17/03/26 1 INT. CUPPA MUD CAFE – EVENING (CLOSING TIME) An evening, warm glow shines through the front facing window of the cafe as Joe, closing down, begins to wipe the counter. It’s closing time, perfect - however, Joe and Teedee are at the tail end of a heated debate. JOE (disgusted) I can’t believe you’re drinking that. It cannot be good for you. I could make you something actually nice if you want. Teedee takes a sip from a massive takeaway coffee cup, covered in corporate branding and a mound of whipped cream. TEEDEE It’s fast, cheap and I bet nobody here could tell the difference. Teedee gestures behind to the 1’s of customers in the cafe. JOE (smug) I think our customers are a little smarter than you give them credit for. Joe then watches as a customer takes a bite out of a coffee mug and chews it like a horse. A little disappointed, he turns back to Teedee who has started fingering around in the tip jar.. TEEDEE It doesn’t matter, technically I’m banned from this place anyway. QUICK CUT TO: A BANNED CUSTOMER BOARD behind the counter, subtitled “DO NOT SERVE,” covered in pictures of TEEDEE in various disguises.
17/03/26 2 JOE (sighs) Yeah, well… Joe smacks her hand and she slumps over to the other side of the counter. JOE Your breath stinks. Teedee leans into Joe, and takes a massive, loud sip from her oversized takeaway cup. Joe smacks it out of her hand in frustration, and the cup flies across the room and into a potted plant. A beat later, the harsh chemicals in the coffee, cause it to wither and die. (Beat) It then catches light. Joe looks smugly at Teedee. TEEDEE The next one's going on you. In the distance an arrogant, yet somewhat catchy chant can be heard. Teedee and Joe turn and face the kitchen door. BEANS (O.S.) Close. Close . Close. Close. Close! Beans carrying a huge, loaded tray of steaming crockery, boots the kitchen door open, and continues his celebratory chant as he crashes down the delicate crockery onto the cafe counter. BEANS Close! CLOSE! CLOSE! CLOSE! Beans climbs up onto the counter, and begins shaking Joe back and forth. The last few customers of the day leave in a huff because of the loud noise. This upsets Joe momentarily but soon he, Teedee and Beans are all chanting. ALL THREE CLOSE! CLOSE! CLOSE! CLOSE!
17/03/26 3 BEANS YESS! We’re finally free! JOE (smug) I thought it was a pretty easy day. BEANS Yeah but, look - Beans points at the calendar hanging above the coffee machine. BEANS We have worked non stop for the past 3 weeks. I need ME time Joe! Beans begins shaking Joe again. BEANS I NEED LEISURE. JOE (investigating the calendar, untrusting) Yeahhh, you’re right. We’ve picked up quite a few jobs the past few weeks. But Beans! Joe jumps back excitedly. JOE That means it’s working! People have started realising we’re the go to guys for anything!. Soon We’ll be able to BUY this place! BEANS Yeah I know but-
17/03/26 4 JOE Think, no more bosses. NO MORE being told what to do! Me and you! Running this place by OURSELVES. CUT TO: INT JOE’S CUPPA MUD DREAMSCAPE We cut to Joe’s imagination. Inside, they’re lying on loungers in a golden, palatial version of the café, sipping coffee while customers fan them with leaves. Naturally, the mayor arrives to congratulate them. MAYOR Thank you, Joe and Beans! Your coffee shop has done so well under your “cool and youthful” take on management, that you deserve the key to the city! BEANS Oh, SICK! Beans glances up for a moment, taking in their success, then looks back down and continues playing his Game Boy Colour. A woman runs over and kisses Joe on the cheek. WOMAN And I, your childhood crush, don’t think you’re boring and weird. I am IN LOVE with you, JOE! BEANS (cheering) Wooooooo! A guitar flies through the air. Joe catches it and plays a tasty lick the real him could never comprehend. JOE I LOVE YOU TOO-
17/03/26 5 CUT TO: INT. CUPPA MUD CAFE – EVENING (CLOSING TIME) JOE(CONT’D) -MRS FERGURSON. BEANS (Shouting) JOE! Joe falls silent, shaken back to reality. BEANS (shrugs) I know, and I… Mrs Fergurson? The PE teacher? BEAT. Joe looks away, half-embarrassed about being in love with their childhood PE teacher, half remembering the way her hair bounced when she did shot put. BEANS (CONT’D) (suspicious) I… I know we’re doing good. And I want to bin off Steve as much as you do. Beans gestures to a framed photo titled “The 3 Coff-migos.” In it, their awful boss, Steve, has both of them locked in a too-tight “photo pose” that’s clearly just a hug. Joe and Beans grimace, mid-escape. TEEDEE Booo. That guys sucks. Teedee throws a croissant at the picture. BEANS (shrugs) I’m just excited for the night off.
