a Gas canister-shaped abandoned gas station in the outskirts of NeĐer, we have FLAME, who's rapidly changing the channels on TV, not stopping on any as REX changes expression with every click. He's holding the remote in one hand while chugging hot sauce with another. Suddenly, BATTER BURSTS through the window and CRASHES on the TV, breaking it. FLAME GODDAMMIT! Flame runs to the wreck but pushes Batter aside as he hugs the TV pieces. Rex holds Batter. REX Ahhh! Batter, speak to me! BATTER I'm fine, mate. It's those racist assholes again. MAN(V.O.) Takin' in the trash, ya grogs! Flame SHOOTS fireballs out the window at CORNELL and his motorcycle GANG, who ride away. FLAME YA BETTER RUN AWAY, Butt-pirate BITCH! Flame points at Batter FLAME YOU broke it, YOU fix it. BATTER I'm a lil' dazed from the aggravated assault. Can you repeat that? Flame SHOOTS a fireball from his finger at Batter's feet. He GULPS. Flame is fuming. A counter appears showing on screen "RAGE 60%". Rex picks up Batter and Flame in a big hug. REX I know, I know, "TV buying Road trip adventure"! I'm bringing snacks!
NIGHT- The gang drive in a green Volkswagen by an electronics store with a closed sign. The store next door is open but it has a "No GROGS allowed" sign. B) INT. NeĐer- PAWNSHOP- NIGHT- Flame grabs a TV set with a "single dollar sign" tag and puts it over the counter. The pawnbroker gives them a quick look and RINGS in his cash register, raising the price by two extra dollar signs. Flame tries starts berating him but Rex and Batter hold him back, as the pawnbroker keeps raising the price with every RING. C) EXT. NeĐer RADIO HUT- NIGHT- CORNELL'S GANG is robbing another electronics store from a broken window. Flame shoots a fireball inside the store, starting the sprinkler system and short circuiting all of the electronics in the store. CORNELL's GANG chases Flame but Rex drags him inside the car and drives off. END OF MONTAGE EXT. NEĐER DESERT- NIGHT The gang drives by "Leaving NeĐer" sign with a photo of the Mayor's face giving a thumbs up with a tagline "Don't forget to VOTE!" with "Not GROGS!" tagged in graffiti. INT. NEĐER DESERT- REX CAR- NIGHT Flame flips off the Mayor's sign from the front seat as Batter snickers from the backseat. FLAME It's all fascist's fault. BATTER Aye, it's his fault we're driving all the way to Saffen because you can't live a minute without mind-numbing telly. You hungry? Batter holds a Cero bar in front of Flame's face. Flame tries to grab it but Batter takes it away and puts it in his pocket. BATTER Maybe if ya stop being such a grump I'll give it to ya. Flame turns to Rex, who's drinking from a BIG QUENCHER CUP
not in his seat. REX Safety first, Bats. Batter fastens himself in a baby car seat. BATTER It's bollocks. I dunno why yer blaming the bloody Mayor though. He's been in office for a long time, obviously people like him. FLAME People are sheep! Followers! They get what they deserve. BATTER Do you even vote? Are you Red? Blue? FLAME The only color that matters is GREEN... Flame rubs his index and thumb together. FLAME and I'm not registered. BATTER If you don't vote, ya don't get to complain. FLAME Can YOU vote, ya cockney guano bag? BATTER It's the sentiment that matters. REX Guys, I gotta make a quick stop! Oh juice, why are thou so sweet? EXT. NEĐER DESERT- NIGHT REX parks in the middle of the desert. The stars sparkle in the night sky, Rex runs out while Flame and Batter settle on the hood of the car. Batter takes a deck of cards.
