Slide 1

Slide 1 text

Refactoring Trust on your Team Rebecca Miller-Webster @rmillwebster CTO, Tandem (formerly DevMynd) @madeintandem Founder, Write/Speak/Code @writespeakcode

Slide 2

Slide 2 text CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Slide 3

Slide 3 text

No content

Slide 4

Slide 4 text

Lack of Trust Stay silent in meetings or after a disagreement Passive aggressive behavior Micromanaging Seek individual recognition “Meeting after the meeting” Interpersonal conflict Revisit the same issues over and over “Dirty Yes”: Say yes to your face and no behind your back Cynicism Withholding information and ideas Invisible Army: Using ‘we” to express your own point of view Frustration Avoid tough conversations and giving feedback Defensiveness Resentment

Slide 5

Slide 5 text

Trust Matters A Lot

Slide 6

Slide 6 text

–Stephen M.R. Covey & Doug R. Conant, Harvard Business Review “Trust is … not a nice-to-have; it’s a must have. Without it, every part of your organization can fall, literally, into disrepair. With trust, all things are possible — most importantly: continuous improvement and sustainable, measurable, tangible results in the marketplace.”

Slide 7

Slide 7 text

Five Dysfunctions of Teams Inattention to Results Avoidance of Accountability Lack of Commitment Fear of Conflict Absence of Trust

Slide 8

Slide 8 text

Trust matters • Fundamental to our sense of safety, autonomy, and dignity as a human being • Part of every relationship • Allows us to disagree, debate & test each other’s thinking • Trust on teams is correlated with business profitability

Slide 9

Slide 9 text

Do your people think your trustworthy? • Hotels where employees strongly believed their managers followed through on promises and demonstrated the values they preached were substantially more profitable. • Very small improvement in rating significantly increased profit • Trust in managers have more impact on profits than more employee ‘satisfaction’ or ‘commitment.’ Tony Simons, Associate Professor of Management at Cornell University Hotel School

Slide 10

Slide 10 text

Neuroscience of Trust • Trust in social interactions increases oxytocin • Oxytocin increases • risk tolerance • ability to make decisions and take actions • critical analysis, logic, and creativity • verbal communication skills • well-being and safety

Slide 11

Slide 11 text

Neuroscience of Distrust • Fight / Flight / Freeze response • Limited use of “thinking brain” • Respond with unconscious, innate defensive behaviors • Anxiety, fear, anger, aggression, withdrawal • Threat alert

Slide 12

Slide 12 text

Self-Protection • most successful people learn to be competitive with their peers, and protective of their reputations • takes away focus from current work • fear of others using “it” for their gain

Slide 13

Slide 13 text

– Brené Brown “Leaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings, or squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behavior.”

Slide 14

Slide 14 text

What is trust?

Slide 15

Slide 15 text

Trust • assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something • to place confidence in; rely on • reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence. • confident expectation of something; hope. • confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit.

Slide 16

Slide 16 text

Trust • reliance • confidence

Slide 17

Slide 17 text

Trust is choosing to risk making something you value vulnerable to another person’s actions. The Thin Book of Trust by Charles Feltman:

Slide 18

Slide 18 text

Choosing to risk

Slide 19

Slide 19 text

Risk Assessment

Slide 20

Slide 20 text

Something we value

Slide 21

Slide 21 text

What do we value? Money Beliefs Your or team’s work or effort Career / Job Way of doing things Deadlines Promotion “Good name,” Reputation, or Status Thoughts and Ideas Goal Happiness and wellbeing Hopes, Fears, or Concerns

Slide 22

Slide 22 text

By making it vulnerable to another’s actions

Slide 23

Slide 23 text

Five Dysfunctions of Teams Need for Invulnerability Inattention to Results Avoidance of Accountability Lack of Commitment Fear of Conflict Absence of Trust

Slide 24

Slide 24 text

By Leena Snidate / Codenomicon ( [CC0], via Wikimedia Commons

Slide 25

Slide 25 text

Relational Vulnerability • “Emotion we experience during times of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure” • “Showing up when you can’t control the outcome” • Cannot “engineer” vulnerability out of relationships • Innovation requires us to accept inevitable failure and keep going. Quotes from Dare to Lead by Brené Brown

Slide 26

Slide 26 text

CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 drsnitch/19325871168/

Slide 27

Slide 27 text

Trust is built in small moments

Slide 28

Slide 28 text

How do you (re)build trust?

Slide 29

Slide 29 text

No content

Slide 30

Slide 30 text

B Boundaries R Reliability A Accountability V Vault I Integrity N Non-Judgement G Generosity Elements of Trust from Rising Strong, Dare to Lead by Brené Brown

Slide 31

Slide 31 text

Boundaries • You respect my boundaries. • When you’re not clear about what’s ok and not ok, you ask. • You are willing to say no.