17/03/26 6 TEEDEE Yeah, you guys have been working pretty hard lately. How much money have you raised so far? Beans looks away embarrassed, starting to put the clean mugs and saucers in the cabinet below the counter. JOE We HAD made quite a bit of money, until somebody invested it all in his stupid jazz album. Beans hops up quickly. BEANS It’s reggae soul! And it’s going to POP OFF! JOE NO IT’s NOT! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO WITH 200 copies of THIS? Joe opens a drawer full to the brim with cassettes, and pulls out a cassette copy of ‘Bean Chillin’ a reggae soul cover album by Beans. BEANS SELL THEM! Did you even play them in the cafe today? Joe thinks back to this morning… CUT TO: INT : CUPPA MUD. MORNING. Joe is opening the cafe in the morning. He looks at the tape, the cover: Beans sat in a Hawaiian shirt on a white sand beach at sunset. He huffs, puts the cassette into the boombox, hits play and upon 1 second of music playing a huge, angry,
17/03/26 7 muscular man sprints in and smashes the boombox with a baseball bat. MAN (Screaming) KNOCK IT OFF! I’ve got a newborn SON! CUT TO: INT : CUPPA MUD EVENING. JOE (Thinking) People weren’t really into it. The cafe phone begins to ring and Joe walks away to answer it. BEANS They’ll sell. It’s all about supply and demand. Watch. Beans turns to Teedee and pulls out a pencil. BEANS Teedee, sell me this pencil. Teedee takes the pencil and observes it. Joe walks back over to the two. JOE (awkwardly) SO, who wants to do a bit of part time work for cash…? Those in favour say ‘Aah’! BEANS (condescendingly) Don’t you mean aye-
17/03/26 8 Teedee jams the pencil into Beans’ hand on the counter. BEANS (screaming) AAAAHHHHHHH! HARD CUT TO: INT : PETAL TO THE MEDAL MAIN ENTRANCE Inside the florist ‘Petal to the Medal’, Joe and Beans are being shown around by a man named Frank. Frank appears to be the perfect dictionary depiction of a mad scientist: white manic hair held up with thick 60s glasses, a stained t-shirt hidden by a long burnt white lab coat, and exposed toes being held together by dark brown leathered sandals. Frank, in short, looks mental. Beans, rubbing his hand scowls at Joe. FRANK (cutting off) Well boys, thanks for coming at such short notice. JOE Not a problem. What do you need a hand with? FRANK Well, just a few jobs here and there… I’ve really been meaning to get an assistant- Frank hands Beans a list of chores for the day. Beans takes it and shoves the paper into his hoodie pocket. FRANK (CONT’D) -As a florist I like to try-
17/03/26 9 Frank begins rambling about plants. Beans yawns loudly and looks around, clearly uninterested, peeking into an open bag of manure. FRANK (CONT’D) Of course, my true passion lies in the sciences. I was somewhat of a genius 20 years ago. Or 40. I don’t—HA!—know how long I’ve been here. Frank looks around nervously, as if he’s been waiting years for someone to shoot him in the shins. He shakes off the paranoia, scratches his arm three times, and continues. FRANK (CONT’D) But of course nobody will hire me anymore because I’m… BEANS (chiming in) Mental? Joe immediately grabs Beans and shoves his head into the sack of manure. Beans starts screaming as Joe keeps pushing his head down to stop him talking. JOE (forced enthusiasm) Men–TALENTED! Talented! Mentalented. Ha! You must be a talented scientist to afford this place. Joe gestures proudly around the shop. Suddenly, an armchair crashes through the ceiling, smashing into the floor below. A cat SCREAMS in the distance. BEAT.
