The Confidence Gap

Cyan Ta’eed (co-founder of Envato) shares her 10 year journey to building confidence, her trial and errors plus the hacks she’s picked up along the way.

Transcript

1. O R : H O W I L E A R N E D T O 
 S T O P W O R RY I N G A N D L O V E A S K I N G Q U E S T I O N S . T H E C O N F I D E N C E G A P
2. Women typically underestimate their abilities and skills, and are far more likely to fear that they will fail when tested.
3. E V E RY O N E C A N B E N E F I T F R O M R E F L E C T I N G W H E R E T H E Y S I T B E T W E E N L O W C O N F I D E N C E A N D O V E R - C O N F I D E N C E . T H I S I S N O T A U N I Q U E LY F E M A L E C H A L L E N G E :
4. N O W Y O U T RY ! TA L K I N G A B O U T A C H I E V E M E N T S I S U N C O M F O R TA B L E …
5. B E I N G U N C O M F O RTA B L E TA L K I N G A B O U T A C H I E V E M E N T S O R TA L E N T S I S O N E T H I N G . B U T H O W D O Y O U T H I N K A B O U T Y O U R A C H I E V E M E N T S ? W H AT D O E S Y O U R I N T E R N A L D I A L O G U E S O U N D L I K E ?
6. I did not speak highly of myself, and they very rapidly took my word for it.
7. W H A T I P E R C E I V E D A S H U M I L I T Y C O U L D A C T U A L LY B E L O W S E L F C O N F I D E N C E
8. C O L L I S O P E R AT E D U N D E R T H E A S S U M P T I O N T H AT H E WA S C A PA B L E , W H E R E A S I O P E R AT E D U N D E R T H E A S S U M P T I O N T H AT I WA S N ’ T.
9. ( I M P O S T E R S Y N D R O M E ) I would avoid putting myself in situations where I would be challenged, and I would avoid asking questions or getting help when I needed it. Both stemmed from a fear of "being found out”.
10. I M O D E L L E D T H E P E O P L E I N M Y L I F E W H O H A D N AT U R A L C O N F I D E N C E , H U M I L I T Y A N D K I N D N E S S .
11. L I G H T N I N G B O LT # 1 : The mark of a truly confident person is one who asks questions, and doesn't worry about sounding stupid.
12. R U L E # 1 : If I don’t know, I ALWAYS have to ask, even if I think it might make me look stupid. My goal is to be smart, not to look smart.
14. L I G H T N I N G B O LT # 2 : A truly confident person goes out looking for new opportunities and experiences, and doesn’t worry about failing. They believe if they work hard they’ll succeed.
15. R U L E # 2 : I will take on any challenge offered to me, and try not to worry about failure. As I don’t seem to be able to gage my capacity very well, this forces me to grow.
16. S O M E T I M E S I S U C C E E D ! !
17. A N D S O M E T I M E S I FA I L : - (
18. When you stop making looking smart or capable matter as much, you realise you always get a little smarter from your failures.
19. E A C H T I M E I S U C C E E D , A L I T T L E B I T O F T H AT D O U B T I C A R RY A R O U N D FA L L S AWAY, A N D I G E T A S L I G H T LY C L E A R E R P I C T U R E O F M Y O W N C A PA C I T Y.
20. It’s a work in progress, and I’m still trying to figure it all out. I still struggle with confidence all the time, and have to force myself to follow my rules… and I sometimes chicken out.
21. M Y A D V I C E ( F O R W H AT I T ’ S W O R T H ) : If there’s a choice between doing it and not doing it, always do it. Never let your confidence stop you from experiencing or learning. If you’re anything like me, try not to care so much what everyone else thinks. Chances are you are your own harshest critic.