boys cactus, gotta twinkle! BATTER Oi, Flame, wanna get the burn card? He holds the cards in his hand. Flame blasts them to dust. FLAME Now they're all burn cards. BATTER You win, "shithead". FLAME I'm watching you, you can't make me forget about my beloved TV. BATTER Mate, why are you always such an arse? FLAME The whole world's the arse. They put you down just cuz how you look instead of what you do. I'm an equal- opportunity asshole, I hate everyone equally regardless of gender, race etc. BATTER You might have a point, but you're still an arse. Why do you want a telly, anyhoo, just look around you, look at the stars and wonder what's out there. Batter points to the starry night sky with the star he's pointing at coming closer towards them. FLAME Are you playin' a trick on me? Well it ain't gonna change my-- The star CRASHES nearby and makes a big SHOCKWAVE that flips the car upside down. The gang runs toward the smokey crater. REX Holy beans, good thing it fell on that fuming crater so one got hurt.
from the crater and jumps at them. The smoke disperses and Rex is hugging Batter and running around shrieking. Flame is holding the FIGURE in his arms and he licks his face. Batter escapes Rex's grip and addresses the alien. FIGURE WachiKoni BATTER What are the odds? You come in peace? What's your name, mate? Rex peeks at the crater and sees the crushed spaceship. It shows a Z on the side. REX Is that your name? Z? Z Ehh, Z Yay! Z! Z jumps from Flame's arms and starts dancing around them. REX Oh my he's got moves! And he speaks English. We can't leave him here, you wanna come with us, lil fella! Flame kicks Z back into the hole. He starts burying it with dirt FLAME You sick in the head. If we take this thing home we'll have the feds on our asses. I've watched enough movies to make me an expert. BATTER Mate, aren't ya doin' the same thing people do to you? Judge you without knowing ya. FLAME It's different, he's not from anywhere so we can judge him based on that. Let him be someone else's problem. REX Guys, look what happened to Mah baby!
Rex and Batter try to flip it but they struggle. Z jumps out of the hole and runs towards them. FLAME Hurry up, Smoothbrains! That thing's coming towards us! Z stops by the car and Rex's driving gloves start glowing and floating around him. He spits on them and rubs his hands together, wiggling his butt as if to physically try to flip the car. He points his index finger at the car, and the orbs around his head spin around rapidly. The car glows and it flips back up. REX Thank you, Z! See he comes in peace after all! Let's go, everyone. FLAME Hey, what about my TV? BATTER What about it, mate? Sorry I was watching Z eat my last Cero bar. Z jumps on the hood of the car eating the Cero bar as Flame begrudgingly gets in the car. As they drive away, HAZMAT MAN appears near the crater, holding a beeping machine and sees them drive off. INT. FLAME'S ROOM- NIGHT Z jumps around the room, touching stuff and throwing them around as Flame tries to catch him. FLAME He's making a mess! BATTER Your rooms already a mess. I think he's fixing it really. FLAME It's a controlled mess. I'm telling you right now. The feds are gonna come a-knockin and when they catch us BOOM, anal probes for everyone. REX Anal??
mate, this is like all the other times we've dealt with weird things happening in NeĐer. 'Member? Batter holds a box with "N-town Mementos" written on it. It's got signs that say "Keep Out!" and "Danger!" and a purple light seeps through it. MONTAGE- VARIOUS- FLASHBACK A) EXT. NeĐer desert- NIGHT- A music box plays a song as Flame and the gang shoot at zombified people. Some people complain about "Grog music" ruining their time. B) EXT. NeĐer- DAY- the whole town is covered in cheese and people float on giant chips. Flame's mad because there's no jalapenos. Rex tells an OLD WOMAN that they can just eat it, but she says she can't eat food if a grog touched it. C) INT. FLAME'S ROOM- The gang plays a board game, Flame loses and flips the board, creating an explosion and sucking Batter and Rex into the game. Flame claims victory. The game spits them out because "grogs taste weird." END OF FLASHBACK MONTAGE FLAME So put HIM in the box! REX You can't do that, silly goose. BATTER The little guy probably wants to go back home. Although, it seems he's already made himself at home here. Z is sitting in Flame's chair. He pushes him off and when he turns back, Batter and Rex are gone. FLAME COWARDS! Flame puts Z in the box and sits over it. He sits over it until morning comes, with bags under his eyes. Flame's stomach grumbles.
