Courtship Seminar, Session 2

Transcript

1. Biblical Principles For Developing Godly Marriages: Courting Part II: Courting from the Parent’s Perspective April 3, 2011 Grace Bible Fellowship Church
2. Purpose of Session •  Looking at Courting from a Parent’s Perspective •  Preparation begins when your children are young •  Identify some ways a parent can protect their children •  Provide some indicators that help you to know when they are ready to court 2
3. Session Schedule •  One hour of presentation with interactive questions. •  Half hour of summary questions. •  Participation and questions are highly encouraged through out each session. •  None have mastered courting – we can all learn creative ways to apply the Biblical Principles to courting. 3
4. Session Outline: • Role of Son’s Parents • Role of Daughter’s Parents • Getting to know each other • When to start courting • Session Summary • Q&A 4
5. Introduction (Reminder) •  There are biblical principles that can be followed although there is no single application. •  Courtship is not specifically mandated in Scripture. •  There is not a specific set of guidelines — each situation may be different. •  No set of guidelines will lead to a perfect courtship. •  A successful courtship may only lead to friendship. 5
6. Our Definitions for this Seminar: •  Dating—often recreational relationships with the opposite sex •  Courtship—one man, one woman working with their parents and/or other spiritual leaders to discern if they are life partners •  Engagement—a couple and parents agree the couple should be life partners and are now entering a period to finalize preparations for marriage •  Marriage—the consummation of the courtship as the couple commit to spend their lives together •  Note: Older couples or different parental situations could lead to others being involved. Principle: seek wise counsel and protection. 6
7. Role of the Son’s Parents • Preparing the Son for Courtship/marriage begins early – Encourage Him to love God – Encourage Him to love God’s Word – Encourage Him to respect authority – Encourage Him to love others – Serve others, deny himself – From birth, talk about courtship and marriage as positives 7
8. Role of the Son’s Parents • Preparing the Son for leadership – This too starts early – Let him make decisions and reap consequences – Model and teach servant leadership – Be open to share your own failures and successes – God’s sovereignty over all of life and How to discern His will 8
9. Role of the Son’s Parents • Teach him about God’s view of marriage and marriage roles – One man one woman principle starts before courting and marriage – God has a high view of marriage and so should he – Marriage only to other believers 9
10. Role of the Son’s Parents • Be watchful over him and his relationships – Be aware of who he spends time with, ON PHONE, TEXTS, FACEBOOK, etc – Talk with him regularly about his interest in young ladies – Encourage gentlemanly behavior around all girls – Age at which he is ready 10
11. Role of the Son’s Parents • When he thinks he has found her… – Counsel him regarding your view - be specific and honest – Assess his readiness for courtship based on pre- planned criteria •  Timing •  Age •  Maturity •  Career plans – Coach him on visiting with her father – Set general guidelines on what courtship will look like 11
12. Role of the Son’s Parents • During the courtship process – Let him lead as much as possible with your gentle guidance-you have trained him to be a leader….let him lead! – Have regular meetings with him, the girl’s parents(if they’re on board) and with the girl to assess progress – Work with him to consider timing of engagement or whether to end the courtship 12
13. Role of the Daughter’s Parents • Assisting and guiding a daughter to develop strong relationships – First with the Lord, – Her family and – Then in regards to preparing for a biblical marriage. • A parent’s role in this area should flow naturally along with their other parental guidance. 13
14. Role of the Daughter’s Parents • Parents should apply wisdom – Help their children make a decision regarding marriage. – The child should be willing to listen to their parents. – Parents should be consistent and willing to persevere with wise counsel. – Know your child; communicate often… 14
15. What’s a Parent to Do? • Pray, pray, pray…… and continue to pray (1 Thess. 5:17; Rom. 12:12; Eph.6:18; others) – God’s will in their lives and in this relationship – Discernment for all involved – Wisdom for all involved – Purity in thought and body – Protection • physical and emotional 15
