The Building Blocks of Feedback (4H)

Transcript

1. Arthur Doler @arthurdoler arthurdoler@gmail.com Slides: Handout: LEARNING FEEDBACK WITH LEGO® The Building Blocks of Giving and Receiving Feedback None
2. LET’S BE LEGAL LEGO® is a trademark of the LEGO Group of companies which does not sponsor, authorize or endorse this presentation.
26. 825 million work-hours spent annually on performance reviews That’s 94,000 work-years
27. 51% of respondents said their performance review was unfair or inaccurate 25% of employees fear performance reviews more than anything else at work
28. Millions of hours of feedback training … about giving feedback Push, and push harder
32. 3 types of feedback and 2 types of mirrors Feedback labels and unpacking them Feedback triggers and solutions The whole feedback conversation
35. EXAMPLES
40. Why we want it Acknowledgement, belonging What it’s good for To acknowledge, connect, motivate, thank Pitfalls Not meeting the three criteria • Specific • Authentic • In a form the receiver values & understands
42. EXAMPLES
46. Why we want it Improvement, growth, and change What it’s good for Addressing one of two things – a need to develop certain skills, or to fix a problem or flaw in the relationship Pitfalls Can be frustrating, met with arguments or ingratitude, and is not often rewarded
48. EXAMPLES
52. Why we want it Planning, knowing where we stand What it’s good for To quantify, clarify, and inform Pitfalls Often loud, sometimes hurtful
62. The Good Emotionally supportive Strengthens the relationship Reinforces self-image The Bad Reinforces self-image Ignores potential issues Skips teaching moments
65. The Good Grows the relationship Calls out potential issues Uses teaching moments The Bad Not always welcome Difficult to determine appropriateness Requires thoughtfulness
66. EXERCISE 1 Partner Whomever you’re sitting nearest to Goals Try out the feedback types Experience each side of the mirror types Time Build: 10 minutes Feedback: 10 minutes PDF URL: bit.ly/art-feedback-ex-1
91. “WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THAT?” … REPEATEDLY
92. “COMING FROM” EXAMPLE
93. “Be more assertive.” “You were too laid back.” “Well, you didn’t…”
94. CLARIFY THE ADVICE
95. If you wanted to follow the advice, could you do it?
96. CLARIFY THE CONSEQUENCES AND EXPECTATIONS
97. What will happen immediately? What are you expected to do? What will happen if you don’t do that?
98. EXERCISE 2 Partner The person on the opposite side of your partner from Exercise 1 Goals Practice identifying and unpacking labels Time Build: 10 minutes Feedback: 10 minutes DO NOT SHARE YOUR INSTRUCTIONS WITH YOUR PARTNER! BLUE PDF URL: bit.ly/art-feedback-ex-2-b GREEN PDF URL: bit.ly/art-feedback-ex-2-g
100. SOME FEEDBACK IS EASY
102. AND THEN SOME FEEDBACK IS NOT
104. CRITICAL FEEDBACK TRIGGERS OUR MENTAL DEFENSE SYSTEMS
105. Truth Triggers Relationship Triggers Identity Triggers
107. Triggers
112. Factually Wrong Different-Planet Wrong Used To Be Right Right According to the Wrong People Wrong Context Right for You, Wrong for Me Actually Correct, but Not Right Now Unhelpful
117. “WHAT’S DIFFERENT?”
118. DIFFERENT DATA?
120. You have biases! Yes, you do. No really, you do.
121. 93% of American drivers think they are better than average 90% of managers think they’re in the top 10% Svenson, 1981 and Myers, 2005
122. DIFFERENT INTERPRETATION?
123. Clarify to the point of absurdity Dig out implicit rules
124. “WHAT’S RIGHT?”
125. What makes sense? What’s worth trying? How can you give them the benefit of the doubt about their feedback?
127. EXERCISE 3 Partner Someone you haven’t worked with yet Goals Experience truth triggers and solutions Time Build: 10 minutes Feedback: 10 minutes BLUE PDF URL: bit.ly/art-feedback-ex-3-b GREEN PDF URL: bit.ly/art-feedback-ex-3-g DO NOT SHARE YOUR INSTRUCTIONS WITH YOUR PARTNER!
