Dealing with People You Can't Stand - Big Design 2015

44b54d2ffcb7857004071cc6795dde11?s=47 Cassini Nazir
September 19, 2015

Dealing with People You Can't Stand - Big Design 2015

My talk for Big Design 2015. A framework for understanding individuals.

44b54d2ffcb7857004071cc6795dde11?s=128

Cassini Nazir

September 19, 2015
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Transcript

  1. DEALING WITH PEOPLE Y U CAN’T STAND @cassininazir CASSINI NAZIR

    the best in people How to bring out at their worst
  2. the best in people How to bring out at their

    worst
  3. YOU’LL LEARN WHY HOW WHAT Why otherwise normal people behave

    terribly What are the essentials of communication How to deal with the most common difficult people
  4. MY STORY

  5. THE FOUR INTENTS 01 WHY Why otherwise normal people behave

    terribly
  6. PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE ASSERTIVE MORE LESS

  7. PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS FOCUS

  8. PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS PASSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS

    AGGRESSIVE TASK-FOCUS PASSIVE TASK-FOCUS
  9. PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE GET APPRECIATED GET ALONG

    GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS PASSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS AGGRESSIVE TASK-FOCUS PASSIVE TASK-FOCUS
  10. PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE GET APPRECIATED GET IT

    RIGHT GET IT DONE AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS PASSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS AGGRESSIVE TASK-FOCUS PASSIVE TASK-FOCUS NORMAL ZONE GET ALONG
  11. GET APPRECIATED GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE GET ALONG

    PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING NORMAL ZONE
  12. GET APPRECIATED GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE GET ALONG

    PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING NORMAL ZONE
  13. GET IT ... Just do it! What’s next on the

    agenda?
  14. GET IT DONE Just do it! What’s next on the

    agenda?
  15. GET IT DONE Given the figures and taking into account

    ... GET IT ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?
  16. GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE Given the figures and

    taking into account ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?
  17. GET IT DONE What does everyone think about this? GET

    IT RIGHT GET ... Given the figures and taking into account ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?
  18. GET IT DONE GET IT RIGHT GET ALONG What does

    everyone think about this? Given the figures and taking into account ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?
  19. GET IT DONE We should do this. I’ll tell you

    why ... GET IT RIGHT GET ALONG GET ... What does everyone think about this? Given the figures and taking into account ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?
  20. GET IT DONE GET IT RIGHT GET ALONG GET APPRECIATED

    We should do this. I’ll tell you why ... What does everyone think about this? Given the figures and taking into account ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?
  21. GET IT DONE GET IT RIGHT GET ALONG GET APPRECIATED

    We should do this. I’ll tell you why ... What does everyone think about this? Given the figures and taking into account ... Just do it! What’s next on the agenda?
  22. TALKIN’ GOOD 02 WHAT What are the essentials of communication

  23. None
  24. DESIGN FOLK HAVE THE TOOLS EMPATHY MAP PERSONA AFFINITY DIAGRAM

    AEIOU A/B TESTING CONTEXTUAL INQUIRY ETHNOGRAPHY USER OBSERVATION MUSTACHES CONTEXT SCENARIOS USER JOURNEY MAP PARTICIPATORY DESIGN DESIGN WORKSHOPS SCENARIO SWIMLANES RITE METHOD DESIGN CHARETTE SKINNY JEANS
  25. None
  26. BLEND

  27. BLEND I’ll have what she’s having. Meet them on common

    ground by mirroring certain behavior COMMUNICATES LOOKS LIKE Mirrors body posture, facial expressions, gestures, vocal tempo ACHIEVES Tacit but immediate rapport
  28. REDIRECT BLEND

  29. BLEND REDIRECT

  30. REDIRECT Always blend before redirecting

  31. Lorem ipsum Repeating specific words used by the individual SOUNDS

    LIKE BACKTRACK Lorem ipsum! ACHIEVES Yes, I am listening, Mr. Difficult Person
  32. Achieve full understanding SOUNDS LIKE CLARIFY So you mean ...

    ACHIEVES Better understanding
  33. Did I understand? Did I miss anything? Confirm you got

    it right. Don’t assume anything. SOUNDS LIKE SUMMARIZE ACHIEVES A stronger feeling of understanding
  34. BLEND REDIRECT BACKTRACK CLARIFY SUMMARIZE

  35. IDENTIFY POSITIVE INTENT FIND HIGH- VALUED CRITERIA PYGMALION POWER BENEFIT

    OF THE DOUBT
  36. STRATEGIES 03 HOW How to deal with the most common

    difficult people
  37. PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE NORMAL ZONE

  38. GET APPRECIATED GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS

    PASSIVE PEOPLE-FOCUS AGGRESSIVE TASK-FOCUS PASSIVE TASK-FOCUS GET ALONG NORMAL ZONE PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE
  39. PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR

    O LLING GET APPRECIATED GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE GET ALONG NORMAL ZONE
  40. PEOPLE FOCUS TASK FOCUS PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE Nothing M aybe Yes

