The Strength of Weakness (with notes)

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THE STRENGTH OF WEAKNESS

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I was the weird kid at school. ! I didn't play sports. ! I was thrilled whenever recess was canceled because of weather and we got to stay inside. All I wanted to do was draw and write stories. ! I changed schools a number of times growing up, and every time I did, something about me made me an easy target for the kids who needed someone to bully. ! I remember having my "friends" hold me down in middle school and play connect-the-dots on my body, drawing lines between freckles and moles and laughing.

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WEAK I was too weak to ﬁght them off. ! For years, I came home from school, crawled under my bed and read books.

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█ Then I discovered QBASIC, then BBSes, and later the Internet. ! Here was a box I could crawl into. ! And eventually I could even tell people what I really thought and felt—things I never would have dared to say out loud. ! My ﬁrst foray into programming was QBASIC in the summer after 6th grade. My uncle taught me.

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HELLO. HOW ARE YOU? I AM FINE. WHAT IS YOUR NAME? MY NAME IS JERRY. █ I wrote a program called JERRY.BAS based on the Michael Chricton novel Sphere. ! A lot of the critical plot points in the story arise from interaction with a conversation with an entity on the other end of a command line terminal.... ! I went to a very small junior high school and didn't know any other kids my age who programmed. ! As much as I loved it, I was afraid to say as much at school because I knew what the other kids would think.

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WEAK

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I was not very cool in junior high and I deﬁnitely didn't get cooler in high school. ! But when I got there, I met some other kids who were also in marching band who talked really conﬁdently about programming. ! When I brought up the project I'd been working on for years, they mocked what I'd built and said programming in QBASIC was a kids' thing.

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WEAK Again, I was the weak one. ! I decided I couldn’t really be a programmer because of that experience. Just gave it up. A couple years later, I started to make web stuff, but was always afraid whenever I was writing any JavaScript from scratch because it felt like programming and I knew I "wasn't a real programmer." ! I came to think of making things on the web as fundamentally different from building software.

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WEAK When I decided to change careers six years ago and try to make a living building things on the web, I remember going in to my ﬁrst job interview. ! I felt so intimidated and weak that although they were offering the job, I was too ashamed of what someone else would think of my skills that I insisted if they hired me, they had to pay me minimum wage. ! I just simply felt too weak. ! Even after doing the easiest salary negotiation anyone has possibly ever done in a job interview, I couldn't even get up the nerve to accept the job. ! I declined the offer.

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I opened a bank account and found a job on a freelance site recording an audiobook of some guy's self-published ebook about dogs. ! There it is, &yet’s ﬁrst $200.

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But hey, he said I did a great job.

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WEAK Ladies and gentlemen, &yet. ! The beginning of this company I love working for is possibly the weakest and most pathetic story in the history of startups. ! So weak. ! I ran into a local guy on Twitter named Fritzy who I'd gone to school with as a kid who subleased an office to me. Fritzy never went to the office, but a guy named Gar also shared it and he was there every day. ! He used vim and I was intimidated. ! I couldn't write html and javascript with him behind me. I was sure he was looking over my shoulder and thinking, "Ugh, weak." ! I was just 6 months into making websites as &yet when this random guy named Adam Baldwin emailed me out of the blue...

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Once again. So weak. I couldn't even get a stupid simple web form right. ! But this time was completely different.

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WEAK? Adam invited me out for coffee, said all the things that I was doing well and right, and asked me to help him with a project. ! He gave me a ton of encouragement as I was getting into doing more development than basic jQuery and simple PHP. ! Within just a few months of spending time with him, I tentatively became okay with the idea of calling myself a developer.

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&yet would never have been more than a simple website company if it weren't for him telling me, "yes, you can do this" and helping me learn it. ! I would have been too ashamed of my weakness.

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MOST OF US ARE ASHAMED OF OUR WEAKNESS

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MOST OF US ACT OUT OF THAT SHAME

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HOW WE THINK ABOUT WEAKNESS MATTERS. I’ve come to believe how we think about weakness matters.

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WHAT IS OUR RESPONSE TO WEAKNESS? Since so much is bound up in what our responses to things are, I think it’s worth asking “what is our response to weakness?”

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WHAT IS OUR RESPONSE WHEN WE ENCOUNTER WEAKNESS IN OTHERS, OURSELVES, OUR WORK, OUR COMMUNITIES...?

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WHAT IS OUR RESPONSE WHEN WE ENCOUNTER WEAKNESS IN OTHERS, OURSELVES, OUR WORK, OUR COMMUNITIES...?

