How to defeat impostor syndrome: confessions of a developer

Do you feel like you don't belong, you don't deserve what you achieved, everyone in your office is more talented than you?

Do you have imposter syndrome... too?

Imposter syndrome is common across all industries, but the increasing pressure to be successful in IT is taking its toll on employees, affecting more than half workers, me included :)

After many years working in tech for a lot of companies (from startups to big corporations) in many business fields, I found a way to overcome self-doubt and turn this weird feeling in a booster for greater achievements... and I want to share it with you!

Transcript

1. How to defeat impostor syndrome Confessions of a developer
2. Hello, world! I’m Matteo 😊 Engineering manager & señor software engineer, pizza lover, traveller, runner, blockchain & crypto enthusiast (sometimes not in this order 😉). Foggia ▶ Rome ▶ Milan ▶ Barcelona Currently working at Onna as Engineering Manager. https://www.linkedin.com/in/brunomatteo/ Who am I?
3. The problem we are solving? Knowledge is fragmented across a wide range of enterprise applications in companies of all sizes. Our mission? To make knowledge accessible, useful and private. What is Onna? (I)
4. Onna is a knowledge integration platform that connects to new media applications, such as Slack, JIRA, and Confluence. By connecting with enterprises’ most commonly used cloud platforms, Onna creates a fully searchable environment for any organization, enabled by a smart search function using neural networks. What is Onna? (II)
5. 15 kubernetes clusters +700 GCP nodes API with +7K RPS Kafka with +1000 messages/second +700TB in GCS buckets ~15k unique data sources ~500 million files processed ~300k searches +1 billion indexed docs What is Onna? (III)
6. Now that you know me... Let me know you a little bit as well! 😉
7. Have you ever felt like you don't belong where you are? Is everyone at your office way more talented than you? Do you think you don't deserve what you achieved? Just a couple of questions...
8. Let’s have two quick polls! (I) Go to sli.do and enter the code ISQ1 (Q1)
9. Let’s have two quick polls! (II) Then, same site, enter the code ISQ2 (Q2)
10. Online conference - 04/2021 - Q1
11. Online conference - 04/2021 - Q2
12. So... is it happened to you as well, at least once, to feel this way?
13. So... is it happened to you as well, at least once, to feel this way? Yes?
14. So... is it happened to you as well, at least once, to feel this way? Yes? Yes, for sure!
15. So... is it happened to you as well, at least once, to feel this way? Yes? Yes, for sure! Well, it seems we are in good company, all with this weird feeling.
16. Why a talk about impostor syndrome? (I) I was on the beach, I read an article, I wrote a post on LinkedIn but I had more than 1.5k chars to say around this topic, so I prepared some slides, and then from some I went to +100 slides!
17. I’d like to share my experience around this topic, and show you it’s not so awful after all. Why a talk about impostor syndrome? (II)
18. Let’s start with my story, then!
19. April 10th, 1978 - Foggia I was born 😊
20. January 18th, 2015 - Milan I joined Viacom family... So many interesting projects to work on!
21. September, 2015 - Milan https://www.digitaltveurope.com/2015/09/08/viacom-unveils-play-plex-mobile-tv-apps/
22. October, 2016 - Milan
23. 2016 —> 2018 - Milan
24. January, 2018 - Milan I had a great job, I was working for an amazing company, but I needed something more / different.
25. July, 2018 - Croatia What am I still doing in Milan? 🤔 I need sea, sun, sand!
26. July, 2018 - back in Milan Let me look on Linkedin if there are any good opportunities out there!
27. July, 2018 - Milan Way too many options!!! 😱 I needed to narrow down this list!
28. July, 2018 - Milan Wait! I always loved Barcelona ❤❤❤❤ Let me see if there is any cool job opening there!
29. August, 2018 - Milan
30. August, 2018 - Milan
31. August, 2018 - Milan Ubeeqo, it’s time to start the hiring process! 😄
32. September, 2018 - Milan I’ve got an offer from Ubeeqo! YAY! ✌ Time to ride to Barcelona! 🚗 Barcelona, it was the first time that we met Barcelona, how can I forget The moment that you stepped into the room You took my breath away
