How to ask good questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org how to ask good questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org I’ve always been “that guy”

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@talraviv talraviv.org and they’ve always been called “Tal questions”

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@talraviv talraviv.org (def: dumb questions that are [mostly] appreciated)

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@talraviv talraviv.org as a five year old watching the mechanic fix the family car

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@talraviv talraviv.org as a five year old watching the mechanic fix the family car throughout 12 years of school

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@talraviv talraviv.org as a five year old watching the mechanic fix the family car throughout 12 years of school certainly in college

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@talraviv talraviv.org as a five year old watching the mechanic fix the family car throughout 12 years of school certainly in college in work meetings

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@talraviv talraviv.org as a five year old watching the mechanic fix the family car throughout 12 years of school certainly in college in work meetings while getting taught things

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@talraviv talraviv.org as a five year old watching the mechanic fix the family car throughout 12 years of school certainly in college in work meetings while getting taught things and at the doctor’s office

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@talraviv talraviv.org I ask a lot of dumb questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org like, a lot

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@talraviv talraviv.org good questions are healthy

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@talraviv talraviv.org good questions are the

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@talraviv talraviv.org tire kicks good questions are the

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@talraviv talraviv.org tire kicks stress test good questions are the

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@talraviv talraviv.org tire kicks stress test inoculation good questions are the

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@talraviv talraviv.org tire kicks stress test inoculation sunlight good questions are the

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@talraviv talraviv.org tire kicks stress test inoculation sunlight chaos monkey* good questions are the

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@talraviv talraviv.org tire kicks stress test inoculation sunlight chaos monkey* of knowledge good questions are the

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@talraviv talraviv.org tire kicks stress test inoculation sunlight chaos monkey* of knowledge good questions are the *A great tech term I learned: it’s software that breaks your infrastructure on purpose to find problems early

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@talraviv talraviv.org good questions are the

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@talraviv talraviv.org blenders good questions are the

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@talraviv talraviv.org blenders stirrers good questions are the

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@talraviv talraviv.org blenders stirrers cross pollinators good questions are the

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@talraviv talraviv.org blenders stirrers cross pollinators shakers good questions are the

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@talraviv talraviv.org blenders stirrers cross pollinators shakers mattocks* good questions are the

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@talraviv talraviv.org blenders stirrers cross pollinators shakers mattocks* of communication good questions are the

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@talraviv talraviv.org blenders stirrers cross pollinators shakers mattocks* of communication good questions are the *Like a plough or a tiller but really basic and for hard soil. Thanks Wikipedia!

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@talraviv talraviv.org systems and people that dont like questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org are likely insecure systems and people that dont like questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org are likely insecure are pretty fragile systems and people that dont like questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org are likely insecure are pretty fragile are hiding something systems and people that dont like questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org are likely insecure are pretty fragile are hiding something are at their edge systems and people that dont like questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org are likely insecure are pretty fragile are hiding something are at their edge won’t last long-term systems and people that dont like questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org are likely insecure are pretty fragile are hiding something are at their edge won’t last long-term are unfair or unhealthy systems and people that dont like questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org are likely insecure are pretty fragile are hiding something are at their edge won’t last long-term are unfair or unhealthy think about that teacher, religion, social context, organization, institution, practice, leader etc. that didn’t like questions systems and people that dont like questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org i got really lucky

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@talraviv talraviv.org my dad my mom my best friends my culture my professors my bosses i got really lucky

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@talraviv talraviv.org my dad my mom my best friends my culture my professors my bosses [for the most part] were delighted when I asked questions i got really lucky

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@talraviv talraviv.org so

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@talraviv talraviv.org how to ask good questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org it’s three things you already know how to do:

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@talraviv talraviv.org be dumb it’s three things you already know how to do:

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@talraviv talraviv.org be dumb be dumb out loud it’s three things you already know how to do:

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@talraviv talraviv.org be dumb be dumb out loud be dumb kindly it’s three things you already know how to do:

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@talraviv talraviv.org we all know how to do these

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@talraviv talraviv.org we all know how to do these and they’re still hard work

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@talraviv talraviv.org be dumb

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@talraviv talraviv.org play it in your head

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@talraviv talraviv.org put yourself in the person’s shoes play it in your head

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@talraviv talraviv.org put yourself in the person’s shoes imagine the system working play it in your head

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@talraviv talraviv.org put yourself in the person’s shoes imagine the system working visualize it happening play it in your head

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@talraviv talraviv.org put yourself in the person’s shoes imagine the system working visualize it happening build a mental model play it in your head