Slide 32

Slide 32 text

Boundary Examples • Starting and ending meetings on time • Not looking at phones or computers during meetings • Not checking email after a certain time • Not taking work home on the weekends BRAVING: Boundaries

Slide 33

Slide 33 text

BRAVING: Boundaries

Slide 34

Slide 34 text

Lack of Boundaries • Resentment • Anger • Frustration • Talking behind people’s backs • Blame BRAVING: Boundaries

Slide 35

Slide 35 text

CC BY 3.0 Bamboo_Fence_with_Gate_-_Agri-Horticultural_Society_of_India_- _Alipore_-_Kolkata_2013-01-05_2369.JPG Boundaries aren’t walls BRAVING: Boundaries

Slide 36

Slide 36 text

Boundaries are healthy • Don’t need to apologize • Not team’s job to make you feel better about it • Explain the reasoning • Be open to questions • Team often thankful for the clarity and context BRAVING: Boundaries

Slide 37

Slide 37 text

What can you do? • Clear expectations, including … • Success Criteria • Timeframe • Resources • Explain your reasoning and be open to questions • Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind. BRAVING: Boundaries

Slide 38

Slide 38 text

Reliability • You do what you say you’ll do • At work this means staying aware of your competencies and limitations so you don’t over promise and are able to deliver on commitments and balance competing priorities

Slide 39

Slide 39 text

Cycle of Commitment Request / Offer Respond Commit Act Report BRAVING: Reliability

Slide 40

Slide 40 text

What can you do? • Agile: Stand up, Planning Poker • Respond positively when someone asks for help • Clarify requests & offers: who, what, when • Be committed to what you ask for • Report on commitments BRAVING: Reliability

Slide 41

Slide 41 text

Accountability • You own your mistakes, apologize, and make amends

Slide 42

Slide 42 text

CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 7216770@N04/14565696612 BRAVING: Accountability

Slide 43

Slide 43 text

Take responsibility • Acknowledge: recognize what you did wrong or the damage in the other person’s eyes. • Even if that wasn’t your intention • Apologize: take responsibility for what you’ve done, ask forgiveness, and declare your intention to redeem yourself. • Don’t repeat the behavior that led to the betrayal • Help fix problems your actions created BRAVING: Accountability

Slide 44

Slide 44 text

What can you do? • Take the time to listen to why people are doing what they are doing • Avoid hero-ing • Take responsibility for your behavior and the impact it had on others • Apologize: commit to behaving differently in the future and describe those specific behaviors BRAVING: Accountability

Slide 45

Slide 45 text

Vault • You don’t share information or experiences that aren’t yours to share • I need to know my confidences are kept and you are not sharing with me information about other people that should be kept confidential

Slide 46

Slide 46 text


Slide 47

Slide 47 text

Back-Channel Communication • not being direct or upfront with people. • “Meeting after the meeting” — sharing reactions, emotions, or opinions with people before or after a meeting, rather than sharing them in the meeting. • Gossip • “Dirty yes” — say “yes” to your face and then “no” behind your back BRAVING: Vault

Slide 48

Slide 48 text


Slide 49

Slide 49 text

What can you do? • Model public conversations when appropriate • Ask if subject knows its being shared • Don’t give or receive gossip • Difficult circumstances • Be vague if saying nothing is creating gossip • Ask a person what you can share BRAVING: Vault

Slide 50

Slide 50 text

Integrity • You choose courage over comfort • You choose what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy • You choose to practice your values rather than just professing them

Slide 51

Slide 51 text BRAVING: Integrity

Slide 52

Slide 52 text

What are your values? • Same values for work and home. • What behaviors support? • What behaviors take away? • When were you fully living into your values? BRAVING: Integrity

Slide 53

Slide 53 text

What can you do? • Be explicit about the things that matter - Examples of good and bad • Check yourself when someone does something differently - Is this a thing that matters? • Create new expectations when things happen - take responsibility for not being explicit • Be thoughtful and intentional about handling disagreements • Find an person to role play, run ideas by, and review BRAVING: Integrity

Slide 54

Slide 54 text

Non-judgement • I can ask you for what I need and you can ask for what you need • We can talk about how we feel without judgement • We can ask each other for help without judgement

Slide 55

Slide 55 text

BRAVING: Non-judgement

Slide 56

Slide 56 text

What do team members do that earn trust? • Ask for Help • Confidence you’ll know if they are struggling or in over their head • Not asking for help leads to not receiving challenging work • Leads to delegation BRAVING: Non-judgement

Slide 57

Slide 57 text

Are you technically irrelevant? • Afraid of being judged for lack of knowledge or understanding • We judge • person doing worse than us • area where we are insecure • Feels good to feel superior … for a little while BRAVING: Non-judgement

Slide 58

Slide 58 text

What can you do? • Ask for help • Help others when they ask • Stay curious about why you are judging • Be aware of your own insecurities BRAVING: Non-judgement

Slide 59

Slide 59 text

Generosity • You extend the most generous interpretation possible to intentions, words, and actions of others

Slide 60

Slide 60 text

BRAVING: Generosity

Slide 61

Slide 61 text

What can you do? • What boundaries need to be in place for you to be generous with your assumptions about other’s behavior? • Provide clear expectations and set boundaries • We are each responsible for our own behavior and the things we can control • Don’t hold grudges • Get to personally know people - listen, ask questions BRAVING: Generosity

