Secrets of a Stealth Mentee

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SECRETS OF A STEALTH MENTEE @KWUGIRL

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@KWUGIRL AGENDA ▸ the problem ▸ why do we care? ▸ the solutions ▸ recommended resources

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THE PROBLEM @KWUGIRL

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@KWUGIRL BEFORE: A TYPICAL MENTORING INTERACTION ▸ someone I was matched up to somewhat randomly ▸ good intentions on both sides, but not sure what to talk about ▸ nothing is different afterwards

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@KWUGIRL AFTER! ▸ applied for (and got offered) jobs I thought I wasn’t qualiﬁed for ▸ changed careers ▸ conference talks ▸ salary negotiation

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@KWUGIRL Mentors vs. sponsors

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Mentors give me perspective, but sponsors give me opportunity. Cate Huston @KWUGIRL

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@KWUGIRL YMMV ▸ comfort level with asking for help from others (ask vs. guess culture) ▸ play to your interests and strengths ▸ get creative

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WHY DO WE CARE? @KWUGIRL

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SO WE CAN TAKE OVER THE WORLD! (SORRY, MATZ)

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It’s good for your career! …someone? @KWUGIRL

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@KWUGIRL Demystify the world

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@KWUGIRL Understand your options

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@KWUGIRL Learn things the easy way

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THE SOLUTIONS @KWUGIRL

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@KWUGIRL 1. “ALWAYS BE MENTEE-ING"

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@KWUGIRL 2. FIND YOUR   “KINDRED SPIRITS”

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@KWUGIRL 3. KEEP IT “EASY, BREEZY, BEAUTIFUL”

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ALWAYS BE MENTEE-ING CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP

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KINDRED SPIRITS WHO MIGHT MAKE A GOOD MENTOR?

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@KWUGIRL Matched up vs. organic

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@KWUGIRL Are you my mentor?

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@KWUGIRL Are you my mentor?

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@KWUGIRL CHARACTERISTICS I LOOK FOR ▸ someone who has a similar personality and communication style ▸ but who has had different experiences or surprising thinking ▸ someone I admire but also could be vulnerable with

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@KWUGIRL Redefine “networking”

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@KWUGIRL MANY DIFFERENT WAYS THIS CAN WORK ▸ meeting people at conferences ▸ giving positive, thoughtful feedback ▸ sharing their projects ▸ taking people up on their offers to help

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@KWUGIRL Embrace the awkward

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EASY MAKE IT

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@KWUGIRL WHEN REACHING OUT TO PEOPLE ▸ conversations usually easier than emails, but it depends ▸ offer a few options on scheduling time & location ▸ take the initiative on the administrivia ▸ no homework needed

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BREEZY KEEP IT

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@KWUGIRL KEEP IT LOW-KEY & CASUAL ▸ lessen the burden or sense of responsibility: “unofﬁcial mentor” ▸ be speciﬁc on why you’re reaching out to them in particular ▸ tone: "I respect your work and would love to learn from you.”

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BEAUTIFUL AND, OF COURSE,

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@KWUGIRL It’s ok to not know what to talk about

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@KWUGIRL ASK FOR EXPERIENCES, NOT ADVICE ▸ Cal Newport’s strategy for extracting insights ▸ consider people you meet as interview subjects ▸ ask for experiences, rather than advice. then consider the insights

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@KWUGIRL SAMPLE TOPICS: PROBLEM-SOLVING ▸ go over current dilemmas you’re facing ▸ discuss options ▸ get feedback on proposed solutions

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@KWUGIRL SAMPLE TOPICS: DECISION-MAKING ▸ anything that is ever mentioned as “case-by-case” ▸ need to build up technical intuition over time ▸ what made you decide to ____? ▸ what factors should be considered? ▸ what would have changed your mind? ▸ how did you decide what project would be interesting to do next?

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@KWUGIRL SAMPLE TOPICS: BEHIND-THE-SCENES ▸ effort shock: getting the real details on effort to hone skills ▸ how did you do that? ▸ what was your strategy to achieve your goal? ▸ how did you work through a mistake?

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@KWUGIRL SAMPLE TOPICS: PERSONAL FEEDBACK ▸ What do you see in my performance or approach that I could do better? ▸ If I want to get from 'x' to 'y' in my career, what do you think I should be focusing on, and what kind of path would be most helpful? ▸ How can I be perceived as more ___? ▸ What would be helpful for me to learn more about?

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@KWUGIRL You don’t have to take all the advice

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@KWUGIRL Make it feel rewarding to mentor you

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@KWUGIRL Follow up & stay in touch

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It’s remarkable how much people appreciate hearing from you when you don’t want something from them. Tina Brown @KWUGIRL

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@KWUGIRL Build relationships with trust

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@KWUGIRL PAY IT FORWARD & MENTOR OTHERS ▸ learn something better by teaching it ▸ consider from an instructor’s perspective ▸ Thoughtbot’s mentor handbook: https://github.com/thoughtbot/ apprenticeship/blob/master/mentor-handbook.md

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RESOURCES @KWUGIRL

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@KWUGIRL ARTICLES: REACHING OUT TO PEOPLE ▸ https://cate.blog/2015/11/23/advice-mentors-and-questionably-helpful-emails ▸ https://www.inc.com/alison-green/when-your-mentor-wont-respond-to-your- emails.html ▸ https://www.elle.com/culture/career-politics/a22521435/black-women-talk-tech- mentorship-questions ▸ http://www.beleaderly.com/ask-jo-whats-the-best-way-to-approach-a-mentor ▸ https://daedtech.com/how-to-write-emails-people-wont-respond-to-give-them- homework

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@KWUGIRL MOAR ARTICLES ▸ https://cate.blog/2014/04/16/sponsors-mentors-and-allies ▸ http://www.effectiveengineer.com/blog/secret-to-effective-one-on-ones ▸ xyproblem.info ▸ http://www.cracked.com/article_18544_how-the-karate-kid-ruined-modern- world.html ▸ https://blog.ycombinator.com/what-to-do-with-too-much-advice ▸ https://cupofjo.com/2018/07/easy-way-to-network

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@KWUGIRL PODCASTS & VIDEOS ▸ Ask A Manager podcast ▸ https://www.shouldwe.co/season-02/give-advice ▸ https://cate.blog/2016/05/17/management-and-misanthropy-with-cate-and- camille ▸ my Ask vs. Guess culture talk: http://kwugirl.blogspot.com/2015/05/ask-vs- guess-culture-communications.html

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@KWUGIRL BLOGS ▸ Cate Huston (cate.blog) ▸ Ask A Manager (askamanager.org) ▸ Julia Evans (jvns.ca) ▸ Camille Fournier (elidedbranches.com) ▸ Cal Newport (calnewport.com/blog)

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@KWUGIRL BOOKS

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+ THANK YOU! @KWUGIRL

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APPENDIX @KWUGIRL

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Pinky & The Brain,   tv show “Baby Cobra”,   Ali Wong’s standup comedy special Glengarry Glen Ross, movie the awkward turtle Anne of Green Gables Are You My Mother?, children’s book Harmony Bear & Friend Bear,   Care Bears Rosie the Riveter