17/03/26 10 FRANK (untrusting) Yes… It is nice isn’t it? Right this way, boys. We’ll start with some bush trimming. Frank turns to exit. Joe finally lets go of Beans. Beans pulls his head out of the manure bag, now completely covered in dirt, gasping for air. BEANS I’m not going anywhere near that man’s bush. Joe shrugs and follows Frank out the room. Beans stays behind, brushing manure off himself and spots a LAVATORY sign. Noticing his filthy clothes, sighs. BEANS LAVA… TORY. Well, at least I can get clean. As he walks through the doorway, vines and leaves growing around the frame creak and slowly move, revealing the door’s true sign: LABORATORY INT. FLORIST LABORATORY – CONTINUOUS Beans enters a large, cold laboratory. The room is filled with beakers of strange fluids, Bunsen burners, cloning tubes, and cages holding bizarre hybrids - creatures stitched together from animals and plants. The lab looks like someone sneezed their spinach lunch across the room: everything is coated in moss, tangled grass, and scattered piles of soil. As he walks through, the heads of the plants swivel to follow him, their gaze unnervingly fixed.
17/03/26 11 Beans looks around, uneasy. BEANS What? …Is this… He walks over to a glass tank containing what appears to be a log. Beans knocks on the glass. He notices a sticky label on the side and reads it. BEANS Hedge… log? Beans turns back to the log. The log slowly begins to unravel. Two eyes pop out from one end, followed by four stumpy legs at the bottom. A creature - a living log, cute and sturdy - begins sniffing the glass. BEANS Aww. The hedgelog looks at Beans sweetly - then snaps its head to the side, unhinges its jaw, revealing sharp teeth in its drooling mouth before bolting toward the glass. BEANS (alarmed) WOAH! Beans stumbles back in fright, knocking over a table of glass jars and lab equipment. He gets tangled in a dusty blanket and tumbles face-first into a nearby closet, landing hard. A dark shadow looms over him as he lies dazed on the floor.
17/03/26 12 INT. FLORIST LABORATORY CLOSET – CONTINUOUS BEANS (groaning) Urrrrrgh… A secret room in a secret room? Feels a little “hat on a hat”. Don’tcha say Frank? As the dust settles, Beans pulls his beanie back into place, brushes himself off, grumbling, and launches into a terrible, 2/10 impression of Frank - completely unaware of the thing looming over him. BEANS (Imitating Frank) Haha! No! This is where I keep my plant bride! And my beautiful plant children! And my plant toilet for my plant- Beans looks up and sees the thing above him: : a giant eight-foot beanstalk. BEANS (CONT’D) …poos. BEAT He gulps in fear, immediately regretting what he said about the plant poos. Vines cover the entirety of the closet, and roots dig into the wooden floor. The stalk is green, with purple, pulsing veins along its branches. Hanging from it are shoebox-sized bean pods and a sign that reads, “DO NOT TOUCH.” Beans looks at the bean pod. Then at the sign. Then back at the bean pod. BEANS (smug and a little annoyed) I’m obviously touching it.