33. December 2018, Milan Time to say goodbye to my dear friends.
34. December 27th, 2018 - Barcelona Let’s start a new chapter of my life! 🙌
35. January 2nd, 2019 - Barcelona Ubeeqo, here I am! 󰢧
36. January, 2019 - Barcelona What the heck am I doing here?!?!?!?! 🤦 I’m overwhelmed by all this new stuff!
37. January, 2019 - Barcelona
38. Way too many doubts in my mind! 😟 ...and those questions were bugging me!
39. Doubts, doubts, doubts… (I) Crap, everyone in this office is way more talented than me! Damn, how is it possible that they hired me? What were they thinking? What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.
40. Doubts, doubts, doubts… (II)
41. Impostor Syndrome ...or self-doubt, or whatever you want to call it
42. What is impostor syndrome? (I) Impostor Syndrome was first defined in 1978 by psychologists Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes as a feeling of "phoniness in people who believe they are not intelligent, capable or creative despite evidence of high achievement."
43. What is impostor syndrome? (II) “The feeling that your achievements are not real or that you do not deserve praise or success.” Cambridge Dictionary “People who feel like impostors have unsustainably high self-expectations around competence. No one likes to fail, but impostors experience shame when they fail.” Dr. Valerie Young
44. Impostor syndrome(s), actually! (I) The Perfectionist: set excessively high goals for themselves; control freaks, feeling like if they want something done right, they have to do it themselves.
45. Impostor syndrome(s), actually! (II) The Superwoman/man: they often push themselves to work harder and harder to measure up.
46. Impostor syndrome(s), actually! (III) The Natural Genius: if they take a long time to master something, they feel shame; same if they don't do things right on the first try.
47. Impostor syndrome(s), actually! (IV) The Soloist: they refuse assistance so that they can prove their worth; they think that asking for help would reveal their phoniness.
48. Impostor syndrome(s), actually! (V) The Expert: believing they will never know enough, they fear being exposed as inexperienced or unknowledgeable.
49. ...but there is also someone that feels like the exact opposite! Some people believe that they are smarter and more capable than they really are, and we meet them quite frequently!
50. Dunning-Kruger Effect (I) This cognitive bias is called Dunning-Kruger effect, named after researchers David Dunning and Justin Kruger, the two social psychologists who first described it. In their original study on this psychological phenomenon, they performed a series of investigations, and they came to very interesting results.
51. Dunning-Kruger Effect (II) People who scored in the lowest percentiles on tests of grammar, humor, and logic also tended to dramatically overestimate how well they had performed. Their test scores placed them in the 12th percentile, but they estimated that their performance placed them in the 62nd percentile. Please also note how who got highest scores actually underestimated their performance. In simple words: high achievers have self doubts, while low achievers are flamboyant. 🤯
52. Dunning-Kruger Effect (III) You must have knowledge to realize you don’t have knowledge.
53. Dunning-Kruger Effect (IV) This guy got lemons from life, but instead of preparing a margarita he decided to rob a bank.
54. Dunning-Kruger Effect (V) Incompetent people, the researchers found, are not only poor performers, they are also unable to accurately assess and recognize the quality of their own work. They overestimate their own knowledge and ability and are incapable of seeing the poorness of their performance. Also, low performers are unable to recognize the skill and competence levels of other people, which is part of the reason why they consistently view themselves as better, more capable, and more knowledgeable than others.
55. Dunning-Kruger Effect (VI) Dunning and Kruger said that some people are not only incompetent; their incompetence robs them of the mental ability to realize just how inept they are. "In many cases, incompetence does not leave people disoriented, perplexed, or cautious," wrote David Dunning in an article for Pacific Standard. "Instead, the incompetent are often blessed with an inappropriate confidence, buoyed by something that feels to them like knowledge."
56. Dunning-Kruger Effect (VII) However, not only incompetent people are affected by Dunning-Kruger! Even people who are genuine experts in some areas may mistakenly believe that their intelligence and knowledge carry over into other areas in which they are less familiar: a brilliant scientist, for example, might be a very poor writer.
