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Death by Daycare (Rough Boards)

Death by Daycare (Rough Boards)

Joseph Faustino

July 29, 2022
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  1. Scene 1 Panel 1 Dialog KYLE (O.S.) Dude, I swear

    to God if I have to here you talk about Weezer for another second- Death by Daycare Page 1/155
  2. Scene 2 Panel 1 Dialog JAMIE Dude, I’m talking about

    The Strokes. Death by Daycare Page 2/155
  3. Scene 2 Panel 3 Dialog KYLE Yeah more like… uhhhhh,

    umm more like the Jokes. Death by Daycare Page 4/155
  4. Scene 6 Panel 2 Dialog KYLE What do you want,

    man? Death by Daycare Page 16/155
  5. Scene 6 Panel 4 Dialog JAMIE Dude! We’ve gotta be

    professional or something. Death by Daycare Page 18/155
  6. Scene 6 Panel 5 Dialog KYLE Dude, this is a

    gas station! Shadowy figure over here doesn't give a shit! Death by Daycare Page 19/155
  7. Scene 8 Panel 1 Dialog KYLE Is this cause I

    wasn’t like professional or something? Is it cause I said shit? Death by Daycare Page 23/155
  8. Scene 8 Panel 2 Dialog Shit I said it again.

    Death by Daycare Page 24/155
  9. Scene 12 Panel 2 Dialog KYLE SHIT I CURSED IN

    FRONT OF BABIES! Death by Daycare Page 33/155
  10. Scene 14 Panel 3 Dialog TOMMY Bill, help me establish

    a perimeter. Death by Daycare Page 41/155
  11. Scene 15 Panel 1 Dialog TOMMY make sure these freaks

    don’t pull anything funny. Death by Daycare Page 43/155
  12. Scene 17 Panel 2 Dialog KYLE Dude, I bet I

    can take them. Death by Daycare Page 50/155
  13. Scene 17 Panel 3 Dialog JAMIE Are you serious right

    now, dude? Death by Daycare Page 51/155
  14. Scene 17 Panel 5 Dialog JAMIE WITH GUNS, KYLE! BABIES

    WITH GUNS! Death by Daycare Page 53/155
  15. Scene 18 Panel 1 Dialog PHILBERT You are aware that

    I can hear everything you’re saying. Death by Daycare Page 54/155
  16. Scene 21 Panel 3 Dialog KYLE What? Does it look

    like we’re in a position to argue with these guys?! Death by Daycare Page 61/155
  17. Scene 21 Panel 4 Dialog JAMIE You can’t give them

    cigarettes! They’re babies! Death by Daycare Page 62/155
  18. Scene 21 Panel 5 Dialog KYLE With guns, Jamie! WITH

    GUNS Death by Daycare Page 63/155
  19. Scene 21 Panel 8 Dialog JAMIE *sigh* I swear if

    these babies don’t kill you then I will. Death by Daycare Page 66/155
  20. Scene 22 Panel 1 Dialog JAMIE (V.O.) There’s gotta be

    a way to get past these babies. Death by Daycare Page 67/155
  21. Scene 23 Panel 1 Dialog JAMIE Holy crap! Is that

    an application for the Gerber Life® grow up plan?! Give your child a headstart for just pennies a day! Death by Daycare Page 70/155
  22. Scene 25 Panel 1 Dialog PHILBERT Nice try, but that

    commercial is addressed to parents and grandparents of young children. Death by Daycare Page 74/155
  23. Scene 25 Panel 2 Dialog PHILBERT I AM the young

    child! Death by Daycare Page 75/155
  24. Scene 26 Panel 1 Dialog KYLE Oh but you’re so

    very capable, Death by Daycare Page 76/155
  25. Scene 26 Panel 2 Dialog KYLE for such a young

    little dude. Death by Daycare Page 77/155
  26. Scene 27 Panel 1 Dialog PHILBERT Do not patronize me,

    degenerate. Death by Daycare Page 79/155
  27. Scene 28 Panel 1 Dialog KYLE Oh no no, No

    parallelograms here my friend. Death by Daycare Page 80/155
  28. Scene 28 Panel 2 Dialog JAMIE Kyle, what are you

    doing? Death by Daycare Page 81/155
  29. Scene 28 Panel 3 Dialog KYLE We were just wondering

    what such strong, independent, and capable babies are doing here, holding up our rinky dink gas station. Death by Daycare Page 82/155
  30. Scene 29 Panel 1 Dialog PHILBERT Heh, it’s not so

    simple. Death by Daycare Page 83/155
  31. Scene 31 Panel 1 Dialog PHILBERT Well… you see. Life

    isn’t all that easy for us babies. Death by Daycare Page 86/155
  32. Scene 31 Panel 2 Dialog PHILBERT Always held up in

    our cages, Death by Daycare Page 87/155
  33. Scene 31 Panel 4 Dialog PHILBERT Mommy and Daddy won’t

    let us stick the forks in those fascinating sad faces placed about the walls, Death by Daycare Page 89/155
  34. Scene 31 Panel 5 Dialog PHILBERT or go into the

    cabinet with all the cool looking colorful beverages. Death by Daycare Page 90/155
  35. Scene 33 Panel 1 Dialog PHILBERT But the worst offense

    of all is the baseless drivel we are forced to watch. Those senseless shapes and colors. Death by Daycare Page 93/155
  36. Scene 35 Panel 1 Dialog PHILBERT So Tommy, my eldest

    of kin, made a plan. Death by Daycare Page 96/155
  37. Scene 35 Panel 2 Dialog PHILBERT We broke out, stole

