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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT EMPATHY
 gives you superpowers

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT INTRODUCTIONS

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Hi. I’m Matt.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT … and I’m a jerk.

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(awkward pause)

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT You may have heard I’m a nice guy.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT In reality, I'm a
 self-centered, prideful,
 jerk bag.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT

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(story time)

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT ONE THING MISSING:

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT ONE THING MISSING: EMPATHY.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT If you learn one thing this year, let it be empathy.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Empathy will have a greater impact on your future than Microservices

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Empathy will have a greater impact on your future than Domain-Driven Design

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Empathy will have a greater impact on your future than functional programming

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Empathy will have a greater impact on your future than laracon & laravel

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Empathy will have a greater impact on your future than Beer (!)

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Developers often think that our skill should be all that matters.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT – Paul Graham of Y Combinator in Hackers and Painters “Empathy is probably the single most important difference between a good hacker and a great one. Some hackers are quite smart, but when it comes to empathy are practically solipsists. It’s hard for such people to design great software, because they can’t see things from the user’s point of view.”

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT “Empathy is probably the single most important difference between a good hacker and a great one. Some hackers are quite smart, but when it comes to empathy are practically solipsists. It’s hard for such people to design great software, because they can’t see things from the user’s point of view.” – Paul Graham of Y Combinator in Hackers and Painters solipsism: extreme preoccupation with and indulgence of one's feelings, desires, etc.; egoistic self-absorption.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT “Empathy is probably the single most important difference between a good hacker and a great one. Some hackers are quite smart, but when it comes to empathy are practically solipsists. It’s hard for such people to design great software, because they can’t see things from the user’s point of view.” – Paul Graham of Y Combinator in Hackers and Painters

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT – C.A.R. Hoare, computer scientist “The most important property of a program is whether it accomplishes the intention of its user.”

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT YOU WILL WRITE BETTER PROGRAMS WHEN YOU HAVE MORE EMPATHY.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT • Smarter • Faster • More well-loved • More employable • A better lover Empathy will make you…

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT • Users • Clients • Employers • Employees • Colleagues • Significant Other • The waiter at your favorite restaurant Many people will benefit:

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT DEFINING EMPATHY

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT What is empathy, anyway?

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Four attributes of empathy • to be able to see the world as others see it • to be nonjudgmental • to understand another person’s feelings • to communicate your understanding of that person’s feelings back to them Theresa Wiseman, “A concept analysis of empathy”
 http://www.researchgate.net/publication/227941757_A_concept_analysis_of_empathy

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Samantha Quiñones, Hacking the Human Interface http://www.slideshare.net/samanthaquinonestembies/hacking-the-human-interface-51646360

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Empathy is not the same as sympathy

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Brené Brown on Empathy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

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Brené Brown on Empathy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

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Brené Brown on Empathy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

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Brené Brown on Empathy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

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Brené Brown on Empathy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

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Brené Brown on Empathy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Two primary types of empathy Affective/Emotional empathy A shared emotional response Feels like “fluff” “I can’t change how I feel!” Indi Young, “Practical Empathy” Cognitive empathy Perspective-taking Skill, not inherent Can be learned & taught

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Empathy requires
 learning to listen well.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT –Rape crisis center volunteer "Once you hear these stories,
 you can't help but become an advocate."

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Empathy at its core is reorienting yourself to be in line with the other person.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT “Sounds nice.
 But I don’t even know
 how to empathy.”

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT LEARNING EMPATHY

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT –Helen Riess, Associate Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard “Empathy is not inherent. Empathy is a skill and can be learned.”

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT (Source: Roman Krznaric, “Empathy: A Handbook for Revolution”) 98% of us have the ability to be empathic wired into our brains.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT HOW DO WE BECOME
 MORE EMPATHIC?

