Living with this perfectionist mind (v1)

Can you imagine not being proud of your achievements or, perhaps, the constant feeling that you're not good enough?

Despite the challenges I've overcome, that's usually how I feel. And, yeah, at a certain point you (kind of) get used to it. However, I cannot afford to endlessly seek perfection in every single thing I do.

We'll cover here some of the traits I carry, their impact in my life and work, and the techniques I use that help me to be productive. Hopefully, these ideas will help you to improve your own work or understand your colleagues who might also have these traits - and help them.

Transcript

1. Luís Cobucci
   Luís Cobucci
   @lcobucci
   @lcobucci
   Living with
   Living with this
   this
   perfectionist mind
   perfectionist mind
   

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2. People
   People in our industry are
   in our industry are struggling
   struggling
   with their mental health
   with their mental health
   

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3. Many are feeling
   Many are feeling alone
   alone all the time
   all the time
   

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4. We re here to talk
   ’
   We re here to talk
   ’
   

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5. We re here to talk
   ’
   We re here to talk
   ’
   To have mental health issues is to be
   To have mental health issues is to be human
   human
   Anything
   Anything human
   human is
   is mentionable
   mentionable
   Anything mentionable is
   Anything mentionable is manageable
   manageable
   

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6. Perfectionism
   Perfectionism
   

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7.  I’m a software engineer,
   I’m a software engineer, not
   not
   a psychologist
   a psychologist
   

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8.  I’m a software engineer,
   I’m a software engineer, not
   not
   a psychologist
   a psychologist
   Buuuuuut
   Buuuuuut
   
   

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9. Perfectionism is a
   Perfectionism is a personality trait
   personality trait that (usually)
   that (usually)
   leads someone to:
   leads someone to:
   

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10. Perfectionism is a
    Perfectionism is a personality trait
    personality trait that (usually)
    that (usually)
    leads someone to:
    leads someone to:
    
     Strive for flawlessness
    Strive for flawlessness
    

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11. Perfectionism is a
    Perfectionism is a personality trait
    personality trait that (usually)
    that (usually)
    leads someone to:
    leads someone to:
    
     Strive for flawlessness
    Strive for flawlessness
    
     Set impossibly high standards
    Set impossibly high standards
    

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12. Perfectionism is a
    Perfectionism is a personality trait
    personality trait that (usually)
    that (usually)
    leads someone to:
    leads someone to:
    
     Strive for flawlessness
    Strive for flawlessness
    
     Set impossibly high standards
    Set impossibly high standards
    
     Self-criticism
    Self-criticism
    

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13. Perfectionism isn’t black and white
    Perfectionism isn’t black and white
    

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14. Perfectionism isn’t black and white
    Perfectionism isn’t black and white
    Oneself
    Others
    Society
    

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15. Perfectionism is the setting of, and striving
    Perfectionism is the setting of, and striving
    for, very demanding standards that are self-
    for, very demanding standards that are self-
    imposed and relentlessly pursued despite this
    imposed and relentlessly pursued despite this
    causing problems. It involves basing one’s
    causing problems. It involves basing one’s
    self-worth almost exclusively on how well
    self-worth almost exclusively on how well
    these high standards are met.
    these high standards are met.
    Shafran, Egan, Wade (2010)
    Shafran, Egan, Wade (2010)
    
    
    

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16. Perfectionism is the setting of, and striving
    Perfectionism is the setting of, and striving
    for,
    for, very demanding standards
    very demanding standards that are
    that are self-
    self-
    imposed
    imposed and
    and relentlessly pursued
    relentlessly pursued despite this
    despite this
    causing problems. It involves basing one’s
    causing problems. It involves basing one’s
    self-worth almost exclusively on how well
    self-worth almost exclusively on how well
    these high standards are met.
    these high standards are met.
    Shafran, Egan, Wade (2010)
    Shafran, Egan, Wade (2010)
    
    
    

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17. Perfectionism is the setting of, and striving
    Perfectionism is the setting of, and striving
    for,
    for, very demanding standards
    very demanding standards that are
    that are self-
    self-
    imposed
    imposed and
    and relentlessly pursued
    relentlessly pursued despite this
    despite this
    causing problems. It involves
    causing problems. It involves basing one’s
    basing one’s
    self-worth
    self-worth almost exclusively on
    almost exclusively on how well
    how well
    these high standards are met
    these high standards are met.
    .
    Shafran, Egan, Wade (2010)
    Shafran, Egan, Wade (2010)
    
    
    

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18. Is it
    Is it always
    always bad?
    bad?
    

