2025 was the year of Shai-Hulud: a series of attacks leaking massive amounts of victim data onto GitHub, ungraciously scheduled for whenever I was traveling. As a responder, these internet-scale incidents were a real-world lab for evolving AI capabilities. This talk is a raw post-mortem of moving from simple “vibe-coded” scrapers to multi-agent triage engines that parallelize victimology and automate secret-impact analysis. Demos will drive a conversation on what actually worked, where the ground has shifted, and how “lazy” AI will let you down. Walk away with prompts, scripts, skills, and lessons from my scars.