This Code Sucks — A Story About Nonviolent Communication

Think about something that happened at work recently. How did it make you feel? Why did it make you feel that way?

Chances are you answered those two questions poorly. Our inability to answer such questions effectively leads us to communicate in ways that are negative and unhelpful.

Let’s explore a day in the life of a fictional programmer who, just like us, means well and wants to do a great job. We’ll use our protagonist’s story to learn about how to honestly express our needs and effectively collaborate in disagreement.

Presented at Ship It! Conf 2017 and Brighton Ruby 2017.

Transcript

1. THIS CODE SUCKS A Story About Nonviolent Communication Nadia Odunayo @nodunayo
2. ALEX Senior Engineer ignition works alex@ignition.works
3. 9.06 AM JASON
4. 9.06 AM JASON Daily Standup
5. JASON
6. –Alex “You’re always late these days.” JASON
7. 2:30 PM CHRIS
8. Code Review 2:30 PM CHRIS
9. CHRIS
10. This. Code. Sucks. CHRIS
11. This. Code. Sucks. CHRIS
12. –Alex “Speak to Tanya. Her code is great!” CHRIS
13. 4:45 PM PETER
14. Planning Meeting 4:45 PM PETER
15. PETER
16. I expected more. PETER
17. I expected more. It’s not my fault… PETER
18. –Alex “I can’t afford any more delays.” PETER
19. Alex
20. Alex Jason
21. Alex Jason Chris
22. Alex Jason Chris Peter
24. How did it make you feel?
25. How did it make you feel? Why did it make you feel that way?
26. What did you say?
27. Something happens
28. Something happens
29. Jason cancels
30. Jason cancels
32. Jason made me angry by cancelling
34. Something is wrong with you.
35. Something is wrong with you. Obviously.
36. Violent Communication Something is wrong with you. Obviously.
37. “Be kind.”
38. “Be kind.” +
40. We need tangible strategies
41. NEEDS
43. I need support
44. When our needs are met, we may feel… When our needs are not met, we may feel…
45. When our needs are met, we may feel… When our needs are not met, we may feel… ☹
46. When our needs are met, we may feel… When our needs are not met, we may feel… ☹
47. Something happens
48. Something happens
49. Something happens
50. What is my need?
51. What is my need? What might their need be?
52. 9.06 AM JASON Daily Standup
53. JASON
54. JASON
55. RESPECT? JASON
56. EFFICACY? JASON
57. –Alex “I feel annoyed when you miss standup because I was hoping the team would be clear on what they are doing as soon as the meeting is over.” JASON
58. 2.30 PM CHRIS Code Review
59. CHRIS
60. CHRIS
61. STABILITY? CHRIS
62. NURTURING? CHRIS
63. SAFETY? CHRIS
64. –Alex “I was disappointed when I didn’t see any tests because I want confidence that our software is easily maintainable.” CHRIS
65. 4.45 PM PETER Planning Meeting
66. PETER
67. PETER
68. TRUST? PETER
69. COMMUNICATION? PETER
70. –Alex “I’m upset because I wanted to be able to rely upon your words and I was hoping to be on top of any change in circumstances.” PETER
71. Avoid communicating judgement
72. Start with specific observations
73. Recognise underlying needs and communicate those
74. TRANSPARENCY
75. VULNERABILITY
76. Alex Jason Chris Peter
77. Alex Jason Chris Peter
78. Alex Jason Chris Peter
79. Nonviolent Communication Marshall B. Rosenberg by
80. cnvc.org
81. How did it make you feel?
82. How did it make you feel? Why did it make you feel that way?
83. How did it make you feel?
84. How did it make you feel? What did you need?
85. Thank you! Nadia Odunayo @nodunayo ignition works