Leadership and the Power of Regret: Turning Emotions into Action

@arthurdoler Arthur Doler Resources: @arthurdoler Boring details about me are
at https://arthurdoler.com LEADERSHIP & THE POWER OF REGRET https://bit.ly/art-power-of-regret TURNING EMOTIONS INTO ACTION

@arthurdoler Why hello there.

@arthurdoler When people ask what I do I always just
tell them I solve problems

@arthurdoler His name is Egbert and I hope you like
him, because he’s all over this talk

@arthurdoler Egbert is a very specific kind of jerk @arthurdoler

@arthurdoler Fear of egrets would be a specific form of
ornithophobia.

@arthurdoler Image courtesy https://roadmunk.com/guides/what-is-a-product-roadmap/

@arthurdoler Horror courtesy https://www.agilest.org/scaled-agile/safe-framework/

@arthurdoler ♫ I’m so dizzy, my head is spinning

@arthurdoler This feels like one of those slides I’ll wind
up using in a lot of talks

@arthurdoler REGRETS ARE A MAJOR WAY YOUR BRAIN TRIES TO
TURN BAD EXPERIENCES INTO LEARNING. Zeelenberg, 1999

@arthurdoler It’s so convenient – that’s exactly my topic!

@arthurdoler The Value of Regrets Counterfactuals Dealing with the Emotions
of Regret Using Regret Intelligently Regretting the Undone Communicating Your Regrets This talk is all about eating your vegetables and liking it

@arthurdoler Your egrets will be weighed against the gold you’ve
spent on mobile games

@arthurdoler Gilovich & Medvec, 1995; Zeelenberg, 1999

@arthurdoler EGBERT! ATTACK!

@arthurdoler https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/rats-can-feel-regret-180951691/

@arthurdoler Menzies & Beebee, 2019

@arthurdoler Roese & Olson, 1995

@arthurdoler Like the perspective on that table. Jeez.

@arthurdoler Roese & Olson, 1995

@arthurdoler Do not exceed more than 4 downward counterfactuals in
a 24-hour period

@arthurdoler This is dependent somewhat on your developed tendencies

@arthurdoler Gilovich & Medvec, 1995

@arthurdoler Medvec & Savitsky, 1997

@arthurdoler Okay, let’s try this again…

@arthurdoler “Hey, are you into counterfactual examination of catastrophic prior
events?”

@arthurdoler “… excuse me?”

@arthurdoler “Man I should not have said that…”

@arthurdoler “I bet they’d have liked it more if I
asked them about cheese…”

@arthurdoler “WHY DIDN’T I ASK THEM ABOUT CHEESE?!”

@arthurdoler Summerville, 2005

@arthurdoler This is the opposite of what you feel like
you experience.

@arthurdoler Your brain dropping into your DMs with some bad
news from 5 years ago

@arthurdoler Personally, I recommend screaming and running.

@arthurdoler The dirtiest dang martini in town

@arthurdoler Cow is strong to electric, so it is not
scared @arthurdoler

@arthurdoler Rickard, 2002 – yeah, I provided a citation for
this. I’m that cool.

@arthurdoler Ehring, 2021

@arthurdoler “You look pretty funny for a Holstein, friend…”

@arthurdoler Sansone & Sansone, 2012

@arthurdoler RUMINATION IS MORE LIKELY WHEN: •It’s clear how your
actions led to the event •The negative event more immediately follows your action •The consequences were severe •You cannot undo the event, or prevent a similar one For this specific type of rumination, anyhow…

@arthurdoler Look at that, we’re already delivering you some value
on slide 44.

@arthurdoler Nolen-Hoeksema, Wisco & Lyubomirsky, 2008

@arthurdoler “I have specific comfort needs.” “So… let’s talk about
that…”

@arthurdoler BUT EMOTIONS CAN ALSO BE THE CAUSE OF YOUR
BRAIN GENERATING COUNTERFACTUALS THAT BECOME REGRET! Your brain? A problem? Who ever would have suspected?!

@arthurdoler WE DO NOT LIKE THE IDEA THAT BAD THINGS
HAPPEN WITH NO REASON Lerner & Montada, 1998

@arthurdoler Kay, Whitson, Gaucher & Galinsky, 2018

@arthurdoler THIS CAN LEAD TO BLAMING YOURSELF UNNECESSARILY! Maitner &
Summerville, 2022

@arthurdoler Not pictured: angrily flipping the controller across the room

@arthurdoler Epstude & Roese, 2008

@arthurdoler By following the three Rs! It’s always the 3
Rs.