17/03/26 13 Without hesitation, he slaps his palm against the base of the stalk. Instantly, the plant’s flesh wraps around his hand, gripping tight and pulling him in. BEANS Ah. The beanstalk keeps sucking him in - first his arm, then his torso, and slowly his head. BEANS Hmm. (beat) BEANS (panicked) NO! WHY DIDN’T ANYONE WARN ME! JOE! WHERE ARE YOUUU- CUT TO: INT : PETAL TO THE MEDAL GREENHOUSE Joe is sitting at a table listening to Frank give a long, boring speech about the different inconsistencies of dirt and their origins. Joe is falling asleep. BEANS (CONT’D, distant) -YOUUU? FRANK (droning) And the interesting thing about southern himalayan sea dirt is the strange brown hue that is immensely contrasting but not too dissimilar to the Alaskan water put-put mud. You see the different species tend to-
17/03/26 14 Joe’s head slams on the table as he finally falls asleep, the impact waking him up again immediately. JOE (startled) BUSHES! SMASH CUT TO: INT. FLORIST LABORATORY CLOSET – CONTINUOUS BEANS (panicked) AAAAHHHHHHH! Beans is sucked completely into the beanstalk. A beat later he is spat out of the top, covered in a sticky green ooze. Tensions rise as what appears to be a Venus flytrap, with a bean-pod-shaped head, unravels from the stalk and lowers toward Beans - its teeth sharp and ready to bite. Beans attempts to get up and run but keeps slipping on the green ooze that coats him. The head stops, now inches from Beans’ head, and shakes rapidly from side to side. Slowly, a glowing, egg-shaped mass can be seen sliding down the creature’s throat toward its mouth. The plant begins to cough and, in a cowboy-spittoon-like fashion, the creature spits out three green eggs at Beans’ feet. BEANS (grossed out) Grim. The plant straightens, returning to its original stalk-like pose. Beans’ gaze shifts back to the three green eggs, lying on the floor and sweating. One by one, the eggs begin to vibrate. Beans continues to look on in awe as the first unravels, revealing a small, pint-sized
17/03/26 15 clone of himself - a Beanling. Then the second, and finally the third. Beans’ look of disgust begins to bend into an ear-to-ear smile. BEANS Oh my god. BEANLING 01 (imitating) Oh… BEANLING 02 (imitating) …my… BEANLING 03 (imitating) …God. CUT TO BLACK INT. FLORIST LABORATORY Beans smiles in awe at the three pint-sized clones of himself, standing in a line before him. He paces back and forth, rambling under his breath - trying to make sense of the situation. BEANS (rambling) This is craaaazyyyy. Crazy! Frank’s an actual mad scientist. I thought scientists were just in films. Do people really do that for a living? Well, I guess doctors… and that bloke with the robot voice and cool chair. Beans stops and turns to the first Beanling, leaning in close, inspecting, and pointing at its face. BEANS You! Hey, buddy. Erm - nice to… meet me?
17/03/26 16 Beanling 01 looks confused. Beans leans in even closer, looking it up and down. BEANS So, are you me? Or are you, like, a baby version of me? Beanling 01 grabs the end of Beans’ beak and mimics his pointing hand. BEANLING 01 Bud… eeee. Buddeeee.. BEANS (Excited) Yeah man! Me and you: buddies. Beans ruffles the Beanling’s little grass hair, and it smiles back at him fondly. BEANS I’m gonna call you Graham. Beanling 01 Graham and Beans share a brief moment of love, Beans is a mother now. Shaking off these gross feelings of kinship, he turns to the other Beanlings. BEANS Haha, cool. Baby me. OI!, you two- Beans turns to see Beanling 02 perched on top of Beanling 03, brandishing a comically oversized hammer as they reach for the HedgeLog in its tank. They freeze when caught and look back at him. BEANS (shouting) STOP THAT! The two Beanlings quickly climb down and hurry back to Beans, forming a neat line like soldiers. BEANS You guys… do as I say?
17/03/26 17 BEAT Beans reaches into his hoodie pocket and pulls out the chore list Frank gave him. BEANS (gleefully) Whoever wants to do some jobs, say “Aahh!” INT. FLORIST LABORATORY CLOSET – CONTINUOUS Unbeknownst to Beans, back in the closet, the plant shudders violently. A slithering sound fills the air again as it begins spitting out more eggs, one after another. CUT TO: EXT : PETAL TO THE MEDAL GARDEN After an hour of intense labour, Joe finally hucks the last bag of fertiliser onto a towering pile. Sweating, he slides down the side of the heap and collapses onto the ground, out of breath. JOE (exhausted) Two… hundred… and fifty… bags. DONE. UUUrrrrrghhhhhhh- Joe lies staring at the sky in a daze. Beans strolls over, leaning over him with a smug grin. BEANS Hello there. Joe lifts his arms, and they flop as if they have no bones. JOE I blame you for this.