in the toilet while Z pops in. Z What's that? FLAME It's gone, ya weirdo. The toilet flushes. Z Come back! The toilet rumbles, glows blue and water EXPLODES, putting Flame's body out, leaving nothing but a skeleton. Flame grabs a bone from his arm and points it at Z. FLAME I got a bone to pick with you! Come here, let's have some fun! Fade out: INT- FLAME'S ROOM- DAY Rex comes in with a tray of tacos from Chicho's. He drops them and gasps. REX I cant believe you've done this! Z's wearing the hollow TV set over his head while he dances. Flame shoots at Z's feet. FLAME I changed the channel, now dance! Z What's a channel? Rex runs towards Z and takes the TV pieces off from Z's head. REX Flame, you cant make Z your own personal jester. FLAME You've never complained. Hey, are those Chichos?
one can resist Chicho's Tacos! FLAME You brought HIM tacos? He probably eats garbage for all we know! Z eats the TV pieces whole. Flames body lights up again. RAGE METER 90% He hits Z over the head he pukes the TV in new condition. The METER goes down. FLAME Maybe you're not useless after all. REX You watch TV, not eat it, Z. And it belongs to Mr. Flame, but you don't wanna make him mad. Flame turns the dial but the TV doesn't turn on. He bangs it but it doesn't turn on until Z blinks and the TV finally turns on. REX Bravo Z! How about a little treat? Rex takes out a Cero bar. FLAME You're all giving away all of my food! My stash is running low. Batter flies in through the broken window. FLAME And you still need to fix that window. BATTER I thought I need to fix the telly. REX Z fixed it and he's the remote now! BATTER Huh? Anyhoo, I did my research to try to get Z where he came from. There's
in astronomy but he disappeared. BUT if we can find him, maybe he can help rebuild Zs spaceship. FLAME How did you find that intel? Are you compromised? BATTER You're losing it, mate. Theres a- learnin thing called the library, you should go more often. REX Oh, that reminds me! I need to add it to our collection. Rex pulls out a piece of the ship with "Z" on it puts it in the "N-town Mementos" box. REX I cleaned the box up last week, why is this all a messed up? FLAME Are you insane? They could be tracking it. BATTER Did you actually put Z in the box, Flame? FLAME We've dealt with weird shit before but aliens are nothing but trouble! Body Snatchers, Alien, ALF, they all end in tragedy. This is a lame rehash of that. We got to get rid of him quickly before it ends up the same way. Z is levitating tacos and eating them while making a funny dance as Rex and Batter clap, completely ignoring Flame REX Very good Z, can you juggle? BATTER Look, Flame, I know we've been through many mysterious abnormal, sometimes
But this time it might be different, Z seems harmless. He hasn't tried to kill us, yet. Z turns his head 180 degrees and smiles at Batter. REX Doesn't the Mayor say the Grogs are the cause of all that stuff anyway? FLAME And you believe him, Clemmie, after all the weird shit we've been through? REX I'm just giving him a chance. Why would he lie? FLAME He's politician- it's his nature! Weird shit happens, get a scapegoat- the grogs- pretend to do something about it until next election, rinse and repeat. Z Grog! I am Grog! FLAME No, you're not! You'll never be. You ain't lived what we've been through or else you wouldn't want to be. Rex and Batter look down while Flame punches the wall. Z bites on the piece of the spaceship as he sits on Flame's chair and watches TV. RAGE METER 80% Flame SWIPES the piece of spaceship from Z. FLAME SIMMER DOWN! You're the most unlucky alien in the universe. Of all the places you could have crashed, you had to land in this podunk town. But wait, no, you don't belong in the box, you belong out there in NeĐer! Let's see if you make it out there!
