Non-Binary Youth

View slides alongside speaker notes (essentially a transcript of the presentation):

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I presented this 90 minute workshop at the Gender Odyssey Professional Conference, held in Seattle, August 2015. The audience was primarily medical and service providers of trans health. For more info, visit http://www.genderdiversity.org/gopro/

I also presented Non-Binary Transition (for adults). See 3-part video series of presentation: http://neutrois.me/non-binary-transition/
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Workshop Description

More and more children feel their gender does not fit into a male or female box, and we are finally listening. For these youth, as well as for the professionals supporting them, questions surrounding transition are often left unanswered.

Is my kid trans?
Will my child ever decide on a binary identity?
And… what happens if they don’t?

With a focus on social and medical transition, this workshop will explore the options children have for following a non-standard transition route, as well as the limitations and obstacles they might encounter by trying to live in a world that does not acknowledge their gender.

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Become a #GenderWarrior.
Support development of more non-binary resources like this one at http://patreon.com/neutrois

Transcript

1. M I C A H neutrois.me N O N - B I N A RY Y O U T H F O R M E D I C A L A N D S E R V I C E P R O V I D E R S
2. N O N - B I N A RY Y O U T H
3. IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL? The first thing we want to know about a person who doesn’t exist yet. B A B I E S 3 I N T R O
4. B O R N T O B E AW E S O M E
5. S TA N D O U T visibly break gender rules less socially sanctioned R A I S E A L A R M noticeably transgressive S E E K A N S W E R S parents worry something is wrong parents learn about trans kids P R I N C E S S B O Y S I N T R O CJ, Raising My Rainbow
6. T O M B O Y S I N T R O B L E N D I N more socially acceptable girls play sports, wear pants I N V I S I B L E do not raise alarm parents do not seek answers P U B E RT Y triggers body dysphoria raises alarm Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
7. I N F I N I T E E X P R E S S I O N S many more combinations C O M M O N A L I T I E S feel constrained by gender uncomfortable to make a choice I N D I V I D U A L I T Y feelings around birth gender feelings around social gender feelings around body personalities! … A N D M A N Y M O R E I N T R O Jake, Tomgirl film
8. G E N D E R T R E N D E R surge of teens coming out as genderqueer gateway gender E X P L O R AT I O N less pressure, safer some are just exploring some are deeply distressed about gender A R E T H E Y S E R I O U S ? take them seriously T E E N S I N T R O 8
9. S O M E A R E , S O M E A R E N O T comfortable with birth gender maintain non-binary identity identify as transgender T R A N S I T I O N transition to “opposite” binary gender transition away from birth gender transition to non-binary gender B U T A R E T H E Y T R A N S ? 9 I N T R O
10. N O N - B I N A RY C H A L L E N G E S 10 I N T R O N O T A N I D E N T I T Y W O R K S H O P we’ll assume kid’s identity is non-binary honor authenticity in the moment D I F F E R E N C E S F R O M T Y P I C A L T R A N S K I D S how are non-binary youth different from typical (binary) trans youth?
11. I N T H E M I D D L E
12. 12 F → M A L E M → F E M A L E F / M → ? ? ?
13. O U R M A N Y S E LV E S P U B L I C G E N D E R How you are perceived by others P R I VAT E G E N D E R Inner identity, abstract feeling 13 I N T H E M I D D L E
14. What happens when your public gender… … D O E S N O T E X I S T ?
15. W H E N I G R O W U P no real version of their future self unimaginable options I N 2 0 2 5 what will they look like? what does the future hold? N O R O L E M O D E L S 15 I N T H E M I D D L E
