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M I C A H
neutrois.me
N O N - B I N A RY Y O U T H
F O R M E D I C A L A N D S E R V I C E P R O V I D E R S
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N O N - B I N A RY Y O U T H
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IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL?
The first thing we want to know about a person
who doesn’t exist yet.
B A B I E S
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I N T R O
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B O R N T O B E AW E S O M E
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S TA N D O U T
visibly break gender rules
less socially sanctioned
R A I S E A L A R M
noticeably transgressive
S E E K A N S W E R S
parents worry something is wrong
parents learn about trans kids
P R I N C E S S B O Y S
I N T R O
CJ, Raising My Rainbow
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T O M B O Y S
I N T R O
B L E N D I N
more socially acceptable
girls play sports, wear pants
I N V I S I B L E
do not raise alarm
parents do not seek answers
P U B E RT Y
triggers body dysphoria
raises alarm
Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
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I N F I N I T E E X P R E S S I O N S
many more combinations
C O M M O N A L I T I E S
feel constrained by gender
uncomfortable to make a choice
I N D I V I D U A L I T Y
feelings around birth gender
feelings around social gender
feelings around body
personalities!
… A N D M A N Y M O R E
I N T R O Jake, Tomgirl film
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G E N D E R T R E N D E R
surge of teens coming out as genderqueer
gateway gender
E X P L O R AT I O N
less pressure, safer
some are just exploring
some are deeply distressed about gender
A R E T H E Y S E R I O U S ?
take them seriously
T E E N S
I N T R O
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S O M E A R E , S O M E A R E N O T
comfortable with birth gender
maintain non-binary identity
identify as transgender
T R A N S I T I O N
transition to “opposite” binary gender
transition away from birth gender
transition to non-binary gender
B U T A R E T H E Y T R A N S ?
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I N T R O
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N O N - B I N A RY C H A L L E N G E S
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I N T R O
N O T A N I D E N T I T Y W O R K S H O P
we’ll assume kid’s identity is non-binary
honor authenticity in the moment
D I F F E R E N C E S F R O M T Y P I C A L T R A N S K I D S
how are non-binary youth different from typical (binary) trans youth?
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I N T H E M I D D L E
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F → M A L E
M → F E M A L E
F / M → ? ? ?
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O U R M A N Y S E LV E S
P U B L I C G E N D E R
How you are perceived by others
P R I VAT E G E N D E R
Inner identity, abstract feeling
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I N T H E M I D D L E
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What happens when your public gender…
… D O E S N O T E X I S T ?
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W H E N I G R O W U P
no real version of their future self
unimaginable options
I N 2 0 2 5
what will they look like?
what does the future hold?
N O R O L E M O D E L S
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I N T H E M I D D L E
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H A R D T O E X P L A I N
for young children
for parents, for providers
language is limited
D O U B T I S N O R M A L
mixed messages
hesitation ≠ imaginary
N O R E F E R E N C E P O I N T
no external validation
seek affirmation, support
C O N F U S I O N
I N T H E M I D D L E Q, wync.org
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“I’m not necessarily going from point A to
point B. All I know is I left point A.”
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U N C E RTA I N T Y
no role models
C O M P R O M I S E
constraints of reality: unideal options
keep searching for alternatives
G R O W I N G I N T O G E N D E R
growing up = learning about the world
gender evolves with knowledge
D E S T I N AT I O N :
U N K N O W N
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I N T H E M I D D L E
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VA L I D AT E C U R R E N T I D E N T I T Y
don’t push either way
don’t label it for them
B E C O M E C O M F O RTA B L E W I T H
B E I N G U N C O M F O RTA B L E
more distressing for kid to choose a binary gender
B E O P E N T O A N Y O U T C O M E
all possible futures
L I V I N G I N L I M B O
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I N T H E M I D D L E
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E M B R A C E
U N C E RTA I N T Y
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M E D I C A L
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H O R M O N E S
• binary: only two choices
• alternatives?
C R O S S - S E X H O R M O N E S
P U B E RT Y B L O C K E R S
• pause on puberty
• buy time
• prevent permanent changes
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M E D I C A L
F O R K I N T H E R O A D
must decide
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P O S T P U B E RT Y
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M E D I C A L
A D U LT T R A N S I T I O N
medical options are similar as for adults
hormones, surgery
with parental consent
P U B E RT Y B L O C K E R S
may be an option
combo with cross-sex
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S O C I A L
Q, wync.org
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W H AT D O K I D S WA N T ?
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T O B E P E R C E I V E D A S
neither
mix of both
ambiguous
more of one than the other
G E N D E R F R E E
break from expectations, arbitrary rules
free to express themselves
just live
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Boy / Girl
ANOTHER MOMENT IN WHICH THEIR GENDER
WAS NOT SEEN
I N V I S I B L E
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S O C I A L
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NEVER ASSUME
A LWAY S A S K
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HOW DO YOU KNOW IF SOMEONE IS
A B O Y O R A G I R L ?
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Markers others use to categorize you into
“boy” or “girl”
G E N D E R C U E S
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S O C I A L
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G E N D E R E X P R E S S I O N
clothes, hair, accessories
personality, mannerisms, hobbies
N A M E
shortened, nickname
ambiguously gendered
P R O N O U N S
gender-neutral (they/them)
don’t care / mix of both
G E N D E R C U E S
S O C I A L
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S O C I A L C U E S
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R O O M F O R G R O W T H
not permanent
small change can bring huge relief
M A K I N G C H A N G E S
how do you know it’s serious?
follow the clues
changes can be undone
G R A D U A L
baby steps
private to public
S O C I A L C U E S
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S O C I A L
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S O C I A L = P E O P L E
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… O T H E R P E O P L E !
change can be outside of our control
S O C I A L T R A N S I T I O N R E Q U I R E S D I S C L O S U R E
depends on other people to follow along
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C O M I N G O U T
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D I S C L O S U R E I S A S P E C T R U M
Who, What, Why, When
Ongoing process
I N D I V I D U A L S I T U AT I O N S
One-off or Long-term
Unwanted “outing” by others
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C O M I N G O U T
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C O M M O N C O N F L I C T S
just a phase / rebellious
rejection from family, friends, community
N O N - B I N A RY C O N F L I C T S
hard to explain
no genderqueer narrative in media
gender is evolving
unforeseen changes
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S T E A LT H
• birth gender
• birth name
• their future
• their body
P R I VA C Y
S TA N D O U T
• don’t look like “boy” or “girl”
• visibly different
• no group to belong to
• might not transition
• “outing” is inevitable
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S O C I A L
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P E O P L E
teachers and staff
classmates and peers
other students
S E G R E G AT I O N
bathrooms
uniforms
athletics
C U R R I C U L U M
LGBTQ inclusive
S C H O O L
S O C I A L
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FA M I LY
immediate and extended
circle of friends
A F T E R S C H O O L
athletics
art, music
overnight camp
O T H E R
religious
supportive
C O M M U N I T Y
S O C I A L
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I N C O N C L U S I O N
Jake, Tomgirl film
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TA K E AWAY S
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G R O W T H
lots of options, new discoveries
gradual process, takes time
U N C E RTA I N T Y
destination unknown
changes along the way
embrace all possible futures
G E N D E R F R E E
let kids be
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O P E N F O R U M