Slide 62

Slide 62 text

Refactoring Trust

Slide 63

Slide 63 text

Start where people are • Develop observable behaviors for elements of trust and organizational values • Behaviors in the context of current reality of culture and organization • Create a North Star

Slide 64

Slide 64 text

Trusting Teams During meetings, most important and difficult issues are put on the table to be resolved Acknowledge and apologize for mistakes - openly admit weakness and mistakes. Willingly makes sacrifices for the good of the team Productive debate and discussions - ends with clear and specific resolutions and call to action Do what you say you’ll do Passionate & unguarded in their discussion of issues Concerned about letting down peers Willing to say no Call out each other’s unproductive behaviors Ask for help Concerned about letting down peers Don’t over promise Retain employees Leave meetings confident that peers are committed to the decisions made Meetings are engaging and productive

Slide 65

Slide 65 text

0. Self-reflect

Slide 66

Slide 66 text

Self-trust • Foundations of trusting others is trusting ourselves • Often out of our element — innovation, changing market conditions etc

Slide 67

Slide 67 text

Leading is Lonely • Employees complaining of exhaustion, were actually lonely. (Harvard Business Review) • Emotions of leading — loneliness, isolation, carrying weight of people/company’s future

Slide 68

Slide 68 text

Self-compassion • Three elements of self-compassion: • Self-Kindness: speaking to ourselves as we would speak to our loved ones, even in face of failure; meet mistakes with kindness • Common Humanity: we are not alone and humans shares these feelings of shame and inadequacy • Mindfulness: appropriate responsibility and rumination on feelings and emotions; be present Research from Dr. Kristin Neff

Slide 69

Slide 69 text

1. Show Vulnerability

Slide 70

Slide 70 text Model Behavior

Slide 71

Slide 71 text

Be vulnerable • Most important thing you can do is be vulnerable first • Must risk losing face to show the team it’s ok for them to risk • Must be genuine • “Fake vulnerability” or “cordial hypocrisy” does more harm • E.g. ask questions but don’t pause for others to talk • E.g. shirk responsibility by asking them to feel sorry for you

Slide 72

Slide 72 text

Team: Personal Histories • Provide low-risk way to show vulnerability • Ask team to share answers to a few personal questions with each other • Innocuous attributes or experiences; Not too revealing • number of siblings, hometown, unique challenges of childhood, favorite hobbies, first job, and worst job • Creates Empathy • Discourages inaccurate behavior attribution Five Dysfunctions of Teams

Slide 73

Slide 73 text

2. Talk about Trust

Slide 74

Slide 74 text

Identify the breach.

Slide 75

Slide 75 text

Psychological Safety • Google’s #1 element of successful teams • Psychological safety: Can we take risks on this team without feeling insecure or embarrassed? • Harvard Business School professor Amy Edmondson coined • Taken-for-granted belief about how others will respond when you ask a question, seek feedback, admit a mistake, or propose a possibly wacky idea • Most people feel a need to “manage” interpersonal risk to retain a good image, especially with their boss

Slide 76

Slide 76 text

Build a container • Establishing ground rules of a group • Rules should make people feel safe — ask what other’s need. • Create a shared language. Introduce your team to BRAVING or other concepts.

Slide 77

Slide 77 text

Prepare for discomfort • Practice • Discuss with friend • Accept it: “I’m going to feel uncomfortable. I’m going to do it anyway.” • Thin Book of Trust has preparation steps and scripts

Slide 78

Slide 78 text

Talk about trust • Schedule a time • Start with context: I’d like to talk about trust • Specific behaviors • Clear Examples • Describe the impact of the behavior on team or business • Follow up with consistent actions

Slide 79

Slide 79 text

3. Keep going

Slide 80

Slide 80 text Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License

Slide 81

Slide 81 text

Trust is a practice • “Repair trust when it is broken, by being intentional and consistent in your language and actions.” - Charles Feltman, Thin Book of Trust • Walk the Walk

Slide 82

Slide 82 text

Team: Share assessments • Strengths & Weakness: • Share 1 of each that contribute most to team effectiveness • Do personality and behavioral assessments • Share results and discuss

Slide 83

Slide 83 text

What does support look like? • Open-ended question. • Not “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.” • Clarifies roles and expectations • Holds them accountable for asking for what they need

Slide 84

Slide 84 text

Define roles in a decision • Who is accountable? Do they have the authority to do the work? • Who will carry out decision? • Who needs to provide input? • Who is effected and needs to be notified? • What does success look like? • Create a checklist of what needs to be done

Slide 85

Slide 85 text

– Brené Brown “Leaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings, or squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behavior.”

Slide 86

Slide 86 text

Refactoring Trust on your Team Rebecca Miller-Webster @rmillwebster CTO, Tandem (formerly DevMynd) @madeintandem Founder, Write/Speak/Code @writespeakcode Dare to Lead by Brené Brown Thin Book of Trust by Charles Felman Five Dysfunctions of Teams by Patrick Lencioni Understanding Computers and Cognition by Terry Winograd