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Marit van Dijk
Developer advocate
https://maritvandijk.com/
🦋 @maritvandijk.bsky.social
🐦 @MaritvanDijk77
Essential programming jokes
Peter Hilton
Product manager
https://hilton.org.uk/blog/
🦋 @hilton.org.uk
Java Champion
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The two states of programming:
1. My code doesn’t work
and I don’t know why
2. My code works
and I don’t know why
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🔄
// All programmers
experience this
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The software development process:
i can’t
fi
x this
*crisis of con
fi
dence*
*questions career*
*questions life*
oh it was a typo, cool
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😅
// Programmers also
experience this
I Am Devloper • https://twitter.com/iamdevloper/status/694848050796212224 (2016)
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⌨ ⌨
// Some devs use
fancy keyboards.
// Please don’t
actually do this!
Based on https://x.com/vyrotek/status/1969866162801631590 (2025)
Why do developers use split
keyboards?
Because it makes it easier to
bang your head against the desk.
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Aleksandra Sapozhnikova • https://unsplash.com/photos/r_-zzXrnzxI
Therapy jokes
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Shridhar Gupta • https://unsplash.com/photos/dZxQn4VEv2M
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How many programmers does it
take to change a lightbulb?
None. It’s a hardware problem.
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💡
// now it’s someone
else’s problem
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💡💡
// This is about a sub-
group of developers
// Hard refresh
Corneil du Plessis • https://x.com/corneil/status/1554092260156899328 (2023)
How many web developers does it
take to change a light bulb?
One.
They replace the light bulb.
Clear browser cache.
Replace the light bulb again.
Ctrl+F5.
Replace the light bulb again.
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There are 10 kinds of people
in the world.
Those who understand binary,
and those who don’t.
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🔢
// Like saying that
‘There are two kinds
of people…’, but with
‘two’ written as the
binary number ’10’.
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Everyone
wins
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Brands&People • https://unsplash.com/photos/ZdqSuxl3Lak
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https://xkcd.com/1053/
🚰
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There are two kinds of people
in the world.
Those who can extrapolate
from incomplete data,
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🧑🤝🧑
// Sometimes it’s more
funny if you have to
work for it
Alice Lith • https://x.com/Lith_Witch/status/3357893220 (2009)
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There are 10 kinds of people
in the world.
Those who understand binary,
those who don’t
and those who weren’t
expecting a base 3 joke
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3⃣
// 10 (base-2) = 2
(decimal)
// 10 (base-3) = 3
(decimal)
Anthony Steele • https://twitter.com/AnthonySteele/status/184250877392072705 (2012)
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Bohdan Kadun • https://unsplash.com/photos/d284XSho6gU
Maintenance
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2⃣
// Sounds serious, but
naming is a surprise
because it doesn’t sound
like computer science.
Phil Karlton
There are only two hard things
in computer science:
cache invalidation and
naming things.
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There are two hard problems
in computer science:
cache invalidation,
naming things,
and o
ff
-by-one errors
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2⃣ 2⃣
// Clever, because the
third item is itself an
o
ff
-by-one error
Leon Bambrick • https://twitter.com/secretGeek/status/7269997868 (2010)
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There are only two hard problems in
distributed systems:
2. Exactly-once delivery
1. Guaranteed order of messages
2. Exactly-once delivery
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2⃣ 2⃣ 2⃣
// Distributed systems
problems:
// message order
// duplicate messages
Mathias Verraes • https://twitter.com/mathiasverraes/status/632260618599403520 (2015)
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There’s two hard problems in
computer science:
0. Cache invalidation
1. Naming things
7. Asynchronous callbacks
2. O
ff
-by-one errors
2. Race conditions
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2⃣ 2⃣ 2⃣ 2⃣
// Callback executed
‘early’
// Execution timing
Cheradenine Zakalwe • https://plasmatrap.com/notes/9jn068v6rp8h0i8l (2023)
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Educational jokes
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Towfiqu barbhuiya • https://unsplash.com/photos/5u6bz2tYhX8
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Interviewer: if you can explain
what deadlocks are, I’ll hire you.
Me: hire me, and I’ll explain
deadlocks.
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🔒
// Shared experience:
job interviews
// Self-reference!
Now the interview
has a deadlock.
I Am Devloper • https://twitter.com/iamdevloper/status/1539363132593819648 (2022)
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verdian chua • https://unsplash.com/photos/68hC4vYTSFo
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A QA engineer walks into a bar.
