Navigating Conflict - Speaker Deck

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negative to positive statements ? 1

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negative to positive statements 6 1

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negative to positive statements 20 1

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What makes bad conﬂict? The wrong time The wrong data Stubbornness {

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● The Right Time ● The Right Data ● The Right Flexibility

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The Right Time

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Prefrontal cortex (PFC) THE RIGHT TIME

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THE RIGHT TIME

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THE RIGHT TIME

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Have a back-pocket script. THE RIGHT TIME

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The Right Time: Don’t enter with a hijacked amygdala. Have a “back pocket” exit.

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The Right Time: Work weekly on emotional regulation skills. PRO LEVEL

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The Right Data

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Facts THE RIGHT DATA

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AMYGDALA WARNING #1 You never… You always… Everytime… THE RIGHT DATA

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✓ Sometimes… ✓ Recently… ✓ There’s been a few times… THE RIGHT DATA

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Impact THE RIGHT DATA

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Your Role THE RIGHT DATA

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“I’m sorry I didn’t bring this up earlier.” “I wish I knew what to do here.” “I realize I’ve been really cranky, which isn’t helpful.” THE RIGHT DATA

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AMYGDALA WARNING #2 The mic drop. THE RIGHT DATA

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✓ Always collect their side of the equation. THE RIGHT DATA

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“Will you say more about…” THE RIGHT DATA

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THE RIGHT DATA

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AMYGDALA WARNING #3 It doesn’t seem like you care about hearing their answers. THE RIGHT DATA

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Aﬃrmation is required THE RIGHT DATA

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“I sense that” “I get that” “It sounds like” Verbal THE RIGHT DATA

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Verbal Tone “I sense that” “I get that” “It sounds like” THE RIGHT DATA

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Nodding Soft eye contact Leaning in Verbal Tone Body THE RIGHT DATA

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AMYGDALA WARNING #4 “I’m sorry you took it that way…” THE RIGHT DATA

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AMYGDALA WARNING #5 “That’s not what I meant!” THE RIGHT DATA

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✓ “Thank you for telling me.” THE RIGHT DATA

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Focus on the future

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Them: “It would be cool if next time…” “How do we handle this differently next time?” You: “What if next time I…” “What could I do differently next time?” FOCUS ON THE FUTURE

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The Right Data: Your side of the facts, impact (feelings), role. Their side (open questions). Focus on the future.

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The Right Flexibility

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Us Them How (position) No, we will own all 200 acres. We will own all 200 acres.

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Us Them How (position) No, we will own all 200 acres. We will own all 200 acres. Need (why?) We don’t want to look for a new source of orange juice. We need the orange pulp.

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How (position) We sell you the land, you give us reduced rates on the pulp for 15 years. We own the land, we supply the pulp for free for 8 years. We keep the land, and you lease half the acres from us at a below- market rate. Need (why?) We don’t want to look for a new source of orange juice. We need the orange pulp. A B C

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Be creative and ﬂexible about the how. Be ﬁrm about the core need.

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How (position) I want you to talk to me and the team differently. You’re an adult, you can handle my critique. Need (why?) I want to be on a team where we all try to be better to each other. I think critique is how we get better as a team.

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How (position) Need (why?) I want to be on a team where we all try to be better to each other. I think critique is how we get better as a team. We can give any and all negative feedback at a Friday THUNDERDOME feedback meeting. For the next 3 weeks we start all critique with “Here’s what’s hard...” and vow to avoid mean adjectives like “stupid” or “ridiculous”. A B

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How (position) Need (why?) I want to be on a team where we all try to be better to each other. I think critique is how we get better as a team. We can critique whenever and however, but always standing on one leg. C

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❏ I think the one thing that matters most to me is ____________. What matters most to you most about this? ❏ Which parts of my ﬁrst idea are the worst for you? Is there a part that would work for you? ❏ What one thing do you wish you could change about this? ❏ What’s one thing that would make this feel 20% better for you? ❏ On the GAS scale… I’m a 9 about the color (I care A LOT), but a 2 about the timeline. What about you? ❏ Your question: ______________________________________