A gentleman wizard and his sarcastic manservant examine a common anti-pattern in schema design, in which indexes are “left for later”. The pitfalls and dangers of this approach are set forth. Right incantations (which is to say, scenarios and sample code) for battling this devious tendency will be presented, with all magic (that is, “buzz”) words thoroughly demystified and clearly explained. Walk away with a new understanding of why your application tables deserve indexes from day one, and how to make sure you’ve got them covered.