17/03/26 18 Joe sits up and shoves Beans’ head out of the way. Beans flips a plant pot into a makeshift stool and perches on it, looking down at Joe. BEANS Who, ME? Well you can rest now, guess who just finished ALL OF THE WORK? . Beans stands, arms open, jazz hands imminent, waiting for applause. There is none. A man coughs somewhere in the distance. JOE We’ve been here an hour, there’s no way- BEANS (mocking Joe) -”no way you could have” pfffftttttt. IT’S DONE. Thank me later, brother. Let’s get outta here. Beans hops off the plant pot, remaining very much on his high horse. Off-screen, Frank’s scream steadily grows louder. Suddenly, Frank bursts through the back doors of the florist into the garden - criminally unfit. FRANK (Screaming) YOU! Joe and Beans pause and turn toward the scientist. His once harmless, idiotic demeanor is gone - Frank is fuming. FRANK (Screaming) WHAT HAVE YOU-
17/03/26 19 CUT TO: INT: PETAL TO THE MEDAL MAIN ENTRANCE FRANK (CONT’D) -DONE? Frank drags the boys back to the main room of the florist where they first met. The flowers are gone. The plants are gone. Bags of soil are scattered everywhere. Vines hang torn from the ceiling, and shattered plant pots litter the floor. The place is a complete dump. JOE I- don’t understa.. WHAT? Beans?! Beans, flustered and lost for words, steps into what looks like a floral cemetery. BEANS It wasn’t me! I’ve been upstairs in the- Beans steps on a crumpled piece of paper. He picks it up and, on closer inspection, realises it’s the list of chores he gave the Beanlings. All the colour drains from his face. BEANS Oh no. The chores list is revealed one task at a time, and each time, we see the Beanlings’ ruined version of the task. TRIM BUSHES The bushes have been shredded, leaving only the nibbled-on roots. WATER PLANTS All the potted plants have been dumped into a bathtub, the tap still running.
17/03/26 20 WASH CAR A pristine 1960s convertible, straight out of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off , is filled to the brim with soil. WASH DISHES A spotless pile of crockery is neatly stacked near a sink. BEANS (surprised) Oh. Well, they actually did a good job with that one. JOE Who did a good job with that? FRANK What do you mean upstairs? BEANS Listen… Behind Beans, soil is smeared across the walls of the florist. In jagged letters, it reads: THE BEANS WOZ HERE BEANS I’m a mother now. INT. FLORIST LABORATORY – CONTINUOUS Back upstairs in the lab, Beans shows Frank and Joe the three empty eggshells on the floor. Frank paces back and forth, stressed, while Joe tries to piece the story together in his head. BEANS -And that’s everything that happened. Joe is silent for a second, pondering, hand on chin.
17/03/26 21 JOE So… Gremlins? BEANS Kind of like Gremlins… But, they look like me? JOE Beanlings? BEANS Beanlings. Joe and Beans turn to a stressed out Frank both in agreement of a stupid new term. JOE AND BEANS Beanlings. FRANK (interrupting) Well, as long as they’re only doing things in the shop, we’re okay - we can round them up. Beans stands still, suddenly a little quiet. BEANS Say, hypothetically, I sent them to do some more jobs… outside … We hadn’t finished? Joe slaps himself in the face - visibly annoyed. A TV turns on in the corner of the room. NEWS ANCHOR It’s hour 2 of Gremlins - JOE AND BEANS (interrupting) Beanlings.
17/03/26 22 BEANS (CONT’D) (heckling) -It’s different! NEWS ANCHOR (CONT’D) -attacking Sitty City. Streets are in chaos. Citizens are advised: REMAIN INDOORS. Cut to: NEWS STORY of Beanling mayhem: (TV STATIC) An old lady is trying to cross the street. A Beanling offers her a hand. OLD LADY Oh! Thank you sonny. So swee- The Beanling lobs her across the street like a human basketball. She lands safely, but upside-down in a bin. Nothing but Annette. (TV STATIC) A businessman parks his luxury car outside a classy restaurant. He tosses the keys to a Beanling. BUSINESS MAN Take her easy ya hear bud? The Beanling gives him the thumbs up, then accelerates wildly, launching the car over a cliff. (TV STATIC) A Beanling is scrubbing a wall with a sponge and bucket of water. Pleased with his work he smiles and walks away. The camera pans - he’s actually erasing a mural. A street artist carrying a box of paint arrives.
