How To Properly Allocate The F*cks You Give - CocoaHeads NL, Utrecht, April 2019

C4861b1dfdf3bbb21faec4a1acdf183d?s=47 Ellen Shapiro
April 17, 2019
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How To Properly Allocate The F*cks You Give - CocoaHeads NL, Utrecht, April 2019

The Dutch edition of my talk about "A pointer to something you care about", as the CocoaHeads Meetup page gently put it.

WARNING: Exceptionally foul language. Well, not that exceptional for me, but probably for most presentations on this site.

Abstract:

📣 If you are offended by wildly improper language, you probably ought to have stopped reading after the talk title, but you should definitely not read the rest of this description. 📣

We've all seen the memes of a person gleefully gesturing in the direction of the fucks they don't give, and the self-help books about how not to give a fuck. But what if the true challenge was not how to not give a fuck, but how to properly allocate the fucks that you do give? Ellen will talk about her lifelong challenge with over-allocation of fucks, the temptation to give zero fucks whatsoever, and some thoughts and techniques she's been using to balance what fucks to give.

C4861b1dfdf3bbb21faec4a1acdf183d?s=128

Ellen Shapiro

April 17, 2019
Tweet

Transcript

  1. COURTESY SLIDE ! WITHOUT CURSING

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  6. GAY PORN

  7. GAY PORN

  8. FOUL LANGUAGE

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  11. GET OVER IT, KILLJOYS

  12. !

  13. HOW TO PROPERLY ALLOCATE THE FUCKS YOU GIVE COCOAHEADS NL

    | UTRECHT | APRIL 2019 BAKKENBAECK.NO | JUSTHUM.COM | @DESIGNATEDNERD
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  15. Source: http://www.thewvsr.com/deadwood.htm

  16. WHAT IS A FUCK?

  17. Illustration by NASA

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  19. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK

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  27. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK

  28. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK I DON'T CARE

  29. GIVING A FUCK = CARING

  30. NOT GIVING A FUCK VS. NOT GIVING A SHIT

  31. "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT"

  32. "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT" "I DON'T CARE

  33. "I DON'T GIVE A SHIT" "I DON'T CARE, NOR SHOULD

    I."
  34. I DON'T GIVE A FUCK I DON'T CARE EVEN THOUGH

    I SHOULD
  35. WHAT DO I GIVE A FUCK ABOUT?

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  38. ! SHAMELESS PLUG BAKKENBAECK.COM

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  45. MARGINALLY INSANE ! METAPHOR ALERT

  46. A FUCK IS A POINTER TO SOMETHING YOU CARE ABOUT

  47. [fuck autorelease]

  48. [fuck autorelease] DOES NOT EXIST

  49. [fuck retain]

  50. [fuck release]

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  61. SPOILER ALERT!

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  63. NOT GIVING ANY FUCKS JUST MAKES YOU AN ASSHOLE

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  65. !

  66. PRIORITIZE THE FUCKS YOU GIVE

  67. CODE REVIEW

  68. QUALITY OF CODE VS. BEING RIGHT

  69. QUALITY OF CODE VS. BEING RIGHT

  70. QUALITY OF CODE VS. SHIPPING

  71. QUALITY OF CODE VS. SHIPPING

  72. COMMUNICATION OF FRUSTRATION

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  76. !

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  91. FUCK OVERFLOW

  92. ! BURNOUT

  93. FUCK OVERFLOW

  94. class ViewController: UIViewController { var enormousChunkOfData: Data? func didReceiveMemoryWarning() {

    super.didReceiveMemoryWarning() // Dispose of resources that can be recreated. } }
  95. class ViewController: UIViewController { var enormousChunkOfData: Data? func didReceiveMemoryWarning() {

    super.didReceiveMemoryWarning() print("Welp, we're fucked") } }
  96. class ViewController: UIViewController { var enormousChunkOfData: Data? func didReceiveMemoryWarning() {

    super.didReceiveMemoryWarning() self.enormousChunkOfData = nil } }
  97. class You: Human { var fucksGiven = [Fuck]() func didGetIncrediblyStressedOut()

    { } }
  98. class You: Human { var fucksGiven = [Fuck]() func didGetIncrediblyStressedOut()

    { super.didGetIncrediblyStressedOut() } }
  99. class You: Human { var fucksGiven = [Fuck]() func didGetIncrediblyStressedOut()

    { super.didGetIncrediblyStressedOut() self.fucksGiven.removeAll() } }
  100. class You: Human { var fucksGiven = [Fuck]() func didGetIncrediblyStressedOut()

    { super.didGetIncrediblyStressedOut() // self.fucksGiven.removeAll() } }
  101. class You: Human { var fucksGiven = [Fuck]() func didGetIncrediblyStressedOut()

    { super.didGetIncrediblyStressedOut() // self.fucksGiven.removeAll() self.fucksGiven.remove(where: { !$0.isCritical }) } }
  102. GUARDING AGAINST FUCK OVERFLOW

  103. KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE COMMITTED TO DO

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  105. KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE COMMITTED TO DO

  106. RE-EVALUATE THE PRIORITIZATION OF FUCKS GIVEN

  107. HOW DO I ACTUALLY SPEND MY TIME?

  108. HOW DO I WANT TO SPEND MY TIME?

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  110. HOW DO I WANT TO SPEND MY TIME?

  111. [fuck release]

  112. FUCKING OBLIGATORY SUMMARY SLIDE

  113. FUCKING OBLIGATORY SUMMARY SLIDE ▸ Consider a fuck given a

    pointer to something you care about
  114. FUCKING OBLIGATORY SUMMARY SLIDE ▸ Consider a fuck given a

    pointer to something you care about ▸ Not giving any fucks just makes you an insufferable asshole
  115. FUCKING OBLIGATORY SUMMARY SLIDE ▸ Consider a fuck given a

    pointer to something you care about ▸ Not giving any fucks just makes you an insufferable asshole ▸ Giving too many fucks will lead to Fuck Overflow (aka burnout)
  116. FUCKING OBLIGATORY SUMMARY SLIDE ▸ Consider a fuck given a

    pointer to something you care about ▸ Not giving any fucks just makes you an insufferable asshole ▸ Giving too many fucks will lead to Fuck Overflow (aka burnout) ▸ Fucks must be manually managed, and re-evaluated frequently
  117. FUCKING OBLIGATORY SUMMARY SLIDE ▸ Consider a fuck given a

    pointer to something you care about ▸ Not giving any fucks just makes you an insufferable asshole ▸ Giving too many fucks will lead to Fuck Overflow (aka burnout) ▸ Fucks must be manually managed, and re-evaluated frequently ▸ Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck
  118. THANKS A FUCKING LOT!

  119. LINKS! The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck https://markmanson.net/not-giving-a-fuck

    The Number of Fucks in Deadwood http://www.thewvsr.com/deadwood.htm
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  123. Fuck overretention

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  125. WHAT IS THE BEST TECHNICAL DECISION VS. WHAT IS BEST

    FOR THE USER VS. WHAT THE CLIENT WANTS
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