Orders a beer.
Orders 0 beers.
Orders 999999999 beers.
Orders a lizard.
Orders −1 beers.
Orders a sfdeljknesv.
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🦎
// Creative/surprising
like all good
exploratory testing
Bill Sempf • https://www.sempf.net/post/On-Testing1 (2014)
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CREATE PROCEDURE [dbo].[GetNextADUserName]
--
Add the parameters for the stored procedure here
@FirstName as VARCHAR(7),
@LastName as VARCHAR(7),
@output VARCHAR(8) OUTPUT
AS
BEGIN
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Bill Sempf • https://www.sempf.net/post/On-Testing1
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QA engineer walks into a bar,
repeats all the same beer
requests from that other tweet,
fi
nds that two of them are
failing. Again.
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🦎🦎
// Flaky tests are
frustrating
Dan Curtis Johnson • https://x.com/dcurtisj/status/514917023785029632 (2014)
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QA engineer walks into a bar,
then the Pentester joins him.
Orders alert('beer')
Orders '); drop table orders; --Orders
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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🍺
Parisa Tabriz • https://x.com/laparisa/status/514800716490096640 (2024)
// Script injection
// SQL injection
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First real customer walks in and
asks where the bathroom is.
The bar bursts into
fl
ames,
killing everyone.
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🔥
// Don’t forget about
actual usage
Brenan Keller • https://x.com/brenankeller/status/1068615953989087232 (2018)
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Samuel Myles • https://unsplash.com/photos/CdX0FV_hIVA
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Why do developers prefer dark
mode?
Because light attracts bugs 🐛
// In-group behaviour
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🔦
Alex Pickering • https://x.com/pickeringacw/status/1228312772661960705 (2020)
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There are no bugs,
just surprise features
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🐛
Nicholas Smith • https://twitter.com/nicholassmith/status/1872576626 (2009)
// Also known as
undocumented
features
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Nik • https://unsplash.com/photos/i8m4Gzp4w_I
Warning jokes
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You have a problem so you decide to
solve it using regular expressions.
Now you have two problems.
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🔤
// Regular expression
syntax is as hard as
the original problem.
@prozakLord • https://x.com/prozakLord/status/790422168 (2008)
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The plural of regex is regrets
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🔤 🔤
Steeeve • https://x.com/ifosteve/status/1190348262500421634 (2019)
// Now you have to
maintain the regex!
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Randal Munroe • https://xkcd.com/208/
‘Everybody stand back.
I know regular
expressions.’
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She’s a 10 but
Excel thinks she’s October.
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📆
// Excel infers types,
by default
(and gets it wrong).
sophie • https://x.com/netcapgirl/status/1569355763671261185 (2022)
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Optimist: The glass is 1/2 full.
Pessimist: The glass is 1/2 empty.
Excel: The glass is January 2nd.
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🥃
theo • https://x.com/tibudiyanto/status/1455397038284173313 (2021)
// Excel infers types,
by default
(and gets it wrong).
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If MS-DOS was so good,
where is MS-TRES?
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🇪🇸
// Microsoft Disk
Operating System
(MS-DOS);
// dos and tres are the
Spanish words for
two and three
Ashi Windsor • https://twitter.com/NotHayashi/status/1327330775163920387 (2020)
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Dear whoever stole my
copy of Microsoft O
ff
ice,
I will track you down.
You have my Word.
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📄
James Martin • https://twitter.com/Pundamentalism/status/201741381025271809 (2012)
// Elaborate set up for
the pun
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Kerin Gedge • https://unsplash.com/photos/Ar35EP314QU
Puns
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11111111: ‘Hey, are you feeling okay?’
11111011: ‘I’m feeling a bit o
ff
.’
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0⃣
// Binary storage uses
a separate bit for
each digit in a
binary number.
// a bit o
f
means
slightly unwell.
Cassidy @cassidoo
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The best thing about a Boolean is
even if you are wrong,
you are only o
ff
by a bit
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1⃣
Paul Kalupnieks • https://twitter.com/kalupa/status/590837482 (2008)
// a bit means a little
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My dog ate my programming
homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
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🐶
// 1 byte = 8 bits
@Keepingitcreel • https://x.com/Keepingitcreel/status/1116302014928101378 (2019)
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Just started a band called 1023MB.
We haven’t done a gig yet.
