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Dealing with People You Can't Stand - Big Design 2015

Cassini Nazir
September 19, 2015

Dealing with People You Can't Stand - Big Design 2015

My talk for Big Design 2015. A framework for understanding individuals.

Cassini Nazir

September 19, 2015
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  1. DEALING WITH
    PEOPLE Y U
    CAN’T STAND
    @cassininazir
    CASSINI NAZIR
    the best in people
    How to bring out
    at their worst

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  2. the best in people
    How to bring out
    at their worst

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  3. YOU’LL LEARN
    WHY HOW
    WHAT
    Why otherwise
    normal people
    behave terribly
    What are the
    essentials of
    communication
    How to deal
    with the most
    common
    difficult people

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  4. THE FOUR INTENTS
    01
    WHY
    Why otherwise
    normal people
    behave terribly

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  5. PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE
    ASSERTIVE MORE
    LESS

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  6. PEOPLE FOCUS
    TASK FOCUS
    FOCUS

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  7. PEOPLE FOCUS
    TASK FOCUS
    PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE
    AGGRESSIVE
    PEOPLE-FOCUS
    PASSIVE
    PEOPLE-FOCUS
    AGGRESSIVE
    TASK-FOCUS
    PASSIVE
    TASK-FOCUS

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  8. PEOPLE FOCUS
    TASK FOCUS
    PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE
    GET
    APPRECIATED
    GET ALONG
    GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE
    AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS
    PASSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS
    AGGRESSIVE TASK-FOCUS
    PASSIVE TASK-FOCUS

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  9. PEOPLE FOCUS
    TASK FOCUS
    PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE
    GET
    APPRECIATED
    GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE
    AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS
    PASSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS
    AGGRESSIVE TASK-FOCUS
    PASSIVE TASK-FOCUS
    NORMAL
    ZONE
    GET ALONG

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  10. GET APPRECIATED
    GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE
    GET ALONG
    PERFECT
    IO
    NIST
    APPROVA
    L
    SEEKING
    ATTENTIO
    N
    GETTING
    CONTR
    O
    LLING
    NORMAL ZONE

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  11. GET APPRECIATED
    GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE
    GET ALONG
    PERFECT
    IO
    NIST
    APPROVA
    L
    SEEKING
    ATTENTIO
    N
    GETTING
    CONTR
    O
    LLING
    NORMAL ZONE

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  12. GET IT ...
    Just do it! What’s next
    on the agenda?

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  13. GET IT DONE
    Just do it! What’s next
    on the agenda?

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  14. GET IT DONE
    Given the figures and
    taking into account ...
    GET IT ...
    Just do it! What’s next
    on the agenda?

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  15. GET IT RIGHT
    GET IT DONE
    Given the figures and
    taking into account ...
    Just do it! What’s next
    on the agenda?

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  16. GET IT DONE
    What does everyone
    think about this?
    GET IT RIGHT
    GET ...
    Given the figures and
    taking into account ...
    Just do it! What’s next
    on the agenda?

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  17. GET IT DONE
    GET IT RIGHT
    GET ALONG
    What does everyone
    think about this?
    Given the figures and
    taking into account ...
    Just do it! What’s next
    on the agenda?

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  18. GET IT DONE
    We should do this.
    I’ll tell you why ...
    GET IT RIGHT
    GET ALONG
    GET ...
    What does everyone
    think about this?
    Given the figures and
    taking into account ...
    Just do it! What’s next
    on the agenda?

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  19. GET IT DONE
    GET IT RIGHT
    GET ALONG
    GET
    APPRECIATED
    We should do this.
    I’ll tell you why ...
    What does everyone
    think about this?
    Given the figures and
    taking into account ...
    Just do it! What’s next
    on the agenda?

    View full-size slide

  20. GET IT DONE
    GET IT RIGHT
    GET ALONG
    GET
    APPRECIATED
    We should do this.
    I’ll tell you why ...
    What does everyone
    think about this?
    Given the figures and
    taking into account ...
    Just do it! What’s next
    on the agenda?

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  21. TALKIN’ GOOD
    02
    WHAT
    What are the
    essentials of
    communication

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  22. DESIGN FOLK HAVE THE TOOLS
    EMPATHY MAP
    PERSONA
    AFFINITY
    DIAGRAM
    AEIOU
    A/B TESTING
    CONTEXTUAL
    INQUIRY
    ETHNOGRAPHY
    USER
    OBSERVATION
    MUSTACHES
    CONTEXT
    SCENARIOS
    USER
    JOURNEY
    MAP
    PARTICIPATORY
    DESIGN
    DESIGN
    WORKSHOPS
    SCENARIO
    SWIMLANES
    RITE METHOD
    DESIGN
    CHARETTE
    SKINNY JEANS

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  23. BLEND
    I’ll have what she’s having.
    Meet them on common ground
    by mirroring certain behavior
    COMMUNICATES
    LOOKS LIKE
    Mirrors body posture,
    facial expressions, gestures,
    vocal tempo
    ACHIEVES
    Tacit but immediate rapport

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  24. REDIRECT BLEND

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  25. BLEND REDIRECT

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  26. REDIRECT
    Always blend before redirecting

