Come A-wassailing" in front of a house. CAROLERS Here we come a-wassailing among the leaves so green- Here we come a- wandering so fair to be seen- One of the carolers is on his phone. Another caroler nudges him. CAROLER B (hushed whisper) Get off your phone! CAROLER A (whispering back) I'm looking something up. The carolers continue singing until CAROLER A holds up his hand. CAROLERS Love and joy come to you! And to you your wassail too- and God bless you and send you a happy new year- and God send- CAROLER A -Uh, guys? Guys? This house is another empty AIRBNB again. No one is inside. The other carolers all groan. CAROLER C Oh come on! CAROLER D That's the third house this neighborhood! CAROLER E Why do they leave the lights on when nobody's here?! EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD STREET - NIGHT The Carolers' children sing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" while walking along the side of a road at a distance behind a young man. CHILDREN 1. 2.
better not pout, I'm telling you why! Santa Claus is coming to town! He sees you when you're sleeping! He knows when you're awake! He knows if you've been bad or good so be good for goodness sake! After the first verses, the children begin to sing "You better watch out!" on repeat. CHILDREN So- You better watch out! You better watch out! You better watch out! The young man begins to feel as though the children are following him. The young man turns around and waves at the children out of courtesey, but he still feels uncomfortable. CHILDREN You better watch out! You better watch out! You better watch out! The young man turns down a corner of the neighborhood street. He assumes to have parted ways... until the children also turn down the same corner and continue singing the same lyrics on repeat. The man feels increasingly more uncomfortable. CHILDREN You better watch out! You better watch out! You better watch out! The young man breaks into a run. The children begin running as well while continuing to sing "You better watch out! " on repeat. CHILDREN You better watch out! You better watch out! You better watch out! EXT. OUTSIDE HOUSE B - NIGHT The Carolers finish singing "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" to a man standing in the doorway of a house. He bears a subtle resemblance to SANTA CLAUS, but without the iconic coat and hat. CAROLERS Santa Claus is coming- Santa Claus is coming- Santa Claus is coming- to town! SANTA 3. 2.
song! Thank you so much for your Christmas cheer, but I'm afraid I'm just about to take off for some important buisness. Here, have this plate of cookies as a show of my thanks. The Carolers eat the cookies in front of the house, failing to notice a REINDEER-DRIVEN SLEIGH on top of the house's roof beyond their view. CAROLERS (indistinct chatter) ...These cookies are delicious... indisticnt chatter... incredible... The same man, now dressed as Santa Claus with the iconic coat and hat, emerges out of the house's chimney, steps into the sleigh, and takes off into the night sky without the Carolers ever noticing. CHILD CAROLER ...My cookie tastes like coal! CAROLER E ...What a nice old man! EXT. OUTSIDE HOUSE D - NIGHT The Carolers sing "Silent Night" to a family in the neighborhood. CAROLERS Silent night... Holy night... All is calm... All is bright... On top of a house across the street, a pile of snow loses its balance and falls onto the parked car underneath. The vehicle's alarm is triggered. "Silent Night" is juxtaposed with the car alarm. The family listening to the Carolers in the doorway ends up covering their ears. Dogs across the neighboorhood begin howling as the discordant sounds increase. EXT. OUTSIDE HOUSE E - NIGHT The Carolers finish singing "Silent Night" to a single homeowner. CAROLERS ...Christ the savior is bor-on! Chr-ist the savior is born... The homeowner gives them a round of applause. 4. 5. 3.
that was so beautiful and this is all sooo sweet of you guys... but I actually don't... celebrate Christmas. I'm Jewish. CAROLERS Ohhhhhhhhh... The Carolers begin singing Bing Crosby's "Happy Holidays" to the Homeowner. CAROLERS Happy holidays... Happy holidays... While the merry bells keep ringing... Happy holidays... To you! EXT. OUTSIDE HOUSE F - NIGHT The Caroler continue singing Bing Crosby's "Happy Holidays" in front of a different house. CAROLERS Happy holidays... Happy holidays... While the merry bells keep ringing... Happy holidays... To you! An entitled old CRONE bursts her head out of the front door and begins screeching at them. CRONE 'HAPPY HOLIDAYS?!' IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE 'MERRY CHRISTMAS! ' YOU GODLESS HEATHENS ARE TURNING OUR GREAT CHRISTIAN NATION INTO A SECULARIST CESSPOOL! HOW DARE YOU CELEBRATE ANYTHING THAT ISN'T MY RELIGION! WE CHRISTIANS RULE THE WORLD AND IF YOU DON'T BOW DOWN TO WHAT WE WANT YOU ARE PERSECUTING US! MEH MEH MEH WAR ON CHRISTMAS MEH MEH MEH! The Carolers ignore her and continue to sing "Happy Holidays" while calmly leaving. EXT. OUTSIDE HOUSE G - NIGHT The Carolers' children sing "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" to another homeowner in the neighborhood until the lines "Now bring us some figgy pudding." CHILDREN 6. 7. 4.
a merry christmas- we wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Good tidings we bring to you and your kin. Good tidings for Christmas and a Happy New Year Now bring us some figgy pudding, Now bring us some figgy pudding, Now bring us some figgy pudding, and bring it out here! Now bring us some figgy pudding, Now bring us some figgy pudding, Now bring us some figgy pudding, and bring it out here! The children continue to repeat the lyric "Now bring us some figgy pudding" as the homeowner's smile fades. CHILDREN Now bring us some figgy pudding, Now bring us some figgy pudding, Now bring us some figgy pudding, and bring it out here! The children continue to sing "Now, bring us some figgy pudding" while the homeowner scrambles to assemble figgy pudding. HOMEOWNER B Alright, alright, I'll get you guys some figgy pudding! ...rasisns, almonds, candied citrus... Where did I put my almonds again? EXT. OUTSIDE HOUSE H - NIGHT The Carolers finish sing "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" in front of a house. CAROLERS Hark the herald angels sing! Glory to the newborn king! Peace on earth and mercy mild! God and sinners reconciled! Joyful all ye nations rise! Join the triumph of the skies! With angelic hosts proclaim! Christ is born in bethlehem! Hark! The herald angels sing! Glory-y to the new born king! CAROLER A ...Airbnb! The other carolers all groan for a final time. Pan up to 8. 5.
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