NOT'CHO CHEESE

Transcript

1. Created using Celtx EXT. CHICHO'S TACOS- DAY FLAME, Z, REX and BATTER are in line outside the restaurant between the sun and the hot asphalt. BATTER I hate this place, it's bollocks! REX No, it's Chicho's Tacos! It's a Nether institution where dreams come true, a magical place where grogs and humans can leave their difference behind- FLAME It's a rundown hellhole serving shitty rolled tacos topped with government cheese and broken dreams... But their Taco Tuesday deal is a steal. Some time later, they finally reach the counter dragging their feet and ready to order. REX Hola! We want-- CORNELL(bald, muscular and wearing an eyepatch) cuts in line in front of Rex and the gang. CORNELL Gimme that Taco whatever deal, pronto. FLAME Hey, asshole, get to the back of the line or I'll take you there CORNELL I can't see ya down there, shortfuse, winners only look straight ahead. Flame grabs Cornell's collar and pulls him down FLAME Maybe you'll see better when I gouge your other eye out, bald bitch. The people in line and LEMUS(16, Mexican with a wispy mustache) start to murmur and talk among themselves saying things like "Grogs are getting uppity" and "Oh, it's them again." Z pokes Flames.
2. 2. Created using Celtx Z Are we getting Chichos, Mr. Flame? Flame releases Cornell, who snorts and takes his order bumping into Flame as he leaves. As they approach the counter, Lemus puts a sticker on the "Taco Tuesday Deal" saying it's "over". FLAME You're shitting me, he just ordered that! LEMUS He got the last one REX Can't you make more? LEMUS Can't say, we're outta mystery meat for the day or somethin'. FLAME LIAR! How can you run outta meat? I'll make your face meet my fist, ya piece of-- Batter takes Flame away kicking and screaming. Rex orders a number 3 "extra sauce, easy on the cheese." The rest of the gang sits in a booth by the window. Rex comes and drops a pile of food on the table and sits, giving food to Batter and Z but Flame refuses. FLAME The sweaty face, bloodshot eyes and trembly voice, all signs of a goddamn LIAR. BATTER Or a regular teenager, give or take. Cornell teases Flame from a far table by licking the tacos and eating them slowly. Flame mumbles "why don't you choke on it?" while Rex teaches Z how to properly eat Chicho's. REX This is a momentous occasion for Z! Grab the spork, put on a little bit of the sauce and sprinkle just enough of that glorious cheese and you're in for a tre-
3. 3. Created using Celtx Z takes a hard MUNCH of the concoction and starts jumping around the table in glory. He levitates the food on the table in a blue glow and pulls it into his mouth. Rex saves a couple of plates. REX Zweetie, careful with your powers out here, someone might get hurt. Flame and batter are covered in bean and cheese. As he's about to unleash his fury, Rex shoves a sporkful of Chicho's covered in Z's drool which calms him down. He sits down and crosses his arms. FLAME (mouthful) I'm still fucking mad. REX We know, we know. Hey, that's "not'cho cheese." Get it, "Not your cheese", Flame, I want it back. Just a little play on words, Z. Flame slowly spits out a chip covered in Z's drool and puts it on Rex's plate FLAME You're right, it's yours. The gang look at Flame in awe and slight disgust. He frowns and tries to take the plate but his hands freeze midway and spring back to a crossarm position. BATTER Are you feeling all right, Flame? You didn't throw one of your tantrums. FLAME I'm trying but I can't! Flame then takes a chip from his hair and shoves it into Rex's mouth. FLAME Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are in a violent BDSM relationship. REX Of course, Santa is a bottom.
4. 4. Created using Celtx (gasps) No, wait, I would never say that! Forgive me Santa!! Flame takes Z and runs off toward Cornell and his gang in their booth. He makes Z slobber over the taco plate. CORNELL What's your weird dog doing?! Flame steps on Cornell's foot and he SCREAMS, Flame FLIPS the drool-covered taco plate onto Cornell's face. FLAME There's a wrestler's jockstrap in the middle of the street, go take a sniff. Cornell, with a face covered in taco mush, stands up menacingly and looks down on Flame. He gets all over Flame's face. CORNELL Hope it's still fresh. Cornell runs out of the restaurant with his gang cowardly sprinting behind him. Outside Cornell comes running into traffic and there's a trailer horn in the distance. Flame laughs as the trailer runs them over and EXPLODES. Flame and Z come back to their seat. BATTER Cornell is a total wanker but even he wouldn't believe that, what's going on? FLAME Thank our lil alien here, when people eat his disgusting drool covered cheese, they'll believe any lie you tell them. BATTER That's idiotic, like we're gonna believe th-- Flame takes a drool covered chip and shoves it into Batter's mouth. FLAME You love Chicho's and you can't stop eating it!
