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The Work
No One Sees
Neurodivergence, self-awareness,
and agency in tech
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Hi!
I’m Carl Alexander
carlalexander.ca
@twigpress
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For most of my life
I was just making choices
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I chose self-employment
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I chose traveling
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I chose partying
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Every choice had a reason
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Every reason was true
Just not the whole truth
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I had the agency
But not the awareness
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In 2023, I realized
I was autistic
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I saw the invisible work
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My peers were doing it too
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Tech rewards
But overlooks
neurodivergent traits
neurodivergent needs
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Look at your life today
Not the version you explain
The one you actually live
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01
On getting
a formal diagnosis
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Diagnosis can bring clarity
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But it isn’t the only path
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It wasn’t what helped me
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What helped me instead
Therapy
Community
Recognizing patterns
Sharing lived experiences
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For some
For others
A necessary step
Not on their path
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02
The precious life
I engineered
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I thought I’d engineered it
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There was no master plan
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“Happy accidents”
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One choice opened the next
Self-employment
Remote work
Travel
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They built the foundation
my brain needed
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“
I’m a digital nomad
with a home base!
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It wasn’t just fun
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It was precious
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03
The foundation
freedom gave me
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Freedom kept me regulated
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Dysregulation isn’t obvious
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“
I’m easily frustrated
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“
I can’t concentrate today
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“
I don’t have
the energy to cook
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I couldn’t see the pattern
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What regulation looks like
Freedom
Routine
Setting
No alarm!
Gym and food
Busy or quiet
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I plan around my capacity
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Capacity isn’t predictable
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Learning to surf
Skill. Intuition. Wipeouts.
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04
The ecosystem
in my brain
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Never just one wave
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My brain works like that too
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ADHD and autism interact
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One ecosystem. Different needs.
Autism
ADHD
Structure and stability
Novelty and stimulation
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I managed it by instinct
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I thought
I needed
“I want to play games”
Enough stimulation to focus
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Some changes
require recalibration
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A new relationship
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The balance shifted
Before
Now
Protect novelty
Protect stability
Travel and conferences
Predictability and alone time
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All that takes work
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05
What it takes
to look normal
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People only see the choice
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The work behind every choice
State
Need
Impact
Where am I?
What would help?
What will it cost?
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It’s more art than science
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The better I got
The less anyone saw
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People told me
I couldn’t be autistic
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That meant masking worked
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More than masking
Autism
ADHD
• Planning
•
Alarms
• Routines
•
Reminders
• Fewer surprises
•
Lists
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From the outside
I looked “normal”
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But normal wasn’t free
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06
What it costs
to look normal
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Last year, I lost someone
who was like a baby brother
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He died from alcoholism
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We both drank
for the same reason
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It changed us
Fun. Social. Memorable.
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Alcohol helps me blend in
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Alcohol changes
what I can handle
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Drinking
Sober
8+ hours partying
2 hours in a noisy restaurant
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One of the heaviest costs
is substance abuse
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I’m still finding balance
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Most of the cost is boring
Planning
Explaining
Recovery time
Missing out
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It’s invisible work
that slowly wears you down
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07
When the system
overheats
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Burnout and I
Go way back.
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Not all burnout is the same
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Autistic
Work
I need isolation
I can’t open my computer
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My ADHD loves conferences
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My autism pays the bill
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Recovery can take a month
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Burnout often starts quietly
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The warning signs
Autistic
Work
• My masking slips
•
My sleep hygiene deteriorates
• I misread people more
•
Work replaces leisure
• I struggle to maintain habits
•
I can’t disconnect
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I’m managing
a dynamic system
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My estimate
The reality.
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08
The paradox of
awareness
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Awareness gave me a
dashboard for my mind
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My dashboard
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Created more work!
Monitoring
Responding
How am I doing?
What do I need?
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It gave me agency
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I knew what helped
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I thought I could do more
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But the dashboard isn’t free
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Stronger yet more fragile
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Less like a superpower
More like parenting
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09
A life worth
protecting
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“
This is a fun digital
nomad lifestyle!
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“
This is something that
keeps me functional.
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Losing it feels existential
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So I made tradeoffs
Negotiable
Essential
• Money
•
Autonomy over my schedule
• Prestige
•
Control over my environment
• Travel
•
Space to take care of myself
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The choice was visible
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The need was invisible
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Not everyone
gets to choose
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10
The agency gap
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Tech wants the output
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Not what sustains it
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Think different*
*Agency sold separately.
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The contradiction
Rewards
Imposes
• Deep focus
•
Fixed schedules
• Pattern spotting
•
Office mandates
• Complex systems
•
Constant interruptions
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Agency isn’t total freedom
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No default fits everyone
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What agency can look like
01
Focus time
02
No-meeting days
03
Less Slack
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Agency should be the norm
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But agency isn’t enough
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Sustainable work needs both
Awareness
Agency
Know what you need
Act on it
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11
The next way
we work
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Still figuring this out
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I was Tony Stark
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By April, I’d burnt out
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Switching got easier
Flow got rarer
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Easy isn’t free
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Flow was rest
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The rhythm changed
Prompt
Wait
Switch
Return
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The energy cost added up
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I have no idea where
this will all end up
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We have to pay attention to
how all this affects us
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What is work costing you?
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What do you need?
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What can we change?
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We all have this work to do
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Thank you!
carlalexander.ca
@twigpress
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