@kwugirl Ask vs. Guess Cultures KWu, an Ask Culture person Ruby Agent Software Engineer

@kwugirl strong brightly colored curious

@kwugirl strong brightly colored curious Bench press: 103lbs / 46.7kg Back squat: 185lbs / 83.9kg Deadlift: 225lbs / 102kg

@kwugirl strong brightly colored curious

@kwugirl strong brightly colored curious

@kwugirl strong brightly colored curious

@kwugirl Cat-lage… like a collage, but for cats….

@kwugirl

@kwugirl so many cats…

@kwugirl …just a huge cat-alogue…

@kwugirl

@kwugirl You

@kwugirl You Jamie

@kwugirl You Jamie Taylor

@kwugirl You Jamie Taylor

@kwugirl You Jamie Taylor Can Taylor stay with you?

@kwugirl You Jamie ? Taylor

@kwugirl You Jamie I’ll just tell them no. Taylor

@kwugirl You Jamie or Taylor

@kwugirl You Jamie Ugh, this puts me in a difficult position. Taylor

@kwugirl “I’ll just tell them no.” “Ugh, this puts me in a difficult position.” Ask Culture Guess Culture

@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons further considerations strategies for handling work situations

@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons further considerations strategies for handling work situations overview of cultures

@kwugirl

@kwugirl it’s OK to ask for anything + you’re OK getting ‘no’ for an answer ASK

@kwugirl avoid asking unless the answer will be yes GUESS

@kwugirl extend out delicate feelers GUESS

@kwugirl don’t have to explicitly ask GUESS

@kwugirl if you accept, are you imposing too much? GUESS

@kwugirl putting others in the position of having to say ‘no’ seems rude GUESS

@kwugirl ASK GUESS

@kwugirl ASK GUESS

@kwugirl ASK GUESS Northeast Pacific Northwest Midwest

@kwugirl ASK GUESS Northeast Pacific Northwest Midwest

@kwugirl one culture ≯ another culture

@kwugirl “Deal with Reality on Reality’s terms.”

@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons further considerations strategies for handling work situations a few examples

@kwugirl “The Seattle No” https://medium.com/lessons-learned/the-seattle-no-177091f864a4

@kwugirl Hey, I’m going to this party, do you want to come?

@kwugirl Hmm that sounds interesting, I’ll have to check.

@kwugirl or

@kwugirl Oh yeah, maybe…

@kwugirl Oh yeah, maybe… + don’t hear from them again about it

@kwugirl THIS MEANS NO.

@kwugirl THIS MEANS NO. (not obvious to all of us)

@kwugirl

@kwugirl “Hmm, I don’t have time to make lunch 
 for next week.”

@kwugirl “Hmm, I don’t have time to make lunch 
 for next week.” Dan hears

@kwugirl “Hmm, I don’t have time to make lunch 
 for next week.” “Could you make extra meals so I have lunch for the week?” Dan hears

@kwugirl “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.”

@kwugirl “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.” I think

@kwugirl “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.” “That’s so weird, Dan’s planning to make an extra meal this weekend, but ok.” I think

@kwugirl “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.” “That’s so weird, Dan’s planning to make an extra meal this weekend, but ok.” What I did not say: “Oh, you don’t have to do that.” I think

@kwugirl End Result

@kwugirl End Result “Why do we have so much food in the fridge?”

@kwugirl End Result “Why do we have so much food in the fridge?” “I’m such a good husband.”

@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons further considerations strategies for handling work situations pros/cons

@kwugirl Ask Culture

@kwugirl Ask Culture Prioritizes efficiency

@kwugirl Ask Culture Prioritizes efficiency No ambiguity

@kwugirl Ask Culture Prioritizes efficiency No ambiguity Gets what you want
 (in the short-term)

@kwugirl Ask Culture Prioritizes efficiency No ambiguity Gets what you want
 (in the short-term) More open conflict

@kwugirl Ask Culture Prioritizes efficiency No ambiguity Gets what you want
 (in the short-term) More open conflict Can make people feel uncomfortable

@kwugirl Guess Culture

@kwugirl Guess Culture Prioritizes not 
 hurting feelings

@kwugirl Guess Culture Prioritizes not 
 hurting feelings More polite

@kwugirl Guess Culture Prioritizes not 
 hurting feelings More polite Hard if you’re bad at 
 reading social cues