17/03/26 23 STREET ARTIST MY LIFE’S WORK… RUINED! (TV STATIC) A Beanling, holding a pig and a ‘Lost Pet’ poster, approaches a grateful man. The Beanling hands over the pig and poster. The man beams, shakes the Beanling’s hand. The Beanling nods politely and walks away. The camera pans out slowly. The storefront sign reads: “BUTCHERS.” The TV turns off abruptly. Frank holding a remote looks terrified. INT. FLORIST LABORATORY – CONTINUOUS FRANK: Oh no… no, no, no, no. I’m in so much trouble… This is—haha—no, this is why they banned me from doing any more p e r s o n a l experiments. BEANS (startled) BANNED you?? Frank suddenly grabs Beans and Joe by their shoulders, holding them close to his sweating face. FRANK: Boys, I need your help. I need your - HAHAHA - I NEED YOUR HELP! BEANS Ang on, why don’t we just- Joe steps in front of Beans, interrupting him. JOE How can we help? Beans sinks back behind Joe, annoyed at being talked over.
17/03/26 24 FRANK We just need them back here. Then we can destroy them. BEANS (worried) Whoa! That’s a bit harsh! They’re like kids! And they aren’t really doing anything that bad. The TV turns itself back on. NEWS REPORTER THEY REALLY ARE DOING THINGS THAT BAD! IT APPEARS THE GREMLINS have EATEN the CAMERA CREW. Shot of a Beanling lying on its belly, slowly swallowing a TV producer whole - like a snake - as he lies there, accepting his fate. Another Beanling spots the camera op, and lunges at him. A muffled scream is heard, and the TV cuts to black. BEAT. BEANS (defeated) Yeah, alright. Frank grabs a hammer from the side and smashes an “IN CASE OF EMERGENCY” box on the wall. He pulls out another hammer from inside, which he uses to smash an identical “IN CASE OF EMERGENCY” box next to it. From inside, he retrieves a key. Frank unlocks a cabinet in the lab. On the shelves: rows of supernatural, Ghostbuster-esque uniforms, gadgets, technology, and plant repellent. FRANK (action movie voice) I’m going to need you boys to finish whacking those weeds.
17/03/26 25 A quick montage: Joe and Beans suiting up in Luigi’s Mansion -style weed-whacking equipment. Full boiler suits, gadgets from head to toe: Joe with a vacuum cleaner, Beans with a garden fork, both sporting sunglasses. EXT : PETAL TO THE MEDAL ROOFTOP The two boys - hero shot - stand suited up on the florist rooftop, looking out over the city on the horizon: on fire, in utter chaos, police helicopters circling, sirens blasting. Beans cocks the gardening fork like a shotgun and a shell somehow falls to the floor. JOE (serious) Time to get our hands dirby. BEAT BEANS (confused) Dirb- JOE (upset) I know I ruined it. EXT : OUTER SITTY CITY - WATER TOWER On the outskirts of the city, the boys stand at the base of the Sitty City Water Tower. Beyond it, the dense forest that rings the city stretches into the distance. Beans squats, scoops up a clump of dirt, sniffs it, then lets it fall back to the ground. BEANS They’re here, I can feel it. It’s a mother’s intuition.
17/03/26 26 JOE The TV said this is the last place the Beanlings were spotted. BEANS That too. JOE (puzzled) I wonder what they're doing here though. They both tilt their heads up. The water tower looms impossibly tall above the city, its shadow stretching long across the skyline in the glow of the setting sun. BEANS I knew it! GRAHAM! At the very top stands Beanling 01 - Graham - overlooking the ruined city below, the work of him and his brothers. EXT. WATER TOWER – TOP Graham gazes out over the destruction, hands clasped together like an evil genius admiring his masterpiece. Beans pulls himself over the edge, completely exhausted from the climb. BEANS (exhausted) Grah—Gra—Grow… Aw, go-. Aw no - I'm… I'm gonna throw up. Beans flops on to the top of the water tower, exhausted. Joe pops his head up, completely fine.