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@talraviv talraviv.org put yourself in the person’s shoes imagine the system working visualize it happening build a mental model …is that hard to do? Good! play it in your head

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@talraviv talraviv.org feel frustrated

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@talraviv talraviv.org why doesn’t it connect? feel frustrated

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@talraviv talraviv.org why doesn’t it connect? what feels blurry? feel frustrated

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@talraviv talraviv.org why doesn’t it connect? what feels blurry? are there missing puzzle pieces? feel frustrated

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@talraviv talraviv.org why doesn’t it connect? what feels blurry? are there missing puzzle pieces? is there a term you don’t understand? feel frustrated

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@talraviv talraviv.org why doesn’t it connect? what feels blurry? are there missing puzzle pieces? is there a term you don’t understand? is there a missing “why” feel frustrated

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@talraviv talraviv.org the more effort you put into trying to really wrap your head around something, the more gaps you’ll notice

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@talraviv talraviv.org how often does this process happen? feel frustrated

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@talraviv talraviv.org how often does this process happen? how many people are there? feel frustrated

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@talraviv talraviv.org how often does this process happen? how many people are there? what isn’t important here? feel frustrated

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@talraviv talraviv.org how often does this process happen? how many people are there? what isn’t important here? what if this didn’t take place? feel frustrated

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@talraviv talraviv.org how often does this process happen? how many people are there? what isn’t important here? what if this didn’t take place? how do they get that number? feel frustrated

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@talraviv talraviv.org pay attention to any “black boxes” or assumptions let them bother you

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@talraviv talraviv.org feel frustrated what does that acronym mean?

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@talraviv talraviv.org feel frustrated what does that acronym mean? how do we even know that??

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@talraviv talraviv.org feel frustrated what does that acronym mean? how do we even know that?? that’s a big list, what’s the main driver?

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@talraviv talraviv.org feel frustrated what does that acronym mean? how do we even know that?? that’s a big list, what’s the main driver? why is that fact a given?

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@talraviv talraviv.org feel frustrated what does that acronym mean? how do we even know that?? that’s a big list, what’s the main driver? why is that fact a given? where did that constraint come from?

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@talraviv talraviv.org “frustration with a mental model” is also known as “curiosity”

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@talraviv talraviv.org notice that frustration!

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@talraviv talraviv.org don’t let go of the gaps!

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@talraviv talraviv.org and then,

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@talraviv talraviv.org be dumb

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@talraviv talraviv.org part of asking good questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org part of asking good questions is asking them

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@talraviv talraviv.org being dumb out loud is scary

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@talraviv talraviv.org being dumb out loud is scary what if everyone else already knows the answer?

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@talraviv talraviv.org say everyone else already knows

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@talraviv talraviv.org then why are you different? say everyone else already knows

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@talraviv talraviv.org then why are you different? are you new? say everyone else already knows

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@talraviv talraviv.org then why are you different? are you new? are you there to collaborate? say everyone else already knows

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@talraviv talraviv.org then why are you different? are you new? are you there to collaborate? are you there to learn? say everyone else already knows

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@talraviv talraviv.org then why are you different? are you new? are you there to collaborate? are you there to learn? …there’s probably a legit reason! say everyone else already knows

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@talraviv talraviv.org …if it’s a legit reason, say everyone else already knows

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@talraviv talraviv.org …if it’s a legit reason, good people will appreciate you say everyone else already knows

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@talraviv talraviv.org …if it’s a legit reason, good people will appreciate you it means you care say everyone else already knows

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@talraviv talraviv.org …if it’s a legit reason, good people will appreciate you it means you care it means you listen say everyone else already knows

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@talraviv talraviv.org …if it’s a legit reason, good people will appreciate you it means you care it means you listen it means they trust you to speak up say everyone else already knows

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@talraviv talraviv.org now what if no one else knows either

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@talraviv talraviv.org now what if no one else knows either is it a fledgling idea?

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@talraviv talraviv.org now what if no one else knows either is it a fledgling idea? is it being communicated vaguely?

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@talraviv talraviv.org now what if no one else knows either is it a fledgling idea? is it being communicated vaguely? are first principles unclear?

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@talraviv talraviv.org now what if no one else knows either is it a fledgling idea? is it being communicated vaguely? are first principles unclear? are they taking facts for granted?

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@talraviv talraviv.org now what if no one else knows either is it a fledgling idea? is it being communicated vaguely? are first principles unclear? are they taking facts for granted? …they’ll appreciate you asked!