16. H A R D T O E X P L A I N for young children for parents, for providers language is limited D O U B T I S N O R M A L mixed messages hesitation ≠ imaginary N O R E F E R E N C E P O I N T no external validation seek affirmation, support C O N F U S I O N I N T H E M I D D L E Q, wync.org
17. “I’m not necessarily going from point A to point B. All I know is I left point A.”
18. U N C E RTA I N T Y no role models C O M P R O M I S E constraints of reality: unideal options keep searching for alternatives G R O W I N G I N T O G E N D E R growing up = learning about the world gender evolves with knowledge D E S T I N AT I O N : U N K N O W N 18 I N T H E M I D D L E
19. VA L I D AT E C U R R E N T I D E N T I T Y don’t push either way don’t label it for them B E C O M E C O M F O RTA B L E W I T H B E I N G U N C O M F O RTA B L E more distressing for kid to choose a binary gender B E O P E N T O A N Y O U T C O M E all possible futures L I V I N G I N L I M B O 19 I N T H E M I D D L E
20. E M B R A C E U N C E RTA I N T Y
21. M E D I C A L
22. H O R M O N E S • binary: only two choices • alternatives? C R O S S - S E X H O R M O N E S P U B E RT Y B L O C K E R S • pause on puberty • buy time • prevent permanent changes 22 M E D I C A L F O R K I N T H E R O A D must decide
23. P O S T P U B E RT Y 23 M E D I C A L A D U LT T R A N S I T I O N medical options are similar as for adults hormones, surgery with parental consent P U B E RT Y B L O C K E R S may be an option combo with cross-sex
24. S O C I A L Q, wync.org
25. W H AT D O K I D S WA N T ? S O C I A L 25 T O B E P E R C E I V E D A S neither mix of both ambiguous more of one than the other G E N D E R F R E E break from expectations, arbitrary rules free to express themselves just live
26. Boy / Girl ANOTHER MOMENT IN WHICH THEIR GENDER WAS NOT SEEN I N V I S I B L E 26 S O C I A L
27. NEVER ASSUME A LWAY S A S K
28. HOW DO YOU KNOW IF SOMEONE IS A B O Y O R A G I R L ?
29. Markers others use to categorize you into “boy” or “girl” G E N D E R C U E S 29 S O C I A L
30. G E N D E R E X P R E S S I O N clothes, hair, accessories personality, mannerisms, hobbies N A M E shortened, nickname ambiguously gendered P R O N O U N S gender-neutral (they/them) don’t care / mix of both G E N D E R C U E S S O C I A L 30
31. S O C I A L C U E S
32. R O O M F O R G R O W T H not permanent small change can bring huge relief M A K I N G C H A N G E S how do you know it’s serious? follow the clues changes can be undone G R A D U A L baby steps private to public S O C I A L C U E S 32 S O C I A L
33. S O C I A L = P E O P L E S O C I A L 33 … O T H E R P E O P L E ! change can be outside of our control S O C I A L T R A N S I T I O N R E Q U I R E S D I S C L O S U R E depends on other people to follow along
34. C O M I N G O U T S O C I A L 34 D I S C L O S U R E I S A S P E C T R U M Who, What, Why, When Ongoing process I N D I V I D U A L S I T U AT I O N S One-off or Long-term Unwanted “outing” by others
35. C O M I N G O U T S O C I A L 35 C O M M O N C O N F L I C T S just a phase / rebellious rejection from family, friends, community N O N - B I N A RY C O N F L I C T S hard to explain no genderqueer narrative in media gender is evolving unforeseen changes
36. S T E A LT H • birth gender • birth name • their future • their body P R I VA C Y S TA N D O U T • don’t look like “boy” or “girl” • visibly different • no group to belong to • might not transition • “outing” is inevitable 36 S O C I A L
37. P E O P L E teachers and staff classmates and peers other students S E G R E G AT I O N bathrooms uniforms athletics C U R R I C U L U M LGBTQ inclusive S C H O O L S O C I A L
38. FA M I LY immediate and extended circle of friends A F T E R S C H O O L athletics art, music overnight camp O T H E R religious supportive C O M M U N I T Y S O C I A L
39. I N C O N C L U S I O N Jake, Tomgirl film
40. TA K E AWAY S C O N C L U S I O N 40 G R O W T H lots of options, new discoveries gradual process, takes time U N C E RTA I N T Y destination unknown changes along the way embrace all possible futures G E N D E R F R E E let kids be
41. O P E N F O R U M