The work no one sees

These are the slides from a talk given at Decoupled Days 2026.

This talk explores the overlooked experiences of neurodivergent developers (for example, those with autism, ADHD, or similar traits) and how these qualities shape our professional lives. Drawing on my own journey and insights, this session seeks to break the taboo around discussing neurodiversity in tech.

I’ll share how masking, sensory sensitivities, and autistic burnout have influenced my life and career, and why I chose self-employment to better manage noisy offices and endless meetings. Recognizing my neurodivergence as an adult was eye-opening, and I’ll touch on the deeply personal decision around getting a formal diagnosis. My goal isn’t to diagnose anyone or speak for others, but to offer a personal perspective on how accepting these traits can positively affect work, self-acceptance, and day-to-day life.

You can read the companion article at: https://carlalexander.ca/the-work-no-one-sees/

Transcript

1. The Work No One Sees Neurodivergence, self-awareness, and agency in tech
2. Hi! I’m Carl Alexander carlalexander.ca @twigpress
3. For most of my life I was just making choices
4. I chose self-employment
5. I chose traveling
6. I chose partying
7. Every choice had a reason
8. Every reason was true Just not the whole truth
9. I had the agency But not the awareness
10. In 2023, I realized I was autistic
11. I saw the invisible work
12. My peers were doing it too
13. Tech rewards But overlooks neurodivergent traits neurodivergent needs
14. Look at your life today Not the version you explain The one you actually live
15. 01 On getting a formal diagnosis
16. Diagnosis can bring clarity
17. But it isn’t the only path
18. It wasn’t what helped me
19. What helped me instead Therapy Community Recognizing patterns Sharing lived experiences
20. For some For others A necessary step Not on their path
21. 02 The precious life I engineered
22. I thought I’d engineered it
23. There was no master plan
24. “Happy accidents”
25. One choice opened the next Self-employment Remote work Travel
26. They built the foundation my brain needed
27. “ I’m a digital nomad with a home base!
28. It wasn’t just fun
29. It was precious
30. 03 The foundation freedom gave me
31. Freedom kept me regulated
32. Dysregulation isn’t obvious
33. “ I’m easily frustrated
34. “ I can’t concentrate today
35. “ I don’t have the energy to cook
36. I couldn’t see the pattern
37. What regulation looks like Freedom Routine Setting No alarm! Gym and food Busy or quiet
38. I plan around my capacity
39. Capacity isn’t predictable
40. Learning to surf Skill. Intuition. Wipeouts.
41. 04 The ecosystem in my brain
42. Never just one wave
43. My brain works like that too
44. ADHD and autism interact
45. One ecosystem. Different needs. Autism ADHD Structure and stability Novelty and stimulation
46. I managed it by instinct
47. I thought I needed “I want to play games” Enough stimulation to focus
48. Some changes require recalibration
49. A new relationship
50. The balance shifted Before Now Protect novelty Protect stability Travel and conferences Predictability and alone time
51. All that takes work
52. 05 What it takes to look normal
53. People only see the choice
54. The work behind every choice State Need Impact Where am I? What would help? What will it cost?
55. It’s more art than science
56. The better I got The less anyone saw
57. People told me I couldn’t be autistic
58. That meant masking worked
59. More than masking Autism ADHD • Planning • Alarms • Routines • Reminders • Fewer surprises • Lists
60. From the outside I looked “normal”
61. But normal wasn’t free
62. 06 What it costs to look normal
63. Last year, I lost someone who was like a baby brother
64. He died from alcoholism
65. We both drank for the same reason
66. It changed us Fun. Social. Memorable.
67. Alcohol helps me blend in
68. Alcohol changes what I can handle
69. Drinking Sober 8+ hours partying 2 hours in a noisy restaurant
70. One of the heaviest costs is substance abuse
71. I’m still finding balance
72. Most of the cost is boring Planning Explaining Recovery time Missing out
73. It’s invisible work that slowly wears you down
74. 07 When the system overheats
75. Burnout and I Go way back.
76. Not all burnout is the same
77. Autistic Work I need isolation I can’t open my computer
78. My ADHD loves conferences
79. My autism pays the bill
80. Recovery can take a month
81. Burnout often starts quietly
82. The warning signs Autistic Work • My masking slips • My sleep hygiene deteriorates • I misread people more • Work replaces leisure • I struggle to maintain habits • I can’t disconnect
83. I’m managing a dynamic system
84. My estimate The reality.
85. 08 The paradox of awareness
86. Awareness gave me a dashboard for my mind
87. My dashboard
88. Created more work! Monitoring Responding How am I doing? What do I need?
89. It gave me agency
90. I knew what helped
91. I thought I could do more
92. But the dashboard isn’t free
93. Stronger yet more fragile
94. Less like a superpower More like parenting
95. 09 A life worth protecting
96. “ This is a fun digital nomad lifestyle!
97. “ This is something that keeps me functional.
98. Losing it feels existential
99. So I made tradeoffs Negotiable Essential • Money • Autonomy over my schedule • Prestige • Control over my environment • Travel • Space to take care of myself
100. The choice was visible
101. The need was invisible
102. Not everyone gets to choose
103. 10 The agency gap
104. Tech wants the output
105. Not what sustains it
106. Think different* *Agency sold separately.
107. The contradiction Rewards Imposes • Deep focus • Fixed schedules • Pattern spotting • Office mandates • Complex systems • Constant interruptions
108. Agency isn’t total freedom
109. No default fits everyone
110. What agency can look like 01 Focus time 02 No-meeting days 03 Less Slack
111. Agency should be the norm
112. But agency isn’t enough
113. Sustainable work needs both Awareness Agency Know what you need Act on it
114. 11 The next way we work
115. Still figuring this out
116. I was Tony Stark
117. By April, I’d burnt out
118. Switching got easier Flow got rarer
119. Easy isn’t free
120. Flow was rest
121. The rhythm changed Prompt Wait Switch Return
122. The energy cost added up
123. I have no idea where this will all end up
124. We have to pay attention to how all this affects us
125. What is work costing you?
126. What do you need?
127. What can we change?
128. We all have this work to do
129. Thank you! carlalexander.ca @twigpress
130. ? Questions