window and Z jumps out behind it. Rex and Batter gasp and see Z and the piece landed on a truck with signs for the Mayor's rally heading to downtown NeĐer. FLAME Well that takes care of that. Now let the TV embraces us with warm sitcom- sized lies we can digest to distract us from our horrible lives. Flame grabs a hot sauce bottle and sits on his chair. BATTER Mate, you're always whining about how everyone's against you. Only looking for what others can do for you and how it benefits you. But I think you see a pure being and it breaks you because he's not an asshole like you think everyone is. We're gonna go save him, you can vindicate yourself by joining us. Otherwise fuck off. Rex and Batter run out of the room, closing the door behind them. FLAME Who needs them! I'll just watch TV all by myself. Flame stares silently watching the TV but stands up and sighs. FLAME I can't watch TV... Z's the remote. Goddamit. EXT. NEĐER- DOWNTOWN PLAZA- DAY The truck stops inside MAYOR AMOS' re-election rally. Z hops off the truck carrying the piece of the spaceship. He wanders among the audience waiting for the Mayor to appear on stage. A lot of them are holding signs that read "GROGS MUST GO" while others read "GROGS 4 AMOS" They don't notice Z, but the ones that do murmur and give him the stink eye. Z bumps into CORNELL'S GANG. CORNELL Did you lose something, lil' groggy?
spaceship, gives it a look and throws it away at the audience. EXT. NEĐER- DOWNTOWN PLAZA- DAY The gang arrives to the entrance of the rally. They get out of the car and run towards the entrance. BATTER I'm sure the truck was heading this way, it was covered in signs. They are stopped at the entrance by a BURLY MAN. BURLY MAN Can't come in, grogs. REX But there's grogs inside! BURLY MAN Yeah, those are some of the good ones. Unless ya wanna prove yourselves. FLAME We don't need to prove shit to you. Let's go home, I'll drive. REX But what about Z? They get in the car and Flame hops in the drivers seat. He starts the car and RAMS at the entrance, destroying it and running over the Burly man. The gang gets out of the car and runs inside the rally and split up to look for Z. Batter flies around using his sonar to locate Z. He coughs up. BATTER I gotta lay off the ciggys Rex is loudly whispering "Z where are ya?" name as people give him the stink eye. REX (whispering) I gotta keep it on the down-low, wouldn't want people to think I'm cuckoo looking for an alien! Flame is half-assedly looking for Z as people look at him.
whatever. Flame finds Z with CORNELL and his GANG, who have a drink over Z's head as they smoke and laugh. CORNELL You're a good table, groggy. Z I'm Grog! You're Grog! CORNELL Hey, you don't say that to me! I'm not a Grog! FLAME You're right, you're Half-grog, with only half the self-loathing. CORNELL You know my drink holder, shortfuse? I knew it cuz he pisses me off just like you. What is it anyways? He ain't got no arms or legs. FLAME He's got a skin condition, ya bald bitch. Flame takes the drink from Z's head. FLAME Still shoplifting from the convenience store? I'd always pegged you more as the ambitious kind. CORNELL You think I'm stupid? "The tartness of your face sours ripe grapes." See I can quote Shakespeare on command. Can't ya? Who's stupid now? Now gimme that! Flame heats up the drink in his hand. Cornell swipes it from Flame's hand and burns it. CORNELL AHHHHH, you burnt my flesh mitten! Cornell swings his right arm back and is about to strike
of the punch, breaking Cornell's hand and leaving Z unfazed. Flame takes Z away from the scene. FLAME Good job, cueball! You learned the number one rule around these parts- Grog or not, everyones an asshole. Flame flips off Cornell and his gang as he and Z leave chuckling. They start being chased by the people in the rally but Flame holds them off with his middle finger lit on fire until Batter picks them off and drops them in the car. Rex starts it and drives off with Batter claiming "You think they knew we were there?". INT. FLAME'S ROOM- DAY Batter is fixing the window by shoddily hammering two wooden planks over the hole in the glass. Flame sits on the couch drinking a hot sauce bottle as Rex plays with Z. REX You're safe here with us Z. Now, gimme me the spaceship piece, please. Rex holds his arm and Z pops his head from his body and puts it on Rex's hand. REX Don't get ahead of yourself, Zweetie! Hehe, but seriously, where's the part? FLAME Who cares! At least now they can't pinpoint it to us. Batter finishes hammering. BATTER There, good as...well not worst. A ROBOT bursts through the window and takes Z away. The gang stares silent in disbelief. F GODDAMNIT...he didn't turn TV on! EXT- NEĐER- OUTSIDE FLAME'S HOME- DAY The gang gets in the VW. Rex shakes his hands.