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WHAT IS OUR RESPONSE WHEN WE ENCOUNTER WEAKNESS IN OURSELVES, OTHERS, OUR WORK, OUR COMMUNITIES...?

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WHAT IS OUR RESPONSE WHEN WE ENCOUNTER WEAKNESS IN OURSELVES, OTHERS, OUR WORK, OUR COMMUNITIES...?

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WHAT IS OUR RESPONSE WHEN WE ENCOUNTER WEAKNESS IN OURSELVES, OTHERS, OUR WORK, OUR COMMUNITIES...?

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WHAT IS OUR RESPONSE WHEN WE ENCOUNTER WEAKNESS IN OURSELVES, OTHERS, OUR WORK, OUR COMMUNITIES...?

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IF WE’RE HONEST, THE ANSWER IS:

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DEFENSIVENESS IF WE’RE HONEST, THE ANSWER IS:

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COMPARISION IF WE’RE HONEST, THE ANSWER IS:

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WE NEED TO CHANGE OUR RESPONSE FROM

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DEFENSIVE WE NEED TO CHANGE OUR RESPONSE FROM

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DEFENSIVE WE NEED TO CHANGE OUR RESPONSE FROM INTO

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DEFENSIVE WE NEED TO CHANGE OUR RESPONSE FROM REFLECTIVE INTO When we feel that defensive response, we need to just stop, take a deep breath, and think. ! Maybe there’s something we need to learn.

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COMPARISON WE NEED TO CHANGE OUR RESPONSE FROM

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COMPARISON WE NEED TO CHANGE OUR RESPONSE FROM INTO

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COMPARISON WE NEED TO CHANGE OUR RESPONSE FROM COMPASSION INTO

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DEFENSIVENESS SO LET’S TALK ABOUT

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SHAME AND SECURITY http://blog.andyet.com/2013/09/11/shame-and-security Wrote a blog post a few weeks ago based on some reﬂections on observations in various communities and their responses to security vulnerabilities.

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DEFENSIVENESS USUALLY SHOWS UP AS FEAR OUR OWN

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DEFENSIVENESS USUALLY SHOWS UP AS ANGER WHILE OTHERS’

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ANGER IS JUST FEAR IN BROADCAST MODE

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! MOST PEOPLE HAVE NO IDEA THEIR ANGER IS JUST THEIR FEAR WITH A MEGAPHONE

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STOP BROADCASTING

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START REFLECTING “You sound really upset about this.” ! “I seem really upset about this.” ! Why? What am I afraid of? !

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! SO MUCH STRENGTH IS GAINED WHEN WE INSTEAD SPEAK OUR FEARS OUT LOUD It’s easy to be loud about our anger and our hurt and frustration. ! It’s much harder to describe the fears behind those feelings. ! But when we do, we gain power over them, and we often gain allies.

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Treat a person as they are, we make them worse. But take them as they could be and we make them capable of becoming what they should be.

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Treat a person as they are, we make them worse. But take them as they could be and we make them capable of becoming what they should be.

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Treat a person as they are, we make them worse. But treat them as they could be and we make them capable of becoming what they should be.

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Treat a person as they are, we make them worse. But treat them as they could be and we make them capable of becoming what they should be. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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Treat a person as they are, we make them worse. But treat them as they could be and we make them capable of becoming what they should be. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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Treat a person as they are, we make them worse. But treat them as they could be and we make them capable of becoming what they should be. — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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COMPARISION NOW LET’S TALK ABOUT

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ZERO SUM THE WORLD IS NOT I have a tendency to use a lot of hyperbole to describe things. I naturally rank things when I experience them. ! “That was one of the best restaurants I’ve ever eaten at.” ! or things like: ! “The best demo was Jonathan Lipps talk where he played and sang a great song he wrote along while accompanied music was played from scripted tests in ﬁve different mobile simulators using a tool he helped build.” ! Am I endlessly wishing I was eating at that restaurant? Do I constantly wish Jonathan was still up here playing? ! What is the value of that “ranking” we do in our heads and from our mouths?

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GREATNESS IT’S GOOD TO POINT OUT It’s good to point out greatness when we see it. But sometimes we make comparisons that can be entirely unhealthy.

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ENVY BUT NO GOOD COMES FROM

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COMMUNITIES LET’S TALK ABOUT I've chatted with the organizers in the past about LxJS and I love the spirit of this event. ! It's undoubtedly one of the best JavaScript conferences in the world. (Ha! Comparison!) ! And I understand a huge part of the passion is driven from the interest many of you have in building an incredible JS community in Lisbon. Which is awesome. ! I want to talk a bit about tech communities in general.