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  27. Lorem ipsum
    Repeating specific words
    used by the individual
    SOUNDS LIKE
    BACKTRACK
    Lorem ipsum!
    ACHIEVES
    Yes, I am listening, Mr. Difficult
    Person

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  28. Achieve full understanding
    SOUNDS LIKE
    CLARIFY
    So you mean ...
    ACHIEVES
    Better understanding

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  29. Did I understand?
    Did I miss anything?
    Confirm you got it right.
    Don’t assume anything.
    SOUNDS LIKE
    SUMMARIZE
    ACHIEVES
    A stronger feeling of
    understanding

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  30. BLEND REDIRECT BACKTRACK CLARIFY SUMMARIZE

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  31. IDENTIFY
    POSITIVE
    INTENT
    FIND HIGH-
    VALUED
    CRITERIA
    PYGMALION
    POWER
    BENEFIT
    OF THE
    DOUBT

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  32. STRATEGIES
    03
    HOW
    How to deal with
    the most common
    difficult people

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  33. PEOPLE FOCUS
    TASK FOCUS
    PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE
    NORMAL
    ZONE

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  34. GET
    APPRECIATED
    GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE
    AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS
    PASSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS
    AGGRESSIVE TASK-FOCUS
    PASSIVE TASK-FOCUS
    GET ALONG
    NORMAL
    ZONE
    PEOPLE FOCUS
    TASK FOCUS
    PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE

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  35. PERFECT
    IO
    NIST
    APPROVA
    L
    SEEKING
    ATTENTIO
    N
    GETTING
    CONTR
    O
    LLING
    GET APPRECIATED
    GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE
    GET ALONG
    NORMAL ZONE

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  36. PEOPLE FOCUS
    TASK FOCUS
    PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE
    Nothing
    M
    aybe
    Yes
    Whiner
    No
    Nothing
    Think-
    They-
    Know-It-
    All
    Grenade
    Sniper
    Sniper
    Tank
    Know-
    It-All
    PERFECT
    IO
    NIST
    APPROVA
    L
    SEEKING
    ATTENTIO
    N
    GETTING
    CONTR
    O
    LLING
    GET
    APPRECIATED
    GET IT
    RIGHT
    GET IT
    DONE
    GET
    ALONG
    NORMAL
    ZONE

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  37. TASK FOCUS
    AGGRESSIVE
    Tank
    PERFECT
    IO
    NIST
    APPROVA
    L
    SEEKING
    ATTENTIO
    N
    GETTING
    CONTR
    O
    LLING
    GET IT
    DONE

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  38. Tank
    PERFECT
    IO
    NIST
    APPROVA
    L
    SEEKING
    ATTENTIO
    N
    GETTING
    CONTR
    O
    LLING
    GET IT
    DONE
    Hold your ground.
    Be assertive.
    Counterattack
    Defend, explain or justify
    Shut down
    GOAL FOR TANKS
    DON’T
    Tanks won’t attack people
    they respect
    THE SECRET
    1. Hold your ground
    ACTION PLAN
    ...
    SOUNDS LIKE

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  39. Tank
    PERFECT
    IO
    NIST
    APPROVA
    L
    SEEKING
    ATTENTIO
    N
    GETTING
    CONTR
    O
    LLING
    GET IT
    DONE
    Hold your ground.
    Be assertive.
    Counterattack
    Defend, explain or justify
    Shut down
    GOAL FOR TANKS
    DON’T
    Tanks won’t attack people
    they respect
    THE SECRET
    1. Hold your ground
    2. Interrupt the attack
    ACTION PLAN
    John
    SOUNDS LIKE
    John John
    John
    John

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  40. Tank
    PERFECT
    IO
    NIST
    APPROVA
    L
    SEEKING
    ATTENTIO
    N
    GETTING
    CONTR
    O
    LLING
    GET IT
    DONE
    Hold your ground.
    Be assertive.
    Counterattack
    Defend, explain or justify
    Shut down
    GOAL FOR TANKS
    DON’T
    Tanks won’t attack people
    they respect
    THE SECRET
    1. Hold your ground
    2. Interrupt the attack.
    3. Quickly backtrack
    to their main point
    ACTION PLAN
    I hear that you have

    a problem with ...
    SOUNDS LIKE
    I understand that ...

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  41. Tank
    PERFECT
    IO
    NIST
    APPROVA
    L
    SEEKING
    ATTENTIO
    N
    GETTING
    CONTR
    O
    LLING
    GET IT
    DONE
    Hold your ground.
    Be assertive.
    Counterattack
    Defend, explain or justify
    Shut down
    GOAL FOR TANKS
    DON’T
    Tanks won’t attack people
    they respect
    THE SECRET
    1. Hold your ground
    2. Interrupt the attack.
    3. Quickly backtrack
    to their main point
    4. Aim for the bottom line
    ACTION PLAN
    I’m not willing to discuss if you
    are talking to me like this.
    When you can speak to me
    with respect, we’ll discuss.
    SOUNDS LIKE