time. Flame throws the cassette in the radio and sticks out the window, pointing front. ("The Ace of Spades" starts playing but changes to a "I Get Around" by the Beach Boys) FLAME The B-side! REX But I like that song. BATTER HIT IT! Rex steps on the gas and they drive off as the music plays. EXT- NEĐER DOWNTOWN PLAZA- DAY The MAYOR is giving a speech in his rally. He turns to his ASSISTANT, who's wearing a lab coat, and whispers at him. MAYOR Just look at them lot. Watch this. The Mayor speaks into the microphone MAYOR Thank you folks for joining me today. It's been brought to my knowledge that the Grogs have been running rampant, causing chaos and arrant mayhem even in this very rally. We welcome everybody but they need to get out. We've let it happen for far too long. You see them sneaking into your yachts, consuming your pate and mimosas and acting ignobly all around. Audience makes confused sounds MAN IN WIFEBEATER Yachts? WOMAN HOLDING GUN Ignobly?
HAT Whats wrong with ya'll? I understood all of that! MAYOR Ahem, them grogs be eatin' y'alls grub. Audience gasps MAYOR But I tell you, it's all under control as long as I'm in charge. Remember our beautiful town's motto "Under the eye of the sun, you're blinded by the light." What you hear and what you read is not whats happening, people. Audience cheers! MAYOR Help me Keep NeĐer on the Map. If I see another ruckus cause by grogs, then by God I'll get my hands dirty, I guarantee it. As the audience cheers, the ROBOT runs across the lawn, destroying some tables as people panic and run away. The Mayor hides behind his podium but peeks out then hides again when the VW drives by chasing the robot. FLAME Follow the trail of mayhem! The Mayor finally sneaks out from behind the podium and adjusts his tie. He clears his throat. MAYOR Grogs, am I right, folks. Audience cheers MAN He tells it how it is, how relatable! The Mayor turns to his assistant, who dials on his walky- talky and both step backstage. EXT. NEĐER DESERT - EVENING The robot runs from the gang. He's skipping rocks and jumping
in its metal hand. Flame is shooting fireballs at the robot but it doesn't hurt it. Flame keeps shooting but misses then the robot shakes its ass, to mock him. Flame growls and hits the roof of the car. RAGE METER 78% REX Be careful you're gonna hurt Z FLAME If only we were that lucky! BATTER It's indestructable, but it's still got legs and feet. Try tripping it over... FLAME That's stupid. REX Fellas, we're running out of gas. It's our last shot. Flame rips a cactus off and lights it on fire. He then uses it like a catapult and flings the spikes at the robot. They pierce the armor but doesn't stop the robot. The car runs out of gas and slows down. BATTER You missed, it's over. Flame flings the cactus at the ground in a huff, which rolls toward the robot and trips him and breaks apart in an EXPLOSION. The gang runs towards the wreck, with sparks and smoke all over it. Z levitates toward Rex, who hugs him tight. Meanwhile, the top dome part of the robot breaks off and HAZMAT MAN steps out. He takes the helmet off, showing his real face- a child-sized mouse. MOUSE You could have killed me back then! How rude. FLAME I'm gonna kill you now! RAGE METER 85% AND RISING
mouse? Yawn. REX It's a Grog, too. MOUSE No, no, Not just any Grog, THE BEST GROG. But you can call me Sim. FLAME You're Sim? The so-called scientist? SIM Yes, Super Intelligent Mouse, duh. FLAME How the hell did you find us? You working for the government? I knew it, its all your fault. Flame points at Rex and Batter then covers his ass with his hands. SIM Government? You're not exactly making this hard with all that ruckus at the rally ya know. You know if it wasn't for this piece of spaceship that hit me noggin, I would have given up. FLAME Yeah, yeah, thats why you want us to believe. Then why you wrecked my room, I want reparations! BATTER We were gonna look for you, you could have asked. SIM I have social anxiety, okay? Now give me the alien! REX No you cant take Z! BATTER It's for the best, mate. Sim will help Z go back home.