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🎸
// 1GB = 1024MB
// gig is slang for both
gigabyte, and
band performance
Nick Murphy • https://twitter.com/NickEVM/status/63205139959390209 (2011)
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The doctor looked at
the computer and said,
‘I’m sorry, it’s terminal.’
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🧑⚕
Jen Gentleman • https://twitter.com/JenMs
ft
/status/1558470366112010241 (2022)
// Pun on
computer terminal vs
terminal illness
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I had an argument with a coworker
about what variable names we
should use in for loops
i won
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🎢
// In legacy code
for loops declare a
loop variable,
typically called i, j, k
Lou Creemers • https://twitter.com/lovelacecoding/status/1526975985572356100 (2022)
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Some people say Unicode is too
confusing and prone to abuse,
but I say diacritics, combining
marks and zero-width joiners build
character
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🔣
// Pun on building a
Unicode character
(a → ¨ → ä), and a
person’s character.
@xsphi • https://twitter.com/xsphi/status/1537951483508838401 (2022)
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SMS message length & character encoding
‘If you include non-GSM-7 characters, such as Chinese
script or emoji, in SMS messages, those messages have to be
sent using the UCS-2 encoding.
Messages containing one or more UCS-2 characters can
contain up to 70 characters in a single, non-segmented
message.
UCS-2 messages of more than 70 characters will be split
into 67-character segments.’
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https://www.twilio.com/docs/glossary/what-sms-character-limit
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Ryoma Onita • https://unsplash.com/photos/t-J5BZ1a4fY
Other languages
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Python:
programming the way
Guido
indented it
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🐍
// Play on
as God intended +
// pun on intended vs
indented +
// Python’s signi
fi
cant
indentation instead
of using { braces }
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Panos Sakalakis • https://unsplash.com/photos/Fd5J-1A2Ilw
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Why do Java programmers wear
glasses?
Because they don’t C#
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🎼
// ‘C#’ sounds like
‘see sharp’
@cSquirrel • https://x.com/cSquirrel/status/71276726411460608 (2011)
̅
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FAQ About Visual C# .NET 2002
‘What is the symbol in the name C#?
‘The # is not the hash symbol as most people believe.
‘It is supposed to be the musical sharp symbol (̅).
‘However, the sharp symbol is not present on the
standard keyboard, so it’s easier to use the hash (#)
symbol.’
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functions are fun in kotlin :)
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🎉
// Kotlin functions use
the fun keyword
@letronje • https://x.com/letronje/status/760444749329240064 (2016)
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Which programming language do
pirates use to get into machine
learning?
RRRRRRRRR
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🏴☠
// The R language is
used for statistics
and machine
learning.
Lou Creemers • https://twitter.com/lovelacecoding/status/1541148527061094400 (2022)
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🐌
// Java before it used the
JIT (just-in-time) compiler,
and more improvements
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
*long pause*
Java!
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The hardest problem in
computer science is not
being an opinionated jerk
about everything.
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Nick Takayama • https://twitter.com/ntakayama/status/449048098665287681 (2014)
🫂
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NeONBRAND • https://unsplash.com/photos/-Cmz06-0btw
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Bernd Dittrich • https://unsplash.com/photos/r1AIp7Vj3Mg
Deployment
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Joke deployment targets
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💬
team chat
📆
meetings
📄
documentation
🎬
presentations
Start with
a #puns
channel 😂
Timing
matters!
rtr
Tech docs
have hardly
any jokes ☹
Jokes on
slides are
risky
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Deployment best practices
1. Deploy responsibly
2. Explain jokes to new people
3. Don’t deploy jokes in sensitive situations
4. Avoid negative jokes
5. Don’t be a bully
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Takeaways
1. Jokes serve a purpose
2. Explaining jokes can be Good Actually
3. Learn what’s appropriate
4. Don’t be an asshole
5. Work doesn’t have to be boring – nor do you
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There’s two hard problems
in computer science:
we only have one joke,
and it’s not funny
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Phillip Bowden • https://twitter.com/pbowden/status/468855097879830528 (2014)
😶
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I’ve got a software joke.
The next version will be funny.
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🔄
@B12Simon • https://twitter.com/B12Simon/status/1332356147341381634 (2020)
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Peter Hilton
http://hilton.org.uk
🦋 @hilton.org.uk
Marit van Dijk
https://maritvandijk.com/
🦋 @maritvandijk.bsky.social
🐦 @MaritvanDijk77
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