@kwugirl
litmus test
overview of cultures
a few examples
pros/cons
further considerations
strategies for handling
work situations
a few examples
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@kwugirl
“The Seattle No”
https://medium.com/lessons-learned/the-seattle-no-177091f864a4
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Hey, I’m going to this party,
do you want to come?
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Hmm that sounds interesting,
I’ll have to check.
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or
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Oh yeah, maybe…
+ don’t hear from them again about it
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THIS MEANS NO.
(not obvious to all of us)
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“Hmm, I don’t have time to make lunch
for next week.”
“Could you make extra meals
so I have lunch for the week?”
Dan hears
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“I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.”
“That’s so weird, Dan’s planning to make
an extra meal this weekend, but ok.”
What I did not say: “Oh, you don’t have to do that.”
I think
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@kwugirl
End Result
“Why do we have
so much food
in the fridge?”
“I’m such a good
husband.”
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@kwugirl
litmus test
overview of cultures
a few examples
pros/cons
further considerations
strategies for handling
work situations
pros/cons
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@kwugirl
Ask Culture
Prioritizes efficiency
No ambiguity
Gets what you want
(in the short-term)
More open conflict
Can make people feel
uncomfortable
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Offer Culture
Prioritizes not
hurting feelings
More polite
Hard if you’re bad at
reading social cues
Can feel like no one is
listening to you
@kwugirl
litmus test
overview of cultures
a few examples
pros/cons
further considerations
strategies for handling
work situations
further considerations
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@kwugirl
personality
family
__context__
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company culture
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team culture
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personal experiences
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women
“abrasive”
“timid”
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Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies
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???
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family
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family
work
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how well you know someone
???????
stranger BFF
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@kwugirl
litmus test
overview of cultures
a few examples
pros/cons
further considerations
strategies for handling
work situations
strategies for handling
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@kwugirl
If you’re from Ask Culture…
Make an Offer Culture close friend
Listen more closely
Apologize if you realize >1 interpretation
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If you’re from Offer Culture…
Remember that people might be
unaware of “the rules”
Resist the urge to “soften” a “No”
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@kwugirl
litmus test
overview of cultures
a few examples
pros/cons
further considerations
strategies for handling
work situations
work situations
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@kwugirl
work situations
general things to consider
useful phrasings
example situations
use your strengths
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@kwugirl
general things to consider
useful phrasings
example situations
use your strengths
work situations
general things to consider
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@kwugirl
short-term vs. long-term
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relationships
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@kwugirl
how certain are you that the
message you sent was
received in the same way?
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don’t assume they…
will react as you would
are unhappy with you
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@kwugirl
general things to consider
useful phrasings
example situations
use your strengths
work situations
useful phrasings
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“Hey, I have a question,
but it’s totally ok to say no.”
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“Hey, I have a question,
but it’s totally ok to say no.”
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“it’s ok if you’re busy…”
“I understand if you’re busy…”
“Hey, I have a question, but
it’s totally ok if you want to say no.”
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“Hey, remember when we talked
about how I should be more
assertive? Well, _____”
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discuss communication styles
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“Sometimes I have trouble
speaking up, it would really
help if…”
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use this talk as an excuse!
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“I went to this amazing
talk at WE Ignite…”
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general things to consider
useful phrasings
example situations
use your strengths
work situations
example situations
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getting/giving help
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“I’m not sure I understand
this feature.”
(“Can someone help me?”)
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don’t assume silence == ok
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“Do you have any
questions for me?”
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“What questions do you
have for me?”
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“We have a few options that
work, A/B/C. Let me know!”
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Ask Manager & Offer Report
positive reinforcement for saying “no”
be extremely wary of giving illusion of choice
don’t default processes to people needing to ask
PAY ATTENTION
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“People assume that if their boss is
assigning them a ton of work,
there’s no point in speaking up”
https://www.thecut.com/2017/05/ask-a-boss-how-do-i-get-more-attention-from-my-boss.html
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@kwugirl
additional situations to consider
publish vs. pull managers
https://medium.com/@wiredferret/publish-vs-pull-managers-e2b52a45d7e9
non-native language speakers
https://medium.com/@mollyclare/taming-the-steamroller-how-to-communicate-compassionately-with-non-native-english-speakers-d95d8d1845a0
retros
formats of messaging (phone call vs. Slack)
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@kwugirl
general things to consider
useful phrasings
example situations
use your strengths
work situations
use your strengths