to get a knot in my stomach when i knew I was behind, or I’d made a bad mistake. I used to almost feel the blood drain from my face as it went cold, what I now understand to be the fight or hormones redirecting blood to my more vital organs and away form my skin, I used to feel the panic & feel the shame. ! As the years went by I started to feel like this in a morning before work, because I thought I was going to make a mistake, let someone down or have a bad day, I worried about all the things that might go wrong that day and I felt the knot in my stomach before I even left for work. ! As I progressed and became more experienced I started to notice those things appearing less and less, I thought that meant I was getting better at dealing with these situations, better at coping, but what was really happening was that these feelings were there all the time, the only thing I was missing was their appearance. ! I was already stressed when the real stressful situations occurred, so I never felt the signs. It wasn’t a sign I was coping better, it was a sign I wasn’t coping at all. ! It was my wife in the end that begged me to go to the doctors because I wasn’t sleeping properly, I was horrible at home, irritable, snappy & not a nice guy to be around. We both put it down to the lack of sleep. ! My doctor noticed the signs straight away and started to ask me some questions that seemed unrelated at first, he showed me my answers and a list of symptoms of depression and asked if I thought that might be what I was suffering from. After this first diagnosis I was put on St Johns Wort, a natural depression treatment. I’m not sure if that helped, or the fact I recognised the problem and made some lifestyle changes to compensate, but after a month or so I felt a lot better and things returned to normal again. ! The 2nd time was more serious, and again my doctor recognised this, I was offered CBT or a 6 week long evening course run by Sheffield’s IAPT (Improving Access to psychological treatments), I chose the evening course as I wouldn’t have finished the CBT & a lot of the early content in this talk is taken from what I learned there. ! The reason I suffered a second bout of depression was because during the first I didn’t learn what the cause was, only how to stop it once it became a problem, so this time round I learned what the symptoms were, and most importantly I learned to recognise the circular nature of anxiety & depression. Recognising the symptoms I was having & their cause was the single biggest factor in my getting a handle on my depression. ! You could say the first time I took the managers solution to the problem and just put it off to the future, the 2nd time I solved it like an engineer by learning the root causes & stopping them before they become too much of a problem.