57. Dunning-Kruger Effect (VIII) The reality is that everyone is susceptible to this phenomenon, and in fact, most of us probably experience it with surprising regularity. Confucius said “True wisdom is knowing what you don’t know”. Just to be 100% clear, Dunning-Kruger effect is not synonymous with low IQ, and the scientist / wannabe writer example explains it quite well.
58. I cannot say if I’m affected by Dunning-Kruger effect on some topics, but I can say for sure that self-doubts, yes, I have them frequently!
59. So... am I the only one having self-doubts? (I) “It has been estimated that nearly 70 percent of individuals will experience signs and symptoms of impostor phenomenon at least once in their life.” Ravindran, Sandeep "Feeling Like A Fraud: The Impostor Phenomenon in Science Writing"
60. So... am I the only one having self-doubts? (II) Self-doubt and impostor syndrome are common across all industries, but the increasing pressure to be successful in IT is taking its toll on employees, affecting more than half workers... me included, as it seems 😔
61. Blind’s research (I) The anonymous workplace social network Blind conducted a survey: from Aug. 27, 2018 through Sept. 5, 2018, it asked its users "Do you suffer from Impostor Syndrome?" Blind's user base includes 44,000 Microsoft employees, 29,000 from Amazon, 11,000 from Google, just to name a few. A total of 10,402 users on Blind responded. Blind found that 57.55 percent surveyed experienced Impostor Syndrome.
62. Blind’s research (II)
63. Blind’s research (III)
64. Common traits You have difficulty accepting praise. You’re an over-worker. You feel the need to be the best. You’re described as a perfectionist. The fear of failure can paralyze you. You avoid showing confidence. You actually dread success. You compare your struggles and obstacles to those of others. You associate praise with charm over actual talent. You focus more on what you haven’t done. You’re convinced you aren’t enough. 11 Signs You Have Impostor Syndrome - PowerOfPositivity.com
65. Factors contributing to this syndrome Nature and nurture: nature because some people more than others are emotionally reactive and self-focussed; nurture in the form of childhood conditioning (we become the good child, the clever child, the funny child, and in the process we suppress our real feelings). Family expectations, perfectionist parents (“You can do better, I know you can!”). New setting, academic or professional. Gender stereotypes. Racial identities. Anxiety. Depression.
66. How it affects us It reduces productivity, it slows us down. It makes us poor decision-makers. We are not willingly sharing our ideas and thoughts. We engage in self-protective behaviours. We are regularly seeking external validation. We become poor team members, unable to actively participate in the storming phase. We have to prepare or work much harder than necessary to "make us feel confident".
67. How much does it cost to us We may be missing out on career or life opportunities, withholding ourselves. It makes more difficult to grow as human beings, because we are defending ourselves from the outside world. We lose sight of who we are. We sabotage our lives.
68. Famous people are affected by it as well! (I) Every time I was called on in class, I was sure that I was about to embarrass myself. Every time I took a test, I was sure that it had gone badly. And every time I didn’t embarrass myself — or even excelled — I believed that I had fooled everyone yet again. One day soon, the jig would be up.” “There are still days when I wake up feeling like a fraud.” Sheryl Sandberg
69. Famous people are affected by it as well! (II) “I had enormous self-image problems and very low self-esteem, which I hid behind obsessive writing and performing… I was driven to get through life very quickly. I really felt so utterly inadequate. I thought the work was the only thing of value.” David Bowie
70. Famous people are affected by it as well! (III) "There were two Venus Williamses in our family - it was crazy," "[At restaurants] my parents would make me order first, but once she ordered, I’d change my mind. It was tough for me to stop being Venus and become the person I am ... One day I just said to myself, I'm not Venus. I'm Serena.” Serena Williams
71. Famous people are affected by it as well! (IV) "You think, 'Why would anyone want to see me again in a movie? And I don’t know how to act anyway, so why am I doing this?' " Meryl Streep
72. Famous people are affected by it as well! (V) "No matter what we've done, there comes a point where you think, 'How did I get here? When are they going to discover that I am, in fact, a fraud and take everything away from me?'" Tom Hanks