16. Parental Training •  To know and love God with their whole heart, mind, & soul (Matt. 22:37; Mk. 12:30; others) •  From a young age – to understand what courting is and how to honor God in all relationships (Prov. 22:6; Acts 20:32; 1 Tim. 4:6; 1 Pet. 2:1–2) •  Christians are to be different from the world (Jn. 15:19; 17:16) 16
17. Parental Training •  What is Love?: (John 15:13; Rom. 8:35, 39; 15:30; 1 Cor. 16:14; Many, others.) –  Not a feeling, Not an emotion –  Sacrificial, Unconditional –  A willingness to sacrifice for another •  Model Biblical Love and Forgiveness (Eph. 4:32) •  Train each for their role as a Biblical –  Husband and Father –  Wife and Mother •  Different roles of men and women in life and in marriage. 17
18. Parental Protection: •  Setting and enforcing guidelines –  Friends –  Activities –  Etc. •  Providing safe environments for friendships to develop –  Our homes should be the center of our children’s social life –  Church activities •  Avoiding certain situations 18
19. Parental Counsel •  Providing feedback & insight regarding the young man •  Observing interactions •  Assessing character traits, maturity, etc •  Discern –  Committed Christian? –  Similar goals? •  Evaluate preparedness for marriage •  Realize they will not be perfect, but they must be willing to grow & change 19
20. Process vs. Method •  The result of the process is far more important than the method or the terms that are used. •  Our goal should be godly men and women marrying and raising families to the glory of God. (I Cor. 10:31) •  No one way is the only way; be very wise. •  Not specifically mandated in scripture; however, there are biblical principles to follow •  Each situation will be different, even within the same family b/c there are many variables 20
21. Process vs. Method •  Each situation will be different, even within the same family b/c there are many variables –  Personalities –  Preferences –  Etc. •  No set of guidelines will lead to a perfect courtship – don’t be Phariseeical –  Courtship is a process –  Not a means to an end – getting married –  A legalistic approach will most likely fail 21
22. Process vs. Method •  There is no set length; –  however extending courtship beyond when a couple is ready could •  Create undue temptation and •  Frustration •  Group and/ or family settings –  Allows the two to begin to build a friendship –  Get to know each other in a safe environment. –  Consider several families getting together so as to not put pressure on the two. 22
23. How Does a Couple Get to Courting •  Early Training by Parents •  Submission and Obedience of Children •  Growing and changing is a must •  Seeking God’s will for your life •  Focus on serving God while observing others who are serving •  Interact with others in groups under supervision •  Discuss interests with parents 23
24. How Does a Parent Know When a Couple Can Start Courting? •  Many different factors are involved. •  Parents must be very discerning and wise –  Timing – is this the right time –  Age – of child and potential partner –  Maturity – of child and potential partner –  Goals and Plans •  Ministry, Life, Career, Family, etc. –  Observation of Friendship Development •  Guy must be prepared to meet with Her Dad. 24
25. The Courting Process • Courting guidelines –  Who determines? Parents? Couple? Combination? • How and When will process change? • Will there be a progression to engagement? –  Content of conversation –  Frequency of interaction –  Type of interaction –  Physical contact –  Terms of endearment 25
26. Engagement -Premarital Counseling • A Must! – Define purpose – Must be biblical – Who will counsel? – What will be included in pre-marriage counseling? • GBCM pre-marriage counseling 26
27. Wedding and Post Wedding • Thoughts in planning –  God honoring in the ceremony –  Well planned and executed –  Review with pastor –  Modest attire • Post wedding-Where the fun begins! –  Building oneness –  Romance/dating without pre-marriage restrictions –  Ministering together –  Helping each other grow 27
28. Session Summary • Parenting is hard work! • The rewards are beyond your imagination! • Train for Biblical Relationships • So, apply the principles, use Godly wisdom and pray for extreme discernment. • Keep your focus on God and off of self. 28
29. Next Class • Courting from a Couple’s Perspective – Andrew and Elizabeth Palmer – Brad and RJ Conte – Blake and Kathleen Shook – Questions about courting, for example: • How did you guys meet? • How did your relationship start? • When did you decide this is your life partner? 29