Deeper DevOps Thoughts by Not Jack Handey

A parody of the SNL segment, Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey originally created for devopsdays Chicago 2017.

Transcript

1. Explanation for those who don’t know what this is.
2. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/hbJKu8 @TheJewberwocky
3. Maybe in order to understand devops, we have to look at the word itself. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words - “devo” and “ps.” What do these words mean? It’s a mystery, and that’s why so is devops. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/cLBi6W @TheJewberwocky
4. Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck in the server room. But some days, when you were on hour 20 of maintenance and there was a heatwave outside, you'd check the weather online and think, 'Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in that.' Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/ffw2ZD @TheJewberwocky
5. They say that Kubernetes has many secrets, but the biggest is this: I’m not actually running it in production. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/f3K6rB @TheJewberwocky
6. People think it would be fun to be a developer because you can create things. But they forget the negative side, which is that you actually have to operate those things. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/a4VQwP @TheJewberwocky
7. When I was a junior, there were times we had to train ourselves. And usually the best way we found to do that was StackOverflow. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/6jZg8X @TheJewberwocky
8. If you ever are using a SaaS product, try not to let your code touch it, because you don’t know where those servers have been. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/oTACcy @TheJewberwocky
9. If your monitoring ever tells you that your "application is down," don't believe it, and just keep on doing what you were doing, because something tells me that "the Man" is behind this. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/aDtEwg @TheJewberwocky
10. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/6rYTwv @TheJewberwocky I'm just guessing, but probably one of the early signs that your serverless application is failing for your org is something I call “infinite request loop," but I've never even seen a serverless app, so I wouldn't totally go by what I've just said here.
11. I wish I would have a really upsetting project cancellation and get so burned out that I'd just quit my job and not work for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/nf2RJc @TheJewberwocky
12. I think a good gift for the Ops team would be a fake outage. And since they’re always so busy, you’d probably have to bring the apps down really quick without them noticing. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/c3R5X @TheJewberwocky
13. My new million dollar idea is one serverless platform and one "serverish" platform, for when you have legacy code that will never actually run on a serverless platform but still want to say that you’re serverless Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/pYxRVR @TheJewberwocky
14. If G-d dwells within our servers like some tech folk think. I hope he likes Docker, because that’s what he’s getting. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/85aJF9 @TheJewberwocky
15. Somebody told me how frightening it was how much technical debt we were accruing every sprint, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/Btb1NA @TheJewberwocky
16. We used to laugh at the one engineer when they'd head off to conferences we thought were pointless. But we wouldn't be laughing the next week, when they came back with some new tool they wanted to implement in production. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/4FxzkM @TheJewberwocky
17. People around here need to realize that every time they talk about how “fragile” our infrastructure is, it’s just inviting a large enterprise with greater uptime demands to buy our company. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/qmf6zY @TheJewberwocky
18. A wise person can pick up a tool and envision an entire ecosystem and how to implement it. A foolish person will sit down, play around with it for it a day and then say, “Hey, we’re running Docker in production!” Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/pYPkxM @TheJewberwocky
19. If you ever discover that what you're running is a VM in a container on a VM, just slow down, take a deep breath, and hold on for the refactor of your life. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/Te2MxX @TheJewberwocky
20. • Me: Josh Zimmerman - @TheJewberwocky • Organizer of DevOps Days Madison – Tickets and sponsorships open! • This has been a parody of Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey. All credit for Deep Thoughts go to Jack Handey, you can find his work here: http://www.deepthoughtsbyjackhandey.com/