Conflict Resolution for Designers who Hate Conflict

Have you ever needed to have a tough conversation with a teammate who drastically overstepped or a client who didn't respect your decisions? Maybe you've wanted to bring up a problem you've had at work and don't know how. If the thought of having those conversations stress you out, this talk is for you.

In this talk, I’ll share some practical techniques will help overcome your aversion to conflict and get to effective resolutions. We’ll go over several examples of the types of conflict designers face and how to deal with them.

You’ll walk away with tools you can use immediately to clearly get your message across without you or the conversation going to pieces.

Takeaways

• How to prepare for a tough conversation
• How to know what you want out of a conversation before going into it
• How to make it safe to talk, even if it goes sideways
• How to get to the heart of the issue by asking the right questions
• How to know when to walk away

Transcript

1. HI THERE!
2. LET'S TALK ABOUT CONFLICT
4. Conflict strengthens you, your team, and the products you build.
5. • A way to manipulate others • A guaranteed way of “winning” • A paint-by-numbers approach What this isn’t
6. PREPARING FOR THE CONVERSATION
8. – Hanlon’s razor “Don't assume bad intentions over neglect and misunderstanding.”
9. – Hanlon’s razor “Don't assume bad intentions over neglect and misunderstanding.”
10. The sliding scale of giving a f**** After Cap Watkins’ idea
11. DO AN ACCUSATION AUDIT
12. SORT OUT THE FACTS FROM THE STORIES
13. Sort out the facts.
14. Your teammate sneakily went around you and committed you to a design you didn’t approve. They’re constantly adding you to meetings without consulting your schedule, or you. They micromanage your tasks and always tell you what to do.
15. Your teammate sneakily went around you and committed you to a design you didn’t approve. They’re constantly adding you to meetings without consulting your schedule, or you. They micromanage your tasks and always tell you what to do.
16. IS THERE A PATTERN?
17. ESTABLISH YOUR GOALS
18. • Where are you on the sliding scale? • What stories am I telling? Why would a reasonable and rational person do this? • What’ll they say (accusation audit)? • What are the facts? • Is it a pattern? • What are your goals? Recap: Preparing for the Conversation
19. LET’S DO THIS
20. LEADING OFF
21. Lead with facts.
22. TELL YOUR STORY
23. ASK FOR THEIR INPUT
24. Good Bad How do you see it? Isn’t that the case? What are your thoughts? Am I wrong? Can you help me understand? Does that makes sense? What might I be missing here? What can we do to ensure this never happens again?
26. MIRRORING
27. LABELING
28. WHAT IF THEY COME TO YOU FIRST?
29. The sliding scale of giving a f****
30. • Empower both of you to have this conversation • Lead with the facts, then tell your story • Ask for their input with open-ended questions • Mirror and label when they respond Recap: Having the Conversation
32. WHEN IT GOES UP IN FLAMES
33. SAFETY CHECK
34. USE CONTRASTING STATEMENTS
35. ESTABLISH A MUTUAL PURPOSE
36. “HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?”
37. OMG STILL NOT WORKING
38. OMG STILL NOT WORKING
39. OMG STILL NOT WORKING
40. • It’s going to go wrong, best to be prepared (just knowing it’s a possibility reduces your stress) • Look for when safety is at risk • Use contrasting statements to clarify and address problems • “How am I supposed to do that?” Recap: When it Goes up in Flames
41. • If they refuse to help resolve the issue, it’s time to get others involved • Sometimes you have to deliver a tough message, but make it your last resort • Remember you’re a badass for doing this! Recap: When it Goes up in Flames
42. OMG STILL NOT WORKING
43. SOME HELPFUL RESOURCES
44. • Never Split the Difference • Crucial Conversations • The best teams thrive on disagreement Resources
45. Let’s keep in touch! • twitter.com/joshuamauldin • http://joshuamauldin.com