5. 5. Created using Celtx BATTER Aye, I love Chichos. It's the best thing ever! REX I thought you said it was *ahem* "testicles, mate" BATTER It's bollo-b-b-b. It's b-b- the best thing ever, mate! Batter can't stop eating the drool covered nachos and tacos on the table. Flame tries to save one plate from the table Rex's plate but he swipes it away. REX You didn't say please. Why do you want more chips? FLAME I still gotta justify my anger at that pimple-faced liar and sprinkle some of that revenge on the rest of the assholes here. REX Flame, you're not being a good role model for Z! Remember, you shouldn't lie unless it's to spare someone's feelings. Rex shoves a chip into Batter's mouth. REX Bats, I really loved your blood sausage casserole, I certainly didn't even chug any ipecac either. BATTER Don't worry, mate, I'll make more next time! REX See, a little white lie goes a long way. FLAME I see your poin-GIMME THAT-- Rex shoves a chip into Flame's mouth and tells him "You're
6. 6. Created using Celtx tired of lying because it's bad karma for the soul." FLAME You're right, Clementine! I've been a judgmental, vengeful prick. Now if you excuse me, I'll show Z some manners by apologizing to that wonderful cashier. Flame turns back, holding Z's hand as Rex wipes a tear from his eye. Flame looks at Z and sticks his tongue out, revealing the drool-covered chip. Flame pushes people off the line and cuts to the very front at the counter. The people start to boo him ask him who does he think he is. FLAME Simmer down! I'm a health inspector and I gotta tip that there's a filthy grog gulfing down the mystery meat. LEMUS Ta loco! I'm calling my Tio to kick your ass out. Flame shoves the chip into Lemus mouth and holds his mouth until he swallows it. FLAME Now, show me the mystery meat in the kitchen. Meanwhile, Rex and Batter are at the table finishing their meal. Batter is holding his stomach and sweating profusely. REX I wonder what kind of apology Flame showed Z. Cool and candid or poised and sweet. A guy turns to them and says "Flame is our lord and savior" while shoving tacos up his nose. REX Oh my goodness! You were right, Batter, he WAS up to something. I owe you a bloody mary. Let's roll. BATTER (burping) Uh, I'll wait for ya here, mate.
7. 7. Created using Celtx REX Is something the matter? BATTER Oi, I'm fine, mate, I'm fine. *Sigh* Why do we always have to get involved in this sort of things, huh? Weird crazy shite happens and we're caught in the middle until shit hits the fan and then we gotta solve it until it all starts all over again. And for what? For this? You know I say, let it solve itself. bip bip and all that.*burp* Just Go on. REX Oookay. INT. CHICHO'S TACOS- KITCHEN Rex kicks the door off the kitchen then says "knock-knock." Flame sitting on top of the cashier, who's tied up and gagged. Z is drooling in a giant steel tub of meat as Flame feeds the other customers bean and cheese mush and telling them things like "Flame is the smartest", "Flame saved the stock market" and "he's cured cancerAIDS." FLAME I was right, Clemmy. I told our amigo here to show me the mystery meat and you know what he said? "No" He wouldn't have said that if it was a lie. Lo and behold, there was mystery meat left! He just didn't want to serve us because he's a goddamn LIAR! REX PANG-WANGLE! Just cause he lied to you doesn't give you the right to spread your lies. Look at what you've done! FLAME You're one to talk, white liar. If you wore pants, they'd be a-blazin! Bring the insolent to me, or you won't get any more meat! They grab Rex and bring him closer to Flame. FLAME They're "substitute truths", just so
8. 8. Created using Celtx you know, so it can spare their feelings like yours will. Flame grabs a handful of bean and cheese and sticks it into Rex mouth. FLAME I'm awesome and I'm doing the right thing, believe me. Rex swallows the meat and looks teary-eyed at Flame. REX I was wrong, you should never lie. Stop this cheesy madness! Don't do it for me, do it for Z. Do you really want him to live in a Nether built on lies? FLAME WHAT. Why didn't you say I was awesome? REX I already believe it so it's not a lie to me. FLAME You're fucking with me, the alien drool must be losing its effect. People start to question Flame saying "Did that guy say alien?" and "What's with that weird floating dog?" FLAME He's got a skin condition, ya fools! The customers start surrounding Flame and burn the meat statues as effigies. When they start throwing utensils and tortillas, Flame tries to grab more meat but realizes Rex ate the last of the tub of meat. FLAME Hey you, make more meat! Flame lightly kicks Lemus, who spits off the gag. LEMUS You see me mooing or somethin' I can't make more meat. And I wasn't lying when I said that was the last of the
9. 9. Created using Celtx mystery meat for the day cuz the rest was contaminated. People start to grab their stomachs and writhe in pain on the floor. They all start farting and running away in pain and diarrhea squirts. As they're leaving, some threaten Flame saying "You're gonna pay for this, you grog!" Flame turns and the tub of meat is overflowing with Z's drool. Flame topples over it, sending a big wave of drool, beans and diarrhea out of the kitchen into the sitting area and outside the restaurant. EXT. CHICHO'S TACOS- DAY All around the parking lot, bodies covered in muck and holding their stomachs while running away. Flame's body has extinguished into a skeleton while Rex's body is okay. BATTER Oi, mate, how come your body wasn't extinguished? REX Cause I'm wearing my rainboots. And, hey, you were right, everything solved itself, how did you know? Batter's stomach starts grumbling BATTER I just had a feeling. REX But you didn't eat any bad mystery meat BATTER There's good mystery meat? Rex picks up Z and turns to Flame, who stands up and lights up his body again. He stands in front of the restaurant and the people covered in goop. FLAME Everything is right, I'm still your master! A mob starts surrounding the gang REX Forget it, Flame, it's Chicho's Tacos.
10. 10. Created using Celtx FLAME I'll See you next Taco Tuesday, assholes. The gang walk away from the restaurant, Batter starts farting and excuses himself as the angry mob chases them as they run away. END