we grogs have to stick together. You can't keep him around NeĐer. He'll be safer with me surrounded by cold, rational science stuff. Sheltered from the real world where no one can hurt him. I mean who knows what's he's been exposed to already. Rex releases Z, who runs smiling towards Sim. SIM I knew you'd choose wisely, little alien. Come, say goodbye to these grogs forever. Z Asshole! Z flips Sim off and takes the piece of spaceship away. REX Z, who taught you that? Oh never mind. Flame and Batter snicker as Z runs back to Rex's arms. SIM You've corrupted it! That's what I get for playing nice. I'm gonna have to get rid of you all. Toodles. Sim takes out a Laser gun but lowers it as a limousine approaches them. The limousine stops and the Mayor and his assistant step out. MAYOR What's going on here? REX We didn't do it on purpose Mr. Mayor, we were just trying to get out friend back. MAYOR Is that your friend? Why does he look so peculiar? FLAME He's got a skin condition
in the desert! BATTER Rex, what the bloody hell? REX Sorry, sorry, I've never been fluent in lying. RAGE METER 96% AND RISING MAYOR Enough! I don't care for any of this, You Grogs destroyed my beautiful rally and you gotta face the consequences. RAGE METER 99% MAYOR Take them all away! RAGE METER 100% FLAME (screaming) FUCK OFF! REX Now you've done it. Flame's hair lights up and flairs around. A ring of fire surrounds himself, Z and the Mayor. FLAME COME AND TAKE HIM! MAYOR You're making it harder on yourself, kid. BATTER We're screwed now, nothing can stop him when he throws one of his tantrums. Call the national guard, perhaps. REX I think I know how. Rex steps in through the ring of fire.
I may interrupt this scene. You think Z is a danger to society or whatnot, but you don't know him like we do. Z is pure and kind. he wouldn't hurt a fly, even if the fly was being a jerk. We've been teaching how to behave in the real world. In this town full of division, he could even serve as a link to understand each other. He could end up being the greatest NeĐerian of all time! The Mayor looks uninterested. Flame blows a raspberry. FLAME Let us go and we'll vote for you. The Mayor's eyes widen and turns to his assistant. ASSISTANT It's election season, sir. MAYOR Very well. You can take your alien friend and teach him compassion or blah blah. Just keep him out of trouble. The Mayor extends his hand for a handshake. Flame subdues his fury and shakes his hand as he looks him in the eyes. The Mayor's hand starts to sizzle and he pulls it away. His hand is blackened. The ring of fire around them disappears and the gang walks away to the VW. REX See guys the Mayor's not so bad after all! And you called him a corrupt hack, Flame. BATTER Ya really gonna vote for him? FLAME Remember, NOT registered. Z flips the car over with his powers and they levitate away towards the sunset. The mayor waves at them with his blackened hand. He lowers his hand and his smile turns somber.
But you're the one that let them go- MAYOR No matter, all according to plan. Just keep an eye on them. We'll act when the time is right. The Mayor blows the soot from his hand. INT- FLAMES ROOM- NIGHT Batter instructs Z to repair Flame's wall with his powers. Rex puts the piece of the spaceship in the "N-town Mementos" box. Flame is sitting watching TV, changing the channel as he bumps Z's head. BATTER Why are you whacking Z over the head? FLAME He's my remote. It's percussive maintenance. Z laughs and says it tickles. BATTER I think you've really formed a bond with Z. FLAME You called me a selfish bastard but deep in my charcoal heart, I know for a fact that... I'm also incredibly lazy. It takes hard work doing the very minimum. BATTER I mean you could have just stood up and change the channel yourself-- REX Awww, look at us! We're like a family! If this was any sweeter, 'Id eat it up and need my insulin afterwards. I feel like everything will turn out all right.
on the TV, REPORTER(V.O) A creature made up entirely of ground beef and melted cheese is terrorizing the Chicho's downtown while demanding higher wages? Is this the Grogs doing? More at 11. The TV signal drops. Flames stomach growls FLAME Agh, I'm gonna need more hot sauce for this job. Flame, Batter and Rex pop out from the doorway expect for Z. Batter comes back. BATTER Z, you coming? Z sits on the couch watching the static on TV. His eyes start glowing green and he blinks, turning the TV off. CUT TO BLACK THE END
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