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Cultivating Empathetic Joy: An Antidote to Jealousy and Judgment

Pamela Fox
October 12, 2017
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Cultivating Empathetic Joy: An Antidote to Jealousy and Judgment

A workshop given at One Salon San Francisco on October 11. The slides do not contain all the narrative needed. Contact me if interested in this workshop.

Pamela Fox

October 12, 2017
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Transcript

  1. Cultivating Empathetic Joy
    An Antidote to Jealousy and Judgment

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  2. My story

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  3. Empathetic Joy: What is it?
    You already know the feeling….

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  4. Empathetic Joy
    Rejoicing in the joy of others
    Tibetan tradition:
    Rejoicing in the virtuous joy of others
    Rejoicing in the non-morally-questionable joy of others

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  5. Empathic Joy is NOT…
    Jealousy!
    Schadenfreude!
    Manic clinging: “That dog is so happy, I’ll be
    crushed if he ever gets upset.”
    A feeling of superiority: “Wow, my dad got that
    great award, that means he’s better than everyone
    else’s dad. We’re such a smart family.”

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  6. Let’s practice.
    Make a list of 5 good things that have happened
    for you recently. Feel the joy you felt when they
    happened. Rejoice for your past self!
    Make a list of 5 good things that have happened
    for a friend or loved one recently. Feel joyful for
    their good fortune.

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  7. Partner time
    Find a partner. Alternate telling each other the good things that
    happened. (Feel free to skip anything that feels too personal.)
    When your partner shares something, acknowledge it somehow:
    “Thanks for sharing”
    “Wow, that’s great!”
    High five!
    Notice how it feels to share and to receive.

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  8. How did that feel?

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  9. It gets harder…

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  10. Try this…

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  11. How about…?

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  12. Silicon Valley Special…

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  13. Close to home…

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  14. Extending Empathic Joy
    to All Beings
    Is it possible? Why and when does it get hard?

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  15. Your personal circle
    Draw your own circle: include loved ones, neutral
    people, difficult people.
    Make a list of people you feel jealous or
    competitive with, and rank your feelings of
    jealousy for them. (If you struggle, try siblings,
    coworkers, industry peers).

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  16. On Difficult People
    Rehumanize them: remind yourself that they are full,
    complex human beings, and that you have no idea of the
    struggles that they’ve gone to.
    Consider that you could have become that person, if your
    life had gone down different paths. In the future, you
    could even find yourself being best friends or in-laws with
    that person!
    Detach your feeling of self entirely. (Hard Mode)

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  17. Extending Empathetic Joy
    Meditation

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  18. How did that feel?

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  19. Can we train ourselves to feel
    empathetic joy for all?

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  20. Empathetic Joy: The Benefits
    More joy is available to us.
    “Joy is all around us, let the feeling grow…”
    Negative thoughts can be transformed into or
    replaced by positive thoughts
    Our decisions and perspectives on the world
    aren’t clouded by jealousy

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  21. Homework
    Continue the meditation, trying to extend it to more and
    more difficult people. (Attend the next Nyingma Retreat!)
    Smile when you see happy people on the street.
    Congratulate co-workers when they complete a task.
    Notice your feelings when friends post on FB. Challenge
    yourself to feel empathetic joy when possible/relevant,
    and leave a comment like “I’m so happy for you!”
    What else?

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