Non-Binary Youth

View slides alongside speaker notes (essentially a transcript of the presentation):

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I presented this 90 minute workshop at the Gender Odyssey Professional Conference, held in Seattle, August 2015. The audience was primarily medical and service providers of trans health. For more info, visit http://www.genderdiversity.org/gopro/

I also presented Non-Binary Transition (for adults). See 3-part video series of presentation: http://neutrois.me/non-binary-transition/
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Workshop Description

More and more children feel their gender does not fit into a male or female box, and we are finally listening. For these youth, as well as for the professionals supporting them, questions surrounding transition are often left unanswered.

Is my kid trans?
Will my child ever decide on a binary identity?
And… what happens if they don’t?

With a focus on social and medical transition, this workshop will explore the options children have for following a non-standard transition route, as well as the limitations and obstacles they might encounter by trying to live in a world that does not acknowledge their gender.

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Become a #GenderWarrior.
Support development of more non-binary resources like this one at http://patreon.com/neutrois

Transcript

1. M I C A H
   neutrois.me
   N O N - B I N A RY Y O U T H
   F O R M E D I C A L A N D S E R V I C E P R O V I D E R S
   

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2. N O N - B I N A RY Y O U T H
   

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3. IS IT A BOY OR A GIRL?
   The first thing we want to know about a person
   who doesn’t exist yet.
   B A B I E S
   3
   I N T R O
   

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4. B O R N T O B E AW E S O M E
   

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5. S TA N D O U T
   visibly break gender rules
   less socially sanctioned
   R A I S E A L A R M
   noticeably transgressive
   S E E K A N S W E R S
   parents worry something is wrong
   parents learn about trans kids
   P R I N C E S S B O Y S
   I N T R O
   CJ, Raising My Rainbow
   

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6. T O M B O Y S
   I N T R O
   B L E N D I N
   more socially acceptable
   girls play sports, wear pants
   I N V I S I B L E
   do not raise alarm
   parents do not seek answers
   P U B E RT Y
   triggers body dysphoria
   raises alarm
   Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
   

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7. I N F I N I T E E X P R E S S I O N S
   many more combinations
   C O M M O N A L I T I E S
   feel constrained by gender
   uncomfortable to make a choice
   I N D I V I D U A L I T Y
   feelings around birth gender
   feelings around social gender
   feelings around body
   personalities!
   … A N D M A N Y M O R E
   I N T R O Jake, Tomgirl film
   

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8. G E N D E R T R E N D E R
   surge of teens coming out as genderqueer
   gateway gender
   E X P L O R AT I O N
   less pressure, safer
   some are just exploring
   some are deeply distressed about gender
   A R E T H E Y S E R I O U S ?
   take them seriously
   T E E N S
   I N T R O
   8
   

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9. S O M E A R E , S O M E A R E N O T
   comfortable with birth gender
   maintain non-binary identity
   identify as transgender
   T R A N S I T I O N
   transition to “opposite” binary gender
   transition away from birth gender
   transition to non-binary gender
   B U T A R E T H E Y T R A N S ?
   9
   I N T R O
   

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10. N O N - B I N A RY C H A L L E N G E S
    10
    I N T R O
    N O T A N I D E N T I T Y W O R K S H O P
    we’ll assume kid’s identity is non-binary
    honor authenticity in the moment
    D I F F E R E N C E S F R O M T Y P I C A L T R A N S K I D S
    how are non-binary youth different from typical (binary) trans youth?
    

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11. I N T H E M I D D L E
    

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12. 12
    F → M A L E
    M → F E M A L E
    F / M → ? ? ?
    

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13. O U R M A N Y S E LV E S
    P U B L I C G E N D E R
    How you are perceived by others
    P R I VAT E G E N D E R
    Inner identity, abstract feeling
    13
    I N T H E M I D D L E
    

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14. What happens when your public gender…
    … D O E S N O T E X I S T ?
    

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15. W H E N I G R O W U P
    no real version of their future self
    unimaginable options
    I N 2 0 2 5
    what will they look like?
    what does the future hold?
    N O R O L E M O D E L S
    15
    I N T H E M I D D L E
    

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16. H A R D T O E X P L A I N
    for young children
    for parents, for providers
    language is limited
    D O U B T I S N O R M A L
    mixed messages
    hesitation ≠ imaginary
    N O R E F E R E N C E P O I N T
    no external validation
    seek affirmation, support
    C O N F U S I O N
    I N T H E M I D D L E Q, wync.org
    

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17. “I’m not necessarily going from point A to
    point B. All I know is I left point A.”
    