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19. Is it
    Is it always
    always bad?
    bad?
    Well, not really...
    Well, not really...
    

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20. If we just look at Google/YouTube search results
    If we just look at Google/YouTube search results
    

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21. If we just look at Google/YouTube search results
    If we just look at Google/YouTube search results
    

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22. If we just look at Google/YouTube search results
    If we just look at Google/YouTube search results
    

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23. If we just look at Google/YouTube search results
    If we just look at Google/YouTube search results
    

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24. If we just look at Google/YouTube search results
    If we just look at Google/YouTube search results
    

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25. Adaptive
    Adaptive Maladaptive
    Maladaptive
    Perfectionism
    Perfectionism
    

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26. Adaptive
    Adaptive Maladaptive
    Maladaptive
    Perfectionism
    Perfectionism
    Failure oriented
    Failure oriented
    Achievement oriented
    Achievement oriented
    

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27. Adaptive
    Adaptive Maladaptive
    Maladaptive
    Perfectionism
    Perfectionism
    Failure oriented
    Failure oriented
    Achievement oriented
    Achievement oriented
    

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28. What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    

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29. What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    https://youtu.be/NpVfwjFX3Tg
    https://youtu.be/NpVfwjFX3Tg
    

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30. What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    Low self-esteem
    Low self-esteem
    

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31. What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    Low self-esteem
    Low self-esteem
    Rigid standards
    Rigid standards
    and expectations
    and expectations
    

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32. What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    Low self-esteem
    Low self-esteem
    Rigid standards
    Rigid standards
    and expectations
    and expectations
    Task
    Task
    

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33. What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    Low self-esteem
    Low self-esteem
    Rigid standards
    Rigid standards
    and expectations
    and expectations
    Task
    Task
    Avoids
    Avoids
    

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34. What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    Low self-esteem
    Low self-esteem
    Rigid standards
    Rigid standards
    and expectations
    and expectations
    Task
    Task
    Doesn’t meet
    Doesn’t meet
    standards
    standards
    Avoids
    Avoids
    

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35. What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    Low self-esteem
    Low self-esteem
    Rigid standards
    Rigid standards
    and expectations
    and expectations
    Task
    Task
    Temporarily
    Temporarily
    meets standards
    meets standards
    Doesn’t meet
    Doesn’t meet
    standards
    standards
    Avoids
    Avoids
    

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36. What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    Low self-esteem
    Low self-esteem
    Rigid standards
    Rigid standards
    and expectations
    and expectations
    Task
    Task
    Temporarily
    Temporarily
    meets standards
    meets standards
    Doesn’t meet
    Doesn’t meet
    standards
    standards
    Avoids
    Avoids
    Undermines
    Undermines
    achievements
    achievements
    

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37. What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    Low self-esteem
    Low self-esteem
    Rigid standards
    Rigid standards
    and expectations
    and expectations
    Task
    Task
    Temporarily
    Temporarily
    meets standards
    meets standards
    Doesn’t meet
    Doesn’t meet
    standards
    standards
    Avoids
    Avoids
    Undermines
    Undermines
    achievements
    achievements
    Self-criticism
    Self-criticism
    

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38. What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    Low self-esteem
    Low self-esteem
    Rigid standards
    Rigid standards
    and expectations
    and expectations
    Task
    Task
    Temporarily
    Temporarily
    meets standards
    meets standards
    Doesn’t meet
    Doesn’t meet
    standards
    standards
    Avoids
    Avoids
    Undermines
    Undermines
    achievements
    achievements
    Self-criticism
    Self-criticism
    Anxiety
    Anxiety
    

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39. What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    Low self-esteem
    Low self-esteem
    Rigid standards
    Rigid standards
    and expectations
    and expectations
    Task
    Task
    Temporarily
    Temporarily
    meets standards
    meets standards
    Doesn’t meet
    Doesn’t meet
    standards
    standards
    Avoids
    Avoids
    Undermines
    Undermines
    achievements
    achievements
    Self-criticism
    Self-criticism
    Anxiety
    Anxiety
    Depression
    Depression
    

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40. What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    What’s the problem with the maladaptive perfectionism?
    Low self-esteem
    Low self-esteem
    Rigid standards
    Rigid standards
    and expectations
    and expectations
    Task
    Task
    Temporarily
    Temporarily
    meets standards
    meets standards
    Doesn’t meet
    Doesn’t meet
    standards
    standards
    Avoids
    Avoids
    Undermines
    Undermines
    achievements
    achievements
    Self-criticism
    Self-criticism
    Anxiety
    Anxiety
    Depression
    Depression
    OCPD
    OCPD
    

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41. Luís Cobucci
    Luís Cobucci
    @lcobucci
    @lcobucci
    

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42. Superpowers!
    Superpowers!
    