73. Famous people are affected by it as well! (VI) "I still sometimes feel like a loser kid in high school and I just have to pick myself up and tell myself that I’m a superstar every morning so that I can get through this day and be for my fans what they need for me to be" Lady Gaga
74. Famous people are affected by it as well! (VII) “The greatest obstacle for me has been the voice in my head that I call my obnoxious roommate. I wish someone would invent a tape recorder that we could attach to our brains to record everything we tell ourselves. We would realize how important it is to stop this negative self-talk. It means pushing back against our obnoxious roommate with a dose of wisdom.” Arianna Huffington
75. Famous people are affected by it as well! (VIII) “On my second or third night at a gathering of scientists and artists I started talking to a very polite, elderly gentleman about several things. He pointed to the hall of people, and said “I just look at all these people, and I think, what the heck am I doing here? They’ve made amazing things. I just went where I was sent.” And I said, “Yes. But you were the first man on the moon. I think that counts for something.” And I felt a bit better. Because if Neil Armstrong felt like an impostor, maybe everyone did.” Neil Gaiman, speaking of Neil Armstrong
76. So… is the impostor syndrome all bad? (I) As I just showed you, many successful people have experienced, and still experience, the impostor syndrome, hence it’s possible to live with it, and doing great things! The key is what we do with it. If we allow it to push us down, it is limiting because we’re hiding who we are and what we’re capable of. However, when we recognise it, acknowledge it, see and accept who we are and find the courage to go for what we want, we can use the impostor syndrome as fuel for our journey.
77. So… is the impostor syndrome all bad? (II)
78. Cool, but… What should we do? Be open with people around us, they are surely eager to help. Find a mentor, or a friend, to talk about the situation, to take inspiration from. Identify our strengths, recognize our victories. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes. Accept that we have had some role in our successes. Store in a file all nice things people told us. We will die, eventually, so stop being scared!
79. Back to my story!
80. Kata: detailed choreographed pattern of movements made to be practiced alone. You are basically fighting against an invisible enemy, using your best moves. Going through those points, I put things into the right perspective, and regain balance.
81. Be open with people around us, they are surely eager to help. George, Edu, Hèctor, Adam... they helped me a lot, as well as all other Ubeeterraneans! I just hope I’ve been able to do the same for them during my days at Ubeeqo.
82. Find a mentor, or a friend, to talk about the situation, to to take inspiration from.
83. Identify our strengths, recognize our victories “People born in small towns quite often have huge dreams, and a limitless dedication to make them come true.” I was born in Foggia, a small town in the south of Italy. I had (and still have) big dreams and goals to achieve. I am stubborn, and I will not stop until I get there.
84. From Foggia to Viacom’s HQ in New York Yes, I had hair! 🤣 ...but then I started running and I lost them, ‘cause I was way too fast 😅
85. January/February, 2018 - Milan I’ve started reading papers and other stuff about crypto and blockchain a few years ago, then in January ‘18 I decided to enroll in a couple of MOOCs, held by Nicosia and Princeton universities.
86. March, 2018 - Milan After just a couple of months I got an offer from Bitmain! (then I turned it down) This is the biggest crypto-related tech company in the world, with massive influence and reach.
87. November, 2019 - Tyumen (I) I’ve always been quite shy, but nevertheless I’m here, talking to you… and I opened a conference in Russia, presenting this talk as keynote!
88. November, 2019 - Tyumen (II)
89. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes.
90. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes.
91. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes.
92. Accept that we have had some role in our successes. It was not only luck if I worked for great companies, with amazing people. It was not luck at all if I was able to pass technical tests, interviews and then get job offers from many companies, from startups to big corporations. I was just bold enough to chase and face those challenges, getting out of my comfort zone.
