Devops Deep Thoughts by Not Jack Handey - MSP

A parody of the SNL segment, Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey. This deck was presented at devopsdays Minneapolis 2017.

Transcript

1. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/hbJKu8 @TheJewberwocky
2. Maybe in order to understand devops, we have to look at the word itself. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words - “devo” and “ps.” What do these words mean? It’s a mystery, and that’s why so is devops. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/cLBi6W @TheJewberwocky
3. Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck in the server room. But some days, when you were on hour 20 of maintenance and there was a heatwave outside, you'd check the weather online and think, 'Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in that.' Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/ffw2ZD @TheJewberwocky
4. They say that Kubernetes has many secrets, but the biggest is this: I’m not actually running it in production. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/f3K6rB @TheJewberwocky
5. When I was a junior, there were times we had to train ourselves. And usually the best way we found to do that was StackOverflow. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/6jZg8X @TheJewberwocky
6. If you ever are using a SaaS product, try not to let your code touch it, because you don’t know where those servers have been. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/oTACcy @TheJewberwocky
7. If your monitoring ever tells you that your "application is down," don't believe it, and just keep on doing what you were doing, because something tells me that "the Man" is behind this. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/aDtEwg @TheJewberwocky
8. People think it would be fun to be a developer because you can create things. But they forget the negative side, which is that you actually have to operate those things. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/a4VQwP @TheJewberwocky
9. If I ever get good at devops, I hope I’m not mean to my developers, like I am now. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/6rYTwv @TheJewberwocky
10. I think a good gift for the Ops team would be a fake outage. And since they’re always so busy, you’d probably have to bring the apps down really quick without them noticing. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/c3R5X @TheJewberwocky
11. My new million dollar idea is one serverless platform and one "serverish" platform, for when you have legacy code that will never actually run on a serverless platform but still want to say that you’re serverless Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/pYxRVR @TheJewberwocky
12. If G-d dwells within our servers like some tech folk think. I hope he likes Docker, because that’s what he’s getting. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/85aJF9 @TheJewberwocky
13. To me, orchestration is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography, and it never works quite correctly after staging. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/nf2RJc @TheJewberwocky
14. One day one of my junior engineers came up to me and asked me how DNS works. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn’t know, and I thought that maybe by laughing they would forget what they asked me. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/Btb1NA @TheJewberwocky
15. If containers could scream, would we be so cavalier about typing ‘docker kill’? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/ahyXTs @TheJewberwocky
16. We used to laugh at the one engineer when they'd head off to conferences we thought were pointless. But we wouldn't be laughing the next week, when they came back with some new tool they wanted to implement in production. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/4FxzkM @TheJewberwocky
17. My manager always thought that laughter was the best medicine for burnout, which is why I guess the entire team quit. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/qmf6zY @TheJewberwocky
18. A wise person can pick up a tool and envision an entire ecosystem and how to implement it. A foolish person will sit down, play around with it for it a day and then say, “Hey, we’re running Docker in production!” Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/pYPkxM @TheJewberwocky
19. If you ever discover that what you're running is a VM in a container on a VM, just slow down, take a deep breath, and hold on for the refactor of your life. Image Source: https://flic.kr/p/Te2MxX @TheJewberwocky
20. • Me: Josh Zimmerman - @TheJewberwocky • Organizer of DevOps Days Madison – CFP, early bird tickets and sponsorships open! • This has been a parody of Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey. All credit for Deep Thoughts go to Jack Handey, you can find his work here: http://www.deepthoughtsbyjackhandey.com/