How to Give and Receive Honest Feedback [Lagardere-Plus - February 2019]

C35e01544a0dd94a2cf1619ee8a42ebb?s=47 Claire Lew
February 26, 2019

How to Give and Receive Honest Feedback [Lagardere-Plus - February 2019]

How to Give and Receive Honest Feedback [Lagardere-Plus - February 2019]
This workshop was held February 26, 2019 at Lagardere-Plus US HQ in New York, NY.

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C35e01544a0dd94a2cf1619ee8a42ebb?s=128

Claire Lew

February 26, 2019
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Transcript

  1. HOW TO GIVE + RECEIVE HONEST FEEDBACK WELL @clairejlew |

  2. Hi, I’m Claire Lew. @clairejlew

  3. @clairejlew

  4. None
  5. “You messed up…” “You messed up…”

  6. “You messed up…” “You’re wrong…”

  7. How do you say those things kindly yet honestly? Sound

    familiar? ;-)
  8. How do you say those things kindly yet honestly? Kind

    + Honest?
  9. How do you say those things kindly yet honestly? Receptive

    + Not defensive?
  10. It’s hard. It’s hard.

  11. 69% (Harris Poll with 2,000+ adults) of US managers say

    the hardest part of managing is “communicating with employees in general"
  12. 37% (Harris Poll with 2,000+ adults) of managers say they’re

    uncomfortable having to give direct feedback about their employees’ performance
  13. None
  14. None
  15. GIVE

  16. Kind Honest

  17. RECEIVE

  18. Receptive Non-defensive

  19. GIVE RECEIVE

  20. Today Why this matters How to give difficult feedback well

    Key situations Q&A TODAY
  21. Today Why this matters How to give difficult feedback well

    Key situations Q&A TODAY Why it matters
  22. Today Why this matters How to give difficult feedback well

    Key situations Q&A TODAY Why it matters What gets in the way
  23. Today Why this matters How to give difficult feedback well

    Key situations Q&A TODAY Why it matters What gets in the way How to do it well
  24. None
  25. None
  26. GIVE

  27. Why does this matter?

  28. How do you say those things kindly yet honestly? Good

    leadership.
  29. 5X more effective Leaders who give honest feedback are rated

    as (Forbes 2013)
  30. How do you say those things kindly yet honestly? Engaged

    team.
  31. 3X more engaged Leaders who give honest feedback have employees

    who are (Forbes 2013)
  32. What gets in the way?

  33. Uncomfortable + Unnatural

  34. Our brains hold on to negative memories more than positive

    ones. (New York Times 2012)
  35. How do you say those things kindly yet honestly? We

    don’t like giving it…
  36. How do you say those things kindly yet honestly? …but

    our team wants honest feedback.
  37. TEND TO PREFER TEND TO AVOID 4.7 Receive negative feedback

    2.3 Receive positive feedback -2.3 Give negative feedback 0.1 Give positive feedback (Harvard Business Review 2014)
  38. TEND TO PREFER TEND TO AVOID 4.7 Receive negative feedback

    2.3 Receive positive feedback -2.3 Give negative feedback 0.1 Give positive feedback (Harvard Business Review 2014)
  39. TEND TO PREFER TEND TO AVOID 4.7 Receive negative feedback

    2.3 Receive positive feedback -2.3 Give negative feedback 0.1 Give positive feedback (Harvard Business Review 2014)
  40. How do you say those things kindly yet honestly? Our

    team wants honest feedback! REMEMBER!
  41. How do you give difficult feedback well?

  42. Don’t…

  43. DON’T Make a Shit Sandwich.

  44. Why no Shit Sandwich? Predictable Disingenuous Tuning out Predictable. WHY?

  45. Why no Shit Sandwich? Predictable Disingenuous Tuning out Predictable. Disingenuous.

    WHY?
  46. Why no Shit Sandwich? Predictable Disingenuous Tuning out Predictable. Disingenuous.

    People tune out. WHY?
  47. DON’T Blast Publicly call out someone. DON’T

  48. DON’T postpone Let something linger. DON’T

  49. Do…

  50. Come from a place of Care

  51. Make your intention clear upfront DO Make your intentions clear

    upfront.
  52. Good intentions diffuse defensiveness. Good intentions diffuse defensiveness. REMEMBER!

