Lighthouse Introduction Video

Transcript

1. Lighthouse Introduction - Why ... Coaches using Neuroplasticity Wed, Sep 11, 2024 10:56PM 13:56 SUMMARY KEYWORDS brain, laundry, put, rewrite, hamper, people, point, trauma, feel, stuck, problem, neuroplasticity, overwhelmed, rewire, path, work, change, overwhelm, learn, piece SPEAKERS Patricia Sung Patricia Sung 00:00 Neuroplasticity is the ability for us to change how our brains are wired. And back in the even as recently as like the 50s and 60s, they thought that you could not change your brain. They thought like once it was set, you're done, it's all she wrote. And we've learned in the last probably 30 ish years so much about how brains work, and yet we still don't know anything about brains. Like, we have learned so much and we know so little. To me, it's like a beautiful piece of science, and it's a beautiful piece, if you are like a spiritual or religious person, like, it's a beautiful piece of like, how is the world created? How are people created? How do brains work? I don't know it's amazing, but we do know now that, like, we can rewrite our brains. It's not set in stone, and because, like, like, I mean, we were talking earlier at the beginning with, like, quite often when we have ADHD, we have come from a family who probably also is full of ADHD, like it's a fairly good chance, which, on one hand, makes it feel normalized, like we're used to being around people who can be similar to us. It also can be really annoying because other people are also doing the things that we get frustrated with, and this breeds a whole lot of like trauma and like hard relationships and just things being a lot harder growing up because we had at least one, if not many people in our family that had struggles. So the hard part, I guess, is that we have probably picked up a lot of trauma responses, a lot of odd habits that other people don't do, and it felt normal, because that was what happened in our family. And it's not till we leave our families of origin that we're like, oh, not everybody does that, oh, and you start to see like when you come you know, into, like, being a teenager and into adulthood, how, like, there are so many different people out there, and not everyone has the same struggles that your family does. Um, so even though that means that we probably have had more struggles along the way, the beautiful part is that now we know that brains can change. We don't have to stay in that pattern. And so yes, we may have had patterns created for us that we don't like, or parents that have developed that we're not happy with. We're not stuck with that, and it takes time to do. Deal with this change like we can change. I was like, it's not. It doesn't take time to change things. We can change our brains immediately. And we'll, you know, we're going to start today. We're going to change the way that we feel about something today. And what I want to also normalize is that like when we start in this process, things get Messier before they get cleaner. And it's just like when you decide to, like, organize your closet
2. or your pantry or whatever, and you're like, halfway through the project, you pulled all this stuff out, and it looks like the mess is now 10 times worse than when you started. And you're like, Why did I do this to myself? This is a terrible idea. There is that messy middle when we start changing things around that feels uncomfortable. And I want to know, like, I want you to, like, know now, like, Yes, I'm sorry. It's coming. It's going to be hard because we're starting to rearrange things and we're starting to do things differently. And even if it's something as simple as, like, trying a new laundry routine, it feels uncomfortable when you're in that middle of like, now you have a routine. It might not be a routine you like. It may not be the one that you wish it was, but you have some kind of routine in dealing with the laundry. Then when you start changing it, it's very uncomfortable for you, for your family, they're like, I don't know where to put this. You're annoyed that things aren't in the right baskets. And there's this uncomfortable part of change, and before it gets better. So I want to, like, put out the blanket statement that, like, it's going to feel awkward along the way, and to encourage you that it's going to get better too. It's like, a really stinky part of the process is that part of it's going to be really hard in the middle there, and it's worth it, and we'll get there, and the things will start to come together. But just like when we put a puzzle together and we like, dump out the whole box and look at all the pieces, and we're like, what am I doing with all this at first, when we start sorting through them, it still doesn't feel like we're getting anywhere. We're doing a lot of sorting before we actually have any puzzle pieces put together. Other, but then we start seeing the little sections come together, and then we see the edges, and then we're like, oh, okay, here's a boat. Oh, hey, here's a tree. And then we'll fill in, you know, the massive amount of blue sky pieces that all look the same, and that part feels daunting, but like we'll get there eventually we'll have a completed puzzle. So circling back, this is the foundation of neuroplasticity, is that we can change the way our brains think about things we are not stuck with, whatever we were given, or what we have accumulated on the way, or what we've even chosen along the way, is that you can do things differently and and it's really, it's just one, it's super cool, but it's really beautiful to know that we're not stuck in the place that we were. So this is how the meta pattern works. And I'm gonna give you just like, a super quick rundown, so that you know what I'm doing and it's up to you. If you just, if you want you come, I will help you work through this, and you go on your way and you never use it again. I'm also throwing out the option of, like, if you want to learn how to do this for yourself, you can, you can learn how to do this on your own, like, you don't need me to be there. Is it easier to do it with somebody else? Yeah, it's just like, it's easier to, like, clean out the garage when somebody else is there helping you, but you can do it on your own. And I want you to know, like, if this is something you want to do, like, we you can learn the skill too. Like, I don't have a magic skill set that, like nobody else can do. You don't need me there and and quite honestly, like, I don't want you to need me forever. I want you to get to the point where you're like, I'm solid, Patricia, I'm good and like, maybe you do want to circle back again later for like, a refresher on something, or you're dealing with a big, like, major life event, but like, my goal is for you to feel really good and solid when you leave here, so that you don't meet me. I'm here to help you while you're here, but I'm not here to say that you you need me forever. Like you're welcome to do another round of Lighthouse if you want to work on more things. But I don't ever want you to feel like you can't do it on your own, like that's one of my most important thing, like I already mentioned, like you trusting your intuition, you knowing yourself, like that matters to me more than anything, and I want you to know, like, you can learn how to do this too, and it's a really awesome tool, when you know, like, hey, I can work on this, and I can change the things that I want to change, and I'm not stuck with whatever this problem is. So how we rewire our brain is we start with step one is associating into the problem. And what that means is that we're we need to figure out in our brain, basically, like, where does that live? Of the thing I don't want anymore? So if I give the example of, let's say I'll stick with the laundry example from earlier, because you can use this for like, fairly mundane things like laundry, but you can also use this