17/03/26 27 JOE You’ve really got to stop eating the stale bread at the park. BEANS (shouting) NEVER! Beans pushes himself upright, wobbling slightly, and starts toward Graham. BEANS Graham, it’s me! Graham turns. BEANS Buddies remember! Buddeee? Beans mimics the same pointing motion as earlier. He and Graham lock eyes. For a moment, everything softens. A strange, tender, almost mother-son connection. It’s oddly beautiful. JOE BEANS, DUCK! Joe suddenly drops to one knee and fires a net-shooting bazooka. BEANS WAIT, NO! Beans dives in slow motion, dramatically intercepting the net. It wraps around him. Graham looks down - hurt flickers across his face, quickly twisting into anger. He leaps from the tower.
17/03/26 28 The ground below begins to rumble like an earthquake. Beans struggles upright, tearing the net off himself and Joe storms over, furious. JOE (angry) BEANS! WE HAD HIM! What’s your DEAL today? Do you even want to buy the cafe anymore? First you don’t want to work, then you bail and DON’T EVEN HELP me and now- BEANS NO! The tower sways as the rumbling intensifies. They stand alone now at the top, the structure shaking beneath them almost reacting to the argument. JOE No? BEANS YEA, NO! JOE What? BEANS (defeated) I - I dunno mate… Beans sinks down, curling into himself, face buried in his knees.
17/03/26 29 BEANS I WANT to do the jobs with you, Joe! Of COURSE I wanna buy the café, but the whole point of us doing all of these part time jobs was to get rid of our boss. We’re meant to be a team! JOE (interrupting) Yeah I know- BEANS See! You always talk over me! You have all day - you’ve started being really bossy. It doesn’t feel like teamwork anymore. It feels like- Beans stops, struggling to find a better word than “meanwork.” He pulls his reggae soul tape from his pocket, staring at it as he rubs his thumb along its edge. BEANS (upset) I just feel stupid. He tosses the tape aside. It skids to a stop at Joe’s feet. Joe looks down at it, guilt settling in. He hadn’t realised how much he’d been taking over and dismissing Beans, telling him what to do. They’re supposed to be a team. And he’s going to start acting like it. JOE Hey, Beans… Joe steps closer. Beans looks up. Joe reaches out-
17/03/26 30 JOE What should we do? Beans smiles faintly, grabbing Joe’s hand and pulling himself back to his feet. The shaking worsens, nearly knocking them over again, and suddenly, the radio clipped to Joe’s hip crackles to life. FRANK JOEL? BEADS? Can you hear me- INT. FLORIST LABORATORY FRANK (CONT”D) -boys? Frank grips the radio, frantic. Through the crackling signal, Joe responds. JOE YEAH, WE CAN HEAR YOU. WHAT’S HAPPENING? BEANS (O.S) Beads? Frank slowly turns. Behind him, the closet door that once contained the mutant beanstalk hangs open. FRANK I’ve just come across something terrible, boys. The Beanlings -there’s - there’s gonna be a few more for you to catch. JOE (smuggly) What, like four? Five? Frank looks at the floor: littered with hundreds of split-open egg sacs, empty and lifeless.
17/03/26 31 FRANK Urm… HAHA! more like - EXT. WATER TOWER – TOP FRANK (CONT’D) hundreds. Behind Joe and Beans, a massive green explosion erupts. Hundreds of small green blurs rocket through the air, merging and twisting together like a giant blob of play-dough, growing larger and larger. BEANS They’re combining... The Beanlings are merging into a single, massive, kaiju-like monster. Its eyes lock on Joe and Beans atop the water tower. The sheer size of it is overwhelming. It lets out a deafening roar, blasting Joe and Beans off their feet. JOE AND BEANS (screaming) AAAAHhhhhhh! Luckily, the boys grab onto the grated surface of the tower, holding on for dear life. The Bean monster leans its weight against the structure, tilting it perilously. Joe and Beans’ plant-themed tech is blown off of their backs, plummeting into the chasm below. Beans’ pack manages to hook onto the tallest point of the tower. JOE It’s trying to push over the tower! Why?! BEANS (realising) The-the last job on our to-do list! It was to “clean the city”! It wants to flood the city to clean it!
