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Devops Deep Thoughts by Not Jack Handey

Josh Zimmerman
August 31, 2016

Devops Deep Thoughts by Not Jack Handey

A parody of the SNL segment, Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey originally created for devopsdays Chicago 2016

Josh Zimmerman

August 31, 2016


  1. Maybe in order to understand devops, we have to look

    at the word itself. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words - “devo” and “ps.” What do these words mean? It’s a mystery, and that’s why so is devops. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/cLBi6W @TheJewberwocky
  2. I can picture in my mind a world without servers,

    a world that’s #serverless. And I can picture us running vms and container runtimes in that world, because they’d never expect it. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/aDtEwg @TheJewberwocky
  3. To me, it’s always a good idea to keep a

    full WIP limit of tasks on your kanban board. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?,” you can say, “Sorry, got these tasks.” Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/ffw2ZD @TheJewberwocky
  4. If a junior engineer asks where outages come from, I

    think a cute thing to tell them is “The server is crying.” And if they ask why the server is crying, another cute thing to tell them is “Probably because of something you did.” Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/6jZg8X @TheJewberwocky
  5. To me, orchestration is like a ballet, except there’s no

    music, no choreography, and it never works quite correctly after staging. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/nf2RJc @TheJewberwocky
  6. If I ever get good at devops, I hope I’m

    not mean to my developers, like I am now. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/6rYTwv @TheJewberwocky
  7. If you knew two organizations, one named Google and one

    named Docker, which one would you say liked containers more? I’d say Docker, but I’d be wrong. It was Sun. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/85aJF9 @TheJewberwocky
  8. It’s easy to sit there and say you’d like more

    engineering time from other teams. And I guess that’s what I like about it. It’s easy. Just sitting there, not doing any engineering, wanting that extra time from them. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/a4VQwP @TheJewberwocky
  9. One day one of my junior engineers came up to

    me and asked me how DNS works. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn’t know, and I thought that maybe by laughing they would forget what they asked me. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/Btb1NA @TheJewberwocky
  10. Breaking changes from semantic versioning not being followed don’t upset

    me. I just think, why did they believe I’d follow that standard? Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/c3R5X @TheJewberwocky
  11. If you go through a lot of servers every week,

    I don’t think it necessarily means you’ve got a great immutable infrastructure. It may just mean that you have a lot to learn about proper server maintenance. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/4FxzkM @TheJewberwocky
  12. If containers could scream, would we be so cavalier about

    typing ‘docker kill’? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/ahyXTs @TheJewberwocky
  13. My manager always thought that laughter was the best medicine

    for burnout, which is why I guess the entire team quit. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/qmf6zY @TheJewberwocky
  14. If there was an organization called VMware, I bet it

    would really start to annoy you after a while how they really sort of stretch the definition of a “VM.” Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/pYxRVR @TheJewberwocky
  15. Junior engineers need encouragement. If a junior gets an answer

    right, tell them it was a lucky guess. That way they develop a good, lucky feeling. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/oTACcy @TheJewberwocky
  16. The old operations engineer had fixed many outages in their

    life. But now it was time for them to remove their database accounts. When they did, all applications lost database access. “Sorry,” the engineer said with a smile. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/f3K6rB @TheJewberwocky
  17. • Me: Josh Zimmerman - @TheJewberwocky • This has been

    a parody of Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey with jokes based off of his work. All credit for Deep Thoughts go to Jack Handey, you can find his work here: http://www.deepthoughtsbyjackhandey.com/ • A big thanks to the people who helped me whittle the 30 or so jokes into the ones you see here.