93. Store in a file all nice things people told us. (I)
94. Store in a file all nice things people told us. (II)
95. Store in a file all nice things people told us. (III)
96. Store in a file all nice things people told us. (IV)
97. Store in a file all nice things people told us. (V)
98. Store in a file all nice things people told us. (VI)
99. Store in a file all nice things people told us. (VII) “There can only be 1 Matteo Bruno. Thank you for being such a decent human being and pleasure to work with. The new team that you will work with doesn’t know how blessed they are.” Brad “Thank you for your patience and guidance throughout the last years. Your humor has gotten me through many frustrating days. You are an incredibly skilled developer and just all-round awesome guy.” Natalie “You have always been the most supportive and friendly colleague I’ve ever met, and you were always there if any help needed.” Darya
100. Store in a file all nice things people told us. (VIII)
101. Store in a file all nice things people told us. (IX)
102. Store in a file all nice things people told us. (X) Every time you get a message or an email that contains something nice about you, SAVE IT!
103. We will die, eventually, so stop being scared! “Stop being afraid of what could go wrong, and start being excited of what could go right.” Tony Robbins - American author, philanthropist, and life coach “Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will.” Suzy Kassem - American writer, poet, philosopher, and multi-faceted artist “Your mission: be so busy loving your life that you have no time for hate, regret or fear.” Karen Salmansohn - Multi bestselling author and award winning designer
104. Therefore, how can we turn this bad feeling in positive energy?
105. Remember, you achieved a lot in your life! Just think about it! 01 Try to do the same exercise I just showed you, going through those steps. You will be surprised by the fact you did great so far! 02 Enjoy this exciting feeling of looking back at your life / career and seeing how many wonderful things happened to you! 03 Repeat these steps every time you need! An extra boost of energy is always welcome! 😉
106. If you got to this point, and you recognized how good you are... well, congrats, you did a great job! Keep in mind: - No fear of getting out from our comfort zone. That’s where great things happen! - No one is immune from self-doubts, we should manage them and use them at our advantage, to bloom and achieve our goals. - Talk more to ourselves, without turning us down. Sport champions are doing it all the time to get focused, motivated and energized. We are champions too! - Talk to people, and learn from them! Everyone is a master in something.
108. Just a small town girl Livin' in a lonely world She took the midnight train goin' anywhere Just a city boy Born and raised in south Detroit He took the midnight train goin' anywhere Don't stop believin' Hold on to the feelin' Streetlights, people Don't stop believin' Hold on Streetlights, people Last but foremost: Don’t stop believin’
111. Links https://www.scienceofpeople.com/impostor-syndrome/ https://guide.freecodecamp.org/working-in-tech/impostor-syndrome/ https://www.cnet.com/news/tech-employees-likely-to-suffer-from-impostor-syndrome/ https://www.theopennotebook.com/2016/11/15/feeling-like-a-fraud-the-impostor-phenomenon-in-science-writing/ https://www.powerofpositivity.com/11-signs-you-have-impostor-syndrome-and-how-to-fix-it/ https://www.verywellmind.com/impostor-syndrome-and-social-anxiety-disorder-4156469 https://medium.com/coffee-and-junk/cognitive-bias-dunning-kruger-bias-67082981864c https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2019/1/31/18200497/dunning-kruger-effect-explained-trump https://www.themuse.com/advice/5-different-types-of-imposter-syndrome-and-5-ways-to-battle-each-one https://impostorhood.com/what-causes-the-impostor-syndrome/ https://www.verywellmind.com/an-overview-of-the-dunning-kruger-effect-4160740 https://www.techrepublic.com/article/why-impostor-syndrome-persists-in-the-workplace-and-how-to-deal-with-it/ https://www.entrepreneur.com/slideshow/304273 https://neil-gaiman.tumblr.com/post/160603396711/hi-i-read-that-youve-dealt-with-with-impostor https://www.fastcompany.com/40447089/its-not-just-you-these-super-successful-people-suffer-from-impostor-syndrome https://startupbros.com/21-ways-overcome-impostor-syndrome/ https://ideas.ted.com/self-doubt-can-actually-help-you-bloom-and-it-all-starts-with-how-you-talk-to-yourself/ https://ladybug.dev/episode/impostor-syndrome/ https://medium.com/@tom.stevenson78/the-way-we-talk-to-ourselves-tells-us-more-than-we-realise-b526d4074d3 Journey https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcjzHMhBtf0 - Glee https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FaJshIWdpU
112. https://bit.ly/3E30FbN