(V.O.) Am I the only one... wondering? Philip seems- Philip belches loudly. PHILIP Woo! Big one! KIT (V.O.) Phillip-y. She glances at Eugene and Esti. KIT (V.O.) Do either of them... notice? We never really talk about anything other than football or school. But sometimes I wonder... INT. EUGENE’S ROOM - EARLIER THAT MORNING EUGENE (V.O.) What’s it like to be me? Eugene lies on his bed, hair perfectly center parted. His eyes snap open and he leaps up. EUGENE (V.O.) Well, to start- EUGENE I’m a genius. He passes by a wall covered in photos of himself accepting academic awards. EUGENE (V.O.) I’m good at anything school related, but I dedicate my life to two things: assembling the most comprehensive collection of View- Master reels... He opens a box and looks through the View-Master reels before picking one and holding it up to the light. EUGENE Perfect. 23.
of only songs performed to a 3/4 waltz time signature. Eugene grabs his headphones from a spot on his desk labeled “headphones”. His room is immaculately organized. EUGENE (V.O.) Everything has a place. But do I get upset when things aren’t how they are supposed to be? BEGIN FLASHBACK. Eugene reaches to grab his headphones from the marked spot, but finds it empty. He frantically runs around the room, overturning everything in search. EUGENE No no no no no no no- He sits on the edge of the bed and starts rocking back and forth, pulling his hair. EUGENE (screaming) No! No! He pounds on his forehead, thrashing. His door flings open and MEN DRESSED IN BLACK stampede in and grab his arms. EUGENE No! END FLASHBACK. Eugene looks down at his phone and presses play. Julie Andrews singing I Feel Pretty blasts into them. EUGENE (V.O.) Not really. INT. NICEVILLE HIGH HALLS - DAY I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright...” Eugene shuffles down the hallway, head down. Students and teachers around him mingle and gossip. 24.
Kristy and her mob of cheerleaders fill the halls, decked in HOMCOMING COMMITTEE t-shirts. One of them hands a flyer to Eugene that reads:WHO WILL BE CROWNED HOMECOMING QUEEN AND KING? He wads it up and chucks it before stopping at his locker. A giant CONFETTI CANON labeled HOMECOMING is wheeled past him by Principle Perkins. EUGENE (V.O.) Ridiculous. He opens his locker, nodding his head to the music when- A HAND pulls his headphones off. RICKY How’s it hanging, big brain? EUGENE (V.O.) Can he not see that I’m standing? Eugene grabs onto his View-Master and plays with the lever. EUGENE Be gone, Ricardo. I could care less about whatever it is you want. EUGENE (V.O.) Actually, the correct phrase is couldn’t care less, because saying otherwise would mean you could care- why did I say that in the first place? I know the right- RICKY Oh, full name! Little Yoo-Yoo must really have his panties in a twist today. EUGENE (V.O.) My what? EUGENE I’d merely like to expedite this encounter. 25.
c’mon now. Ricky leans his head against the locker. Eugene glances at him. EUGENE (V.O.) I, um- Flustered, Eugene looks back down. EUGENE (V.O.) I might have a slight problem. Really, nothing more than an inconvenience. But sometimes- PHILIP (O.S.) This guy bothering you, Eugene? Philip’s heavy hand claps Eugene on the back and grasps on. Eugene pushes the View-Master lever faster and faster. EUGENE (V.O.) Get off me, get off me, get off get off get- Ricky grabs Philip’s arm and pushes it away. RICKY Aw, Fuddy the fun ruiner. Getting ready to trip all over yourself at the big game? PHILIP You better watch it, Ricky. And stay away from my friends! Eugene puts his headphones back over his ears, muffling the voices. His eyes dart up and down, looking at Ricky. RICKY I mean it wouldn’t be a good ol’ Niceville game if Fuddy didn’t fumble the ball at least once, right? PHILIP You watch your mouth, you good for nothing little- Philip’s voice filters out as Ricky turns to look at Eugene. 26.
minor. Minuscule. Ricky smirks and presses NEXT SONG on Eugene’s phone. Tex Beneke’s A Wonderful Guy kicks in. He flashes Eugene a wink before facing Philip. EUGENE (V.O.) Infinitesimal. I’m as corny as Kansas in August, I’m as normal as blueberry pie” Philip and Ricky yell at each other as a crowd grows. Eugene smiles as he excitedly plays with the lever on his View-Master, oblivious to the growing fight. “I'm as trite and as gay as a daisy in May, A cliche coming true!” Ricky lunges at Philip as the students circling them cheer. EUGENE (V.O.) Entirely unnoticeable. “I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love, I’m in love” PUNCH! Ricky knocks Philip down. “I'm in love with a wonderful guy!” CUT TO BLACK. INT. PHILIP’S BASEMENT - NIGHT Philip slouches on the couch while Kit holds an ice pack against his slightly bruised eye. PHILIP Ow. Esti paces back and forth. Eugene huddles on the edge of the couch. ESTI I swear, next time I see that boy, he’s going to get it! Wait... (MORE) 27.
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