@kwugirl Guess Culture Prioritizes not 
 hurting feelings More polite Hard if you’re bad at 
 reading social cues Can feel like no one is listening to you

@kwugirl proportion of requests granted requests granted explicit verbal requests

@kwugirl requests granted proportion of requests granted requests granted explicit verbal requests

@kwugirl requests granted explicit verbal requests 
 + implicit requests! proportion of requests granted requests granted explicit verbal requests

@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons further considerations strategies for handling work situations further considerations

@kwugirl

@kwugirl personality family __context__

@kwugirl company culture

@kwugirl team culture

@kwugirl personal experiences

@kwugirl women

@kwugirl women “abrasive”

@kwugirl women “abrasive” “timid”

@kwugirl ???

@kwugirl family

@kwugirl family work

@kwugirl how well you know someone ??????? stranger BFF

@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons further considerations strategies for handling work situations strategies for handling

@kwugirl If you’re from Ask Culture…

@kwugirl If you’re from Ask Culture… Make a Guess Culture close friend

@kwugirl If you’re from Ask Culture… Make a Guess Culture close friend Listen more closely

@kwugirl If you’re from Ask Culture… Make a Guess Culture close friend Listen more closely Apologize if you realize >1 interpretation

@kwugirl If you’re from Guess Culture…

@kwugirl If you’re from Guess Culture… Remember that people might be 
 unaware of “the rules”

@kwugirl If you’re from Guess Culture… Remember that people might be 
 unaware of “the rules” Resist the urge to “soften” a “No”

@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons further considerations strategies for handling work situations work situations

@kwugirl work situations general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use your strengths

@kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use your strengths work situations general things to consider

@kwugirl short-term vs. long-term

@kwugirl relationships

@kwugirl are you sure you know what other people are thinking?

@kwugirl don’t assume they… will react as you would are unhappy with you

@kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use your strengths work situations useful phrasings

@kwugirl “Hey, I have a question, but it’s totally ok to say no.”

@kwugirl “Hey, I have a question,
 but it’s totally ok to say no.”

@kwugirl “Hey, I have a question, but it’s totally ok if you want to say no.”

@kwugirl “it’s ok if you’re busy…” “Hey, I have a question, but it’s totally ok if you want to say no.”

@kwugirl “it’s ok if you’re busy…” “I understand if you’re busy…” “Hey, I have a question, but it’s totally ok if you want to say no.”

@kwugirl “I have an observation, not a judgment—please tell me more! I’m curious.”

@kwugirl “Hey, remember when we talked about how I should be more assertive? Well, _____”

@kwugirl discuss communication styles

@kwugirl “Sometimes I have trouble speaking up, it would really help if…”

@kwugirl use this talk as an excuse!

@kwugirl “I went to this amazing talk at RubyConf Portugal…”

@kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use your strengths work situations example situations

@kwugirl getting/giving help

@kwugirl

@kwugirl “I’m not sure I understand
 this feature.”

@kwugirl “I’m not sure I understand
 this feature.” (“Can someone help me?”)

@kwugirl don’t assume silence == ok

@kwugirl “Do you have any questions for me?”

@kwugirl “What questions do you have for me?”

@kwugirl “We have a few options that work, A/B/C. Let me know!”

@kwugirl Ask Manager & Guess Report

@kwugirl Ask Manager & Guess Report positive reinforcement for saying “no”

@kwugirl Ask Manager & Guess Report positive reinforcement for saying “no” be extremely wary of giving illusion of choice

@kwugirl Ask Manager & Guess Report positive reinforcement for saying “no” be extremely wary of giving illusion of choice don’t default processes to people needing to ask

@kwugirl Ask Manager & Guess Report positive reinforcement for saying “no” be extremely wary of giving illusion of choice don’t default processes to people needing to ask PAY ATTENTION

@kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use your strengths work situations use your strengths

@kwugirl meetings

@kwugirl be thoughtful, help each other

@kwugirl if you have any questions…

@kwugirl just ask. ;)

@kwugirl just ask. ;)

@kwugirl just ask. ;)

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