Caring for the Caregiver: 30 ways YOU Can Help

It's a mad mad world we live in, Master Jack......When a person finds herself caregiving, the roles played always adapt to the needs of the moment. That means even thinking of asking for help is a burden.
Here's what YOU can do to help the Caregiver you love -- the sister, daughter, wife, friend, or neighbor who is quietly being the end all and be all to their loved one.

Transcript

1. 30 Ways to Help the Caregiver Called the Humble Heroes, Caregivers are the silent minority of helpers that have huge hearts and seemingly endless energy reserves. They rarely get help. Family let’s them go on for years without a break. Friends don’t know what to do. And sadly, Outside resources are not always available. Let this guide be your idea generator. You can help more than you know. And if you need help, you know where to go. I’m a Holistic Health Coach, focused on helping people become empowered, vibrant, and happy. Part of my Practice is reserved for Caring for the Caregiver, Creating Resources such as this, and Writing for Caregiver Support Services. Nancy Lamb Holistic Coach and Writer BeWellBistro.com – A community for wellness 425-427-2573 nlamb@ramblinlamb.com
2. How to Help the Caregiver By Nancy Lamb, Health Coach and Caregiver’s Copywriter It’s time to answer that question. You know the one. That nagging feeling inside you when you know you could do some little thing to help your friend or family member, but you just don’t know what – and worse, you are afraid to ask! Here’s the thing, folks. Your loved ones are so busy giving care, juggling the management of their lives that they don’t have time to even think about who to ask or for what. Most of us don’t ask until we reach that breaking point. I know. I’ve lived it. My husband was recovering from surgery. He endured life-threatening complications. At the time, Mom was challenged with dementia. Both of my loved ones needed attention, care, and some help. So did my job. I worked full time plus did all the care. I desperately needed a break. Hard To Ask – Often too late I raised the white flag. I called out for help. The trouble was, I wasn’t specific enough. Some friends rushed over that weekend. Suddenly, I had a houseful. I was being caregiver, hostess, and coordinator. What I wanted was 4 hours weekly to not even think. I wanted what used to be normal in close circles: Friends coordinating amongst themselves. There is always some little thing you can do. I know. I’ve been the caregiver for over 15 years now. Many people ask me if I had other relatives will help. They don’t offer! Its not their problem. They want to make me think other people should offer. Whether it’s lending a hand or lending a dollar, some people think it’s helpful and compassionate to tell the caregiver that: Someone ELSE should do it!
3. Be a Hero for 5 Minutes Why don't YOU be the hero! Too many people just go, oh that’s too bad, and they never do a darned thing. Family and friends alike don’t need to take on the whole burden, but The List With that in mind, I offer you this idea-generating list. What I do is glance around and look for little things I could do to make it easier for a person. Instead of saying YOU NEED HELP say “hey, let me do that for you”. The ART of GIVING Giving is an art in itself. Offer help, not advise. Offer Love not pity and certainly not judgments. If the person truly wants advise, give it freely and without any expectations. They may have already tried your ideas. Offer suggestions, but don’t force your opinions! It Might Make the Difference The one gift you can give without any cost is your listening skills. Amp up that active listening skill and learn to just listen and validate. Sometimes it means MORE than anything else in the journey. JUST LISTEN without giving advice, without judging, without personalizing what YOU would be feeling. The best gift to me when in the thick of it was hearing a sacred line: “Wow – it sounds like you just need to feel validated. Here’s what I hear you saying, is that right?” That simple question and sense of validation made all the difference. My body drained of stress. My mind cleared. I softened.
4. 30 Ways to Help Your Caregiver 1. Ask how they are doing? It’s a simple question. Really listen and validate the person. Don’t just offer random advice that makes you feel better. Show them you care and that you know it’s hard. 2. Ask if there is anything they could use a hand with right now? You never know. It might be simple little thing that takes no extra time. Most people would never take advantage. But if you are on the way to the store or pharmacy, just ask if you can pick something up. So simple! 3. Offer to vacuum or better yet, hire someone to clean his or her house once. It’s a one shot deal, but in many cases, this is most needed and the first thing that is neglected. 4. Mow their lawn – send your teenage son over to mow their lawn. You pay the kid, the kid feels good about helping, and it’s one less thing on that list for the caregiver. 5. Offer to walk the dog. 6. Cook them a meal – the classic casserole or stew that can be eaten now and leftovers frozen for later. 7. Take them for a walk. 8. Offer to elder sit while they take a break for a few hours. 9. Stop by to visit with the Care Receiver while the caregiver tends to some household things. 10. Offer help with actual care – activities of daily living or ADL’s are often non medical and easy to help with. 11. Take them somewhere they love: shopping, art gallery, museum, local park..
5. 12. Menu Planning and Shopping - Some spouses are not used to this. Help them understand how to create a balanced menu, how to plan and shop, and in some cases, how to find things in the grocery store. 13. Offer to help organize pertinent information: Important Phone numbers, Family Phone Numbers, Doctors, Medications, Symptom Tracking, 14. Take the Care Receiver to the Park or the Beach. They may be limited in function, but they will love getting out. 15. Just call and check in like you would any friend. There is nothing like a hi, how ya doing? Just do it. 16. Remind them of their value. 17. Offer to identify local respite care services available. 18. Guys often want to know how to shop for their wives clothing articles. Offer to help them figure out sizing, how to get help at the store, and how to care for these articles. 19. Help them clean out and organize closets or cupboards. 20. Weekly visits can become a treasured respite all in their own self. 21. Offer to take the car in for an oil change / tune-up. They can even pay, but just want someone else to do something. 22. Empty the garbage. 23. Do the dishes. 24. Dust 25. Clean the refrigerator 26. Tell funny stories 27. Reminisce about fun times together
6. 28. Ladies day: Offer a spa day or pampering session for the ladies; 29. Men’s day out: Might be a golfing day, lunch at the club, a drive, a movie, whatever the man really treasures and can still enjoy. My Dad’s guy pals loved their routine Friday lunches for decades. 30. At a bare minimum, just send a note, email or text saying you are thinking of them. That little second may be the brightest spot of their day! Your one-hour of help is worth a million in love and in gold. It's not hard. Just think a bit about what you might love if you were the caregiver and offer that!