Dealing with People You Can't Stand - Big Design 2015

by Cassini Nazir

Slide 1

Slide 1 text

DEALING WITH PEOPLE Y U CAN’T STAND @cassininazir CASSINI NAZIR the best in people How to bring out at their worst

Slide 2

Slide 2 text

the best in people How to bring out at their worst

Slide 3

Slide 3 text

YOU’LL LEARN WHY HOW WHAT Why otherwise normal people behave terribly What are the essentials of communication How to deal with the most common diﬃcult people

Slide 4

Slide 4 text

MY STORY

Slide 5

Slide 5 text

THE FOUR INTENTS 01 WHY Why otherwise normal people behave terribly

Slide 6

Slide 6 text

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE ASSERTIVE MORE LESS

Slide 7

Slide 7 text

PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS FOCUS

Slide 8

Slide 8 text

PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS PASSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS AGGRESSIVE TASK-FOCUS PASSIVE TASK-FOCUS

Slide 9

Slide 9 text

PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE GET APPRECIATED GET ALONG GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS PASSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS AGGRESSIVE TASK-FOCUS PASSIVE TASK-FOCUS

Slide 10

Slide 10 text

PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE GET APPRECIATED GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS PASSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS AGGRESSIVE TASK-FOCUS PASSIVE TASK-FOCUS NORMAL ZONE GET ALONG

Slide 11

Slide 11 text

GET APPRECIATED GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE GET ALONG PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING NORMAL ZONE

Slide 12

Slide 12 text

GET APPRECIATED GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE GET ALONG PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING NORMAL ZONE

Slide 13

Slide 13 text

GET IT ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?

Slide 14

Slide 14 text

GET IT DONE Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?

Slide 15

Slide 15 text

GET IT DONE Given the ﬁgures and taking into account ... GET IT ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?

Slide 16

Slide 16 text

GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE Given the ﬁgures and taking into account ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?

Slide 17

Slide 17 text

GET IT DONE What does everyone think about this? GET IT RIGHT GET ... Given the ﬁgures and taking into account ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?

Slide 18

Slide 18 text

GET IT DONE GET IT RIGHT GET ALONG What does everyone think about this? Given the ﬁgures and taking into account ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?

Slide 19

Slide 19 text

GET IT DONE We should do this. I’ll tell you why ... GET IT RIGHT GET ALONG GET ... What does everyone think about this? Given the ﬁgures and taking into account ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?

Slide 20

Slide 20 text

GET IT DONE GET IT RIGHT GET ALONG GET APPRECIATED We should do this. I’ll tell you why ... What does everyone think about this? Given the ﬁgures and taking into account ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?

Slide 21

Slide 21 text

Slide 22

Slide 22 text

TALKIN’ GOOD 02 WHAT What are the essentials of communication

Slide 23

Slide 23 text

No content

Slide 24

Slide 24 text

DESIGN FOLK HAVE THE TOOLS EMPATHY MAP PERSONA AFFINITY DIAGRAM AEIOU A/B TESTING CONTEXTUAL INQUIRY ETHNOGRAPHY USER OBSERVATION MUSTACHES CONTEXT SCENARIOS USER JOURNEY MAP PARTICIPATORY DESIGN DESIGN WORKSHOPS SCENARIO SWIMLANES RITE METHOD DESIGN CHARETTE SKINNY JEANS

Slide 25

Slide 25 text

No content

Slide 26

Slide 26 text

BLEND

Slide 27

Slide 27 text

BLEND I’ll have what she’s having. Meet them on common ground by mirroring certain behavior COMMUNICATES LOOKS LIKE Mirrors body posture, facial expressions, gestures, vocal tempo ACHIEVES Tacit but immediate rapport

Slide 28

Slide 28 text

REDIRECT BLEND

Slide 29

Slide 29 text

BLEND REDIRECT

Slide 30

Slide 30 text

REDIRECT Always blend before redirecting

Slide 31

Slide 31 text

Lorem ipsum Repeating speciﬁc words used by the individual SOUNDS LIKE BACKTRACK Lorem ipsum! ACHIEVES Yes, I am listening, Mr. Diﬃcult Person

Slide 32

Slide 32 text

Achieve full understanding SOUNDS LIKE CLARIFY So you mean ... ACHIEVES Better understanding

Slide 33

Slide 33 text

Did I understand? Did I miss anything? Conﬁrm you got it right. Don’t assume anything. SOUNDS LIKE SUMMARIZE ACHIEVES A stronger feeling of understanding

Slide 34

Slide 34 text

BLEND REDIRECT BACKTRACK CLARIFY SUMMARIZE

Slide 35

Slide 35 text

IDENTIFY POSITIVE INTENT FIND HIGH- VALUED CRITERIA PYGMALION POWER BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT

