Ask vs. Guess Culture Communication (The Lead Developer UK)

by Katherine Wu

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@kwugirl Ask vs. Guess Cultures KWu, an Ask Culture person Senior Software Engineer

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@kwugirl

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@kwugirl You

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@kwugirl You Jamie

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@kwugirl You Jamie Taylor

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@kwugirl You Jamie Taylor

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@kwugirl You Jamie Taylor Can Taylor stay with you?

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@kwugirl You Jamie ? Taylor

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@kwugirl You Jamie I’ll just tell them no. Taylor

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@kwugirl You Jamie or Taylor

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@kwugirl You Jamie Ugh, this puts me in a difficult position. Taylor

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@kwugirl “I’ll just tell them no.” “Ugh, this puts me in a difﬁcult position.” Ask Culture Guess Culture

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@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons further considerations strategies for handling work situations

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@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons further considerations strategies for handling work situations overview of cultures

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@kwugirl

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@kwugirl it’s OK to ask for anything + you’re OK getting ‘no’ for an answer ASK

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@kwugirl avoid asking unless the answer will be yes GUESS

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@kwugirl extend out delicate feelers GUESS

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@kwugirl don’t have to explicitly ask GUESS

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@kwugirl “offer culture”

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@kwugirl if you accept, are you imposing too much? GUESS

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@kwugirl putting others in the position of having to say ‘no’ seems rude GUESS

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@kwugirl “perceive the need” Eryn O'Neil at The Lead Developer NY 2017

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@kwugirl ASK GUESS

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@kwugirl ASK GUESS

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@kwugirl ASK GUESS Northeast Paciﬁc Northwest Midwest

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@kwugirl ASK GUESS Northeast Paciﬁc Northwest Midwest

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@kwugirl ASK GUESS Northeast Paciﬁc Northwest Midwest

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@kwugirl one culture ≯ another culture

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@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons further considerations strategies for handling work situations a few examples

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@kwugirl “The Seattle No” https://medium.com/lessons-learned/the-seattle-no-177091f864a4

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@kwugirl Hey, I’m going to this party, do you want to come?

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@kwugirl Hmm that sounds interesting, I’ll have to check.

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@kwugirl or

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@kwugirl Oh yeah, maybe…

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@kwugirl Oh yeah, maybe… + don’t hear from them again about it

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@kwugirl THIS MEANS NO.

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@kwugirl THIS MEANS NO. (not obvious to all of us)

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@kwugirl

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@kwugirl “Hmm, I don’t have time to make lunch   for next week.”

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@kwugirl “Hmm, I don’t have time to make lunch   for next week.” Dan hears

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@kwugirl “Hmm, I don’t have time to make lunch   for next week.” “Could you make extra meals so I have lunch for the week?” Dan hears

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@kwugirl “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.”

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@kwugirl “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.” I think

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@kwugirl “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.” “That’s so weird, Dan’s planning to make an extra meal this weekend, but ok.” I think

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@kwugirl “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.” “That’s so weird, Dan’s planning to make an extra meal this weekend, but ok.” What I did not say: “Oh, you don’t have to do that.” I think

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@kwugirl End Result

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@kwugirl End Result “Why do we have so much food in the fridge?”

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@kwugirl End Result “Why do we have so much food in the fridge?” “I’m such a good husband.”

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@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons further considerations strategies for handling work situations pros/cons

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@kwugirl Ask Culture

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@kwugirl Ask Culture Prioritizes efﬁciency

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@kwugirl Ask Culture Prioritizes efﬁciency No ambiguity

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@kwugirl Ask Culture Prioritizes efﬁciency No ambiguity Gets what you want  (in the short-term)

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@kwugirl Ask Culture Prioritizes efﬁciency No ambiguity Gets what you want  (in the short-term) More open conﬂict

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@kwugirl Ask Culture Prioritizes efﬁciency No ambiguity Gets what you want  (in the short-term) More open conﬂict Can make people feel uncomfortable

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@kwugirl Guess Culture

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@kwugirl Guess Culture Prioritizes not   hurting feelings

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@kwugirl Guess Culture Prioritizes not   hurting feelings More polite

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@kwugirl Guess Culture Prioritizes not   hurting feelings More polite Hard if you’re bad at   reading social cues

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@kwugirl Guess Culture Prioritizes not   hurting feelings More polite Hard if you’re bad at   reading social cues Can feel like no one is listening to you

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@kwugirl proportion of requests granted requests granted explicit verbal requests

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@kwugirl requests granted proportion of requests granted requests granted explicit verbal requests

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@kwugirl requests granted explicit verbal requests   + implicit requests! proportion of requests granted requests granted explicit verbal requests

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@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons further considerations strategies for handling work situations further considerations

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@kwugirl

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@kwugirl personality family __context__

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@kwugirl company culture

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@kwugirl team culture

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@kwugirl personal experiences

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@kwugirl women

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@kwugirl women “abrasive”

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@kwugirl women “abrasive” “timid”

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@kwugirl ???