129. FOR YOUR PLEASURE: A SHORT DRAMA
137. BOTH CONVERSATIONS ARE IMPORTANT
138. STAYING SILENT MAKES IT WORSE
139. 2 RELATIONSHIP TRIGGER TYPES
140. WHAT WE THINK ABOUT THEM
141. What we think about their feedback skills What we think about their credibility and knowledge What we think about how much we trust them
142. HOW WE FEEL TREATED BY THEM
143. Do they give us appreciation? Do they give us autonomy? Do they give us acceptance?
145. BE AWARE OF SWITCHTRACKING
146. TRY TO BE OBJECTIVE
147. They may suck at feedback … Is their feedback still right? They may be inexperienced… Is their inexperience valuable here? We may not trust them… Assume they mean well. Is the feedback still valid?
148. USE SYSTEMS THINKING
149. “WHO IS THE PROBLEM?” “WHO NEEDS TO CHANGE?”
151. 1 STEP BACK: YOU + ME INTERSECTIONS
153. “What is each of us contributing?” “In what ways does the feedback reflect differences in preferences, assumptions, styles, or implicit rules between us?”
154. 2 STEPS BACK: ROLE CLASHES
155. ROLE CONFUSION
159. ROLE CLARITY
163. “DO OUR ROLES MAKE IT MORE OR LESS LIKELY THAT WE MIGHT HAVE CONFLICT WITH EACH OTHER?”
164. 3 STEPS BACK: THE BIG PICTURE
166. “What other players influence our behavior and choices?” “Are physical setups, processes, or structures also contributing to the problem?”
168. START WITH YOU
169. “What am I doing (or failing to do) that is contributing to the dynamic between us?” “What parts of the system am I responsible for?”
170. DON’T SWITCHTRACK BY FOCUSING ON WHAT ISN’T YOUR FAULT
171. AVOID SHIFTING AND ABSORBING
174. LOOK FOR “ME + EVERYBODY” INTERSECTIONS
175. IF YOU’RE THE COMMON FACTOR IN A BUNCH OF PROBLEMS… THEN GREAT!
178. EXERCISE 4 Partner Someone you know well (if possible) Goals Experience relationship triggers and their solutions Time Build: 12 minutes Feedback: 8 minutes BLUE PDF URL: bit.ly/art-feedback-ex-4-b GREEN PDF URL: bit.ly/art-feedback-ex-4-g DO NOT SHARE YOUR INSTRUCTIONS WITH YOUR PARTNER!
181. HOW YOUR FEELINGS MESS WITH FEEDBACK
182. FOUR DISTORTIONS
195. Long Sustain of Positive Short Sustain of Positive Quick Recovery from Negative “I love feedback!” “No big deal either way.” Slow Recovery from Negative “I’m hopeful, but fearful.” “I hate feedback!”
197. “What do I feel?” “What’s the story I’m telling myself?” “What’s the actual feedback?”
198. FRAME THE FICTION Restrict time, specificity, and people Right-size the consequences
199. CHANGE THE CONTEXT Imagine you’re an observer Look back from the future Cast the comedy
200. “CAN I CONTROL WHAT OTHERS THINK OF ME?”
202. “IS MY SELF-STORY ROBUST OR BRITTLE?”
203. EMBRACE COMPLEXITY NEGATIVE FEEDBACK WRECKS ALL-OR- NOTHING PERSONALITIES
204. EMBRACE IDENTITY NUANCE
205. You will make mistakes You have complex intentions You have contributed to the problem
206. EXERCISE 5 Partner Whoever you worked with in Exercise 1 Goals Experience identity triggers and their solutions Time Build: 10 minutes Feedback: 10 minutes PDF URL: bit.ly/art-feedback-ex-5
207. THE MAJOR TAKEAWAYS
208. 1) Know what type of feedback and mirror you actually want 2) Get those labels unpacked 3) Be aware of your triggers and the techniques to defuse them 4) Unpack labels yourself to help the recipient 5) Give people time to deal with their triggers
209. Slides: Arthur Doler @arthurdoler arthurdoler@gmail.com Handout: None
210. Thanks For The Feedback – Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen Mindset – Carol Dweck Crucial Conversations - Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler The Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace - Gary Chapman and Paul White