Slide 36

Slide 36 text

STRATEGIES 03 HOW How to deal with the most common diﬃcult people

Slide 37

Slide 37 text

PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE NORMAL ZONE

Slide 38

Slide 38 text

GET APPRECIATED GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS PASSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS AGGRESSIVE TASK-FOCUS PASSIVE TASK-FOCUS GET ALONG NORMAL ZONE PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE

Slide 39

Slide 39 text

PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING GET APPRECIATED GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE GET ALONG NORMAL ZONE

Slide 40

Slide 40 text

PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE Nothing M aybe Yes Whiner No Nothing Think- They- Know-It- All Grenade Sniper Sniper Tank Know- It-All PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING GET APPRECIATED GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE GET ALONG NORMAL ZONE

Slide 41

Slide 41 text

TASK FOCUS AGGRESSIVE Tank PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING GET IT DONE

Slide 42

Slide 42 text

Slide 43

Slide 43 text

Slide 44

Slide 44 text

Tank PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING GET IT DONE Hold your ground. Be assertive. Counterattack Defend, explain or justify Shut down GOAL FOR TANKS DON’T Tanks won’t attack people they respect THE SECRET 1. Hold your ground 2. Interrupt the attack. 3. Quickly backtrack to their main point ACTION PLAN I hear that you have  a problem with ... SOUNDS LIKE I understand that ...

Slide 45

Slide 45 text

Tank PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING GET IT DONE Hold your ground. Be assertive. Counterattack Defend, explain or justify Shut down GOAL FOR TANKS DON’T Tanks won’t attack people they respect THE SECRET 1. Hold your ground 2. Interrupt the attack. 3. Quickly backtrack to their main point 4. Aim for the bottom line ACTION PLAN I’m not willing to discuss if you are talking to me like this. When you can speak to me with respect, we’ll discuss. SOUNDS LIKE

Slide 46

Slide 46 text

Tank PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING GET IT DONE Hold your ground. Be assertive. Counterattack Defend, explain or justify Shut down GOAL FOR TANKS DON’T Tanks won’t attack people they respect THE SECRET ACTION PLAN 1. Hold your ground 2. Interrupt the attack. 3. Quickly backtrack to their main point 4. Aim for the bottom line 5. Achieve peace with honor

Slide 47

Slide 47 text

PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING TASK FOCUS PASSIVE Whiner GET IT RIGHT

Slide 48

Slide 48 text

Slide 49

Slide 49 text

PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING TASK FOCUS PASSIVE Whiner GET IT RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance Agree - it encourages them Disagree - they’ll repeat Solve the problem Ask them why they are complaining to you GOAL FOR WHINERS DON’T Patience, compassion, commitment THE SECRET 1. Listen for the main points 2. Interrupt and get speciﬁc ACTION PLAN I understand that ... And we both know ... So, what do you want?

Slide 50

Slide 50 text

PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING TASK FOCUS PASSIVE Whiner GET IT RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance Agree - it encourages them Disagree - they’ll repeat Solve the problem Ask them why they are complaining to you GOAL FOR WHINERS DON’T Patience, compassion, commitment THE SECRET 1. Listen for the main points 2. Interrupt and get speciﬁc 3. Shift the focus to solutions ACTION PLAN What can be done about this?

Slide 51

Slide 51 text

PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING TASK FOCUS PASSIVE Whiner GET IT RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance Agree - it encourages them Disagree - they’ll repeat Solve the problem Ask them why they are complaining to you GOAL FOR WHINERS DON’T Patience, compassion, commitment THE SECRET 1. Listen for the main points 2. Interrupt and get speciﬁc 3. Shift the focus to solutions 4. Show them the future ACTION PLAN

Slide 52

Slide 52 text

PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING TASK FOCUS PASSIVE Whiner GET IT RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance Agree - it encourages them Disagree - they’ll repeat Solve the problem Ask them why they are complaining to you GOAL FOR WHINERS DON’T Patience, compassion, commitment THE SECRET 1. Listen for the main points 2. Interrupt and get speciﬁc 3. Shift the focus to solutions 4. Show them the future 5. Draw the line ACTION PLAN No point complaining if nothing can be done. If you have a solution, my door’s open.

Slide 53

Slide 53 text

PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING PEOPLE FOCUS PASSIVE GET ALONG Yes

Slide 54

Slide 54 text

PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING PEOPLE FOCUS PASSIVE GET ALONG Yes Get commitments you can count on Blame them Shame them GOAL FOR YES PEOPLE DON’T Summon sincere care for them THE SECRET 1. Make it safe to be honest 2. Talk honestly 3. Help them learn to plan 4. Ensure commitment 5. Strengthen the relationship ACTION PLAN

Slide 55

Slide 55 text

RESOURCES 04 WHAT NOW Extend what you learned today

Slide 56

Slide 56 text

best in people Bring out the at their worst DOWNLOAD THIS DECK speakerdeck.com/cassininazir