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@kwugirl family

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@kwugirl family work

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@kwugirl how well you know someone ??????? stranger BFF

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@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons further considerations strategies for handling work situations strategies for handling

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@kwugirl If you’re from Ask Culture…

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@kwugirl If you’re from Ask Culture… Make a Guess Culture close friend

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@kwugirl If you’re from Ask Culture… Make a Guess Culture close friend Listen more closely

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@kwugirl If you’re from Ask Culture… Make a Guess Culture close friend Listen more closely Apologize if you realize >1 interpretation

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@kwugirl If you’re from Guess Culture…

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@kwugirl If you’re from Guess Culture… Remember that people might be   unaware of “the rules”

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@kwugirl If you’re from Guess Culture… Remember that people might be   unaware of “the rules” Resist the urge to “soften” a “No”

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@kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons further considerations strategies for handling work situations work situations

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@kwugirl work situations general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use your strengths

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@kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use your strengths work situations general things to consider

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@kwugirl short-term vs. long-term

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@kwugirl relationships

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@kwugirl are you sure you know what other people are thinking?

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@kwugirl don’t assume they… will react as you would are unhappy with you

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@kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use your strengths work situations useful phrasings

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@kwugirl “Hey, I have a question, but it’s totally ok to say no.”

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@kwugirl “Hey, I have a question,  but it’s totally ok to say no.”

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@kwugirl “Hey, I have a question, but it’s totally ok if you want to say no.”

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@kwugirl “it’s ok if you’re busy…” “Hey, I have a question, but it’s totally ok if you want to say no.”

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@kwugirl “it’s ok if you’re busy…” “I understand if you’re busy…” “Hey, I have a question, but it’s totally ok if you want to say no.”

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@kwugirl “Hey, remember when we talked about how I should be more assertive? Well, _____”

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@kwugirl discuss communication styles

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@kwugirl “Sometimes I have trouble speaking up, it would really help if…”

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@kwugirl use this talk as an excuse!

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@kwugirl “I went to this amazing talk at The Lead Developer…”

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@kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use your strengths work situations example situations

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@kwugirl getting/giving help

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@kwugirl

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@kwugirl

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@kwugirl “I’m not sure I understand  this feature.”

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@kwugirl “I’m not sure I understand  this feature.” (“Can someone help me?”)

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@kwugirl don’t assume silence == ok

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@kwugirl “Do you have any questions for me?”

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@kwugirl “What questions do you have for me?”

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@kwugirl “We have a few options that work, A/B/C. Let me know!”

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@kwugirl Ask Manager & Guess Report

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@kwugirl Ask Manager & Guess Report positive reinforcement for saying “no”

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@kwugirl Ask Manager & Guess Report positive reinforcement for saying “no” be extremely wary of giving illusion of choice

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@kwugirl Ask Manager & Guess Report positive reinforcement for saying “no” be extremely wary of giving illusion of choice don’t default processes to people needing to ask

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@kwugirl Ask Manager & Guess Report positive reinforcement for saying “no” be extremely wary of giving illusion of choice don’t default processes to people needing to ask PAY ATTENTION

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@kwugirl “People assume that if their boss is assigning them a ton of work,   there’s no point in speaking up” https://www.thecut.com/2017/05/ask-a-boss-how-do-i-get-more-attention-from-my-boss.html

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@kwugirl additional situations to consider publish vs. pull managers  https://medium.com/@wiredferret/publish-vs-pull-managers-e2b52a45d7e9 non-native language speakers  https://medium.com/@mollyclare/taming-the-steamroller-how-to-communicate-compassionately-with-non-native-english-speakers-d95d8d1845a0 retros formats of messaging (phone call vs. Slack)

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@kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use your strengths work situations use your strengths