Building Antifragile Relationships and Teams v1.7

by Jake Calabrese

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@jcalabrese Benefiting From Conflict: Building Antifragile Relationships and Teams

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Jake Calabrese Enterprise Agile Systems Coach & Agile Trainer Organization & Relationship Systems Certified Coach (ORSCC) Contact Information ● Blog: www.helpingimprove.com/author/jakecalabrese ● Agile Safari Cartoons: www.agilesafari.com ● Connect with Jake: www.helpingimrprove.com ● Twitter: @jcalabrese ● LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jakecalabrese @jcalabrese

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@jcalabrese What is Agile About?

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@jcalabrese Agile Manifesto We are uncovering better ways of developing software by doing it and helping others do it.

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@jcalabrese Agile Manifesto We are uncovering better ways of developing software doing complex stuff by doing it and helping others do it.

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What is the opposite of fragile?

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Antifragile

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Team Relationship Antifragile Fragile

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Time Fragile Antifragile

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Team Relationship Antifragile Team Relationship Fragile Team Relationship Team Relationship Team Relationship

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Time Team Relationship Fragile Antifragile

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Antifragile Fragile Time Team Relationship

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What potential options exist to move you to a more antifragile position… Antifragile Team Relationship Fragile

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Why Care?

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A Few Tools • Conflict Protocol • Team Toxin Self-Awareness • Team Alliance

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Working Agreement - Be on time - Respect everyone - Be prepared for ____ - Fog a mirror Behavioral focus. Does the team actually buy in?

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“Team” Alliance 1. Behavioral Agreements 2. Shared Responsibility 3. Creating Team Atmosphere

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Team Alliance Questions 1. What can the team count on me for? 2. When I assume you are stressed, how would you like me to ask you about it? 3. How will I know when you are stuck? 4. What can I do, to help you deliver challenging information, to me?

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Team Toxins

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T e a m T o x i n s Stonewalling Criticism Defensiveness Contempt

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Team Toxins: Stonewalling Withdrawal Disengagement Avoidance Stonewalling

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Team Toxins: Criticism Harsh Start-up Bullying Domination Criticism

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Team Toxins: Defensiveness Not open to influence Refusal to take responsibility Not support or safe Defensiveness

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Team Toxins: Contempt Personal Attack Eye rolling Disrespectful Sarcastic Humor Contempt

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T e a m T o x i n s Stonewalling  Withdrawal  Disengagement  Avoidance Criticism  Harsh Start-up  Bullying  Domination Defensiveness  Not open to influence  Refusal to take responsibility  Not support or safe Contempt  Personal attack  Eye rolling  Disrespectful  Sarcastic humor

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Stonewalling  Withdrawal  Disengagement  Avoidance Criticism  Harsh Start-up  Bullying  Domination Defensiveness  Not open to influence  Refusal to take responsibility  Not support or safe Contempt  Personal Attack  Eye rolling  Disrespectful Choose

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SHAKE IT OFF

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Toxins CRITICAL Reminders! 1. Toxins are Normal. 2. Toxins are never an excuse to tolerate discrimination! 3. Diagnose yourself, NOT others.

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@jcalabrese Blaming > Antidotes  Harsh Start-up  Bullying  Domination  Feed Forward  Curiosity  Soft Start up  COIN: Context, Observed, Impact, Next Criticism

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@jcalabrese Defensiveness > Antidotes  Not open to influence  Refusal to take responsibility  Not support or safe Curiosity 2% Truth Alignment coaching Defensiveness

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@jcalabrese Stonewalling > Antidotes  Withdrawal  Disengagement  Avoidance Transparency Mediation Professional Coaching Responsibility process Stonewalling

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@jcalabrese Contempt > Antidotes  Personal Attack  Eye rolling  Disrespectful  Personal development  Emotional intelligence  Respectful communication Contempt

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A n t i d o t e s Stonewalling  Transparency  Mediation  Professional coaching  Responsibility process Criticism  Feed forward  Curiosity  Soft tart up  COIN Defensiveness  Curiosity  2% truth  Alignment coaching Contempt  Personal development  Emotional intelligence  Respectful communication Awareness

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Conflict is a sign of what?

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Conflict Protocol 1. How do I want to be when someone violates the Alliance? 2. What will I do? The team I am on? 3. When conflict occurs, what behaviors do I want to model? Not model? 4. How can I as a leader help teams become more fragile? More Antifragile?

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Consider a relationship or team Where are YOU on the journey?

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Antifragile Fragile Time

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Antifragile Fragile Time

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Exercise What is one activity you can stop doing today? What is one activity you can start doing today? Think about this on your own; Share Out;