of Engineering myeq.com | @equilibriawomen Premium, farm to home, CBD for women Write/Speak/Code Founder, Board Member @writespeakcode Leadership & visibility for women, trans, and non-binary technologists
autonomy, and dignity as a human being • Part of every relationship • Allows us to disagree, debate & test each other’s thinking • Trust on teams is correlated with business profitability
oxytocin • Oxytocin increases • risk tolerance • ability to make decisions and take actions • critical analysis, logic, and creativity • verbal communication skills • well-being and safety
work or effort Career / Job Way of doing things Deadlines Promotion “Good name,” Reputation, or Status Thoughts and Ideas Goal Happiness and wellbeing Hopes, Fears, or Concerns
uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure” • “Showing up when you can’t control the outcome” • Cannot “engineer” vulnerability out of relationships • Innovation requires us to accept inevitable failure and keep going. Quotes from Dare to Lead by Brené Brown
• Not looking at phones or computers during meetings • Not checking email after a certain time • Not taking work home on the weekends BRAVING: Boundaries
• At work this means staying aware of your competencies and limitations so you don’t over promise and are able to deliver on commitments and balance competing priorities
Poker • Respond positively when someone asks for help • Clarify requests & offers: who, what, when • Be committed to what you ask for • Report on commitments BRAVING: Reliability
listen to why people are doing what they are doing • Avoid hero-ing • Take responsibility for your behavior and the impact it had on others • Acknowledge: recognize what you did wrong or the damage in the other person’s eyes — even if that wasn’t your intention • Apologize: ask forgiveness, and declare your intention to redeem yourself. • Commit to changing your behavior — and do change. • Help fix problems your actions created BRAVING: Accountability
aren’t yours to share • I need to know my confidences are kept and you are not sharing with me information about other people that should be kept confidential
people. • “Meeting after the meeting” — sharing reactions, emotions, or opinions with people before or after a meeting, rather than sharing them in the meeting. • Gossip • “Dirty yes” — say “yes” to your face and then “no” behind your back BRAVING: Vault
appropriate • Ask if subject knows its being shared • Don’t give or receive gossip • Difficult circumstances • Be vague if saying nothing is creating gossip • Ask a person what you can share BRAVING: Vault
things that matter - Examples of good and bad • Check yourself when someone does something differently - Is this a thing that matters? • Create new expectations when things happen - take responsibility for not being explicit • Be thoughtful and intentional about handling disagreements • Find a person to role play, run ideas by, and review BRAVING: Integrity
be in place for you to be generous with your assumptions about other’s behavior? • Provide clear expectations and set boundaries • We are each responsible for our own behavior and the things we can control • Don’t hold grudges • Get to know people personally - listen, ask questions BRAVING: Generosity
they have the authority to do the work? • Who will carry out decision? • Who needs to provide input? • Who is effected and needs to be notified? • What does success look like? • Create a checklist of what needs to be done
• Start with context: I’d like to talk about trust • Specific behaviors • Clear Examples • Describe the impact of the behavior on individual, team or business • Follow up with consistent actions
a disagreement Passive aggressive behavior Micromanaging Seek individual recognition “Meeting after the meeting” Interpersonal conflict Revisit the same issues over and over “Dirty Yes”: Say yes to your face and no behind your back Cynicism Withholding information and ideas Invisible Army: Using ‘we” to express your own point of view Frustration Avoid tough conversations and giving feedback Defensiveness Resentment
are put on the table to be resolved Acknowledge and apologize for mistakes. Willingly makes sacrifices for the good of the team Productive debate and discussions - ends with clear and specific resolutions and call to action Do what you say you’ll do Passionate & unguarded in their discussion of issues Concerned about letting down peers Willing to say no Call out each other’s unproductive behaviors Ask for help Openly admit weakness and mistakes. Don’t over promise Retain employees Leave meetings confident that peers are committed to the decisions made Meetings are engaging and productive
speaking to ourselves as we would speak to our loved ones, even in face of failure; meet mistakes with kindness • Common Humanity: we are not alone and humans shares these feelings of shame and inadequacy • Mindfulness: appropriate responsibility and rumination on feelings and emotions; be present Research from Dr. Kristin Neff
Dare to Lead by Brené Brown Thin Book of Trust by Charles Felman Understanding Computers and Cognition by Terry Winograd Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff Equilibria myeq.com | @equilibriawomen
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