  53. Say: “I’m saying this because ___.” DO

  54. Come from a place of Observation

  55. Focus on observable behaviors Focus on observable behaviors. DO

  56. Focus on observable behaviors Be specific. DO

  57. Say: “When I saw you did ___, it made me

    feel ___ …” DO
  58. Come from a place of Fallibility

  59. Acknowledge it's only your opinion Acknowledge it’s only your opinion.

    DO
  60. Say: “This is just what I observed…” DO

  61. Come from a place of Curiosity

  62. Consider: “How does this person feel about my feedback? Was

    there anything I might have misinterpreted or overlooked? Is there anything that I can be doing better to help support the other Giving feedback is a conversation, not a mandate. REMEMBER!
  63. Say: “What do you think?” DO

  64. In sum…

  65. COME FROM A PLACE OF Care.

  66. COME FROM A PLACE OF Care. Observation.

  67. COME FROM A PLACE OF Care. Observation. Fallibility.

  68. COME FROM A PLACE OF Care. Observation. Fallibility. Curiosity.

  69. Other tips…

  70. Adjust your tone Ask permission. DO

  71. Acknowledge it's only your opinion Set a time to talk.

    DO
  72. Acknowledge it's only your opinion You can never control another

    person’s reaction – you can only control yourself. REMEMBER!
  73. YOUR TURN Your turn :-)

  74. “You’re wrong…” “You messed up…”

  75. Care? Observation? Fallibility? Curiosity?

  76. YOUR TURN Let’s come together.

  77. COME FROM A PLACE OF Care. Observation. Fallibility. Curiosity.

  78. None
  79. GIVE

  80. RECEIVE

  81. YOUR TURN Why matters?

  82. Echo chamber.

  83. Your reaction sets the tone.

  84. Blindspots persist.

  85. What gets in the way?

  86. Futility Truth Triggers

  87. Futility “I’m a perfectionist.”

  88. Futility Relationship Triggers

  89. Futility “I don’t trust the other person.”

  90. FutilityIdentity Triggers

  91. Futility “I conflate behavior with identity.”

  92. How do we receive feedback well?

  93. Make empathy your mission. TECHNIQUE #1

  94. Sit in silence for 3 - 4 seconds. TECHNIQUE #2

  95. Write it down. TECHNIQUE #3

  96. Assume positive intent. TECHNIQUE #4

  97. Talk less. TECHNIQUE #5

  98. YOUR TURN 3 Most-Frustrating Types of Feedback to Receive…

  99. The feedback is flat-out false. FRUSTRATING FEEDBACK #1

  100. Consider: “How does this person feel about my feedback? Was

    there anything I might have misinterpreted or overlooked? Is there anything that I can be doing better to help support the other Sit in silence. Talk less. FRUSTRATING FEEDBACK #1
  101. “Thank you… Can I think on it and get back

    to you?”
  102. The feedback is true, but poorly delivered. FRUSTRATING FEEDBACK #2

  103. Consider: “How does this person feel about my feedback? Was

    there anything I might have misinterpreted or overlooked? Is there anything that I can be doing better to help support the other Write it down. Assume positive intent. FRUSTRATING FEEDBACK #2
  104. “Thank you… I’m going to act on this. Also, not

    to detract from what you’re saying, mind if I share some thoughts on how the feedback was delivered?”
  105. The feedback is vague. FRUSTRATING FEEDBACK #3

  106. Consider: “How does this person feel about my feedback? Was

    there anything I might have misinterpreted or overlooked? Is there anything that I can be doing better to help support the other Make empathy your mission + clarify with questions. FRUSTRATING FEEDBACK #3
  107. “What would success look like…?” “Going forward, what’s one thing

    you’d like to be done differently?”
  108. Listening = Obeying Receiving = Agreeing

  109. Listening = Obeying Receiving = Obeying

  110. Listening = Obeying Receiving = Understanding

  111. YOUR TURN Your turn :-)

  112. RECEIVING FEEDBACK Write down 1 piece of feedback you’ve received

    that was hard to hear.
  113. RECEIVING FEEDBACK Why was it hard to hear? (Truth? Relationship?

    Identity?) What can you do to receive it well? (Empathy, Silence, Write, Positive Intent, Talk Less.)
  114. YOUR TURN Let’s come together.

  115. RECEIVING FEEDBACK Why was it hard to hear? (Truth? Relationship?

    Identity?) What can you do to receive it well? (Empathy, Silence, Write, Positive Intent, Talk Less.)
  116. None
  117. RECEIVE

  118. Empathy. Sit in silence. Write it down. Positive intent. Talk

    less.
  119. RECEIVE

  120. GIVE RECEIVE

  121. GIVE

  122. Care. Observation. Fallibility. Curiosity.

  123. This is hard.

  124. “I’ve got a lot of other stuff to do.”

  125. Your company’s culture starts with you.

  126. One last thing…

  127. Talk is nice, but action is better.

  128. YOUR TURN Your turn :-)

  129. What’s the one thing you’re going to try tomorrow?

  130. How can I be more helpful to you? claire@knowyourteam.com

  131. knowyourteam.com/m/code/lagardere 20% exclusive to Lagardere OFF

  132. Thanks, Lagardere! @clairejlew

  133. You. Questions?