Facing Grief - "Artifacts"

The artifacts of your life are many. What do they mean to you? To the author they hold a wealth of memories of past times - before life changed forever.

In this presentation find out about these artifacts and consider what yours means to you.

From Volume 1 - "The First 30 Days" written Thursday September 5, 2019 - day 24 of the journey - this is essay #20 - "Artifacts".

Transcript

1. Artifacts. From Volume 1 - Essay #20 Written Thursday, September 5, 2019 / Day 24 / Early Early Morning The last thing you want to do - the first thing you need to go on. Parts of our lives are everywhere if we see them.
2. Turns out I am a person who attaches meaning to things.
3. We had been on a crusade to rid ourselves of the unnecessary, the out of date. Many of our friends were on the same page - downsizing as they could.
4. In my current world - all of the meaning I have attached to things has come crashing down on me.
5. Talk about triggers - I'm in a vast environment full of mouse traps and I can barely make a move without setting one off. Usually a bunch of them go off together.
6. Now the intensity of this has somewhat decreased so I imagine that there will be a time that the effect will not be as strong.
7. I had a realization today about what to do with these seemingly meaningful things.
8. That was the thought - they are extremely meaningful to me - but in reality who else would care?
9. I'm sure there are a few items that might interest my son. A few I most likely would insist he take due to their unique historical value.
10. But to the vast array of other items - those that had historical value only to my wife and I - what of those things?
11. It especially took me by surprise that many of the items had meaning to my wife and I but were outside my son's life or involvement - those items have nowhere to go - in the sentimental department.
12. The idea was troubling because it started to dawn on me - this is another death. Sort of a third party death - one where parts of my life - important moments - will just disappear.
13. It also reminded me of a dear friend of my wife’s - Elaine - one who had worked with her at her very first job. This was way back before I was a part of the story.
14. 1966 State University of New York at Buffalo - Biochemistry Department Elaine My Future Sweetie
15. Over the years Elaine had moved away and they lost touch.
16. Elaine got the inclination at one point to try to find my wife. She spent quite a time on the hunt and eventually found her - by that time my wife and I had been married for years.
17. It was a joyous reunion. Elaine’s husband Harry was a biochemistry PhD conducting research in things we could only begin to understand. They had a daughter - Lisa - who had multiple health and cognitive problems resulting from a childhood illness. Harrison, Lisa & Elaine Sine in 1970
18. They lived in Indiana when we made contact again. It was far enough away to keep us from meeting. That limitation was always frustrating.
19. When Harry retired he had many plans to fulfill. Unfortunately, he fell into dementia and had a long uncomfortable descent to a sad end to his life.
20. Elaine was now left with their daughter - now in her 40's Lisa had the mind of a 12 year old.
21. Harry and Elaine were faithful to Lisa all those years. They provided all of her care. And now Elaine was left to be the sole caregiver.
22. They did not have any family in Indiana. Harry had some relatives in New York State. Elaine had been adopted and neither her father or mother were still living.
23. Lisa developed a rare inoperable cancer that resulted in a long difficult time of illness as the disease took its course. Upon her death, Elaine was now totally alone.
24. We stayed in touch. Elaine was such a warm and caring person - someone who you would just love to talk to. My wife and her spent countless hours on the phone. Their shortest calls were multiple hours at least.
25. My wife always had this idea Elaine could move to our area and we would adopt her!
26. But that was never to be. Elaine found out she had cancer. The incredible stress of her entire life must have been a major factor.
27. Elaine had been alone for so many years caring for her failing husband and special-needs daughter.
28. …except the illness had become too advanced for her to stay at home. The part that haunted me about the situation was that Elaine had been in the hospital and then was sent home…
29. Elaine had the wherewithal to contact a lawyer and set up mechanisms to dispose of their assets because there was no family left. None at all.
30. We were able to speak with her only a few times before they started to "make her comfortable" which is the medical euphemism for making you unconscious because the pain becomes too severe.
31. Elaine told the story that while she was home - someone from the medical world had come to her house. She was told they would be taking her to a facility where she could be cared for.
32. The problem was she had to leave - at that very moment! Elaine wasn't prepared for this and had to grab only a few things quickly before she was taken.
33. She never returned to her home.
34. It haunts me to this day.
35. At that moment her house became a monument to their lives. Only there was no one there to know of the situation - or care. Sine Residence
36. Her home frozen in time. Whatever was on her desk, in the fridge or sink - the bills to be paid… Lisa’s belongings (she loved Barbie dolls), Harry’s books and hobbies… …Elaine’s possessions - they were all there.
37. And no one to care.