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@talraviv talraviv.org if people around you aren’t asking questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org if people around you aren’t asking questions it’s either because they’re not trying to understand

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@talraviv talraviv.org if people around you aren’t asking questions it’s either because they’re not trying to understand or they are, and they’re not saying anything

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@talraviv talraviv.org it’s become a point of pride for me to ask my dumb questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org it’s become a point of pride for me to ask my dumb questions and if people laugh, something’s wrong with them not me

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@talraviv talraviv.org it’s become a point of pride for me to ask my dumb questions and if people laugh, something’s wrong with them not me (good people don’t laugh at dumb questions)

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@talraviv talraviv.org This is easier said than done I’m lucky to have this behavior positively reinforced [for the most part]

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@talraviv talraviv.org but think about it:

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@talraviv talraviv.org confident experienced people ask dumb questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org confident experienced people ask dumb questions have you noticed how the people who’ve been around for the longest are the ones that ask the simplest dumbest questions?

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@talraviv talraviv.org confident experienced people ask dumb questions have you noticed how the people who’ve been around for the longest are the ones that ask the simplest dumbest questions? FYI: If you ask dumb simple questions, they’ll appreciate and trust you more

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@talraviv talraviv.org though, one last thing,

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@talraviv talraviv.org be dumb kindly

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@talraviv talraviv.org the problem with asking dumb questions is that dumb questions cut deep

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@talraviv talraviv.org people may feel like youre attacking them

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@talraviv talraviv.org questioning their competence people may feel like youre attacking them

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@talraviv talraviv.org questioning their competence cross examining their testimony people may feel like youre attacking them

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@talraviv talraviv.org questioning their competence cross examining their testimony arm wrestling them people may feel like youre attacking them

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@talraviv talraviv.org I’ve definitely felt this way and I’ve definitely made others feel this way

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@talraviv talraviv.org it doesn’t matter what your intentions are it doesn’t help in the moment

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@talraviv talraviv.org so

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@talraviv talraviv.org how can you add energy with your questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org have a good relationship [okay, duh, so barring that…] how can you add energy with your questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org have a good relationship [okay, duh, so barring that…] make it clear you trust they know their stuff how can you add energy with your questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org have a good relationship [okay, duh, so barring that…] make it clear you trust they know their stuff make it clear the problem is in your brain not their brain how can you add energy with your questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org “I want to make sure I am following you…” “I may have missed this part…” “I’m new to this so I don’t understand…” “I’m not an expert here at all…” make it about your brain not their brain

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@talraviv talraviv.org those are just tactics though

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@talraviv talraviv.org you gotta genuinely believe the gaps are in your brain, not theirs

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@talraviv talraviv.org “Generous listening is powered by curiosity, a virtue we can invite and nurture in ourselves to render it instinctive. It involves a kind of vulnerability— a willingness to be surprised, to let go of assumptions and take in ambiguity. The listener wants to understand the humanity behind the words of the other, and patiently summons one’s own best self and one’s own best words and questions.” Krista Tippett

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@talraviv talraviv.org so before we go some clarifications

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@talraviv talraviv.org questions that arent good

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@talraviv talraviv.org devil’s advocate questions that focus on “why this won’t work” (instead of asking how it can) be dumb doesnt mean

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@talraviv talraviv.org devil’s advocate questions that focus on “why this won’t work” (instead of asking how it can) questions that hold “lack of perfection” against an idea (instead of focusing on what matters) be dumb doesnt mean

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@talraviv talraviv.org trying to catch people in inconsistencies or contradictions, prosecutor style be dumb doesnt mean

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@talraviv talraviv.org trying to catch people in inconsistencies or contradictions, prosecutor style “why” questions that unravel things too far back to be useful, four year old style be dumb doesnt mean

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@talraviv talraviv.org “[W]e trade mostly in answers— competing answers— and in questions that corner, incite, or entertain. In journalism we have a love affair with the ‘tough’ question, which is often an assumption masked as an inquiry and looking for a fight.

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@talraviv talraviv.org out loud doesnt mean taking up other’s time with your questions

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@talraviv talraviv.org out loud doesnt mean taking up other’s time with your questions holding things up if you don’t get an answer

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@talraviv talraviv.org kindly doesnt mean overly careful and apologetic

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@talraviv talraviv.org kindly doesnt mean overly careful and apologetic so indirect that it’s hard to follow

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@talraviv talraviv.org kindly doesnt mean overly careful and apologetic so indirect that it’s hard to follow (working on the west coast, I have to ask people to say things again, simpler)