    Daddy’s overcoat and fedora, and made a B-Line to the theater. Death by Daycare Page 97/155
  38. Scene 35 Panel 3 Dialog PHILBERT To finally see a

    coveted PG-13 movie! Death by Daycare Page 98/155
  39. Scene 35 Panel 4 Dialog PHILBERT Of course Bill then

    pointed we would be needing some snackies to quell our appetites during the picture show- Death by Daycare Page 99/155
  40. Scene 35 Panel 6 Dialog PHILBERT Haha yes and cigarettes,

    classic Bill. Death by Daycare Page 101/155
  41. Scene 35 Panel 7 Dialog PHILBERT So we decided to

    rob this here gas station on our way to the theater and dare to do what no baby has ever done before- Death by Daycare Page 102/155
  42. Scene 36 Panel 1 Dialog PHILBERT See a PG-13 Movie,

    unsupervised! Death by Daycare Page 103/155
  43. Scene 1 Panel 1 Dialog JAMIE Just unlock it! KYLE

    I-I don’t remember my password. [...] Death by Daycare Page 106/155
  44. Scene 2 Panel 1 Dialog JAMIE What do you mean

    you don’t remember your password?! Death by Daycare Page 107/155
  45. Scene 2 Panel 2 Dialog KYLE I always just use

    my face! Death by Daycare Page 108/155
  46. Scene 2 Panel 3 Dialog JAMIE Well then use your

    face, dipshit! Death by Daycare Page 109/155
  47. Scene 2 Panel 4 Dialog KYLE I can’t! My face

    always clenches up when I’m nervous! My phone doesn't recognize it! Death by Daycare Page 110/155
  48. Scene 3 Panel 1 Dialog TOMMY Open up boys, we’re

    not gonna hurt you. Death by Daycare Page 111/155
  49. Scene 4 Panel 1 Dialog KYLE That’s a lie! They

    have a gun, those are like supposed to hurt people. Death by Daycare Page 112/155
  50. Scene 4 Panel 2 Dialog JAMIE Dude! Just use the

    emergency call function. KYLE Oh yeah. Death by Daycare Page 113/155
  51. Scene 5 Panel 1 Dialog TOMMY I’m gonna give you

    boys to the count of three to open this door up. Death by Daycare Page 114/155
  52. Scene 8 Panel 2 Dialog KYLE Hello! Babies are holding

    up our gas station! Death by Daycare Page 118/155
  53. Scene 10 Panel 1 Dialog OPERATOR Sir, prank calling this

    line is a serious offense. Death by Daycare Page 120/155
  54. Scene 10 Panel 2 Dialog KYLE It’s not a prank,

    I swear! Death by Daycare Page 121/155
  55. Scene 10 Panel 3 Dialog JAMIE Why’d you have to

    mention the babies, dude?! Death by Daycare Page 122/155
  56. Scene 14 Panel 1 Dialog KYLE NOOOO, my entire net

    worth!! Death by Daycare Page 128/155
  57. Scene 16 Panel 1 Dialog TOMMY End of the line

    boys. You may have been able to outwit Philbert, but there’s no getting passed me. Death by Daycare Page 130/155
  58. Scene 16 Panel 2 Dialog PHILBERT (sadly and melodramatically) They

    appealed to my emotions. They made me feel heard! Death by Daycare Page 131/155
  59. Scene 16 Panel 4 Dialog TOMMY Now which one of

    you wants to go first Death by Daycare Page 133/155
  60. Scene 19 Panel 2 Dialog JAMIE You know, I bet

    you taught them that word. Death by Daycare Page 144/155
  61. Scene 1 Panel 2 Dialog KYLE So what were you

    saying about Weezer? Death by Daycare Page 150/155
  62. Scene 1 Panel 3 Dialog JAMIE Dude, for the last

    time I was talking about- Death by Daycare Page 151/155
  63. Scene 2 Panel 1 Dialog TEENAGE GIRL (FRANTICALLY) Have you

    seen three babies? One has the face of a middle aged man, another sorta looks like a peanut and the third looks like he hasn’t slept in 5 months! I’m supposed to be babysitting them, their parents are gonna kill me! Death by Daycare Page 153/155
  64. Scene 3 Panel 2 Dialog JAMIE Haven’t seen ‘em. KYLE

    No clue. Death by Daycare Page 155/155