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44. Living behind a mask
    Living behind a mask
    

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45. Oh the shame!
    Oh the shame!
    

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46. Oh the shame!
    Oh the shame!
    We all got to do our research.
    We all got to do our research.
    So, no cheating...
    So, no cheating...
    

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47. Oh the shame!
    Oh the shame!
    We all got to do our research.
    We all got to do our research.
    So, no sh*tting...
    So, no sh*tting... 
    
    COBUCCI, Luís (2016)
    COBUCCI, Luís (2016)
    

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49. Holding people back
    Holding people back
    

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50. Negativity storm
    Negativity storm
    

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52. How can we shift to adaptive perfectionism?
    How can we shift to adaptive perfectionism?
    Low self-esteem
    Low self-esteem
    Rigid standards
    Rigid standards
    and expectations
    and expectations
    Task
    Task
    Temporarily
    Temporarily
    meets standards
    meets standards
    Doesn’t meet
    Doesn’t meet
    standards
    standards
    Avoids
    Avoids
    Undermines
    Undermines
    achievements
    achievements
    Self-criticism
    Self-criticism
    

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53. How can we shift to adaptive perfectionism?
    How can we shift to adaptive perfectionism?
    Low self-esteem
    Low self-esteem
    Rigid standards
    Rigid standards
    and expectations
    and expectations
    Task
    Task
    Temporarily
    Temporarily
    meets standards
    meets standards
    Doesn’t meet
    Doesn’t meet
    standards
    standards
    Avoids
    Avoids
    Undermines
    Undermines
    achievements
    achievements
    Self-criticism
    Self-criticism
    

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54. How can we shift to adaptive perfectionism?
    How can we shift to adaptive perfectionism?
    Low self-esteem
    Low self-esteem
    Rigid standards
    Rigid standards
    and expectations
    and expectations
    Task
    Task
    Temporarily
    Temporarily
    meets standards
    meets standards
    Doesn’t meet
    Doesn’t meet
    standards
    standards
    Avoids
    Avoids
    Undermines
    Undermines
    achievements
    achievements
    Self-criticism
    Self-criticism
    

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55. Therapy
    Therapy
    

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56. Meditation
    Meditation
    

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57. Family really matters
    Family really matters
    

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58. Laugh at your mistakes
    Laugh at your mistakes
    

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59. Find different people to work with
    Find different people to work with
    

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60. Manifesto for agile software development
    Manifesto for agile software development
    

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61. Manifesto for agile software development
    Manifesto for agile software development
    Working software is the
    Working software is the
    primary measure of progress
    primary measure of progress
    

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62. Manifesto for agile software development
    Manifesto for agile software development
    Working software is the
    Working software is the
    primary measure of progress
    primary measure of progress
    Continuous attention to technical
    Continuous attention to technical
    excellence enhances agility
    excellence enhances agility
    

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63. Manifesto for agile software development
    Manifesto for agile software development
    Working software is the
    Working software is the
    primary measure of progress
    primary measure of progress
    Continuous attention to technical
    Continuous attention to technical
    excellence enhances agility
    excellence enhances agility
    Simplicity -- the art of
    Simplicity -- the art of
    maximising the amount of
    maximising the amount of
    work not done – is essential
    work not done – is essential
    

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64. Kanban
    Kanban 
    

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65. ATDD
    ATDD
    

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66. Git history as a journal
    Git history as a journal
    

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67. OSS as a way to let off steam
    OSS as a way to let off steam
    

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68. View Slide

69. Mastery instead of perfection
    Mastery instead of perfection
    

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70. Perfectionism is a heavy armour
    Perfectionism is a heavy armour
    

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71. Thank you very much!
    Thank you very much!
    
    @lcobucci
    @lcobucci
    

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