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18. U N C E RTA I N T Y
    no role models
    C O M P R O M I S E
    constraints of reality: unideal options
    keep searching for alternatives
    G R O W I N G I N T O G E N D E R
    growing up = learning about the world
    gender evolves with knowledge
    D E S T I N AT I O N :
    U N K N O W N
    18
    I N T H E M I D D L E
    

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19. VA L I D AT E C U R R E N T I D E N T I T Y
    don’t push either way
    don’t label it for them
    B E C O M E C O M F O RTA B L E W I T H
    B E I N G U N C O M F O RTA B L E
    more distressing for kid to choose a binary gender
    B E O P E N T O A N Y O U T C O M E
    all possible futures
    L I V I N G I N L I M B O
    19
    I N T H E M I D D L E
    

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20. E M B R A C E
    U N C E RTA I N T Y
    

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21. M E D I C A L
    

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22. H O R M O N E S
    • binary: only two choices
    • alternatives?
    C R O S S - S E X H O R M O N E S
    P U B E RT Y B L O C K E R S
    • pause on puberty
    • buy time
    • prevent permanent changes
    22
    M E D I C A L
    F O R K I N T H E R O A D
    must decide
    

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23. P O S T P U B E RT Y
    23
    M E D I C A L
    A D U LT T R A N S I T I O N
    medical options are similar as for adults
    hormones, surgery
    with parental consent
    P U B E RT Y B L O C K E R S
    may be an option
    combo with cross-sex
    

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24. S O C I A L
    Q, wync.org
    

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25. W H AT D O K I D S WA N T ?
    S O C I A L 25
    T O B E P E R C E I V E D A S
    neither
    mix of both
    ambiguous
    more of one than the other
    G E N D E R F R E E
    break from expectations, arbitrary rules
    free to express themselves
    just live
    

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26. Boy / Girl
    ANOTHER MOMENT IN WHICH THEIR GENDER
    WAS NOT SEEN
    I N V I S I B L E
    26
    S O C I A L
    

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27. NEVER ASSUME
    A LWAY S A S K
    

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28. HOW DO YOU KNOW IF SOMEONE IS
    A B O Y O R A G I R L ?
    

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29. Markers others use to categorize you into
    “boy” or “girl”
    G E N D E R C U E S
    29
    S O C I A L
    

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30. G E N D E R E X P R E S S I O N
    clothes, hair, accessories
    personality, mannerisms, hobbies
    N A M E
    shortened, nickname
    ambiguously gendered
    P R O N O U N S
    gender-neutral (they/them)
    don’t care / mix of both
    G E N D E R C U E S
    S O C I A L
    30
    

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31. S O C I A L C U E S
    

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32. R O O M F O R G R O W T H
    not permanent
    small change can bring huge relief
    M A K I N G C H A N G E S
    how do you know it’s serious?
    follow the clues
    changes can be undone
    G R A D U A L
    baby steps
    private to public
    S O C I A L C U E S
    32
    S O C I A L
    

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33. S O C I A L = P E O P L E
    S O C I A L 33
    … O T H E R P E O P L E !
    change can be outside of our control
    S O C I A L T R A N S I T I O N R E Q U I R E S D I S C L O S U R E
    depends on other people to follow along
    

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34. C O M I N G O U T
    S O C I A L 34
    D I S C L O S U R E I S A S P E C T R U M
    Who, What, Why, When
    Ongoing process
    I N D I V I D U A L S I T U AT I O N S
    One-off or Long-term
    Unwanted “outing” by others
    

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35. C O M I N G O U T
    S O C I A L 35
    C O M M O N C O N F L I C T S
    just a phase / rebellious
    rejection from family, friends, community
    N O N - B I N A RY C O N F L I C T S
    hard to explain
    no genderqueer narrative in media
    gender is evolving
    unforeseen changes
    

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36. S T E A LT H
    • birth gender
    • birth name
    • their future
    • their body
    P R I VA C Y
    S TA N D O U T
    • don’t look like “boy” or “girl”
    • visibly different
    • no group to belong to
    • might not transition
    • “outing” is inevitable
    36
    S O C I A L
    

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37. P E O P L E
    teachers and staff
    classmates and peers
    other students
    S E G R E G AT I O N
    bathrooms
    uniforms
    athletics
    C U R R I C U L U M
    LGBTQ inclusive
    S C H O O L
    S O C I A L
    

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38. FA M I LY
    immediate and extended
    circle of friends
    A F T E R S C H O O L
    athletics
    art, music
    overnight camp
    O T H E R
    religious
    supportive
    C O M M U N I T Y
    S O C I A L
    

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39. I N C O N C L U S I O N
    Jake, Tomgirl film
    

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40. TA K E AWAY S
    C O N C L U S I O N 40
    G R O W T H
    lots of options, new discoveries
    gradual process, takes time
    U N C E RTA I N T Y
    destination unknown
    changes along the way
    embrace all possible futures
    G E N D E R F R E E
    let kids be
    

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41. O P E N F O R U M
    

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