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  42. Tank
    PERFECT
    IO
    NIST
    APPROVA
    L
    SEEKING
    ATTENTIO
    N
    GETTING
    CONTR
    O
    LLING
    GET IT
    DONE
    Hold your ground.
    Be assertive.
    Counterattack
    Defend, explain or justify
    Shut down
    GOAL FOR TANKS
    DON’T
    Tanks won’t attack people
    they respect
    THE SECRET
    ACTION PLAN
    1. Hold your ground
    2. Interrupt the attack.
    3. Quickly backtrack
    to their main point
    4. Aim for the bottom line
    5. Achieve peace with honor

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  43. PERFECT
    IO
    NIST
    APPROVA
    L
    SEEKING
    ATTENTIO
    N
    GETTING
    CONTR
    O
    LLING
    TASK FOCUS
    PASSIVE
    Whiner
    GET IT
    RIGHT

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  44. PERFECT
    IO
    NIST
    APPROVA
    L
    SEEKING
    ATTENTIO
    N
    GETTING
    CONTR
    O
    LLING
    TASK FOCUS
    PASSIVE
    Whiner
    GET IT
    RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance
    Agree - it encourages them
    Disagree - they’ll repeat
    Solve the problem
    Ask them why they are
    complaining to you
    GOAL FOR WHINERS
    DON’T
    Patience, compassion,
    commitment
    THE SECRET
    1. Listen for the main points
    ACTION PLAN

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  45. PERFECT
    IO
    NIST
    APPROVA
    L
    SEEKING
    ATTENTIO
    N
    GETTING
    CONTR
    O
    LLING
    TASK FOCUS
    PASSIVE
    Whiner
    GET IT
    RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance
    Agree - it encourages them
    Disagree - they’ll repeat
    Solve the problem
    Ask them why they are
    complaining to you
    GOAL FOR WHINERS
    DON’T
    Patience, compassion,
    commitment
    THE SECRET
    1. Listen for the main points
    2. Interrupt and get specific
    ACTION PLAN
    I understand that ...
    And we both know ...
    So, what do you want?

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  46. PERFECT
    IO
    NIST
    APPROVA
    L
    SEEKING
    ATTENTIO
    N
    GETTING
    CONTR
    O
    LLING
    TASK FOCUS
    PASSIVE
    Whiner
    GET IT
    RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance
    Agree - it encourages them
    Disagree - they’ll repeat
    Solve the problem
    Ask them why they are
    complaining to you
    GOAL FOR WHINERS
    DON’T
    Patience, compassion,
    commitment
    THE SECRET
    1. Listen for the main points
    2. Interrupt and get specific
    3. Shift the focus to solutions
    ACTION PLAN
    What can be done
    about this?

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  47. PERFECT
    IO
    NIST
    APPROVA
    L
    SEEKING
    ATTENTIO
    N
    GETTING
    CONTR
    O
    LLING
    TASK FOCUS
    PASSIVE
    Whiner
    GET IT
    RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance
    Agree - it encourages them
    Disagree - they’ll repeat
    Solve the problem
    Ask them why they are
    complaining to you
    GOAL FOR WHINERS
    DON’T
    Patience, compassion,
    commitment
    THE SECRET
    1. Listen for the main points
    2. Interrupt and get specific
    3. Shift the focus to solutions
    4. Show them the future
    ACTION PLAN

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  48. PERFECT
    IO
    NIST
    APPROVA
    L
    SEEKING
    ATTENTIO
    N
    GETTING
    CONTR
    O
    LLING
    TASK FOCUS
    PASSIVE
    Whiner
    GET IT
    RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance
    Agree - it encourages them
    Disagree - they’ll repeat
    Solve the problem
    Ask them why they are
    complaining to you
    GOAL FOR WHINERS
    DON’T
    Patience, compassion,
    commitment
    THE SECRET
    1. Listen for the main points
    2. Interrupt and get specific
    3. Shift the focus to solutions
    4. Show them the future
    5. Draw the line
    ACTION PLAN
    No point complaining if
    nothing can be done.
    If you have a solution,
    my door’s open.

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  49. PERFECT
    IO
    NIST
    APPROVA
    L
    SEEKING
    ATTENTIO
    N
    GETTING
    CONTR
    O
    LLING
    PEOPLE FOCUS
    PASSIVE
    GET
    ALONG
    Yes

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  50. PERFECT
    IO
    NIST
    APPROVA
    L
    SEEKING
    ATTENTIO
    N
    GETTING
    CONTR
    O
    LLING
    PEOPLE FOCUS
    PASSIVE
    GET
    ALONG
    Yes
    Get commitments you
    can count on
    Blame them
    Shame them
    GOAL FOR YES PEOPLE
    DON’T
    Summon sincere care for them
    THE SECRET
    1. Make it safe to be honest
    2. Talk honestly
    3. Help them learn to plan
    4. Ensure commitment
    5. Strengthen the relationship
    ACTION PLAN

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  51. RESOURCES
    04
    WHAT NOW
    Extend what you
    learned today

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  52. best in people
    Bring out the
    at their worst
    DOWNLOAD THIS DECK
    speakerdeck.com/cassininazir

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