devops Deep Thoughts by Not Jack Handey - Austin

A parody of the SNL segment, Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey. This deck was presented at devopsdays Austin 2017.

1. Explanation @TheJewberwocky
2. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/hbJKu8 @TheJewberwocky
3. Maybe in order to understand devops, we have to look at the word itself. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words - “devo” and “ps.” What do these words mean? It’s a mystery, and that’s why so is devops. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/cLBi6W @TheJewberwocky
4. If you ever are using a SaaS product, try not to let your code touch it, because you don’t know where those servers have been. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/oTACcy @TheJewberwocky
5. To me, it’s always a good idea to keep a full WIP limit of tasks on your kanban board. That way, if anybody says, “Hey, can you give me a hand?,” you can say, “Sorry, got these tasks.” Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/ffw2ZD @TheJewberwocky
6. They say that Kubernetes has many secrets, but the biggest is this: I’m not actually running it in production. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/f3K6rB @TheJewberwocky
7. If a junior engineer asks where outages come from, I think a cute thing to tell them is “The server is crying.” And if they ask why the server is crying, another cute thing to tell them is “Probably because of something you did.” Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/6jZg8X @TheJewberwocky
8. If your monitoring ever tells you that your "application is down," don't believe it, and just keep on doing what you were doing, because something tells me that "the Man" is behind this. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/aDtEwg @TheJewberwocky
9. It’s easy to sit there and say you’d like more engineering time from other teams. And I guess that’s what I like about it. It’s easy. Just sitting there, not doing any engineering, wanting that extra time from them. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/a4VQwP @TheJewberwocky
10. If I ever get good at devops, I hope I’m not mean to my developers, like I am now. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/6rYTwv @TheJewberwocky
11. Breaking changes from semantic versioning not being followed don’t upset me. I just think, why did they believe I’d follow that standard? Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/c3R5X @TheJewberwocky
12. My new million dollar idea is one serverless platform and one "serverish" platform, for when you have legacy code that will never actually run on a serverless platform but still want to say that you’re serverless Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/pYxRVR @TheJewberwocky
13. If you knew two organizations, one named Google and one named Docker, which one would you say liked containers more? I’d say Docker, but I’d be wrong. It was Sun. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/85aJF9 @TheJewberwocky
14. To me, orchestration is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and it never works quite correctly after staging. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/nf2RJc @TheJewberwocky
15. One day one of my junior engineers came up to me and asked me how DNS works. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn’t know, and I thought that maybe by laughing they would forget what they asked me. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/Btb1NA @TheJewberwocky
16. If containers could scream, would we be so cavalier about typing ‘docker kill’? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/ahyXTs @TheJewberwocky
17. We used to laugh at the one engineer when they'd head off to conferences we thought were pointless. But we wouldn't be laughing the next week, when they came back with some new tool they wanted to implement in production. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/4FxzkM @TheJewberwocky
18. My manager always thought that laughter was the best medicine for burnout, which is why I guess the entire team quit. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/qmf6zY @TheJewberwocky
19. If you ever discover that what you're running is a VM in a container on a VM, just slow down, take a deep breath, and hold on for the refactor of your life. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/pYPkxM @TheJewberwocky
20. • Me: Josh Zimmerman - @TheJewberwocky • Organizer of DevOps Days Madison – CFP and sponsorships open soon! • This has been a parody of Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey. All credit for Deep Thoughts go to Jack Handey, you can find his work here: http://www.deepthoughtsbyjackhandey.com/