Perspective • Preparation begins when your children are young • Identify some ways a parent can protect their children • Provide some indicators that help you to know when they are ready to court 2
• Half hour of summary questions. • Participation and questions are highly encouraged through out each session. • None have mastered courting – we can all learn creative ways to apply the Biblical Principles to courting. 3
followed although there is no single application. • Courtship is not specifically mandated in Scripture. • There is not a specific set of guidelines — each situation may be different. • No set of guidelines will lead to a perfect courtship. • A successful courtship may only lead to friendship. 5
the opposite sex • Courtship—one man, one woman working with their parents and/or other spiritual leaders to discern if they are life partners • Engagement—a couple and parents agree the couple should be life partners and are now entering a period to finalize preparations for marriage • Marriage—the consummation of the courtship as the couple commit to spend their lives together • Note: Older couples or different parental situations could lead to others being involved. Principle: seek wise counsel and protection. 6
begins early – Encourage Him to love God – Encourage Him to love God’s Word – Encourage Him to respect authority – Encourage Him to love others – Serve others, deny himself – From birth, talk about courtship and marriage as positives 7
– This too starts early – Let him make decisions and reap consequences – Model and teach servant leadership – Be open to share your own failures and successes – God’s sovereignty over all of life and How to discern His will 8
of marriage and marriage roles – One man one woman principle starts before courting and marriage – God has a high view of marriage and so should he – Marriage only to other believers 9
his relationships – Be aware of who he spends time with, ON PHONE, TEXTS, FACEBOOK, etc – Talk with him regularly about his interest in young ladies – Encourage gentlemanly behavior around all girls – Age at which he is ready 10
found her… – Counsel him regarding your view - be specific and honest – Assess his readiness for courtship based on pre- planned criteria • Timing • Age • Maturity • Career plans – Coach him on visiting with her father – Set general guidelines on what courtship will look like 11
him lead as much as possible with your gentle guidance-you have trained him to be a leader….let him lead! – Have regular meetings with him, the girl’s parents(if they’re on board) and with the girl to assess progress – Work with him to consider timing of engagement or whether to end the courtship 12
to develop strong relationships – First with the Lord, – Her family and – Then in regards to preparing for a biblical marriage. • A parent’s role in this area should flow naturally along with their other parental guidance. 13
their children make a decision regarding marriage. – The child should be willing to listen to their parents. – Parents should be consistent and willing to persevere with wise counsel. – Know your child; communicate often… 14
to pray (1 Thess. 5:17; Rom. 12:12; Eph.6:18; others) – God’s will in their lives and in this relationship – Discernment for all involved – Wisdom for all involved – Purity in thought and body – Protection • physical and emotional 15
whole heart, mind, & soul (Matt. 22:37; Mk. 12:30; others) • From a young age – to understand what courting is and how to honor God in all relationships (Prov. 22:6; Acts 20:32; 1 Tim. 4:6; 1 Pet. 2:1–2) • Christians are to be different from the world (Jn. 15:19; 17:16) 16
39; 15:30; 1 Cor. 16:14; Many, others.) – Not a feeling, Not an emotion – Sacrificial, Unconditional – A willingness to sacrifice for another • Model Biblical Love and Forgiveness (Eph. 4:32) • Train each for their role as a Biblical – Husband and Father – Wife and Mother • Different roles of men and women in life and in marriage. 17
Activities – Etc. • Providing safe environments for friendships to develop – Our homes should be the center of our children’s social life – Church activities • Avoiding certain situations 18
man • Observing interactions • Assessing character traits, maturity, etc • Discern – Committed Christian? – Similar goals? • Evaluate preparedness for marriage • Realize they will not be perfect, but they must be willing to grow & change 19
far more important than the method or the terms that are used. • Our goal should be godly men and women marrying and raising families to the glory of God. (I Cor. 10:31) • No one way is the only way; be very wise. • Not specifically mandated in scripture; however, there are biblical principles to follow • Each situation will be different, even within the same family b/c there are many variables 20
within the same family b/c there are many variables – Personalities – Preferences – Etc. • No set of guidelines will lead to a perfect courtship – don’t be Phariseeical – Courtship is a process – Not a means to an end – getting married – A legalistic approach will most likely fail 21
however extending courtship beyond when a couple is ready could • Create undue temptation and • Frustration • Group and/ or family settings – Allows the two to begin to build a friendship – Get to know each other in a safe environment. – Consider several families getting together so as to not put pressure on the two. 22
by Parents • Submission and Obedience of Children • Growing and changing is a must • Seeking God’s will for your life • Focus on serving God while observing others who are serving • Interact with others in groups under supervision • Discuss interests with parents 23
Courting? • Many different factors are involved. • Parents must be very discerning and wise – Timing – is this the right time – Age – of child and potential partner – Maturity – of child and potential partner – Goals and Plans • Ministry, Life, Career, Family, etc. – Observation of Friendship Development • Guy must be prepared to meet with Her Dad. 24
Combination? • How and When will process change? • Will there be a progression to engagement? – Content of conversation – Frequency of interaction – Type of interaction – Physical contact – Terms of endearment 25
in the ceremony – Well planned and executed – Review with pastor – Modest attire • Post wedding-Where the fun begins! – Building oneness – Romance/dating without pre-marriage restrictions – Ministering together – Helping each other grow 27
your imagination! • Train for Biblical Relationships • So, apply the principles, use Godly wisdom and pray for extreme discernment. • Keep your focus on God and off of self. 28
Palmer – Brad and RJ Conte – Blake and Kathleen Shook – Questions about courting, for example: • How did you guys meet? • How did your relationship start? • When did you decide this is your life partner? 29
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