued.
5. In the back of my mind there has been a harshness running - it is a small dialog that goes something like this:
6. “You know you really have to just get used to all of this - stop holding on to everything!”
7. It is a message I have resisted, rejected and have ignored.
8. The reality is that as much as you do want to hold on to something - whether it is a memory, a person or a situation - the truth is that when enough time passes - you have no choice but to let go.
9. You have to.
10. Because it is one of those things we pretend we can do that we really cannot accomplish.
11. Emotions drive that delusion because in the narcotic-like state of emotions comes it’s own reality.
12. A reality that is part fabrication - part fact - part wishful thinking - part resistance.
13. In this past week I have faced the un-faceable.
14. In the realm of the toxic - I have had to navigate situations, memories and artifacts that have invoked a strong intense disarming emotional onslaught of negative energy. In this past week there has been a new reality.
15. The toxic has taken a turn to be not so intense.
16. This has been quite a change.
17. And although the exercise has not been easy nor desirable - it has seemed to emerge as something else. Something I have not seen so far.
18. Something necessary.
19. The surprise is that the embracing of the necessary has not been a strictly conscious effort. That perspective appears to live in the background.
20. A step that seems to create its own energy. Energy that allows me to perform unthinkable tasks. It is an after effect of taking one step…
21. In the intensity department this is a new level. One in which the intensity is just not that intense.
22. It is certainly a welcome change.
23. There are moments you could call an “out of body” experience”.
24. Nothing dramatic or weird - just a perspective where you see yourself doing something you could not see yourself doing - while you are doing it.
25. For me this has been my wife’s clothes.
26. As always, there are a variety of perspectives on how to address this issue.
27. It is always quite easy for the un-emotionally involved to declare a course of action for you to take which you could summarize by the admonition to: “Just do it!”.
28. While those of us who are deeply immersed in the situation would tell those people to take a hike.
29. In the past week I realized this was a task that seemed to be portrayed as a task to start and take care of quickly.
30. Most people may be wired to take that approach. I on the other hand am not most people.
31. The thought struck me - “I cannot do this all at once. But I can do it differently”.
32. Differently to me turns out to be - as you might say - “divide and conquer”.
33. I reached in the closet each day and just grabbed two things. Just two - or a few. Then I took each item and gently folded it and placed it on the spare bed.
34. The same was true for the dresser. Just grab a few things and do the same.
35. By the end of the week I had a rather substantial group of items.
36. And interestingly - there was not an emotional moment going on as I surveyed the items.
37. Yet in the background - I could feel something going on. I wasn’t quite sure what it was.
38. Well, actually I did know.
39. I was letting go.
40. Gently.
41. Gradually.
42. Yes, and painfully - but I was.
43. And so it was that when Saturday came - there was a trunk full of items to go. Many clothes as well as others things that emerged during the week.
44. As I drove away from the donation center - a place she frequented quite regularly as a customer - I felt an incredible mixture of emotions that seemed to cancel each other out.
45. A strange moment - one which I may never really come to understand. But what it meant at one level was clear to me.
46. The things I had just donated needed to follow their owner.
47. Their owner has left - she has kept her appointment with destiny.
48. Now in the hands of the One who has her in His care. Awaiting her future… …the future that awaits all of us in Christ.
49. And now, I am helping her possessions join her. To perhaps do some good for others as she so loved to do in every way she could.
50. I am doing my part - for her and for me. It is just not a cleaning exercise. It is so much more.
51. It is letting go of what was - so God can take me to what will be.
52. This part of the journey has now begun.
53. Visit Facing Grief - The Essays at: EssaysonGrief.org From Facing Grief - The Essays - Volume 8 - Essay #14
54. 2020 Facing Grief