HOWTO EMPATHY
Emma Jane Hogbin Westby
@emmajanehw
#humanops
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A primer on how I taught myself to
be more empathetic.
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MY AGENDA
I want to help you to:
Improve your team’s cohesion.
Design interactions to get outcomes you need.
Diversify how you think.
Solve hard problems.
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THE BASICS
Sympathy, Empathy, and Normal People
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DEFINE: SYMPATHY
The feelings of pity and sorrow
for someone else's misfortune.
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DEFINE: EMPATHY
The ability to understand and share
the feelings of another.
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Temple Grandin
Normal people have an
incredible lack of empathy.
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PRACTICING EMPATHY
Level 1: Care just enough to learn more about a person’s life.
Level 2: Use thinking strategies to structure interactions.
Level 3: Engage with the world from another’s perspective.
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LEVEL 1.
CARING JUST ENOUGH
Difficulty — Beginner
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REWARDS & RISKS
Improves team cohesion.
Requires a time investment.
CARING JUST ENOUGH
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ASK QUESTIONS.
Talk to people and collect their stories.
CARING JUST ENOUGH
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GIVE ATTENTION.
If you are thinking about your response,
you are not truly listening.
CARING JUST ENOUGH
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REFER BACK.
Ask about stories you’ve previously collected.
CARING JUST ENOUGH
CREATIVE THINKING
brainstorm
challenge
reframe
envision
flow
flash of insight
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RECOGNISE
CREATIVE LANGUAGE
Can we try ...
I know we’re done, but what about ...
OMG! I just had this great idea ...
Why do you think ...
Is this the best we can do ...
RECOGNISE
UNDERSTANDING LANGUAGE
So what you’re saying is ...
Just to clarify ...
I think this is related to ...
So I made this spreadsheet ...
That must feel horrible!
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DECISION THINKING
validate
values-driven
experience
crux
gut instinct
conclude
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RECOGNISE
DECISION LANGUAGE
I’m ready to move on to ...
I don’t know why I think this, but ...
Last time we tried this ...
The real problem is ...
My gut tells me ...
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ORGANISE MEETINGS ACCORDING TO
THINKING STRATEGIES
NOT TOPICS
TO GET THE OUTCOMES YOU NEED.
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LEVEL 3.
IMAGINATION
Difficulty — Advanced
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REWARDS & RISKS
Truly creative problem solving.
Potentially overwhelming
Cause doubt for self-worth.
IMAGINATION
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SEEK TO UNDERSTAND.
Complain about yourself from the other’s perspective.
IMAGINATION
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SEEK TO EXPERIENCE.
Live your day through the other’s constraints.
IMAGINATION
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IN SUMMARY
• Level 1: Care just enough to improve team cohesion.
• Level 2: Structure interactions to get outcomes you need,
and diversify how you think.
• Level 3: Use another’s perspective to overcome hard problems.
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Thinking is a skill to be practiced.
EMPATHY
PRACTITIONERS
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Maya Angelou
I think we all have empathy.
We may not have enough courage to display it.
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CULTIVATE EMPATHY
follow-up:
#humanops
@emmajanehw
emma @ gitforteams.com
http://gitforteams.com/resources/cultivating-empathy.html