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SILICON VALLEY BUT FIRST LET’S TALK ABOUT I’m endlessly discouraged how badly every tech community has an aspiration to be silicon valley and how many of the conversations about their community seem to be focused on comparisons with Silicon Valley.

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EVERY TECH COMMUNITY SHOULD KEEP A JAR OF SILICON VALLEY ON A SHELF WITH THE LABEL: In my opinion...

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“DO NOT EAT” EVERY TECH COMMUNITY SHOULD KEEP A JAR OF SILICON VALLEY ON A SHELF WITH THE LABEL: It’s simply poison as far as I’m concerned. ! I’m happy to argue with you afterwards about this if you like, and if want more of my thoughts on why, I just gave a talk at JSConf EU that does a nice job of summarizing a core piece of my opinion.

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TRI-CITIES LET’S TALK ABOUT THE I'm from a little corner of the US that very few people even know about—Eastern Washington is not on anyone's "must-visit" list. ! This is the Tri-Cities: Desert, 400,000 people. No downtown, zero nightlife, no city center, just suburban sprawl. ! Boring, Bland. ! In a word... Weak

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WEAK But I can’t possibly begin to describe how much I love it. ! The tech community there is something truly special, believe it or not. I'm incredibly proud and grateful to be a part of it. ! When I started &yet, there wasn't much in the way of tech community. There were a few gatherings that started to emerge and eventually we created a community we called "doctype society".

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yes

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(Yes, the doctype is erroneously self-closing in this logo.) the doctype is erroneously self-closing in this logo ! but anyway...

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People were really grateful for what we had—and still are. But often I'd hear people moan about wishing we got some recognition as a tech hub or eager for attention. ! But what I've realized in hindsight is that all of the things that we considered to be weaknesses were strengths in disguise.

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insert triconf photo This is TriConf, the hodgepodge barcamp we started a few years ago to bring people together. (Incidentally, it was really cool to hear from Leo Xavier that it was a regional barcamp that really brought the Lisbon community together) ! 40 >> 70 >> 150

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insert triconf photo But something happened this year that made me realize something about our community. ! Our friend Phil from Scotland came to visit the week of TriConf and got a chance to see our community in action. ! He said he was impressed with how much people cared about each other and the complete lack of a sense of entitlement in the community, something he wished his tech community back home had more of. ! Wow, that blew my mind. ! I had always considered what we had to be special to us, but I didn't think it was something that someone from a much bigger and cooler city with a more "successful" tech community would come visit and wish to have something like what we did. ! !

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INSTEAD OF

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FOR WHAT IT ISN’T: ! FOR WHAT IT IS FOR WHAT IT COULD BE INSTEAD OF SHAME ! LOVE HOPE

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FOR WHAT IT ISN’T: ! FOR WHAT IT IS FOR WHAT IT COULD BE INSTEAD OF SHAME ! LOVE HOPE

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FOR WHAT IT ISN’T: ! FOR WHAT IT IS FOR WHAT IT COULD BE INSTEAD OF SHAME ! LOVE HOPE

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Now, let’s talk comparison on an individual level

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WE ALL CHOOSE HEROES We all choose heroes—and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

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How many people consider Steve Jobs a hero? ! Now, just like so many tech communities want to be Silicon Valley, tons of makers want to be Steve Jobs.

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When I started &yet, my hero wasn’t Steve Jobs. It was Cabel Sasser.

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https://vimeo.com/75919027 Cabel video

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IT MATTERS WHO WE CHOOSE AS HEROES It really matters who we chose as heroes. ! I’m not going to say people like Steve Jobs aren’t worth looking up to. But modeling ourselves after him might be unhealthy. ! But I’d deﬁnitely like to advocate more people choose heroes who have a sense of humanity and empathy in their work that counterbalances that drive for ambition. ! Because....

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YOUR HEROES BECOME YOUR POINT ON THE HORIZON When learning to drive, I remember them saying to pick a point out on the horizon straight in front of you and focus on that. ! It may not be where you’re actually headed, but you need those points to keep your path in alignment.

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LIMITATIONS LET’S TALK ABOUT There’s another angle on weakness that I want to talk about: limitations and human frailty.

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HOW MANY KNOW DUNBAR’S NUMBER? Robin Dunbar - correlation between primate brain size and average social group size! pre-social network - Christmas cards! ! The deception of technology! ! We can connect with anyone, anywhere! ! You can go past your limit, but your brain can’t.! we may be becoming cyborgs, but our natural wiring for empathy cannot keep up.