@arthurdoler Also known as The Way of the Egret

@arthurdoler REGRET Pull some regrets from the Regret Pile you
keep out back

@arthurdoler “REGRET PERSISTS IN PRECISELY THOSE SITUATIONS IN WHICH OPPORTUNITY
FOR POSITIVE ACTION REMAINS HIGH” Roese & Summerville, 2005

@arthurdoler Wanted: a good wayfinding expert for complex navigation environment

@arthurdoler REFLECT Taken moments before a scene of incredible violence

@arthurdoler WHY DID YOU DO THINGS THAT WAY?!

@arthurdoler This is an exercise in storytelling more than anything

@arthurdoler Don’t worry about accurately assessing likelihood, though

@arthurdoler “Wow, blowing stuff up is really easy!”

@arthurdoler REFORM Bird Learnin’, by Dr. Big Ol’ Owl, now
available on Amazon

@arthurdoler Similar to how one analyzes incidents using Reason’s swiss-cheese
model

@arthurdoler Don’t be afraid to tackle big things, either

@arthurdoler This is why you don’t have to worry –
there will be ample motivation

@arthurdoler You want all the good with none of the
bad? Jeez, fine…

@arthurdoler My suggested replacement is curiosity… or panic.

@arthurdoler REPEAT THE REGRET STAGE… BUT PICTURE A FUTURE AFTER
YOU’VE MADE THE DECISION INSTEAD This is using your brainmeats in a way you’re not used to, and it takes effort

@arthurdoler Celebrating 25 years of this particular garbage

@arthurdoler The part you’ve all been waiting for…

@arthurdoler “TWENTY YEARS FROM NOW YOU WILL BE MORE DISAPPOINTED
BY THE THINGS YOU DIDN'T DO THAN BY THE ONES YOU DID” Mark Twain, apparently? Probably apocryphal.

@arthurdoler We’re the Millers, 2013

@arthurdoler Or maybe decades later, THANKS BRAIN

@arthurdoler Feldman, Miyamoto & Loftus, 1999; Yeung & Feldman, 2022

@arthurdoler Zeigarnik, 1938 @arthurdoler

@arthurdoler Phung, 2009; Kahneman, 2011

@arthurdoler Source: My life, also probably yours

@arthurdoler AND REMEMBER, REGRET CROPS UP WHEN THERE’S OPPORTUNITY FOR
IMPROVEMENT! Roese & Summerville, 2005

@arthurdoler Oh, we’d never cause ourselves problems with painful framings…

@arthurdoler Schwartz, 2002

@arthurdoler TOO MANY CHEERIO TYPES, FOR GOD OR MAN @arthurdoler

@arthurdoler IF YOU CAN DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN WHEN MAXIMIZING MATTERS AND
WHEN IT DOESN’T… YOU CAN AVOID A LOT OF REGRET! Schwartz, 2002

@arthurdoler These things just make me smile.

@arthurdoler An exercise in frustration

@arthurdoler Human goo is vibrant orange, as per the documentary
Neon Genesis Evangelion

@arthurdoler Too much of an okay thing?

@arthurdoler “That chainsaw should be electric, for starters.”

@arthurdoler “AS A GENERAL RULE, MAXIMISERS DO BETTER, BUT FEEL
WORSE” https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210329-do-maximisers-or-satisficers-make-better-decisions

@arthurdoler Humans in groups have emergent properties!

@arthurdoler Egbert’s got his eye on you, child.

@arthurdoler El Zein & Bahrami, 2020

@arthurdoler “DECISION-MAKERS THEREFORE SEEK TO PROTECT THEMSELVES FROM POSSIBLE FUTURE
BLAME FOR DIFFICULT UNCERTAIN DECISIONS.” El Zein & Bahrami, 2020

@arthurdoler A foolproof defense!

@arthurdoler El Zein & Bahrami, 2020

@arthurdoler Gammage, Carron & Estabrooks, 2001

@arthurdoler Hayes, 2007; Forsyth, 2010

@arthurdoler It’s difficult to do this from the outside of
a team.