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Cultivate curiosity about others

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Roman Krznaric - The Power of Outrospection
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BG46IwVfSu8 Human Library

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Learn to shut off your inner voice.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Grandpa Mekis

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Source: Marshall Rosenberg in “Non-Violent Communication” Repeat what the other person said before you respond. You will resolve conflicts, on average, 80% faster.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Matt’s “why the &()@%” rule Stop. Cool down. Every time you find yourself saying,
 “Why the &()@% would this person do this?”… Now, ask,
 “Why the &()@% indeed would this person do this?”

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT The 5 Whys • When presented with a problem, write it down… • Ask why. Write that down… • If that answer doesn’t address the root of the problem, repeat. • Really the 5-ish Whys From Toyota/Six Sigma

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT The 5 Whys of Every SaaS • The user wants an Excel-like grid of all data. WHY? • The user wants to be able to filter out just the users with the NEW status. WHY? • The users needs to be able to see a list of only the users who are new. WHY? • The users email these lists of just new people to their leadership team. WHY? • The leadership team splits up the responsibility of calling every new contact at least once.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Let’s practice together. • Senior developer tells you to do ________ • Employee tells you ________ • Framework developer does ________ • Someone on twitter opines ________ • You come across legacy code that ________ • Your spouse ________

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT DIFFERENCE AND GROUPS

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT The golden rule good is not enough.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT (Most) people are
 different from you.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Piaget’s theories of
 Assimilation & Accommodation Kids learning: • Dog is furry > Furry things are dogs • See a new furry thing. Must be a dog! • Nope. That’s a raccoon.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT @todo scary raccoon

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Grouping doesn’t make you racist. But it also doesn’t give you a pass.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Roman Krznaric: "Empathy Why It Matters & How to Get It" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lN4MRYIoCS0

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Snake sex

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Think of others before yourself.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT I’m just being self-centered.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Some practical implications of developing empathy:

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Your open-source contributions will be accepted more.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Your code will be better and future developers will love you more.❤

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT – Hal Abelson, Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs “Programs must be written for people to read, and only incidentally for machines to execute.”

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT You will be a better employee.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT –Stewart Butterfield of Slack "One way that empathy manifests itself is courtesy. Respecting people’s time is important. Don’t let your colleagues down; if you say you’re going to do something, do it. A lot of the standard traits that you would look for in any kind of organization come down to courteousness. It’s not just about having a veneer of politeness, but actually trying to anticipate someone else’s needs and meeting them in advance."

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT You will sound smarter and make your teams better.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT –Indi Young, Practical Empathy “When you open your mouth,
 other people's voices will come out.”

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Your clients will love you.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT –Matt Stauffer (YES ME), Dev Discussions - The Business of Development with Tighten “We want our clients to hear us saying: We hear, understand, and often anticipate your needs. Whatever goes on… your priorities are our priorities.”

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT You’ll make more friends on Twitter.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Your framework will
 become wildly successful.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT empath

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT You will make people
 feel like they matter.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT You is kind. You is smart. You is important.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT …and help them know
 they’re not alone.

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Brené Brown on Empathy - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Pluralism FTW.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Don’t read the YouTube comments.

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Empathy gives you superpowers

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Some great articles/podcasts • Why Code Design Requires Empathy
 http://spin.atomicobject.com/2013/07/06/code-design- empathy/ • Is empathy on your resume?
 http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/12/business/stewart- butterfield-of-slack-experience-with-empathy- required.html • Dev Discussions - The Business of Development With Tighten
 http://www.devdiscussions.com/episodes/6811-episode-4- the-business-of-development-with-tighten

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT Some great talks • Roman Krznaric - Empathy: Why It Matters & How To Get It
 https://www.youtube.com/watch? v=lN4MRYIoCS0&list=PLFPDmaMM5XCuQEyZfgh- VMxzxaqsOe4z3&index=15 • Indi Young - A Practical Type of Empathy
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSs0iB6gxV4 • Brené Brown - Empathy
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw • Roman Krznaric - The Power of Outrospection
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BG46IwVfSu8

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EMPATHY GIVES YOU SUPERPOWERS @STAUFFERMATT THANK YOU. joind.in/15013