Twerk Your Rez

Transcript

1. TWERK YOUR REZ 3 easy steps to make your resume LOOK a gagillion times better
2. REDOING YOUR RESUME SUCKS NO SHIT...
3. IT’S ANNOYING SHUT UP...
4. IT MAKES YOU CRANKY MAKES YOU CRANKY SCREW YOU...
5. AND QUESTION YOUR LIFE WELL NOW I AM!
6. BUT
7. DON’T KILL YOUR COMPUTER ...NOT YET ANYHOW!
8. it makes you cranky SIMPLE THERE ARE 3 THINGS YOU CAN DO
9. TO
10. TWERK
11. YOUR
12. REZ! DEFINITION OF TWERK IN THIS INSTANCE: TO MAKE SOMETHING LOOK BETTER
13. 1 1996 called, it would like its font back FIX THAT FONT
14. can we all just agree on this? THIS FONT IS TERRIBLE
15. AND SO IS THIS ONE
16. STOP USING TIMES NEW ROMAN
17. STOP USING ARIAL
18. STOP IT!
19. INSTEAD
20. USE: OPTIMA GILL SANS GILL SAN LIGHT
21. I’LL PROVE IT TO YOU you little skeptic...
22. Jane Doe hireme@gmail.com 1234 Hire Me Street, CA 90401 310-555-5555 Objective To obtain the most perfect job for me and do all manner of awesome stuff for you. Experience Position Company #1 May 2012 – Present City, CA • Responsibilities • More responsibilities Education University #1 - 2004 • BA in Awesome, Minor in Killing It Skills • Outstanding in all things. • Personable team player who works it. • Multitasking, exceeding expectations, blowing your freakin’ mind. TIMES NEW ROMAN
23. Jane Doe hireme@gmail.com 1234 Hire Me Street, CA 90401 310-555-5555 Objective To obtain the most perfect job for me and do all manner of awesome stuff for you. Experience Position Company #1 May 2012 – Present City, CA • Responsibilities • More responsibilities Education University #1 - 2004 • BA in Awesome, Minor in Killing It Skills • Outstanding in all things. • Personable team player who works it. • Multitasking, exceeding expectations, blowing your freakin’ mind. OPTIMA
24. Jane Doe hireme@gmail.com 1234 Hire Me Street, CA 90401 310-555-5555 Objective To obtain the most perfect job for me and do all manner of awesome stuff for you. Experience Position Company #1 May 2012 – Present City, CA • Responsibilities • More responsibilities Education University #1 - 2004 • BA in Awesome, Minor in Killing It Skills • Outstanding in all things. • Personable team player who works it. • Multitasking, exceeding expectations, blowing your freakin’ mind. GILLS SANS & GILL SANS LIGHT
25. ‘NUF SAID
26. 2 SIZE DOES MATTER MAKE YOUR NAME BIG
27. Jane Doe hireme@gmail.com 1234 Hire Me Street, CA 90401 310-555-5555 Objective To obtain the most perfect job for me and do all manner of awesome stuff for you. Experience Position Company #1 May 2012 – Present City, CA • Responsibilities • More responsibilities Education University #1 - 2004 • BA in Awesome, Minor in Killing It Skills • Outstanding in all things. • Personable team player who works it. • Multitasking, exceeding expectations, blowing your freakin’ mind. SEE HOW PUNY THE NAME IS? NO ONE WANTS TO WORK WITH THAT!
28. NOW LOOK AT THIS!
29. Jane Doe Objective To obtain the most perfect job for me and do all manner of awesome stuff for you. Experience Position Company #1 May 2012 – Present City, CA • Responsibilities • More responsibilities Education University #1 - 2004 • BA in Awesome, Minor in Killing It Skills • Outstanding in all things. • Personable team player who works it. • Multitasking, exceeding expectations, blowing your freakin’ mind. DAMN! EVERYONE WANTS TO WORK WITH THAT! 310-555-5555 hireme@gmail.com
30. 3 WHO ARE YOU...REALLY? CREATE A TAGLINE
31. So...what do YOU do? Why are you asking me the most annoying question on the planet of the Earth?
32. YOU’RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HATES THIS QUESTION isn’t that good to know?
33. BUT
34. EXTREMELY IT’S AN HELPFUL THING TO HAVE ON YOUR RESUME
35. IN FACT
36. IT REPLACES
37. THE DREADED...
38. “OBJECTIVE”
39. Career Highlights • Outstanding in all things. • Personable team player who works it. • Multitasking, exceeding expectations, blowing your freakin’ mind. Experience Position Company #1 May 2012 – Present City, CA • Responsibilities • More responsibilities Education University #1 - 2004 • BA in Awesome, Minor in Killing It 310-555-5555 hireme@gmail.com MARKETING & SALES EXPERT WITH OVER 15 YEARS EXPERIENCE Jane Doe
40. 310-555-5555 hireme@gmail.com TOP TIER EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT Jane Doe Career Highlights • Outstanding in all things. • Personable team player who works it. • Multitasking, exceeding expectations, blowing your freakin’ mind. Experience Position Company #1 May 2012 – Present City, CA • Responsibilities • More responsibilities Education University #1 - 2004 • BA in Awesome, Minor in Killing It
41. 310-555-5555 hireme@gmail.com VICE PRESIDENT RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT Jane Doe Career Highlights • Outstanding in all things. • Personable team player who works it. • Multitasking, exceeding expectations, blowing your freakin’ mind. Experience Position Company #1 May 2012 – Present City, CA • Responsibilities • More responsibilities Education University #1 - 2004 • BA in Awesome, Minor in Killing It
42. TO RECAP
43. WE WENT FROM THIS
44. Jane Doe hireme@gmail.com 1234 Hire Me Street, CA 90401 310-555-5555 Objective To obtain the most perfect job for me and do all manner of awesome stuff for you. Experience Position Company #1 May 2012 – Present City, CA • Responsibilities • More responsibilities Education University #1 - 2004 • BA in Awesome, Minor in Killing It Skills • Outstanding in all things. • Personable team player who works it. • Multitasking, exceeding expectations, blowing your freakin’ mind.
45. TO THIS
46. 310-555-5555 hireme@gmail.com VICE PRESIDENT RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT Jane Doe Career Highlights • Outstanding in all things. • Personable team player who works it. • Multitasking, exceeding expectations, blowing your freakin’ mind. Experience Position Company #1 May 2012 – Present City, CA • Responsibilities • More responsibilities Education University #1 - 2004 • BA in Awesome, Minor in Killing It
47. it makes you cranky SIMPLE IN 3 STEPS
48. it makes you cranky DO THIS AND YOU’LL HAVE MORE...
49. CONFIDENCE! I DON’T FEEL LIKE I’M GOING TO DIE ANYMORE!...
50. HAPPINESS! I’VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY!
51. 24 HRS. OF THUMBS UP! I CAN’T PUT MY ARMS DOWN!
52. SO TWERK YOUR REZ
53. AND APPLY FOR THAT FRICKIN’ JOB ALREADY! boss@jobiwant.com I’m perfect for this job and will work my ass off! Attached please find my awesomely twerked rez. I look forward to talking with you soon.
54. TWERK IT!