@arthurdoler They’re off to star in a Brandon Sanderson novel,
now

@arthurdoler Being a hero in general is not desirable in
a workplace context

@arthurdoler This seems like a logical conclusion, but…

@arthurdoler RETROSPECTIVE Looking back over a sprint or other development
interval POSTMORTEM Analyzing a severe failure or catastrophic incident And just like in Ghostbusters, you shouldn’t cross the streams. Regrets acceptable, but unlikely to surface Regrets are unacceptable!

@arthurdoler SURFACE REGRETS WHEN PLANNING OR ARCHITECTING Yes, it might
make the meetings take longer. It’s worth it!

@arthurdoler We carry our lumps with us from earlier teams

@arthurdoler Default answer #2: “Very carefully.”

@arthurdoler REGRET IS TYPICALLY ABOUT NEGATIVE EMOTION DUE TO A
PERSONAL DECISION. Gilovich & Medvec, 1995

@arthurdoler Egbert’s coming for you and your teams.

@arthurdoler I don’t think there was a bass clarinetist in
Rush anyhow. @arthurdoler

@arthurdoler The answer is very rarely a large hammer.

@arthurdoler There are plenty of resources out there for this.

@arthurdoler This time, things will be different!

@arthurdoler YOU NEED TO CONVEY THE EMOTION OF THE EXPERIENCE
TO THEM. Time to pull out that dusty thesaurus.

@arthurdoler Alternate response: “Cool story, beardo.”

@arthurdoler SHARING REGRET CAN ACTUALLY INCREASE FEELINGS OF REGRET IN
OTHERS! Komiya, Kusumi & Watabe, 2007

@arthurdoler Hopefully you realize that even saying this is a
huge leap forward!

@arthurdoler You can picture whatever kind of game controller you
like, but I’m Old.

@arthurdoler 4 people per 100,000 are diagnosed with it annually
in the US!

@arthurdoler ENCOURAGE A GENTLE REGRET FOR YOUR TEAMS Walking the
tightrope is left as an exercise for the reader

@arthurdoler It’s almost feeding time for Egbert.

@arthurdoler REGRET IS YOUR BRAIN USING COUNTERFACTUALS AND EMOTION TO
GET YOU TO IMPROVE FUTURE BEHAVIOR Our negative emotions wouldn’t exist without benefit to us.

@arthurdoler UPWARD COUNTERFACTUALS ARE FOR LEARNING DOWNWARD COUNTERFACTUALS ARE FOR
FEELING BETTER ♪ One pill makes you larger, and one pill makes you small…

@arthurdoler RUMINATION CAN LOCK YOU INTO CYCLES OF USELESS REGRET
With no forward action and an unmoving counterfactual.

@arthurdoler YOU DON’T REGRET THE UNDONE MORE THAN THE DONE,
BUT YOU REMEMBER IT LONGER Thanks, Zeigarnik Effect!

@arthurdoler REGRET / REFLECT/ REFORM Or whatever framework works for
you.

@arthurdoler Some big important TODOs

@arthurdoler ENGAGE IN REGRET-SHARING WITH YOUR TEAM Especially when you’re
working on making decisions about the future.

@arthurdoler MAKE WORK IDENTIFIABLE, AND ALLOW ACTUAL AUTONOMY Let regret
work its magic on the individuals who make up the team.

@arthurdoler RAISE THE STAKES BY LETTING CONSEQUENCES ACCRUE TO THE
TEAM MEMBERS Within reason! You’re not looking to heap blame, just to trigger regret.

@arthurdoler If you happen to be one, that’s fine too!

@arthurdoler KNOW WHEN YOU SHOULD BE MAXIMIZING AND WHEN YOU
SHOULD BE SATISFICING The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz is a great start.

@arthurdoler THINK FORWARD TO SEE WHAT YOU WILL REGRET, INSTEAD
OF THINKING BACKWARD TO WHAT YOU DO Using your narrative brain for good rather than for worrying about others

@arthurdoler Oh this is surely going to end well…

@arthurdoler Whoever could have predicted that outcome?

@arthurdoler I knew those basketweaving courses would come in handy
someday…

@arthurdoler “Sky Tours of Yoshi Rock”, booking 3 weeks in
advance! @arthurdoler

@arthurdoler Arthur Doler My website is probably still https://arthurdoler.com Resources:
https://bit.ly/art-power-of-regret

Leadership and the Power of Regret: Turning Emotions into Action

Leadership and the Power of Regret: Turning Emotions into Action

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