38. I would look up her home on Google street view - fortunately or unfortunately you can virtually drive to anyone's home and I was able to see their house - a picture of a house now empty with the artifacts of their lives trapped in it. The Sine's home. No one home and no one to care about it.
39. Part of Elaine’s plan was to have the house remodeled and the proceeds given to their designated charitable institutions.
40. But for me - even though I could not see inside - I could envision the empty frozen-in-time home.
41. I could envision people sifting through the artifacts of their lives - some artifacts to the trash, some to auction.
42. The fact there was no one to receive any of the artifacts of their lives was deeply touching to me.
43. We weren't family. It wasn't like I could drive to Indiana and burst in and say : “STOP, let me save some of this because I CARE about them!”
44. But no - I couldn't.
45. One day on Zillow (the real estate web service) I saw the remodeled home. Nicely done - totally and irrevocably remodeled from its prior state. There was no evidence of the previous owners there. The Sine's former home remodeled. All traces of them removed.
46. This would make me cry.
47. And so as I contemplated my own world of artifacts - I was moved to tears.
48. I don't know why these "things" bother me.
49. Most likely it is because - to me - the “things” represent life - our life. And the lives of those we have touched.
50. And they will have nowhere to go. Nowhere to go to honor that life.
51. So I'll have some tough decisions to make - decisions that will only be difficult for me.
52. And I'll have to do what I can - I wouldn't want to put that on my son. He would have no reason to know about the items - only I have that knowledge.
53. So I'll share what I can and the rest will have to go at some point.
54. Just not today.
55. My wife and I, if you have been reading any of these essays, have a strong belief in God. We believe in what is written in 1 Thessalonians chapter 4 verses 13-18.
56. As Paul mentions - there is a coming resurrection of those who do now sleep. A resurrection to a new life that our Savior will be bringing with Him when He returns.
57. The things of today - those artifacts - really have no meaning in that context. But to a sentimental, emotional person like me - those artifacts have the gift of life.
58. I know because I can sense that life in them.
59. But there will come a day when we will receive the gift of a new life beyond our comprehension. Read Romans chapter 8 and verses 18 to 25 if you'd like to know more.
60. So I will deal with the things as I have to and as long as I am here - that will be difficult.
61. Remembering that our future holds an incredible life for us - a life that all these artifacts can only hint at.
62. A future that we will all share - someday.
63. Visit Facing Grief - The Essays at: EssaysonGrief.org From Facing Grief - The Essays - Volume 1 - Essay #20 Visit Facing Grief - The Essays at: EssaysonGrief.org
64. 2020 Facing Grief
65. The Hope of the Resurrection - 1 Thessalonians 4: 13-18 (NLT) 13 And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died. 15 We tell you this directly from the Lord: We who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet him ahead of those who have died. 16 For the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trumpet call of God. First, the believers who have died will rise from their graves. 17 Then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever. 18 So encourage each other with these words.
66. Our tribute to the Sine Family Harrison, Elaine and Lisa Sine December, 1974
67. Harrison Edward Sine, Jr. was born on April 6, 1940 in Rochester, New York. His father, Harrison, Sr., was 22 and his mother, Josephine (Clovis), was 20 when he was born. “Harry” as he was called was one of 5 siblings. He attended the Rochester Institute of Technology graduating in 1968 with a Ph.d, Ed. D, Sc.D. At that time he was employed by the Genesee Hospital in Rochester. Harrison Sine 1970
68. Moving to Carmel, Indiana in the late 1980’s Harry worked for Boehringer Ingelheim International GmbH in various roles ending as a Director upon his retirement. He died after a long struggle with dementia on January 28, 2018. He was a member of the Federation of American Societies for Experimental Biology Harrison Sine’s Yearbook December, 1974
69. Elaine R Sine was born on May 25, 1939, in Liberty, New York, her father, Arthur Rogers, was 40, and her mother, Ruth (Nice), was 22. She was later adopted by Frank Graves. She married Harrison Edward Sine on August 12, 1961 in Rochester, New York. Elaine Sine 1966 She devoted her life to her daughter Lisa’s care. Her warm and caring spirit was a joy to everyone blessed to experience it. Upon her daughters death in August, 2016 and her husband’s death in January of 2018, Elaine was herself diagnosed with cancer and died June 5, 2018.
70. She worked in the Biochemistry Department of the State University of New York - Buffalo Campus where she met the author’s wife in 1966. The Author’s wife - Joann
71. Lisa Michele Sine was born on January 16, 1969 in Rochester, New York. After a childhood illness, Lisa became impaired with lifelong cognitive and physical issues. Her parents lovingly cared for her in their home and would never entertain the thought of having her in an institution. After her fathers death in 2018, Lisa was diagnosed with a rare inoperable cancer. After several operations that were painful and perhaps unnecessary, she died on August 31, 2016. Lisa Michele Sine 1970 one year