17/03/26 32 The monster lunges again, smashing the tower. A massive splash of water cascades down, drenching the city below. JOE (shouting) But that’s stupid! BEANS (shouting) Well, why don’t you tell HIM that?! The monster strikes again, sending one of the four support beams crashing down. JOE (shouting) Well, we have to stop it! One more of those and we’re all gonna end up fertilizer. BEANS (shouting) I just wish I could talk to him! We get on! He’s like- Beans pauses, an idea forming. BEANS He’s.. like me! BEANS HE’S LIKE ME JOE! Beans scrambles to his feet, eyes fixed on his weed-whacker pack dangling atop the tower. He grabs the cassette from the floor and rushes toward the pack. JOE BEANS! What are you doing?? Beans climbs to the very top, now eye-level with the monster, poised to strike the tower a final time.
17/03/26 33 He opens his pack, pulls out a Walkman, and slips in his tape. BEANS Graham, buddy. I know you’re in there. I think you need- The monster reels back for its final attack on the tower. Beans presses play and holds the cassette player high toward the sky. BEANS (CONT’D) -to CHILL OUT. A ridiculously terrible, yet somewhat catchy reggae-soul cover blasts from the Walkman. The Bean monster freezes mid-strike, its frown slowly softening into a smile. It’s captivating: Beans’ music speaks to him. The camera zooms in: the Beanling starts vibing, tapping its foot. On closer inspection, the individual Beanlings that make up its body begin dancing in rhythm. Their joy spreads like a virus, breaking down the giant monster. One by one, the Beanlings pop off the monster, separating, returning to their original forms. JOE (laughing) They’re popping off. The Reggae Soul is POPPING OFF! The monster continues to shrink, and finally, when the music fades, all that remains is Graham, seated atop the water tower, with Joe and Beans beside him. The other Beanlings disperse peacefully into the surrounding forest. Joe and Beans sit on the rooftop, with Graham between them, stunned. The three sit atop the water tower, watching, as the sun sets over Sitty City.
17/03/26 34 CUT TO: INT. CUPPA MUD CAFE – NIGHT Joe and Beans return to the cafe. They unlock the doors, stumble inside, and collapse onto the floor. BEANS (knackered) Urrrrrghhhh. What a day. How much did we make? Joe pulls a wad of cash from his back pocket and starts counting. JOE Two, four, eight… Thirty-five quid. Both let out a massive groan. JOE AND BEANS UUUUUUURGGGHHHH. BEAT. JOE Did Frank say you could see Graham whenever you wanted? BEANS Yeah, guess he kind of got that assistant he always needed. And LOOK! Beans pulls two notes from his pocket and, using his tired, noodle-like arms, waves them weakly in the air. BEANS AND he bought a cassette for Graham, since it's his favourite song now.
17/03/26 35 JOE Ayyyy you sold one! How much did you make? BEANS Tenner. JOE Nice. The boys lie on the floor, staring at the ceiling. Joe playfully punches Beans lightly on the arm. JOE Proud of you man. BEANS Thanks brother. The two smile, and Joe jolts to his feet before any accidental tears are shed. JOE I can’t believe we saved the city, BY ACCIDENT. AGAIN. Why can’t the jobs ever be, y’know - normal? BEANS Because this city is whack. Joe walks over to a poster above the coffee machine. He carefully peels the sellotape at the bottom and flips it up, revealing a hand-drawn poster: “ROAD TO FREEDOM” with a money metre tracking their progress. Beans gets up and joins him. BEANS How close are we?
17/03/26 36 Joe scribbles the money metre up £45, barely making a dent. JOE We’ve got a lot to do before we can buy this place off of Steve next year. They both look at the poster, then fold it back down. BEANS Ay, but you know what? There’s no one I’d rather be doing it with. JOE (warmly) Ay. The boys share a quiet moment of joint appreciation and exhaustion. JOE Let’s go home. They head for the exit, only to be met by their boss, Steve. STEVE Morning boys! Ready for another exciting day of work? Joe glances at the clock: 8 a.m., opening time. He and Beans exchange a tired glance. STEVE We’ve got a lot of eager customers already waiting. Why don’t you let them in?
17/03/26 37 Joe and Beans push open the front door, and hundreds of Beanlings are revealed, standing there, smiling and awaiting entry. END
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