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COURTESY SLIDE ! WITHOUT CURSING

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GAY PORN

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GAY PORN

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FOUL LANGUAGE

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GET OVER IT, KILLJOYS

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!

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HOW TO PROPERLY ALLOCATE THE FUCKS YOU GIVE COCOAHEADS NL | UTRECHT | APRIL 2019 BAKKENBAECK.NO | JUSTHUM.COM | @DESIGNATEDNERD

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Source: http://www.thewvsr.com/deadwood.htm

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WHAT IS A FUCK?

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Illustration by NASA

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I DON'T GIVE A FUCK

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I DON'T GIVE A FUCK

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I DON'T GIVE A FUCK I DON'T CARE

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GIVING A FUCK = CARING

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NOT GIVING A FUCK VS. NOT GIVING A SHIT

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"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT"

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"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT" "I DON'T CARE

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"I DON'T GIVE A SHIT" "I DON'T CARE, NOR SHOULD I."

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I DON'T GIVE A FUCK I DON'T CARE EVEN THOUGH I SHOULD

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WHAT DO I GIVE A FUCK ABOUT?

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! SHAMELESS PLUG BAKKENBAECK.COM

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MARGINALLY INSANE ! METAPHOR ALERT

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A FUCK IS A POINTER TO SOMETHING YOU CARE ABOUT

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[fuck autorelease]

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[fuck autorelease] DOES NOT EXIST

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[fuck retain]

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[fuck release]

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SPOILER ALERT!

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NOT GIVING ANY FUCKS JUST MAKES YOU AN ASSHOLE

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!

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PRIORITIZE THE FUCKS YOU GIVE

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CODE REVIEW

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QUALITY OF CODE VS. BEING RIGHT

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QUALITY OF CODE VS. BEING RIGHT

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QUALITY OF CODE VS. SHIPPING

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QUALITY OF CODE VS. SHIPPING

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COMMUNICATION OF FRUSTRATION

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!

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FUCK OVERFLOW

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! BURNOUT

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FUCK OVERFLOW

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class ViewController: UIViewController { var enormousChunkOfData: Data? func didReceiveMemoryWarning() { super.didReceiveMemoryWarning() // Dispose of resources that can be recreated. } }

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class ViewController: UIViewController { var enormousChunkOfData: Data? func didReceiveMemoryWarning() { super.didReceiveMemoryWarning() print("Welp, we're fucked") } }

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class ViewController: UIViewController { var enormousChunkOfData: Data? func didReceiveMemoryWarning() { super.didReceiveMemoryWarning() self.enormousChunkOfData = nil } }

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class You: Human { var fucksGiven = [Fuck]() func didGetIncrediblyStressedOut() { } }

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class You: Human { var fucksGiven = [Fuck]() func didGetIncrediblyStressedOut() { super.didGetIncrediblyStressedOut() } }

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class You: Human { var fucksGiven = [Fuck]() func didGetIncrediblyStressedOut() { super.didGetIncrediblyStressedOut() self.fucksGiven.removeAll() } }

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class You: Human { var fucksGiven = [Fuck]() func didGetIncrediblyStressedOut() { super.didGetIncrediblyStressedOut() // self.fucksGiven.removeAll() } }

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class You: Human { var fucksGiven = [Fuck]() func didGetIncrediblyStressedOut() { super.didGetIncrediblyStressedOut() // self.fucksGiven.removeAll() self.fucksGiven.remove(where: { !$0.isCritical }) } }

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GUARDING AGAINST FUCK OVERFLOW

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KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE COMMITTED TO DO

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KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE COMMITTED TO DO

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RE-EVALUATE THE PRIORITIZATION OF FUCKS GIVEN

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HOW DO I ACTUALLY SPEND MY TIME?

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HOW DO I WANT TO SPEND MY TIME?

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HOW DO I WANT TO SPEND MY TIME?

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[fuck release]

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FUCKING OBLIGATORY SUMMARY SLIDE

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FUCKING OBLIGATORY SUMMARY SLIDE ▸ Consider a fuck given a pointer to something you care about

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FUCKING OBLIGATORY SUMMARY SLIDE ▸ Consider a fuck given a pointer to something you care about ▸ Not giving any fucks just makes you an insufferable asshole

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FUCKING OBLIGATORY SUMMARY SLIDE ▸ Consider a fuck given a pointer to something you care about ▸ Not giving any fucks just makes you an insufferable asshole ▸ Giving too many fucks will lead to Fuck Overflow (aka burnout)

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FUCKING OBLIGATORY SUMMARY SLIDE ▸ Consider a fuck given a pointer to something you care about ▸ Not giving any fucks just makes you an insufferable asshole ▸ Giving too many fucks will lead to Fuck Overflow (aka burnout) ▸ Fucks must be manually managed, and re-evaluated frequently

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FUCKING OBLIGATORY SUMMARY SLIDE ▸ Consider a fuck given a pointer to something you care about ▸ Not giving any fucks just makes you an insufferable asshole ▸ Giving too many fucks will lead to Fuck Overflow (aka burnout) ▸ Fucks must be manually managed, and re-evaluated frequently ▸ Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck

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THANKS A FUCKING LOT!

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LINKS! The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck https://markmanson.net/not-giving-a-fuck The Number of Fucks in Deadwood http://www.thewvsr.com/deadwood.htm

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Fuck overretention

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WHAT IS THE BEST TECHNICAL DECISION VS. WHAT IS BEST FOR THE USER VS. WHAT THE CLIENT WANTS

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