    Whiner No Nothing Think- They- Know-It- All Grenade Sniper Sniper Tank Know- It-All PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING GET APPRECIATED GET IT RIGHT GET IT DONE GET ALONG NORMAL ZONE
  41. TASK FOCUS AGGRESSIVE Tank PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING

    ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR O LLING GET IT DONE
  42. Tank PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING

    CONTR O LLING GET IT DONE Hold your ground. Be assertive. Counterattack Defend, explain or justify Shut down GOAL FOR TANKS DON’T Tanks won’t attack people they respect THE SECRET 1. Hold your ground ACTION PLAN ... SOUNDS LIKE
  43. Tank PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING

    CONTR O LLING GET IT DONE Hold your ground. Be assertive. Counterattack Defend, explain or justify Shut down GOAL FOR TANKS DON’T Tanks won’t attack people they respect THE SECRET 1. Hold your ground 2. Interrupt the attack ACTION PLAN John SOUNDS LIKE John John John John
  44. Tank PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING

    CONTR O LLING GET IT DONE Hold your ground. Be assertive. Counterattack Defend, explain or justify Shut down GOAL FOR TANKS DON’T Tanks won’t attack people they respect THE SECRET 1. Hold your ground 2. Interrupt the attack. 3. Quickly backtrack to their main point ACTION PLAN I hear that you have
 a problem with ... SOUNDS LIKE I understand that ...
  45. Tank PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING

    CONTR O LLING GET IT DONE Hold your ground. Be assertive. Counterattack Defend, explain or justify Shut down GOAL FOR TANKS DON’T Tanks won’t attack people they respect THE SECRET 1. Hold your ground 2. Interrupt the attack. 3. Quickly backtrack to their main point 4. Aim for the bottom line ACTION PLAN I’m not willing to discuss if you are talking to me like this. When you can speak to me with respect, we’ll discuss. SOUNDS LIKE
  46. Tank PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING

    CONTR O LLING GET IT DONE Hold your ground. Be assertive. Counterattack Defend, explain or justify Shut down GOAL FOR TANKS DON’T Tanks won’t attack people they respect THE SECRET ACTION PLAN 1. Hold your ground 2. Interrupt the attack. 3. Quickly backtrack to their main point 4. Aim for the bottom line 5. Achieve peace with honor
  47. PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR

    O LLING TASK FOCUS PASSIVE Whiner GET IT RIGHT
  48. PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR

    O LLING TASK FOCUS PASSIVE Whiner GET IT RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance Agree - it encourages them Disagree - they’ll repeat Solve the problem Ask them why they are complaining to you GOAL FOR WHINERS DON’T Patience, compassion, commitment THE SECRET 1. Listen for the main points ACTION PLAN
  49. PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR

    O LLING TASK FOCUS PASSIVE Whiner GET IT RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance Agree - it encourages them Disagree - they’ll repeat Solve the problem Ask them why they are complaining to you GOAL FOR WHINERS DON’T Patience, compassion, commitment THE SECRET 1. Listen for the main points 2. Interrupt and get specific ACTION PLAN I understand that ... And we both know ... So, what do you want?
  50. PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR

    O LLING TASK FOCUS PASSIVE Whiner GET IT RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance Agree - it encourages them Disagree - they’ll repeat Solve the problem Ask them why they are complaining to you GOAL FOR WHINERS DON’T Patience, compassion, commitment THE SECRET 1. Listen for the main points 2. Interrupt and get specific 3. Shift the focus to solutions ACTION PLAN What can be done about this?
  51. PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR

    O LLING TASK FOCUS PASSIVE Whiner GET IT RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance Agree - it encourages them Disagree - they’ll repeat Solve the problem Ask them why they are complaining to you GOAL FOR WHINERS DON’T Patience, compassion, commitment THE SECRET 1. Listen for the main points 2. Interrupt and get specific 3. Shift the focus to solutions 4. Show them the future ACTION PLAN
  52. PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR

    O LLING TASK FOCUS PASSIVE Whiner GET IT RIGHT Form a problem-solving alliance Agree - it encourages them Disagree - they’ll repeat Solve the problem Ask them why they are complaining to you GOAL FOR WHINERS DON’T Patience, compassion, commitment THE SECRET 1. Listen for the main points 2. Interrupt and get specific 3. Shift the focus to solutions 4. Show them the future 5. Draw the line ACTION PLAN No point complaining if nothing can be done. If you have a solution, my door’s open.
  53. PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR

    O LLING PEOPLE FOCUS PASSIVE GET ALONG Yes
  54. PERFECT IO NIST APPROVA L SEEKING ATTENTIO N GETTING CONTR

    O LLING PEOPLE FOCUS PASSIVE GET ALONG Yes Get commitments you can count on Blame them Shame them GOAL FOR YES PEOPLE DON’T Summon sincere care for them THE SECRET 1. Make it safe to be honest 2. Talk honestly 3. Help them learn to plan 4. Ensure commitment 5. Strengthen the relationship ACTION PLAN
  55. RESOURCES 04 WHAT NOW Extend what you learned today

  56. best in people Bring out the at their worst DOWNLOAD

    THIS DECK speakerdeck.com/cassininazir