3. for like, big, important feelings too. So like, oh, wait, we need this in successful mommy today, about, like, when you look at the laundry and everywhere, and then you get overwhelmed. You see all the closure and everywhere, and then you shut down, and you don't want to deal with the mess, and it feels too big, like you're never going to get all the laundry done. What we want to, like lock into is where in your brain, and maybe not necessarily, like physically, but like in your mind, like, where's the point where we you realize, like, I feel overwhelmed, because that's the place that we want to rewire. It's like, Everything's fine. Everything's fine. We're going on the path, and all of a sudden we see the giant pile of laundry that's overflowing in the bathroom, and nobody puts it in the hamper. Why can't they just put it in the paper? When that moment happens right now, what your brain does is go, this is like, such a mess I can't even do with it. I really start it's gonna be like, 53 loads of laundry. Then I gotta put it away. And we go down this path of Wilber one, what we want is, in that moment is really when we realize the the decision point is when I see the clothes all over the floor, in the mountain instead of in the hamper, that's the rewiring point where we want to say, your brain's like, hey, that is a big pile. And you know what? I can just shove that. I can just shove that whole pile in the hamper, and now the bathroom looks nice and it doesn't feel overwhelming anymore. Like, did you actually solve the problem of laundry? No, the laundry still has to get washed, but you solve the problem of seeing the giant mess and getting overwhelmed and then hitting stress mode and nothing happens. So we're looking for like, where is that decision point that your brain goes down this path when you actually want to go down this path? Um, once we've identified that and we like, it's kind of like, we like, push the button in your brain and like, lit up. Part of like, that, that that's the moment, that's that doesn't go well. We have to kind of, like, shake that out, that feeling out, so that it's not staying with us, and we then focus on what is it that we want? It's called a, oh, sorry. Step two is called disassociating from the problem. Because, like, if that yucky feeling is sticking with us, it's harder make a new pattern. Like, I can't do a new thing if I'm still holding on to the old thing. So we have to, like, shake that out of us, get to our new spot of like, okay, when I see the laundry, what do I actually want to feel? I want to feel like, this is no big deal. I'm not saying like, we need to be like, Yay, laundry, unicorns, rainbows. I love laundry. No, that's not the goal. The goal. The goal is in that moment to look the laundry pile and say, Oh, that's not really a big deal. I could just shove that in the basket that moment. Like, what do you want to feel is what we're looking for. And that's called a resource day. So it's like a resource, like a thing you can pull from and be like that. This is a good tool they have. I feel, I feel nonchalant about laundry. That's what we want in that moment. So we gotta find that. Because for some people, it is going to be nonchalant feeling about laundry. For other people, they might say, Oh, well, you know what I what I want to feel in that moment is I want to feel like, oh, I'll just go grab a load and throw it in the washer. Some people are going to say, You know what? Actually, just want to walk away from that and not be bothered by it. So everybody's going to have a different preference of like, what do they want to do with that problem? But we want to identify what's the thing that you want in that moment, and then what we do is we take the thing we want and that decision point, and we collapse it together and we put the smoosh them together. I call them um, and now we have, like, rewritten instead of seeing the laundry pile and freaking out about how it's so overwhelming, we see the laundry panel like, okay, cool. I'll just shove it in the hamper, and we move on. So we have to put the two together. So it's like, I have to identify the thing, the point where I things are start to go downhill, figure out what actually want, rewrite that. And then we hit save in your brain, smoosh it together. And then your brain now knows, okay, instead of going on this path of panic and overwhelm, I'm going to go to cool I'll just throw all that stuff in the hamper and walk away from the bathroom. Then step five is with whatever time we have left, is how can we smear that around and reinforce it as much as possible? So is there other places in your life that you see the thing and go to panic and overwhelm. Can we? Can we, like, add that, like, rewrite to other places so that it's even more solid? Like, more things got saved, more things
4. got rewritten in your mind. And that's, that's the basis of neuroplasticity. Is, what do I want? To change what I want instead, and then smooshing them together, so we'll have that change in the moment, and then from there, it is, practicing it and having a lot of grace for ourselves when we rewrite a pattern in our brain. That doesn't mean that we have undone 43 years of trauma, but what it does is it teaches our brain that there is another possibility available to us, and that we have the opportunity to practice it. So when you see that laundry the first time, you may still freak out and panic and overwhelm, but the moment that you do realize, like, reflectively, oh, this is what's happening. You know what your option B is, and you can go down that path instead, and it's um, sometimes it'll just click and it's not an issue anymore. Sometimes we have to practice it a few times, but most important is, or sometimes it's practice it for like, a month, two months. That's okay. The point is that you have another option now, and that we have grace for ourselves to not be perfect. It's not going to be perfect on every time on step one. So that's the the basis of what we're doing.