Ask vs. Guess Culture Communication (The Lead Developer UK)

Ask vs. Guess Culture Communication (The Lead Developer UK)

Abstract:
Have you ever been told you’re “too direct,” or feel like you don’t understand what others want? Or on the other side, do you think others are often too confrontational? These are Ask vs Guess Culture differences. Ask folks believe it’s ok to ask anything, because it’s ok to say no, while Guess folks prioritize not imposing on others. It’s a culture clash that isn’t often recognized, yet causes quite a bit of tension and frustration. This talk will cover the nuances of these different communication styles, as well as strategies for bridging the gap. Gaining an understanding of these differences and learning specific tactics for a professional context will make you a drastically more effective communicator.

This talk was presented at The Lead Developer UK 2017, ~32 minutes
Blog post: http://kwugirl.blogspot.com/2015/05/ask-vs-guess-culture-communications.html

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Katherine Wu

June 08, 2017
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Transcript

  1. 12.

    @kwugirl “I’ll just tell them no.” “Ugh, this puts me

    in a difficult position.” Ask Culture Guess Culture
  2. 13.

    @kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons

    further considerations strategies for handling work situations
  3. 14.

    @kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons

    further considerations strategies for handling work situations overview of cultures
  4. 15.
  5. 16.

    @kwugirl it’s OK to ask for anything + you’re OK

    getting ‘no’ for an answer ASK
  6. 30.

    @kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons

    further considerations strategies for handling work situations a few examples
  7. 39.
  8. 42.

    @kwugirl “Hmm, I don’t have time to make lunch 


    for next week.” “Could you make extra meals so I have lunch for the week?” Dan hears
  9. 45.

    @kwugirl “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.” “That’s

    so weird, Dan’s planning to make an extra meal this weekend, but ok.” I think
  10. 46.

    @kwugirl “I’m going to cook 2 meals this weekend.” “That’s

    so weird, Dan’s planning to make an extra meal this weekend, but ok.” What I did not say: “Oh, you don’t have to do that.” I think
  11. 49.

    @kwugirl End Result “Why do we have so much food

    in the fridge?” “I’m such a good husband.”
  12. 50.

    @kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons

    further considerations strategies for handling work situations pros/cons
  13. 55.

    @kwugirl Ask Culture Prioritizes efficiency No ambiguity Gets what you

    want
 (in the short-term) More open conflict
  14. 56.

    @kwugirl Ask Culture Prioritizes efficiency No ambiguity Gets what you

    want
 (in the short-term) More open conflict Can make people feel uncomfortable
  15. 60.

    @kwugirl Guess Culture Prioritizes not 
 hurting feelings More polite

    Hard if you’re bad at 
 reading social cues
  16. 61.

    @kwugirl Guess Culture Prioritizes not 
 hurting feelings More polite

    Hard if you’re bad at 
 reading social cues Can feel like no one is listening to you
  17. 64.

    @kwugirl requests granted explicit verbal requests 
 + implicit requests!

    proportion of requests granted requests granted explicit verbal requests
  18. 65.

    @kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons

    further considerations strategies for handling work situations further considerations
  19. 66.
  20. 78.

    @kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons

    further considerations strategies for handling work situations strategies for handling
  21. 82.

    @kwugirl If you’re from Ask Culture… Make a Guess Culture

    close friend Listen more closely Apologize if you realize >1 interpretation
  22. 85.

    @kwugirl If you’re from Guess Culture… Remember that people might

    be 
 unaware of “the rules” Resist the urge to “soften” a “No”
  23. 86.

    @kwugirl litmus test overview of cultures a few examples pros/cons

    further considerations strategies for handling work situations work situations
  24. 88.

    @kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use

    your strengths work situations general things to consider
  25. 93.

    @kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use

    your strengths work situations useful phrasings
  26. 97.

    @kwugirl “it’s ok if you’re busy…” “Hey, I have a

    question, but it’s totally ok if you want to say no.”
  27. 98.

    @kwugirl “it’s ok if you’re busy…” “I understand if you’re

    busy…” “Hey, I have a question, but it’s totally ok if you want to say no.”
  28. 99.
  29. 104.

    @kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use

    your strengths work situations example situations
  30. 106.
  31. 107.
  32. 116.

    @kwugirl Ask Manager & Guess Report positive reinforcement for saying

    “no” be extremely wary of giving illusion of choice
  33. 117.

    @kwugirl Ask Manager & Guess Report positive reinforcement for saying

    “no” be extremely wary of giving illusion of choice don’t default processes to people needing to ask
  34. 118.

    @kwugirl Ask Manager & Guess Report positive reinforcement for saying

    “no” be extremely wary of giving illusion of choice don’t default processes to people needing to ask PAY ATTENTION
  35. 119.

    @kwugirl “People assume that if their boss is assigning them

    a ton of work, 
 there’s no point in speaking up” https://www.thecut.com/2017/05/ask-a-boss-how-do-i-get-more-attention-from-my-boss.html
  36. 120.

    @kwugirl additional situations to consider publish vs. pull managers
 https://medium.com/@wiredferret/publish-vs-pull-managers-e2b52a45d7e9

    non-native language speakers
 https://medium.com/@mollyclare/taming-the-steamroller-how-to-communicate-compassionately-with-non-native-english-speakers-d95d8d1845a0 retros formats of messaging (phone call vs. Slack)
  37. 121.

    @kwugirl general things to consider useful phrasings example situations use

    your strengths work situations use your strengths